Holding Space for someone is also called being an Enlightened Witness for someone else’s pain. Alice Miller talks about this in her book The Drama of the Gifted Child. This concept changed my life as I learned to be my own Enlightenment Witness through journaling and doing deep inner grief work when my children were growing up.
This process helped me to find my ”True Voice” and I started writing songs of hope and healing in 2004, then I started a blog helping others called Hope and Healing Haven for highly sensitive people who have childhood wounds in 2010. The success of the blog lead to my intuitive life coaching business which I named True Voice Life Coaching in 2011.
After a hiatus of a few years where I worked solely on my music, performing and getting my songs of hope and healing out to the world, I am now adding the Coaching back in. As an intuitive life coach I offer my services as an Enlightened Witness for highly sensitive people recovering from childhood wounds. I am available and accepting new clients for Telephone Coaching, Skype Coaching, Email Coaching, and for the first time ever I’m offering face-to-face Coaching. I am adding Spiritual Counseling and guidance from the Akashic Records, and I am adding Reiki energy healing services as well.
Starting April 18, 2018, I’m excited to announce that my new office is at Dragonfly 360 Yoga & Wellness in Indianapolis, Indiana! I will be there on Wednesday’s only for the face to face Coaching from 11-7. But I am also available online Tuesday-Saturday 12-5 for my other Coaching services.
So if you are in need of someone to Hold a Space for you, or offer intuitive guidance on your self-healing journey to find your true self and true voice, Email me at Truevoicelifecoach@ymail.com. I understand, I’ve been there, I care, I listen, and I feel your true spirit.
If you are looking for a safe haven, or more info about my coaching and testimonials, I hope you feel by coming here to my blog that you’ve come to the right place. I feel so honored to be able provide a safe haven and a safe community to highly sensitive souls who are healing to become whole–to become their true selves. Welcome to my blog!
With love and light,
For highly sensitive souls, life can be especially complex. Whether you believe you may be a lightworker, an empath, an earth angel, etc. or just a regular human being trying your best to shine some love and light and compassion to show the bright side of every situation, you are complex. I know I am. I believe this is a good thing. But just when I think I have things figured out, more new layers of emotional healing come out of left field to surprise me and tell me, there’s more challenges ahead–more self-growth to make me stronger. Jeesh! I find a great deal of comfort talking to energy healers, reading about other HSPs’ journeys, and listening to videos of those who channel spirit for guidance. I’ve learned to channel uplifting spiritual messages for myself in the last few years as well and it is a great comfort that is hard to describe. I like to spread my “everything is gonna be alright” messages to help others who are feeling lost or stuck. I do this through my songs, my blog, my facebook pages, and in my daily life with my family and friends. I feel it’s my true purpose in life and it took me a long time to find this inner peace and inner knowing and have confidence to believe it and share it.
I also find comfort coming here to this blog community. When I’m feeling unsupported in my personal life and childhood wounds rise to the surface, I find comfort in being in the company of other like-minded souls who feel the same way. I believe I have a higher self who has in some way orchestrated the challenges that come up for me to make me stronger. I also believe I have free will to choose different paths as I go and I also believe I attract certain things based on my beliefs and the energy I am emitting. Often this energy is invisible to us–we all have blind-spots. These blind-spots served us well for a time but now when we are stronger, things happen in life to make us “see” what we couldn’t before. The illusions are lifted.
I had a long run of good fortune while I was away from this blog for awhile and those things I built and accomplished are solid things that I can count on–things I know about myself that no one person or event in life can take away. Now more growth and challenges are happening and I realize I have very solid ground to fall back on. This makes all the difference! So when things happen and you are feeling like, “What the heck is going on! I don’t deserve this!”, know that you are growing into becoming your true self and your false self is falling away. It’s like when a wall is coming down which is a good thing but you accidentally get hit by one of the falling bricks on your head! It hurts! But the truth is the wall IS coming down, Yay! Don’t focus on the bruise on your head–see past it! It wasn’t meant to stop you or punish you at all, it’s a by-product of movement in the right direction! If you are “seeing stars from the calamity”, you are actually on your way to clarity of mind and attracting a life more suited to your true self! You are strong enough to handle it or it wouldn’t be happening to you! You’ve got this!!
Please comment if you are experiencing a “brick on the head” at the moment or just to say hello–it will help support other highly sensitive souls who haven’t yet found their voice.
P.S.–I’m excited to announce I’m going to be coaching again with a very flexible schedule of openings available all throughout the week. I’ll be adding face-to-face coaching for clients in the Indianapolis area at an exciting new office location on Wednesdays only. I’ll be adding Intuitive sessions with access to the Akashic Records, and Reiki Energy Healing services as well. Email me at email@example.com if you are interested or just for more info. I’m also updating this blog and my coaching website so there will be lots of good changes happening. Yay! 😀
Let’s embrace change together! We are a community of comfort, compassion, and encouragement for the emotional healing of our highly sensitive souls! Join us! Please Follow this blog for more uplifting, personal posts that will be coming!
With love and light,
Hi Everyone. I’m excited to write a new post and share the lyrics to a new song I just wrote. Life is full of change and growth for us highly sensitive souls, and new layers of childhood wounds seem to pop up when least expected. Abandonment wounds are some of the deepest and most painful. I woke up feeling terror for some reason and immediately got paper and pen to write out my feelings to sort it out. As always, I just started describing how I felt and I gained clarity about where the feelings were coming from and compassion for myself, and then I felt a song coming on.
When I start to write a song I always tell myself, this is for me only, and then I let the creativity flow. Later I decide if I want to share it or not and that takes pressure off the process of writing a good song. If it’s completely from the heart it’s always ends up “good” and this one flowed out from beginning to end with few changes. The words came first and then the melody was already there in my head too when I went back to read it. Adding a bridge came easily to make it more interesting and poof! Done! A new song!
The creativity process is so healing that the original pain is somehow transformed into a feeling of pride and achievement. When I first started writing songs I felt shame about them because I was exposing forbidden feelings often straight from my inner wounded child. If this shame happens to you, keep at it and share them only with a safe trusted friend who will help encourage you and not criticize. It’s amazing how healing writing can be. I kept my songs hidden for a long time and now I’m proud to share all of them because they help others! I’ll be adding more songs to this blog now–I’ve written quite a few that I’m ready to share.
This song is dedicated for those of you who have not yet found your voice yet to describe and heal unbearable emotions from childhood or trauma that often remain hidden until we are strong enough to release them.
