Category Archives: abandonment

New Channeled Angel Message: August Update For Empaths and Lightworkers

By Roxanne on | Leave a comment

Hello Everyone!  These messages are to be shared for all who resonate and are open to receiving spiritual guidance.  This includes Empaths, Highly Sensitive People (HSPs), Lightworkers, Spiritually Awakening Souls, Earth Angels, and to all Seekers and Open-hearted souls.

This message will be added my Channeled Angel Messages Page on my blog that has posts of angel messages that I am now posting there weekly or bi-weekly.  There you will find all the other messages from 6 archangel guides (most of the time it is 6 but it changes) that I have posted since November, 2018. Please comment if you like receiving the angel messages in my blog posts. I’d love to hear from you.

Peace and Love to you,

Roxanne Elaine Smith 💗

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Channeled Angel Message Aug. 5, 2019: Trying New Things And Getting New Wings

Dear Ones,

We are so happy to connect with you again.  Many of you are exhausted and surprised by the challenges of July.  We are here to tell you to trust that your higher self has conspired to help you become stronger so all of your dreams can come true.  When we say all of your dreams we mean the desires in your heart that are for your highest good as a soul.  We are not talking about desires from the ego but you do not need to concern yourself with this.  You can trust that you are being lead to situations that override any lower vibrations that block your vision. 

Feelings of a lower vibration are on their way out as the true purity of your loving souls are attracting just the goodness your soul is seeking.  You are doing a good job discerning how to spend your energy each day and following your heart.  Yes it is through building this muscle of trusting your feelings and intuition that you will be able to step into empowerment and shine your full light to attract abundance.

We are so proud of you.  We see you stepping out of your comfort zone to try new things that feel right as your next steps,  Bravo! You are doing great even though you may feel surprised at the nervousness you feel inside—a little shaky at times.  This is to be expected and we want you to love yourself through this nervousness.  We want to reassure you that no-one notices this that you feel is obvious to others.  You come across more confident than you think you do.  Taking a moment to remember to breathe and speak from the self-power-awareness in your solar plexus area will help you to regain your composure and speak your truth if you encounter an unexpected response from others. 

Remember your bright light and your mission of love and all you learned in July.  You may have learned that although you have the right to release anger from your past, expressing anger or any negativity to others does not get you the results you desire in your heart.  You’ve learned that softening, taking a breath and seeing another’s negativity from a higher perspective opens the other person in ways that surprise even them.  You are changing long instilled patterns of reacting and this is so wonderful.  Even if you aren’t seeing results in others yet, know you are changing patterns of triggers with yourself in big ways.  You know what treatment you deserve and by giving yourself this loving better treatment you will attract this better treatment from others. 

You might be asking isn’t it obvious—I’m so innocent of any wrong doing? But in that same breath are you seeing that in the past you have had a bit of a controlling side that you were blind to.  Do not be hard on yourself if you resonate with this truth—this was a self-protection that was necessary to your survival in the past  But now you see that love is not controlling and you are ending this pattern of controlling yourself and others.  This is resulting in healing the codependency on others and needing outside validation to quell your fear of being alone. 

You see that when you connect with your true higher self of pure love, this alone feeling vanishes and you feel whole.  And so you are able more and more to detach from unhealthy dependency and stand strong and know you are a powerful creator.  Even if you are only starting to get glimpses of this independent power inside yourself, know that this will not go away and will only grow stronger.  Your higher self has guided you through some painful reopening of rejection wounds that have helped you to see you must stand on your own 2 feet and you can’t rely on anyone else to understand your unique dreams and help them come to fruition. 

You are actually the leader due to your emotional strength even though less sensitive others may point out weaknesses.  Don’t believe it!  These comments come out of fear of not being right due to insecurities they have not worked through but you have.  Don’t try to explain but just know in your heart that you are growing so strong and you are loved and supported fully by the higher realms who see your budding wings growing and getting ready to fly. 

Trust yourself to know your own pace as you try new things that are scary.  Shame may arise with attempts at revealing your real self and true voice but know this is only the inner critic ego voice trying to protect you.  Keep moving forward after comforting yourself through this old shame that arises.  You may find you need to grieve and cry about the times you believed this shame in the past—shame can rob sensitive souls of opportunities to shine if it is believed and fed into. 