I plan to start posting more posts again and I am going to be doing Coaching again on Wednesdays only too. My music and Coaching are going strong and for the first time I’ll be doing both. I’ll be performing more of my original songs of hope and healing now and sharing the videos here as well. So please stay tuned for more! 😀
Noone Was There (Hope for Abandonment Wounds from Childhood)
By Roxanne Smith
Feeling so alone. Can’t describe the pain.
Falling in a hole. Doom makes you insane.
Pain is not the truth. It’s just your darkest fear.
Noone was there to comfort you my dear.
Noone was there to comfort you my dear.
That is all it is. This dark and empty thought.
Fill it up with love and give it all you’ve got.
You know that love exists and it is All There Is.
So why not be the one to show us it exists.
So why not be the one to show us it exists.
It exists in every heart, not just a chosen few.
Every single human has the chance to renew.
When you’re feeling all the worst, hopeless feelings inside,
Love yourself so much, so much more than you ever tried.
Love yourself so much, so much more than you ever tried.
You didn’t know how empty, how raw you could feel.
Writing is the way, to fill you up with love and heal.
And when you forget and you’re feeling really low.
Ask for help from the Angels who will guide you how to go.
Ask for help from the Angels who will guide you how to go.
They love you all the time, but you can’t tell they’re there.
Unless you ask for help, you don’t know how much they care.
Pain is not your truth, It’s just your darkest fear.
Noone was there to comfort you my dear.
Noone was there to comfort you my dear.
Comfort is there, when you’re feeling lost.
Let the Angels in, when you’re feeling tossed.
They are always there, when you feel alone.
Love yourself so much until you feel home.
Home is in your heart, it just gets covered up.
It feels so far away, but it’s always close enough.
All the comfort that you wish for, is already there.
Just let yourself believe Heaven really cares.
Just let your self believe Heaven really cares.
No one was there (slow to end) to comfort you my dear.
Original Song © 2018 Roxanne Smith
Sending comforting, caring wishes to all!
Hello everyone. Highly Sensitive People often have highly sensitive bodies and food sensitivities. Perhaps you are realizing this about yourself and frustrated about what to eat. I know I was for a long time and it has been a journey of trial and error finding what worked for me. I finally found it in 1995 and it changed my life and gave me so much more energy and hope. Now people comment that I look younger than my age (my children are grown up and on their own). Here is a recent photo of me.
I attribute this solely to the fact that I have been on (for the most part) this very healthy diet called the Specific Carbohydrate Diet that I discovered in September of 1995. (I wrote a longer post about this diet previously on this blog and it has gotten over 5,000 views–you can read about it here.)
Due to being sick and tired of being sick and tired, I am happy to say that this diet cured me of my chronic fatigue syndrome and multiple food allergies that plagued me in my late 20s through my 30s. Since then I always come back to it to regain my health when I wander off of it from time to time. Now I’ve been sticking to it! It is an anti-inflammatory diet which explains why I have no aches and pains or arthritis like many people my age do. By reducing the allowed nuts I find I can keep my desired weight in check too (in other words, when I eat too many nuts and nut butters on this diet, I tend to gain weight if I’m not exercising much–it took me some time to figure this out! :D)
But all diets need adjustments to the individual needs of the person. This past year, in my attempts to be even more balanced, I unknowingly was actually hurting my health! I had stopped eating red meat a year ago for ethical reasons and I do not like seafood AND at the same time I stopped eating raisins and dried fruits because of a recent final surge of ridding myself of candidiasis (yes, my lifelong struggle with candidiasis is now finally under control–I could write another whole post on this subject… 🙂 ). I believe it was all of these things that lead up to my body being low on IRON for months without realizing it! No wonder I was dragging! I waited too long to get a blood test to find out why I wasn’t bouncing back after a recent move to a new house.
Now I heard it may even take as much as 90 days to get my body absorbing iron supplements properly. But I’m so grateful it wasn’t anything more serious and all I have to do is take some supplements. The big lesson learned is: we can’t always intuitively know what our bodies are needing! Sometimes we need a blood test now and then! My wonderful, compassionate, alternative doctor is an MD of Integrative Medicine. He had only heard a little about the SCD diet but he has supported me completely when I told him of my results with it. In addition to increasing my iron he is also having me get B12 shots now twice a week as well as some adrenal support as well to get my energy levels back to normal. He had wanted me to have a blood test 7 months before I finally did (but I was stressed and too busy with all that is entailed with getting ready to move to a new home). Now that I’m settled in my new home, I’m determined to get back to performing again and writing more songs of hope and healing and now, with a doctor’s help, I’m back on my way again. Yay!
(It took me a long time to find a doctor who was sensitive to my needs. If you’d like to try a new doctor, pray for guidance and listen to your intuition, and keep searching until you find the right one for you. Insurance may not cover the one you find but the extra expense may be worth it if you think of your body as an investment that is worth the extra cost.)
Yes, we highly sensitive souls often have highly sensitive bodies that need extreme self care! And healthy diets are the fuel to help us reach the goals of our true purpose on the planet.
Here is a website which supports my diet (now a lifestyle that I adhere to): http://scdlifestyle.com/about-the-scd-diet/. I am not a medical professional–please always check with your doctor or a licensed medical professional before changing your diet.
It’s not easy to give up unhealthy comfort foods but it is so worth it when you finally have the energy to carry out your passions and gifts!! In my case, with this particular diet, it takes about 2 weeks to get over the sugar and complex carb cravings and then it gets easier. And if you are sensitive to gluten you may feel the energy increase immediately.
Remember, sensitive souls, you are sensitive for a reason, so please take care of yourself so you finally take off and soar!! As you grow in compassion for your inner child’s wounds, grow in inner strength to rise above negative messages that arise to heal, the next step is to increase your energy levels so that you can become a creative partner with your higher self!! You can do it!!
Hello everyone. I felt inspired to write today to send comfort! A lot of people and especially minorities are feeling fear right now. (The inauguration of Trump is today). It is palpable! Fear of the unknown possibilities of losing freedoms that America has fought long and hard for. I’m sharing my song Free To Live, which is one of my most downloaded songs, to give hope. It was written as I overcame an inner struggle to feel free to express myself. I also hope it is a reminder that feeling free to express your true voice and true self is essential to the pursuit of happiness which is so clearly stated in the Constitution of the United States as a fundamental right. …And it’s essential for all humans on the planet!
I believe Freedom is a state of mind much like inner peace that we can tap into internally and spiritually and give ourselves the inner strength to express our true voice. I believe God is love and wants us ALL to feel Free, to have self-belief, and to be self-empowered to be ourselves and spread love and light while sharing our unique creative gifts!