It’s best to label the emotion when it arises and don’t let it take hold—observe it and say something like, “Okay, I see you, shame.  I see you are here because I did something great for myself so I am not going to listen to you.  Go away shame energy!”  Visualize this negative energy going away from you.  Put up your magic bubble that you can visualize—imagine your shining light can go outward through your bubble but negative energy can only leave and cannot come back in. 

Oh doesn’t that feel better! Take a big deep breath, exhale and relax and know you are safe in only your own loving energies inside this bubble.  We hope you use this bubble visualization anytime you feel heavy negative feelings come out of the blue.  Also remember to write out your feelings in a journal if you feel stuck.  This writing works because you get the negative thoughts out of your left brain and onto paper and the act of writing connects you to the compassionate right side of the brain that can then comfort you and help you realize that you are being too hard on yourself. 

We hope these techniques help you as you take amazing steps of bravery to share your creative gifts and services with the world.  We are so proud of you and we are happy to have this opportunity to connect with you again.  We want to share that August will have more smoother times that you’ve created for yourself by healing deep inner wounds in July.

Yes there will be some emotional healing to do in your future of course—this self-growth process is well known to you and for most of you, the hardest parts are now behind you.  You know this on some level. Trust in this knowing about yourself.  You are a powerful healer and you are becoming more comfortable with this truth.  Congratulations for hard work well done!  We love you and send hugs of comfort and encouragement to shine strong until the next message, Archangel (AA) Muriel (AA of Empaths), AA Jophiel (AA of Creativity and Beauty), AA Chamuel (AA of Comfort), AA Sandalphon (Archangel of Grounding and Music), AA Uriel (AA of Wisdom), and AA Azrael (AA of Grieving Loss and Transitions).

Posted in: abandonment, Channeled Angel Messages, intuition, POSTS | Tagged: , , , ,

New Weekly Channeled Angel Messages: Comfort For Empaths and Lightworkers During Ascension

By Roxanne on | 4 Comments

Channeled Angel Messages ✨😇💖✨Weekly!

Hello Everyone!  These messages are to be shared for all who resonate and are open to receiving spiritual guidance.  This includes Empaths, Highly Sensitive People (HSPs), Lightworkers, Spiritually Awakening Souls, Earth Angels, and to all Seekers and Open-hearted souls.

This blog post is taken from my Channeled Angel Messages Page on my blog that has 13 posts of angel messages that I am now posting there weekly.  There you will find all the other messages from my 6 archangel guides (most of the time it is 6 but it changes) that I have posted since November, 2018. Please comment if you like receiving the angel messages in my blog posts. I’d love to hear from you.

Peace and Love to you,

Roxanne Elaine Smith 💗

July 15, 2019

Dear Gorgeous Sensitive Souls, we are greeting you this way because some of you are not feeling so beautiful right now and we want to reassure you that you are and so much more than you can imagine.  Your brilliant light and healing abilities are vast and strong and your ability to tap into the beauty and bliss of existence is very real. Often you get bogged down from being around others and don’t even realize the negativity is not yours.  Other times you are triggered by the insensitivity of loved ones and your own unhealed wounds come up to the surface.  Often this makes you feel shocked at the depth of your wounds about feeling safe.  You know that you need to feel safe at a basic level. 

The good news is that this is happening so that you can now begin to create this safety for yourself from the inside out.  Until you know about these unsafety feelings that have been long hidden inside, you can’t heal them.  So your higher self is guiding you to these situations where you have to face these needs for safety that were never properly formed in your childhood or you may have root chakra damage from past lives that has not been resolved that is playing out in this lifetime. 

This happens if you died tragically in a past life for being persecuted for many reasons and one example is for being accused of being a witch. Or you may have been an outspoken or rebellious woman or man who did not follow the rules of your time and were trying to help others in some way. The list of possibilities is long.  Deep feelings of untrust and injustice and not being able to speak your truth may all be coming up to be healed and resolved in this life. You may be clearing throat chakras issues in this case.  If it all feels like too much to decipher and bear please take a break from figuring it all out and be really kind to yourself right now. Often the weekends are when conflicts arise because we have the time and our higher self knows it.  Try to trust that your higher self will not give you more than you can handle. 

If you can write in the mornings to get back in touch with your true loving nature and clear out your disappointment, then the rest of your day will go so much better.  We see how strong you are, how amazing you are when you speak out about things—when your words are twisted or not received well, you are hard on yourself and forget that what you were saying is/was very accurate. Your are right and you are right most of the time—people who manipulate and downplay your words are just showing their insecurities and fear.  It is disguised as power but it is born out of fear of not being good enough.  You also have roots of not being good enough that you are clearing out.

You are now knowing you are good enough so you expect loved ones to be a cheerleader for you and you may be shocked and disappointed when they are not.  You would never not be a cheerleader so then you blame yourself for not choosing people in your life who are not cheerleaders. Please know that what gifts you bring to the planet, of creativity and high vibration, cause a healing crisis in other people sometimes and it is all unconscious to them—they don’t know why they react the way they do. Think of yourselves as magic healers walking around bringing up others unhealed wounds sometimes.  Think of yourselves like Glenda the Good Witch floating around with a smile and beauty and a powerful wand—we hope this brings a smile to your face.  It may seem silly but if you are feeling victimized instead of seeing that you are healing, this image can really help you to heal. 

Of course Glenda has a magic bubble to get away and you can’t float away in your human world but you absolutely have the power to put a protective bubble around yourself at any time with just your imagination and intention.  It’s best to imagine this amazing bubble of yours to allow love and light and bliss to flow out to others but no negativity may enter. There are many ways you may imagine your bubble—you may like to create it to have a mirrored exterior shining outward so that when negativity approaches, it sees itself and runs away. We want this to be fun for you to experiment with. 

We are also wanting to lighten your heavy mood that stems from having absorbed negativity from elsewhere. Innately your energy is all love and light and so you can ask your guides and angels to lift off any energy that is not yours at any time. We want to help and we remind you that you must ask for our help in order for us to do things like this. We love you so much, dear ones, and we want you to be excited about who you are and your abilities to manifest your desires that are in the highest good for your soul. In order for your dreams to come true the lower vibrational repressed emotions from childhood must be cleared out.

Right now you may have anger to be cleared out—it might be causing a blockage in the heart and solar plexus chakras—imagine the frustration of not having a voice to say no to abuse and injustice and since you are healing and getting stronger and some good things are happening in your life, it makes sense that repressed anger from the past would come up to the surface to be healed.  You may find you have exploded at someone recently or wanted to and perhaps you are shocked at the rage that you feel. We want you to know you can release this anger in harmless ways by several techniques. One is by writing all the rage out at someone in a letter and do not hold back and tell the truth of the depth of your rage—and then burn it of course (in a private releasing ceremony if you’d like) or shred it because this would be damaging for anyone else to actually read.

Also hitting a mattress as hard as you can as often as you need to to release this anger out of your body.  Thirdly, saying or yelling what you wish you could say to an abuser or unfair situation into a pillow to muffle the sound. We do not want you to hurt your vocal chords of course so alternate these different techniques as you feel guided.  We want you to look at this as a healing exercise and notice the relief that you feel.  We do not need to tell you that unleashing anger onto a person would be harmful as well as lower your vibration and only cause you to feel remorse—but humans do have this big reaction at times so if by chance you do have an angry outburst on another it will do wonders to genuinely apologize for any words that diminished the other person in any way. If you were just loud out of frustration that is okay occasionally although you may find that yelling just triggers others and they may not be as mindful as you in their choice of words back to you which may trigger you in return. 

So you can see that staying calm—speaking your truth in a calm tone such as saying: “I know who I am, and what is being said about me here is incorrect” or “I do not want to be treated this way” and walk away is the beginning of finding your voice and strength to standing in your power and ending co-dependence on others approval.  We see that many of you are getting your independent legs and we are so proud of you.  Do not be discouraged if it has taken you a long time to get to where you can see with clarity that you are treated less than fairly in your love relationships too. Do not be too quick to throw this relationship away because all that may need to happen is for you to calmly say “No I’’m not going to allow you to talk to me like that—Maybe you should go take a walk and calm down” or something to that effect. We know this is easier said than done but we want you to see the progress you are making that we see—and be cheerleaders for yourselves to continue to grow in your strength as sensitive caring souls who only want to help. 