We will get through the turbulent times ahead by remembering that darkness is only the absence of light–and by turning up the lightswitches in all of our hearts we can and will illuminate the earth and the darkness can and will eventually disappear! This is because the majority of people on the planet are of the light!!! We will pour into the streets (peaceful protesting) if we all can’t be Free To Live!!! Please Share!
With love, Roxanne ✨ 💖 ✨
(You can buy this song on iTunes, Amazon, or music sites worldwide–just search Roxanne Smith. Or on my website RoxanneSmithMusic.com)
Hello everyone. So many people are still continuing to visit and follow this blog even though I stopped writing on it a while back! This community is indeed a special one! I realize the common bond we all have of sharing the journey of awakening to becoming our true selves by acknowledging the depths of our childhood wounds. We HSPs innately have the inner strength and determination to voice and transmute our painful truths, grow in self-compassion, and ultimately learn to comfort ourselves in order to become whole and ultimately Shine Strong!! ✨ 😍 ✨ I’ve decided to reconnect with you all again and share some more personal posts knowing this is a place where I can share my most authentic self! What’s more important than that?!! haha Nothing, right?!! 💃 💝
To refresh your memory, “Hope and Healing with Elaine” was changed to “Hope and Healing Haven” as I revealed my real name was Roxanne Elaine Smith. It was wonderfully empowering to step into being myself and no longer use a pen name. Many changes have happened to me since I’ve been away. Mostly I have stepped fully into my realizing I am a singer/songwriter at heart and that I was born to do it!! I’ve been evolving as a performer and it is my top career priority. I am also still a life coach (on hiatus) and feel comfortable now calling myself a Spiritual Counselor as I have been drawn more and more to understanding “the big picture” of why I am here “as a soul”. I have an unquenchable desire to connect with my higher self at all times now and also learn to balance and understand the challenge of being a highly sensitive person on the planet. Let me know if you can relate to my journey and I will continue to share on this blog all that I am discovering.
To get right to it, here is a post that I shared on the newer blog Higher Ground Haven (which has less personal stories) that I felt really belonged here on this blog:
Are you a highly creative, sensitive soul struggling with feelings of inadequacy? Take heart because it is not easy to take the road less traveled when you are trying to fit in with what appears to be going on in the world. Take a step back and go inward. This is the direction to go to find inner peace and satisfaction in your life.
You have gifts beyond measure that are invisible to most people you encounter on a daily basis out in the world. Loneliness is a sign that you are separated from your true self. The more you reach outward to the masses to fill this loneliness, the lonelier you may feel. A rich, inner life exists inside of you when you connect with your true self, your passions, desires, and gifts with compassion for all you’ve been through to get to here. Be kind to yourself about your separation from knowing and loving yourself. Often it is as small children that this separation began so it takes Inner Child Healing to find ourselves again.
Journaling out (for your eyes only) the painful truths of events from childhood can help us tell our story to ourselves. By accessing the right side of our brain through writing we also access the compassionate part of our brain that comforts and soothes and say “wow, no wonder you feel sad…” or mad, hopeless, fearful, or whatever feeling is dormant, blocked, and keeping us from feeling whole and vital and joyful.
Inner Child Grief Work can take a long time, years in fact, as you work through the layers of emotion that come up to the surface to be validated, comforted, and ultimately released by YOU! Yes, you can be your own compassionate therapist, your own enlightened witness if you embrace this process and trust that your heart will guide you to the next layer to be released.
This is “the road less traveled” but it does not have to be a lonely road. Yes, it is a solitary road though and it will lead you to much joy and inner peace when you work through the layers of untruths you believed down to your core as a child. As you shine light and love on your wounded inner child, she/he will begin trusting herself and this new process of healing– the child inside will feel lighter and lighter as the negative beliefs reveal themselves as just illusions meant to protect you at that time and then these beliefs will gradually fall away.
What remains is a strong desire not to suffer any longer and an ability to rise above negativity when you get triggered by something coming from someone else. You will finally know “you” and you will stop beating yourself up mentally. You will recognize when you start to spiral negatively and you will learn to stop yourself and be kind. Positive affirmations like “I love and approve of myself”, and “I am safe” are essential in this core rebuilding process.
As you go forth in this healing process, emotional pain that arises will be looked on as a healing opportunity to get to the more joyful truth underneath. Because you know that the essence of you is a compassionate, loving, kind-hearted soul who is here on the planet to help and never harm others and that is so special and rare. You then will love being alone to recharge your soul so you can lift others up to see the beauty that exists that others do not notice. Your gift to the planet is your sensitivity and what a blessing it is to be different than other people and have this wisdom to heal deeply, recharge, and spread love and light to others. It takes time to heal and rest from the trauma of being misunderstood and separated from our true gifted nature as children. Be kind to yourself about it and let the healing take as long as it takes.
For myself, after years of inner grief work journaling and finding my voice starting in 2003, by 2011 I had healed most of the inner wounds and finally felt a wonderful feeling of “wholeness”. This was a feeling I couldn’t foresee or imagine during the process. Once you master this process of finding your inner strength through writing, you will use it often to get clarity of the lesson of each new experience the universe offers up to you. I got away from blogging here in the last couple of years as I pursued my music but I’ve continued with the journaling whenever needed. I’ll be sharing my continued journey more now on this blog as HSPs have continued to reach out to me and I am at a new place incorporating the music as a healing source for others as well.
I have discovered that social media outlets like facebook can be an addictive and unhealthy distraction much like too much television dulls our motivation and steals our joy–especially if you look to it as a companion of sorts or as a source of validation for your personal daily life. I have found it to be best utilized as a platform to shine and help others and to share creative works to inspire. A personal facebook page is supportive when you lose a pet or family member or need support when you are occasionally ill or have some bad luck …but for deeper daily struggles it can drag you down further–it’s best to unplug from it and go inward and not compare ourselves to what others are doing and saying or expect the masses to understand our complex lives.
We HSPs have all the answers to our own neediness inside ourselves. Self-compassion and loving, soothing attention to the child inside who feels a sense of unbelonging is the answer to all discontent in my opinion. When you begin to love and protect your hurt inner child, you recharge and create helpful work that keeps on giving. The sense of accomplishment snowballs to living a creative life of exciting possibilities. You trust that whatever is around the corner, it will be a wonderful adventure as you discover more of what you are capable of.
Being your own best friend is not a corny cliche`–it is a real and essential tool for highly sensitive people to navigate our world inhabited by lots of lesser evolved souls who can’t relate to our emotional journey. We have a higher purpose, a higher vibration of light to shine as “lightworkers” if you will, and our inner child needs our own tender loving self-care in order to be able to turn the light switch back up from the dimming that may have occurred in childhood or from an unsupportive culture or environment.
Shine on yourself first when you are not feeling the least bit shiny. Let me explain. Highly sensitive people have a gift of believing in lofty ideals and “light” and that really is a highly spiritual concept. Deep inside we “know” that unconditional love exists for all and we can tap into that love whenever we want. If you struggle with this concept consider that you may be blocking yourself from receiving this loving feeling from the universe because of a childhood belief that you don’t deserve it. You may have to actively “decide” to be open to allowing love in from Heaven/God/ Source/Universe/ All That Is/ Mother Nature or whatever you’d like to call it.
Believing I deserve love and letting it in made all the difference in my life. It changed me from looking to others for outside validation to knowing I could heal myself and shine my gifts on the planet to make a difference. Now this is no longer daily work for me but I still need to journal to reconnect to my inner wisdom from time to time when I need to recharge from the world.
Being an HSP, highly intuitive person, highly evolved, compassionate, or introspective soul is only difficult when you compare yourself to the masses. Consider that you came here to make a difference!–to shine a new path, a new way of thinking about the earth. You are a pioneer here to show others how to appreciate nature, how to see beauty in unlikely places, how music or poetry can lift them up, how a healthy diet can change your mood, or how building a strong body can help you have more energy to accomplish goals you never imagined before, etc. There are so many ways that HSPs are essential to our planet thriving. It all starts with loving the little child inside of you who is still comparing herself to others instead of seeing the spectacular yet fragile gift she/he has always been and always will be!
After all my inner work now my inner child is very strong. She is the playful creative force behind all my creative works. This poem flowed out of me from beginning to end in one fell swoop one day recently when I was in my car–I always have pen and paper handy for when a song or poem comes to me. I just stop everything and write it down. I’m glad to share it with you now:
Wise Inner Child and Wings and Things
By Roxanne E. Smith
Painful layers coming up
Anger, grief and other stuff
I thought all of this was healed
No there’s more! It is revealed!
Inner child inside can now
Tell the truth—feels safe somehow
I will comfort her brave heart
Out of hiding, let her start
To spread her fragile angel wings
Never used before it seems…
Whoa!! She’s ready! Knows they’re real!
Says, “Yeah, I’ve got wings! It’s no big deal!”
No more hiding them from sight
Imagining her very first flight
I’m the one who kept her down
Protecting her from scorn or frown
She tells me to open the door
“Look” she says, “what wings are for!”
Flying easy as the breeze,
she hovers anywhere she please
Surprised that I am still afraid
She takes MY hand and says, “Let’s trade!
“You be me and I’ll be you.”
“Did you know you have wings too!?”
I look behind and see them there
Tucked away with so much care
Hidden just beneath my sight
I didn’t know I had the right!
“I’ve been busy protecting you
and now I see I’ve got wings too!
I am scared to try them out.
It’s been so long I’ve gone without
How to switch to this new change
It feels so shameful and I feel strange!”
Wise child says,
“You know where that’s from?
Others shamed you because they had none.
No wings to fly wherever they want
So they put you down to stay up front.
But now you know the truth down deep
You learned from all the lessons reaped
Deep inside you know your soul
Has learned more love through the life school
Many lives you’ve lived and learned
About compassion and now’s your turn
You’re here to be a beacon light
Fly and shine on others bright
You know you do this anyway
But you’ve got wings so fly and play
Fly and play don’t toil and fret!
You’re sensitive but the strongest yet!
Now you get to do your thing!
Love and shine and fly and sing!
That’s all that’s it and now you know!”
The little child then hugged me so
“I love you and I’m always here
I’m your inner strength—no longer fear
You protected me ‘til I was strong
Now I help you to get along
Just like with the Butterfly
The caterpillar is gone goodbye!
Brave new woman with golden wings
Stand your ground and fly and sing
Tell about your growth to show
Others who also do not know
That they have hidden wings as well
They earned them too but they can’t tell
Not until they are really SEEN
For the first time since they were teens
They tried to fly but soon were stopped
And painfully their wings were cropped
But they grew back and have been ready
Until the self was loved and steady
Grounded in peace—no longer fear
You’re free to fly away my dears!
So lighten your house and ease your load
Because the next chapter’s seeds are sowed
Freedom is what will grow
and life will have a different flow
Peace and love will soothe your soul
So you can sing some rock’n’roll
Giving hope to others through
Sharing what you love to do
Then they’ll believe in their own soul
And all the world will heal to whole!”
The child then smiled and said, “Okay?!”
Then held my hand and we flew away!!
Original Poem © Roxanne Elaine Smith
I wish all of you all the most glorious blessings that life has to offer! Whether you are alone or with loved ones, remember you are loved from above and you are never alone. As well as having a higher true self that is your creative source, I believe we all have a spirit guide who is our best soul friend and guardian angel looking out for us from heaven and giving us those Aha moments and pride in ourselves for rising up to higher heights to fly!
With warm wishes of love, light, and inner peace,
Here is a post from a wonderful new blog which has links to mine. I highly recommend it! 😀 With love and light to all of you, Roxanne
(formerly pen name Elaine)
Over the past 2 weeks, I have been reading a lot of information on how to recover from the harm done by parents with NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), and I also found out that I am indeed a highly sensitive person. Yet, my sensitivity to the external changes and my talent in writing have been continuously ignored and even ridiculed by my biological family. When they were not belittling me or taking advantage of me, they just ignored me. (I used the past tense because over the past few years I have managed to distance myself a little from them, to minimize the damage they might continue doing to me. So now it’s just getting a little better, or endurable, for me.) I have been invisible and felt that I don’t belong to this family. My feelings have been numb. Being numb is the only way I can survive here…
View original post 1,414 more words
Hi everyone! It’s wonderful to be back here to talk to all of you again! It’s been 6 months since I have written here and that was not my intention, and I apologize to anyone who has been waiting for more posts. The last 6 months have been an amazing ride and life has taken me through lots of amazing new opportunities!
I discovered my True Voice by writing this blog and although I still have a lot to say, I find that now it’s time for a fresh, new, HIGHER perspective as I use what was learned from writing this blog as a solid foundation of emotional healing for moving upwards to Higher Ground. “Higher Ground Haven” is the name of the new blog I started writing in my legal name while I was still using my pen name Elaine to write this one. It was an exciting experiment to see if I could have a successful blog and coaching business just being myself with no pen name, and Uplifting others, and encouraging Highly compassionate souls to embrace their uniqueness and shine their lights to Higher Heights!