You will get more respect from the divine masculine partner when you stay calm and speak strongly and forcefully rather than cry and yell from a feeling of victimization. Forgive yourselves for occasional outbursts, you are human and it’s okay and may even be eye opening for you to see the hidden inner wound in you that needs to be healed. To be blamed or criticized or mocked or betrayed are all things you mustn’t stand for and you must speak up about—you will find your words in time.  Marriage counseling called Imago Relationship Therapy can be very helpful if you are having marital struggles with someone who is very much still in 3D and acting from their ego—because the principle is that you each are attracted to the very person who will bring up your childhood wounds so that you can heal them. 

We have talked about marital struggles here because we want you to see that it is often through relationships that we grow the most because your partners show you where the pain lies.  Optimally you can come to an agreement with your partner that you both need to provide a safe space for you each to heal your own wounds and honor and respect each others needs for time alone to process after an argument. This is difficult if you have abandonment wounds and a deep need to feel connected to another person in order to feel loved.  This is very hard and you may have PTSD with these wounds as the basis.  Asking your partner to just hold you at times can help tremendously in healing the early childhood wounds of not being held enough. Know that you are a gift to any partner you choose because you are pure love—knowing this deep in your soul will help you heal your own abandonment wounds.

If you are single with abandonment wounds you are healing it every day that you take care of yourself and are not looking for someone else to complete you.  You are complete and whole and we are especially proud of you learning to love yourself and look deeply inward to see that the wounds can be healed with your own self-compassion and finding your voice by journaling or reaching out to a trusted sensitive, and experienced counselor. Trust your heart to know you’ve found the right person to help.  Always remember you can talk to us anytime and ask for guidance and be open to the answers coming to you in your mind as new insights and ideas—of course writing to us in a journal is another way of receiving insights that very may well seem like your own ideas but we are helping in a way that may not be obvious. 

This is the beginning of trusting your intuition and this muscle will grow stronger with use.  So we leave you today with much advice about healing your inner wounds and your relationship conflicts—this is because we want you to know you are not being punished by these difficulties happening in your lives right now—much to the contrary, these conflicts are providing you with opportunities to see clearly where your wounds are and how you can heal them to feel strong no matter what happens in your life.  This inner strength is what is already inside you, we can see it, but you are just beginning to see it. 

Having inner strength is all you need to manifest your dreams and even future treasures that your higher self has planned for you that you can not even imagine. Trust that the universe is in your favor always at all times. Easier times are ahead as you clear out and acknowledge and release the hardest wounds from your past.  We send you comfort and hugs and butterfly kisses for your wounded inner child. Until next time, be gentle on yourselves, AA Muriel (Empaths), AA Chamuel (Comfort), AA Jophiel (Creativity and Beauty), AA Sandalphon (Grounding and Music), AA Uriel (Wisdom), and AA Azriel (Grief, Loss, and Transitions)

Posted in: abandonment, chakras, Channeled Angel Messages, channeling spiritual guidance, comfort the wounded child within, Empathic Life Coach, Inner Child Healing, POSTS, PTSD, spiritual, Spiritual Awakening, There is Hope! | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , ,

“Noone Was There”–Song Lyrics of Hope For Healing Childhood Abandonment Wounds.

By Roxanne on | Leave a comment

Hi Everyone.  I’m excited to write a new post and share the lyrics to a new song I just wrote.  Life is full of change and growth for us highly sensitive souls, and new layers of childhood wounds seem to pop up when least expected. Abandonment wounds are some of the deepest and most painful. I woke up feeling terror for some reason and immediately got paper and pen to write out my feelings to sort it out.  As always, I just started describing how I felt and I gained clarity about where the feelings were coming from and compassion for myself, and then I felt a song coming on.

When I start to write a song I always tell myself, this is for me only, and then I let the creativity flow. Later I decide if I want to share it or not and that takes pressure off the process of writing a good song.  If it’s completely from the heart it’s always ends up “good” and this one flowed out from beginning to end with few changes.  The words came first and then the melody was already there in my head too when I went back to read it. Adding a bridge came easily to make it more interesting and poof! Done! A new song!

The creativity process is so healing that the original pain is somehow transformed into a feeling of pride and achievement. When I first started writing songs I felt shame about them because I was exposing forbidden feelings often straight from my inner wounded child.  If this shame happens to you, keep at it and share them only with a safe trusted friend who will help encourage you and not criticize.  It’s amazing how healing writing can be. I kept my songs hidden for a long time and now I’m proud to share all of them because they help others! I’ll be adding more songs to this blog now–I’ve written quite a few that I’m ready to share.

This song is dedicated for those of you who have not yet found your voice yet to describe  and heal unbearable emotions from childhood or trauma that often remain hidden until we are strong enough to release them.

I plan to start posting more posts again and I am going to be doing Coaching again on Wednesdays only too. My music and Coaching are going strong and for the first time I’ll be doing both.  I’ll be performing more of my original songs of hope and healing now and sharing the videos here as well. So please stay tuned for more! 😀

Noone Was There (Hope for Abandonment Wounds from Childhood)

By Roxanne Smith

3-21-18

LYRICS

Feeling so alone. Can’t describe the pain.

Falling in a hole.  Doom makes you insane.

Pain is not the truth. It’s just your darkest fear.

Noone was there to comfort you my dear.

Noone was there to comfort you my dear.

 

That is all it is.  This dark and empty thought.

Fill it up with love and give it all you’ve got.

You know that love exists and it is All There Is.

So why not be the one to show us it exists.

So why not be the one to show us it exists.

 

It exists in every heart, not just a chosen few.

Every single human has the chance to renew.

When you’re feeling all the worst, hopeless feelings inside,

Love yourself so much, so much more than you ever tried.

Love yourself so much, so much more than you ever tried.

 

You didn’t know how empty, how raw you could feel.

Writing is the way, to fill you up with love and heal.

And when you forget and you’re feeling really low.

Ask for help from the Angels who will guide you how to go.

Ask for help from the Angels who will guide you how to go.

 

They love you all the time, but you can’t tell they’re there.

Unless you ask for help, you don’t know how much they care.

Pain is not your truth, It’s just your darkest fear.

Noone was there to comfort you my dear.

Noone was there to comfort you my dear.

 

BRIDGE:

Comfort is there, when you’re feeling lost.

Let the Angels in, when you’re feeling tossed.

They are always there, when you feel alone.

Love yourself so much until you feel home.

 

Home is in your heart, it just gets covered up.

It feels so far away, but it’s always close enough.

All the comfort that you wish for, is already there.

Just let yourself believe Heaven really cares.

Just let your self believe Heaven really cares.

No one was there (slow to end) to comfort you my dear.

Original Song © 2018 Roxanne Smith

Sending comforting, caring wishes to all!

With love,

Roxanne

 

Posted in: abandonment, Coaching for HSPs, Heaven, POEMS, POSTS, singing, Song Lyrics, songs of hope and healing, unbearable emotional pain, unblock creativity | Tagged:

The Eruption of Post Traumatic Stress is a Healing Opportunity

By Roxanne on | 13 Comments

Hi everyone.  I hope you had a wonderful summer and are enjoying this beautiful fall season.  Wow.  Two weekends of Indian summer was such a blessing!  In my eyes the beauty of the season makes up for summer coming to an end.  I hope it is beautiful wherever you are located!  It has been a while since I have written, I have had some ailments that have added some stress to my life.  But as always I feel there is a lesson in everything that happens.