Well, this new blog turned out to be a wonderfully, successful venture and the facebook community associated with it (also called Higher Ground Haven) grew out of it’s success–it continues to thrive and blossom as many Highly sensitive, (AKA Highly intuitive) and Highly compassionate, creative souls find it to be a safe refuge for understanding the painful journey of overcoming childhood emotional wounds while also gaining inner strength and positive energy to go for their dreams!
My own dreams to share my original songs of hope and healing with the world were an example of a journey to overcome painful insecurities about my creative gifts. After sharing on this blog how I was able to over-ride my inner critic and empower myself up and over many fears and feelings of shame that were deeply-rooted from childhood wounds, I began having the courage to pursue my music as a lucrative career! I have shared on this blog the exciting steps through some health challenges to being able to record an album of my original songs and have them distributed worldwide and available on iTunes, Amazon, and CDBaby.com to mention a few. It has been exciting to follow my heart and see what new opportunities manifested in front of me with the intention of helping people with my healing songs. You can refresh your memory (or read anew) about my New Beginning Journey here.
The next step to tell you about was how I began performing and overcame my deep performance anxiety after meeting another amazing local musician (Jeff) and his band one night last summer (2014) and having him invite me to his open mic nights at a local establishment in my city. Soon I was friends with many other musicians who also were performing at these open mic nights and they were cheering me on. Jeff and his wonderful family held my hand with encouraging words as I got over my deeply rooted irrational fear of performing alone in front of an audience. It was terrifying the first time, but I was determined to do it anyway because I believed that these new people in my life were meant to help me and that meant this was all supposed to happen in some kind of a spiritual way! I felt God was with me and angels were cheering me on each step of the way! Sure enough getting the first time over with was the biggest, hardest hurdle–after that each week’s performances got easier and easier until I was easily singing alone and with Jeff and other amazing guitarists every week throughout the summer. Meanwhile, that summer, I was also recording my songs and was finally ready to release my first 10 songs as my debut album entitled A New Beginning on September 30, 2014. On October 1, 2014, I had an album release celebration where I performed about 12 songs including lots of my original songs. With the support of my husband and children and my new musician friends in the audience, it was a thrilling, sort of out-of-body experience as I performed that night and I realized I had accomplished overcoming my fears in such a short time and now had an album released to boot! It was another “new beginning” for me–the name of the album I was releasing!
In order for me to have this success, there were some health challenges I had to go through to get there. I want to share with you that part of what helped me succeed in overcoming my fear of singing was the amazing effects of new strength I felt in my diaphragm due to going to an Osteopath who specialized in cranial sacral and especially myofascial work. This amazing woman (who was recommended by my amazing new doctor of integrative medicine), who had been been trained in energy work, , could tell by looking at me that my diaphragm was locked up in fear probably since childhood. She explained that myofascial work could help to get my energy in my body flowing properly again. She told me that she has to refer many people to get emotional support while doing this process but that she could tell I had already done the inner work and that I was “ready”. It took some time and a few treatments before I went to her excitedly and told her I felt the difference–I had woken up in the middle of the night a few days after my last treatment with her and I felt this fear sensation rise up to my consciousness and leave my body. I know it sounds very woo-woo but I woke up with this feeling of fear and also with the clarity that I no longer have to be afraid of it and I am strong enough to let it go! And it went! I had an exhilaration in my heart and a new found ability to breath deeply and had more strength in my diaphragm to sing with more strength and passion. (I tested out my new lungs by singing in the shower that morning haha) My singing was better and that helped so much with my confidence! I also felt taller!–opening up my diaphragm helped me to stand taller and I could feel the difference with more confidence to stand with better posture much easier than before. My chiropractor noticed the difference in my neck adjustments so much that she started referring some of her clients to this amazing woman. I feel so lucky to have found her at exactly the right time in my life when I needed her and right before she is going to be retiring. All this happening confirmed my belief that the universe will rise up to help you and bring the right people into your life when you get in alignment with your true self, express your true voice, and follow your true desires to shine your light to help others.
My new doctor also encouraged me to have the Endovenous Laser Therapy treatment (by a different Dr. ) for my varicose veins that I had been putting off for 10 years. So on October 10, 2014 I had the first of 4 weekly surgeries where they inserted a laser into my main vein in my legs to fix the varicose veins that were hurting my circulation and causing some other problems. Anyway, long story short, they used large doses of epinephrine and numbing agent in these surgical treatments (in order to call it outpatient)–and being highly sensitive and still having a fragile adrenal system evidently, this caused me to have exhaustion and low immune function for months following these procedures with a very slow recovery from more painful injections, brain fog, fatigue, and all resulting with an increase in adrenal problems. After a lovely Christmas with my family and performing with my son and making a youtube video with him of a Christmas song I wrote, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3bRbWUQUyA I ended up with a virus and struggled again to recover and get back to performing. I was up and down struggling to get back to my pre-surgery energy with frustration and swollen glands that just kept coming back. Now it is March and I have performed 2 times since Christmas due to this virus that effects the quality of my voice and overall stamina. I am being patient, as I undergo I.V. therapies to rebuild the strength of my endocrine system and adrenal due to the large doses of epinephrine that wreaked havoc on my adrenal glands. In spite of all the unexpected set backs to my health, I am still glad I had this procedure done! My legs look and feel great now and I feel it will be worth it all in the end! I am sure I am going to recover fully and with more energy than ever to do all the things I want to do!
By the end of the 6 months away from blogging, and finally recovering with more energy and vitality, it became clear that moving to the newer blog that represents a new higher vision and moving on from where I shared some of my past inner grief work (and a lot of personal stories to help others) is the best new direction for me to express my True Voice. It reflects my new higher creative energy and success: I did it!–and you can do it too! In addition to being a Life Coach for emotional healing, I am now a Singer-Songwriter and Performer! I overcame my biggest fear and my most important desire in my heart–to be able to confidently sing my original songs which reflect my True Voice in front of an audience!
The road to true wholeness is an amazing one–just when you feel you are whole you realize there is more you can do, more you have to offer, more of yourself to heal yet more fun and satisfaction than you ever even dreamed for yourself–you find yourself moving HIGHER as a new staircase unfolds in front of you. I have learned to trust and flow with the moment and KNOW that I am a shining light of God’s love that is grounded in the earth (as we all are) and I am here to give hope and emotional healing to all who are open to it. I hope you will join me as I continue to blog at Higher Ground Haven. If you followed me here please follow me there! I look forward to seeing you at our new community of love and light and higher heights!
With warm welcoming wishes and gratefulness to all of you,
So much has been happening, I have been very busy finishing my first album and I have also been performing my songs and overcoming my performance anxiety with great success! This is an exciting time for me and I wanted to share it with all of you so here is my announcement that I just put on my personal facebook page:
“I just announced the ITUNES release date of my debut album on my website and I am hoping you will check it out… For those of you who don’t know the story of how it came to be, here is a brief summary:
In 2004 I started writing songs and I called them my songs of hope and healing because the process of writing them was empowering me, expressing the hope I felt in my soul, and helping me to heal and find my “voice”. By 2010 I had written over 30 songs and shared the lyrics and my personal journey of healing in a blog that became successful because it struck a chord with many people. I started a life coaching business due to the success of this blog and people asking for my guidance in helping them find their inner strength and true voice as well.
People began telling me that my lyrics and songs were helping them–I kept writing songs and now have written over 50. Last summer I collaborated with local musician Wendell Ray to record them. He played the guitar on 28 of my songs that we recorded including some with him on harmonica and other added backing tracks. He produced my first 6 songs and then showed me how to record and produce the rest!
Also, with the encouragement of Wendell and my family, I started performing at his gigs—this was the beginning of me gaining confidence to perform alone and share my songs with the world. Overcoming the performance anxiety has been a thrilling and exciting part of this musical journey I am on and at one time I couldn’t imagine overcoming this deeply ingrained irrational fear. But with inner determination, God, and encouragement from others, I am now on the other side of it having fun performing: singing my songs, cover songs, and harmony with others; improving on the guitar every week; and writing and recording more songs!
So now with this first album, I feel I have found my true voice in yet another profound way and helping others is the most wonderful and important part of it all. The release of this album is symbolic of the achievement of a lifetime of hopes and dreams and that we can always create “new beginnings” for ourselves as we change and grow. These first 10 songs are about personal empowerment, believing in yourself and the inner spirit we all have inside, and overcoming doubts and fears we all face in life–you can do it!!
Thank you all for all of your support along the way and for sharing in this exciting time with me!! The release date is finally here! It is being first announced today on the home page of my music website–www.RoxanneSmithMusic.com. For more information about my musical story you can read my Bio that is on the home page as well.
With love, gratefulness, and warmest wishes to you all,
A special note to all of my blog followers, you are the reason that all of this was able to happen. I started sharing my story with you back in January 2010 and you all responded with your full support which gave me the encouragement to continue finding and expressing my true voice. The are no words to express my gratefulness for your courage to follow my journey and to say “me too!” and I want to hear more! I will be keeping you posted at each milestone in this process of the worldwide distribution of my songs of hope and healing and I hope to be writing more blog posts about emotional healing in the future.
Just remember, those of us with sensitive souls, we are “the lucky ones”–highly evolved souls here to learn to shine our light through the negativity around us and say to ourselves and others–You can do it!! You are strong enough!! You can have “A New Beginning” and follow your heart and soul that knows “everything is going to be all right!”
And so to all of you, I want to share the lyrics to this song that I wrote most recently this year:
“The Lucky One”
by Roxanne Elaine Smith
The lucky one is the only one who cries
The lucky one is the only one who sees
The lucky one is the only one who feels the truth
The lucky one is the only one who cries
What’s the reason for the bad dream
To watch a child fall?
It was a long way down
Such a long way down
Noone else could see the damage
The reason for the tears
The loss was so profound
The love made no sound
CHORUS: The lucky one is the only one who cries
The lucky one is the only one who sees
The lucky one is the only one who feels the truth
The lucky one is the only one who cries
Somehow coming through it all
The answer comes with joy
There is no end
Only lessons learned
To realize the love in every
Is to trust that all
Hold onto what we earned
CHORUS: The lucky one is the only one who cries
The lucky one is the only one who sees
The lucky one is the only one who feels the truth
The lucky one is the only one who cries
Alone is this vision
To see the hope in the despair
Alone in this valley
While everyone’s in the air.
To be still and feel the beauty
In a painful plunge
Is to be real in this world
Where our flight has just begun
CHORUS: The lucky one is the only one who cries
The lucky one is the only one who sees
The lucky one is the only one who feels the truth
The lucky one is the only one who cries
The lucky one is the only one who cries….
With love and light to you all and gratefulness from the depths of my soul,
I haven’t posted in a while and I ran across this wonderful post and felt moved to share it:
Perhaps it is the paradox that was Robin Williams: that behind his unique and exceptional comedy, there was such sadness and darkness. How could someone so funny and full of life be so tortured and in such pain?
As my blog friend Lorrie Beauchamp says below: “creative genius and mental anguish are two sides of the same coin.” This was especially, and tragically true of Robin.
The word “sadness” keeps coming up in much of what is being said and written about him. And for those he left behind, it is very sad. We will never enjoy him again. But it is not sad for him. He is no longer anguished or troubled or tortured. He is at…
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Hi everyone. I wrote this post exactly one year ago today on my other blog highergroundhaven.wordpress.com. The topic is very relevant right now so I wanted to share it with all of you. With love and light, Roxanne
I had struggled with procrastination in the past and discovered some useful ways to overcome it. My methods worked once again so I thought I’d share them with you. It is my hope that this post will resonate with highly compassionate intuitive souls (aka HSPs) who struggle with this because… we are more creative than most (too many fantastic ideas), we are more sensory-sensitive (overstimulated) than most (actually intuitively gifted :)), and we are even…
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Hello everyone! Today’s post is a compilation of all the comments between Belinda and myself. Belinda is the name used by a commenter and follower of my blog who reached out for assistance when her attempts to create healthy boundaries for herself were followed by aggressive and fear-inducing actions by her parents in order to control her. Her comments were spread throughout different posts so, with her permission, I decided to put them all on one page so all of you can benefit from her open and honest sharing as she persevered with much inner strength through the backlash of going no contact with her narcissistic parents. (There are comment replies to Belinda from 2 other blog friends which I did not include here–you can click on the post at the side if you wish to find and read all the related comments from others too.) I hope you find inspiration and hope in all that transpired in the following interactions:
Submitted on 2011/05/06 at 2:14 am
Mother’s Day weekend is fast approaching and today I have made the final step in walking away from my narcissistic mother. I have asked my father for no contact from both of them. It is so ironic that it happened today. I was in the midst of contemplating how to handle mothers day. I did not want to send her a card, but knew the guilt I would face if I did not. I feel relief which only goes to show me that the decision is right even though it was so hard. Your story is helping me tonight. I know I have a long way to go but it has to get better from here. Thank you again and God Bless!!