Two ailments occurred on top of each other.  I was already in distress about a painful ailment when something randomly flew in my eye and temporarily blinded me and with such severe pain that I could not drive myself to the doctor to get it removed.  This caused me to over-react in such a distressing way that it caused me to experience some childhood emotional pain that had been hidden from me until then.  The object was removed from my eye and it healed completely in the next 4 days but during this stressful time, I remembered a comment my mother had made. It was an epiphany–an aha moment!  Her comment was, “When you were 1 1/2 years old, you had severe diarrhea and were in the hospital for over a week and the doctors never figured out the cause.  The nurses wouldn’t let me visit you because you would try to climb out of the crib to get to me.”  Years ago when she told me this, I had no emotional reaction to it.  But the stress of these health events caused an over-reaction in me that now makes a lot of sense!  Because of this epiphany, the reason for all of the overwhelming feelings I was experiencing came clear.  I realized I was feeling all the repressed emotion of an abandoned toddler who was terrified that her parents were never coming back, who felt she was being punished in this crib in the hospital, who was confused about why all this was happening and it seemed like the end of the world.  This hospitalization at an age where attachment is so crucial and separation anxiety is at a peak, my whole world crumbled and my security completely gone, I emerged from the hospital traumatized.

Now it took me a while to figure all of this out, but analytical and self-aware person that I am I was fascinated with the process, even though it required releasing these unbearably painful emotions that had been frozen in time, finally freeing me in their release.  I believe that when traumas like this occur and never get worked through, they remain stuck in our bodies causing an energy blockage that can cause illness and disease (dis-ease). (Louise Hay and Dr. Christian Northrup–see Recommended Books.)  Talking through this and releasing the pain and having my husband for a witness, I started feeling like I was finally healing from this ailment that had been chronically stressing me.  Yay!  It was shocking yet exhilarating for these facts about this trauma to be unearthed the way it occurred.  So many unexplained fears that I have had started to make sense to me.  Their origins were from this trauma that had been hidden from my memory my whole life.  It was a post traumatic stress event that now has given way to new understanding of the origins of some of my irrational fears and insecurities.  Now, I feel stronger and less fearful and I am healing those deep insecurities by releasing the pain and having someone witness and validate my feelings–a safe person that I trust completely.  This is the process of inner child healing.  I thought I had worked through all of my previous traumas but it turns out that I had one more vitally important trauma to work through.

At the time I was releasing the pain I felt it would go on forever and that I would never recover.  I very soon felt better though as I released these fears that were from my childhood trauma. Releasing the emotions had to include my memories of clinging to my mother for dear life for years after this event, and my needs for security were not met and my trauma never acknowledged.  She didn’t understand all the attention I gave her, clinging to her in fear like that.  I laid in her lap on car trips and never left her side.  Intuitively gifted even as a child, I took care of her emotional needs so that I would not feel rejected–after my unhealed trauma I couldn’t bear the thought of it, even though, I now understand that I was obedient and good out of extreme fear.  I remember the stories of how she did not send me to kindergarten and a neighbor discovered my age and brightness and made it clear she must send me to school finally.  I feel much gratefulness for that neighbor stepping in.  My memories of how I flourished in those few months in kindergarten and how the teachers built me up and I was proud of myself are the memories I hold onto of my true self persevering and shining through.

If you have had some traumatic incidents like this in your childhood, and most HSPs surely have, I understand your pain.  Writing out what happened and/or talking to a safe person is important. It helps to think back to a memory of a happy time before the age of 5 or 6 (5 or 6 is the age when we usually give up, (if you have a narcissistic parent or an unsupportive or unsafe environment or some trauma), and develop a false self to survive–Alice Miller).  This memory is your true self making itself known to you. Thinking back to that moment can give you strength as to your positive happy potential.  You can recover your true self again if you can see that you didn’t get the validation of your feelings that  you deserved. Then finally release those painful emotions.  The next time you over-react to stress or have a full-blown post traumatic stress episode you can look at it as a healing opportunity.  Learn to recognize and release your painful feelings and then relate them back to the origins of when they occurred—this  is how true healing occurs.  Hopefully you can find a counselor or coach who has experience with inner child healing as a safe person to trust with your truth.

I had first remembered my mother’s comment about my early hospitalization with no emotion at all for that experience on the tiny sensitive child that I was.  Now I have much compassion for the pain I experienced and that all infants and toddlers go through in these early childhood hospitalizations without parents present.  Nowadays, doctors know not to keep parents from their children at these young ages when attachment and security is so crucial but back in the 60’s they hadn’t learned this yet. Thank goodness times are better now.  I was encouraged to stay and sleep in the hospital room for several days with my first-born when he had pneumonia when he was 2.  And my second born never left our room after she was born and I gave her first bath. I am grateful to have experienced such compassionate hospital experiences for my own children.

This ailment that I mentioned is still causing me stress even though it is beginning to heal.  I won’t go into detail about it except that it is chronic pain, slow to heal, and it has become clear to me that it requires more of my attention, more rest, and I must make some adjustments in my activities.  So unfortunately I must take a temporary leave of absence from this blog. 😦  You might call it a sabbatical because I am determined to return stronger than ever and with even more wisdom and insight to share. It is my hope that during this time you will support and answer each others comments since I will be unable to do so.  This has already been happening by some regular commenters, which has been wonderful to see–when you reach out and support someone else who is hurting, the good feeling that you receive from helping others is exhilarating and wonderful.  I hope that you will try it out and see what I mean. 🙂

Warmest wishes and love to you all,

Roxanne

Posted in: abandonment, comfort the wounded child within, HSP Recovery, inner child grief work, Inner Child Healing, obedient child, POSTS, PTSD, Recovery, repressed emotions, stress- related illness, unbearable emotional pain | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Part 2–More Helpful Tips for HSPs With A Narcissistic Parent

By Roxanne on | 20 Comments

Hi everyone.  I am a life coach for highly sensitive people with childhood wounds and I specialize in inner child healing.  Today I am releasing Part 2 of my More Helpful Tips post for those of you Highly Sensitive Souls trying to figure out how to thrive when you have a narcissistic parent.  It may help for you to review tips 1 through 6 in my last post. To summarize, they were about: your gift of intuition; the childhood traumas you repressed to survive; anxiety, self-doubt, co-dependence and PTSD; there is hope; inner child healing can help; and no contact with your Narcissistic parent may be vital to the healing process. So here are tips 7. through 12.:

7.  Know that the GUILT is relieved by acknowledging the anger and hatred you felt as a child that you were forced to repress.

The guilt of setting boundaries in your relationship with your Narcissistic (N) parent will be strong!  Ignore it! It is guilt induced from elsewhere that you internalized since you were a tiny child.  That has affected your freedom as a gifted child to become your own wonderful self!  It may feel as if they took that from you and gave you guilt, shame, and fear in it’s place.  So what do you do with the guilt you feel when stepping out on your own to become the person with freedom to do whatever you want with your life?  HSPs tend to feel guilt for feeling anger–allow yourself to feel angry about it!  Righteous anger is a healthy emotion that you were not “allowed” to express to them–but it is important that you release this anger in harmless ways (not to the parent who abused you) .  Acknowledge it, tell a safe person, or write it out in a journal (for your eyes only) in detail the anger you feel for all that you lost.  Because this rage inside that comes out sometimes in your life at the wrong people has an origin that needs to be acknowledged and let go of.  You have a right to acknowledge this repressed anger for the traumas that happened to you as a child–it was too painful for a child to survive this kind of excruciating, unbearable emotional pain of hating your parents when you needed them so desperately.  So the trauma is repressed and the truth of what happened to you needs to be released so that you can finally be free. Punching a mattress with your fist and/or screaming into several pillows for as long as you need to is helpful to release the rage you have kept inside all these years.  It helps to have a supportive and safe person present to validate your feelings as you release them. Do not hold onto this intense anger–release it and imagine this energy going away from you forever.  (Forgiveness is important but not until all the layers of repressed anger are worked through and this takes time and patience with yourself–do not attempt to forgive too soon or you may get stuck in a guilt about not being able to forgive cycle.)

8. Know that grieving the loss of your childhood is part of the healing process.

Often after the release of anger you will begin to feel all the hurt and pain of not being truly loved as you deserved. Letting this out and releasing this is so important as well in the healing process of your wounded soul. It helps so much to talk to another empathic human to feel fully validated and comforted through this grieving process–but if there is no one possible then you can write this pain out and you may even surprise yourself by the poetry that pours out of you.  (No rules when you write–just let it pour out).  These words of your soul will always surprise you– you will discover a richness and deep inner life inside of you that you never knew existed.  Because it was hiding in fear all this time–a very real fear–fear of your parent’s judgemental rejection and abandonment of your budding wise self.