Submitted on 2011/05/23 at 10:36 am
I am entering my second month of no contact with my family. I am currently feeling better as far as less stress and anxiety. I am slowing down and trying to be patient with myself. However, as far as anything else I am still in a state of shock. I know I have been verbally abused by my parents but I find myself constantly researching narcissism. It seems I am needing to constantly remind myself that I’ve been abused and I am trying to validate it to myself. It’s like I am doing a research project for someone else until I look in the mirror and realize I am researching about ME!! My whole life I felt like I was watching what was going on in the world but not really being a part of it. I have forgotten who I am, or better yet I never had the opportunity to get to know myself. I am trying to learn about myself and at the same time trying to heal my broken spirit and at the same time trying understand and at the same time trying to not call my family. Phew!! That’s how I feel. I break down in tears often from these overwhelming feelings
I never really explained to my parents that I no longer want to contact them ever again. It sort of fell in my lap. The last conversation I had with my dad, he suggested that they not call me and I said that would be best. So, I am assuming they are waiting for me to call. That leaves the ball in my court and the pressure of that is almost too much to take. I want to email them and tell them the no contact rules because I actually fear them trying to call me or see me. I am not strong enough right now to fight for my right for space but I know I desperately need it. I try to spend my time keeping my mind busy. That is what is making this the most difficult. My own mind. It is constantly thinking about everything. I have to work at staying focused on the here and now. Having my husband and little girl around always seems to help but it seems like a temporary fix. When alone, my mind takes over. I have been going to therapy for 2 months but there is little change in my spirit. there is much change in my surroundings, though so I guess it is a good start. I must have a long way to go. I sum it up this way…the knowledge of knowing is not enough to heal the spirit!!! I have the knowledge but where do I go from here?
I find myself trying to find someone else to fill the void that I have. The desire of approval from others and trying so hard to please seems to get in the way of making friends. People see that I am trying too hard. I expect too much out of other people such as a neighbor that has become my friend. The problem with that is she does not understand where I am coming from so in trying to discuss my current situation I end up receiving advice I know is not right for me. She does not know my family so I know that she had the best intentions but the words wound me. I know it’s not the right way to be. I need to learn to rely on myself and validate my own feelings. That was the biggest abues to me. My feelings were never validated. EVER!!! I am constantly searching for approval. I started a journal a few days ago, hopefully, it will help in my healing. I am learning slowly through trial and error. Thank you so much for this website. It gives me a voice.
Hi Belinda, Thank you for your comment. You so eloquently expressed what many highly sensitive people are going through when they first go no contact. Wow. So well said! You will help many others who feel the same but are not ready to leave comments. The pressure you feel to call them is guilt that they induced in you and that you internalized since you were a little child. It may help you to get in touch with some of your anger at having been so controlled and manipulated as a child. Journal out your feelings, all of them, including how angry you must have felt as a child but you were not allowed to feel it or express it then. But now you are safe and you can let it out. Releasing your truth will heal your spirit. When you connect with your true self and have compassion for the child inside of you that suffered, you will feel less needy for other peoples approval. It takes time to heal all the layers so be patient with yourself. You are stronger than you know. Thank you for the kinds words about my website. If you would like me to give you ISO’s email address just drop me an email and I will email her to get her permission as well. with Love and Light, Roxanne
Submitted on 2011/05/27 at 3:36 am
Iso and Roxanne,
Thank you both for keeping in touch. I feel relief of anguish with every word you say. Roxanne, I think it would be great to get in touch with ISO. I feel like we have such similar sithations that exchanging email addresses would be a good idea. I will continue writing about my journey here b/c Something good must come out of my struggles. I’ll be honest, good things for me have already begun to happen, but I want someone else to learn from this. Something positive has to come out of this experience!!! Just like the last Oprah show, I related so much to what she was saying. Everyone in this world just wanted to be validated that whatever pain or hard time they were going through someone out there understands and relates. That’s what made her show so amazing. My favorite part was when she stated we are all responsible for the energy we give out. This statement hit home for me for 2 reasons, My parents are accountable for actions and behavior, but there is a time when I must be accountable for myself. Now that I know, I have no excuse. I must be responsible for what I portray to everyone around me. I must try to be the person I have always wanted to be. I can no longer be the person I feared I may have become. Most of all, everything my parents did to me is already done to them. I have to believe this in order to try and move on. I don’t want to be the one to spend the rest of my life blaming my parents but I have no guilt in giving blame right now. For the 1st time in 41 years they deserve it. Now that I know the truth, I am working on being accountable for what I give in this world. I want to be a person of caring and empathy. I want to not be judgemental and to love unconditionally. But most important, I want to trust my own feeling. I am hoping to get there some day.
Iso, your comments about good and bad memories coming back is exactly right!! I have said the exact thing about never talking to and treating my daughter the way she did to me. I may not have mentioned but I have a younger brother of course we are not talking, can I say triangulation. I am beginning to recall a few memories about me but the flow of bad memories about my brother are coming at me like a tidal wave. He was a different child than I was. I was extremely scared, but my brother was a fighter so he received the grunt of the abuse. I used to think, man my little brother is not too bright, why is he fighting he knows that he is going to lose the battle, but now I realized he was fighting for his voice. He was so strong for a little guy. He fought them alone. I feel guilt over not being there for him as his big sister, but I can’t really deal with that now. I plan on addressing this at a later time when I am stronger.
For those of you contemplating no contact, remember it can be on you terms. If you want it for a little while or forever it is your right. Let me assure you it may be the hardest decision you make but speaking from experience it will reward you ten fold. Stepping away for a little while just to figure youself out is highly recommended. I have walked away from my parents more than once in my life but only now am I contemplating forever. Only now with the knowledge I have possessed do I really believe this is the safest and healthiest situation for my family. Stay strong, but be gentle to yourself.
Submitted on 2011/06/23 at 3:03 am
I sent an email to my parents a few days ago outlining my request for complete NO CONTACT from them. I found it necessary for them to know b/c I found some clothes hanging on the front door of my home. The clothes were for my daughter and there was a card inside from my mom. I am assuming they came to my house and dropped them off and left. I was shocked that they would do that if they really did? We have not been talking or seeing one another so I decided to let them know not to come to my home or contact me and my family. This action disturbed me.
Well, I received an email from my dad tonight. I feel threatened and scared. I understand the email to say that they are insisting on family therapy meaning all of us or they will proceed with a lawsuit of defamation of character. There was much more said but I will have to put my online therapy on hold which pains me. I want to be able to express my feelings openly and honestly, but I do not know what to make of what I’ve been told by them. I was hoping to work through some serious things, but it is going to be in my best interest to stop writing on here until I find out more about this. I am numb right now and whatever progress I have done up to this point is now ruined. What now???