9.  Know that it is okay for you to be FREE of them and put yourself first so you can heal.

It is a free country!  You are a free person to do as you wish.  And noone knows the pain that a narcissistic parent can do to the soul of a highly sensitive child except those who have experienced it.  So stop waiting for approval from the rest of society.  You may need to stop all contact with the harmful, negative, malignant narcissistic parent in your life forever and always if that is how long it takes for you to feel safe and have inner peace. You do not even need to attend their funeral if that is something that worries you. It is okay to protect yourself from all the negative energy and judgements of others at family gatherings if you are feeling this will happen. (This all depends upon your own personal spiritual beliefs–I personally now believe our souls live for eternity and those who truly love and support you will be there in heaven and watch over you in spirit–they will understand your reasons for staying away.  I believe you don’t need to go to a funeral to say goodbye or to appease family members who don’t support you either. This is something that must feel right to you and your own personal spiritual beliefs)  And to support you further, I just happened to hear on the radio today, a Christian counselor reminding someone that  “Honor thy father and mother” DOES NOT APPLY when they are emotionally abusive and use fear to control you.  Fear is the opposite of love!  It is a deal breaker and they are no longer honorable parents.  God wants for you to protect yourself and go towards love in your life and away from those who induce fear. I agree with this.  Loving parents want you to feel safe and loved–N parents do not care if you feel safe and loved, they want you to obey or else!  Please get yourself safe and free.

10. Know that Narcissistic people are known as “Crazymakers” for a good reason.

If you have malignant narcissistic parents, they are not going to change and they are not going to stop trying to make you wrong.  You are not wrong for putting your life and your dreams first for a change.  This is your time!  This is your life!  This is your time for healing and dreaming and learning to love yourself as God has always wanted for you.  Malignant Narcissism is mental illness.  It’s a severe problem and insidious in nature because they appear to fit in with other people and have friends and thrive and look fine on the outside. They may even be religious and say they are devoted to God but it is not true!  It is just words!  They may even appear to change and will be on their good behavior around your children but don’t believe it.  They may even turn your kids against you in an instant if they are able.   There’s a hidden self-hatred there underneath in a narcissist and a desire to control others with no remorse and no desire to change as a disconnected self-protection from emotional pain–a complete separation from their soul’s true essence.  That’s enough knowledge for you to know you need to get you and your children safe with safe boundaries in place.

11.  Know that highly sensitive people absorb the negative energy of others. Time alone and the beauty of nature can help recharge your positive  energy.

Malignant narcissists are like energy vampires sucking the good energy out of you and replacing it with all their unconscious negative feelings about themselves.  You feed them, so to speak, and they take it and feel better about themselves. And they constantly want more, not seeing or caring how it is hurting you.  Only you can stop feeding their endless need for your supply of positive energy. This is what it means to develop healthy boundaries.  It is your very essence, your “gift” that they are taking–your ability to give light and love to others.  You must protect this gift. It is meant for those who are also of light and love so that we can build each other up and help each other so that all of our dreams can come true and we can improve life on our planet.  These dreams and desires that you have deep inside are the innervoice that connects you to God and the light that feeds all of us (HSPs).  It is the LOVE that you never got from your N parents that you begin to feel has been inside of you all along.  As you begin to connect with your real feelings and your vitality you connect with God and the love and bliss that was there innately in our true selves.  Love exists and you can give it to yourselves when you realize you were loved all along and were born with this love to give to others who don’t exploit you.

12.  Know that you can rescue yourself!  Noone can do it for you.

Take the first steps and start on a path of healing today!  Be strong and stay away from your malignant narcissistic parent while you heal and anyone who judges you for doing so.  You don’t need to explain it to anyone.  Most highly sensitive people will understand without explanation.  They are out there–don’t give up! I am proud to be a highly sensitive person and now as a life coach of inner child healing I shine my light brightly to help other sensitive souls out of the dark.  You have a light inside of you that has just been hiding in fear.  Everything is going to be all right now as the truth of who you are comes to light. Please take extremely good care of yourself so your highly sensitive soul can shine and inspire others. I hope these tips have been helpful to you.

With Love and Light,

Roxanne

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