Submitted on 2011/06/24 at 12:33 am
Roxanne and Lily,
Thank you so much for your support. I am realizing that dealing with this type of situation is a rollercoaster ride. Right when you think you’ve got it under control, their crazymaking sends you spiraling out of control. I made an emergency call to my therapist, printed the email and brought my husband for support and his input. It was the best thing I could have done. She analyzed the letter and Roxanne, you hit the nail right on the head. Major scare tactic which is how they always controlled me. It was worth all the anguish to finally get my husband onboard as well. He was shocked by the threat and terribly disappointed in my family. Having my therapist explain things to him, helped him in realizing the truth about the long term abuse I have been receiving adding my intense reaction of fear and anguish he saw first hand the scare tactic in play.
My therapist suggested I just continue ignoring all emails but print them up for the future…just in case I need to do something a little more serious. As far as his threat to sue me for defamation of character. he has nothing…abolutely nothing. I had scheduled an appointment with a lawyer right after her just in case I needed to give him a retainer fee. I was prepared to fight but ignoring is the best defense, so I cancelled the attorney. I know I will not be afraid in the future if I need to go that route. I came out stronger today. I bet they would be hot if they knew that what they caused actually showed me how strong I could be if I had to be!! I overcame intense fear today. I was physically and mentally exhausted by the end of the day but I learned a little about myself.
Roxanne, Thank you for your quick response. As soon as I read your response, I was inspired to leave work and handle this situation immediately. I was not going to let it interfere with another night. Your support means more to me than you know. I feel empowered again, but I remain cautious. This situation showed me how fragile I still am. I am a long way away from recovery, but at least I have created a support system. I can pat myself on the back for that. I reached out for it and look I have people that care for me.
Submitted on 2011/07/13 at 12:06 am
Thank you so much for speaking from your heart. I relate to what you are saying so much. It feels good to know that someone else feels the way I do. I know you have been keeping up with me and my personal struggles and I just want to thank you so much for being there for me. If i could I would hug you, really tight. I am having good days and bad days but you know what through all of this I am learning myself and listening to my body and trying to finally take care of myself. not only do I have a heart but others do as well. I have made a pen pal that provides wonderful support for she also had a narcisstic parent. We seem to be journaling together and helping each other along the way. I recently mentioned something to her that is starting to happen to me. the dark cloud surrounding me is starting to clear a little and I am beginning to see small mircles and joys in life. From my family to co workers to complete strangers. I am connecting to the world. It is very small but I am recognizing this and I am so thrilled.
The family update… After I emailed my parents and asked for no contact my father responded by threatening to sue me, I am sure you remember. I ignored the email. I received 2 other emails after that. In the second email I was basically called a coward for not responding and then he threw the guilt trip on me about how could I do this they are my parents.. Then the same day I was told by a neighbor that my father was driving by my house. I was also aware that he was calling my husband behind my back. He was trying to sneak attack my husband. Luckily my husband refused to answer the phone. In my own way I believe I was being stalked. I’ve heard it is quite common. I was very scared but I sat down that night and let him know that I was aware of all he was doing behind my back and I do not want any contact from him. The last email I received, he stated that he thought I was crazy and needed therapy (he has no idea I’ve been going for months) and actually told me that I could potentially hurt my daughter (what a horrible thing to say to your only daughter). He ended the email telling me that he and mom did not want anything to do with me. Wow, really??? isn’t that what I’ve been asking for all along. It’s as if no one is going to tell him the rules he is going to tell me the rules. Does it really matter to me who ends it , no as long as it ends. I felt is was necessary to explain the behavior because to me it validates everything I believe my parents are. Crazy making control freaks!!! It is as if he was having an adult temper tantrum because things did not go the way he wanted them to go and I didn’t do what I’ve done in the past. I am no longer their little liar!! I will not lie about who they are to me and how I feel they have treated me. My feelings are the truth. they no longer tell me what my truth is. I feel like a prisoner who has just been set free. Thank you God!!
I am still working through a lot of pain, but I know that I am better already and I am beginning to feel I mean really feel. Care for others and allowing them to care for me. Most of all I am paying close attention to myself and trying to take good care of me. I am happier and apparently it’s contagious because I truly feel like my family is happier. Thank you, again Roxanne!! Continue your work in healing, I know it’s helping me and YES I would love to buy your book!! All things are possible, my new father told me that!! The father that promised to always love me and promised to never hurt me!!My lord and saviour!!
Submitted on 2011/07/20 at 5:49 am
Well, I am really needing your support tonight. My anxiety and stress is at an all time high right now. My father showed up at my home unexpectedly tonight at around 9:30 pm. We did not answer the door, but my husband turned on the front porch light so he knew we were home. I was finally forced to get the authorities involved. I called the police but my dad had left before they arrived. I can’t believe this is happening to me. I had a feeling that I was going to have to call the authorities at some point in time because of the nature of the emails I had received from him and the threats and insults he was making towards me. Fortunately, I printed up every email I sent to him asking for no contact and he also sent to me discussing the threats and insults . It was proof to the authorities that he should not have showed up at my home. The officer contacted him tonight at my home and spoke with him directly. It was necessary that the officer explain the reprecussions if he were to try to contact me and my family or if he were to come onto my property again.
1. It would be considered trespassing
I am scared to think what might have happened if the door was opened. My 4 year old daughter was in the house at the time and I am grateful that we did not answer the door. What was he thinking, we would sit down and have a chat. It would have turned out ugly and in front of my child. I remain in constant fear. I only hope that the information he received from the officer will deter him from futher contact, but really who is to know. I am fearful that he will still try to reach me, and rightfully so. Apparently, I am going to have to live with this fear. I don’t possibly know how to let something like this go.
I have been seeking therapy for a long time to try to heal from this, but with every attempt they make to reach me, it’s like starting all over again. Has this ever happened to anyone else, is anyone familiar with a situation like this. Is this something n parents have been known to do? I am truly at a loss of words. I still feel like I can’t keep this a secret. I know someone else out there has either gone through the same thing or is going through the same thing. I am very proud that I handled things this way. The officer said I did the right thing and I know he was right, but it is probably the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I called the police on my dad. I could just cry. I am not sure I will ever be able to get past this. I just pray and hope that this will stop. I will not be bullied, I will not be scared, I will not be abused.
Pray for me,
Submitted on 2011/08/11 at 3:12 am
I always receive your messages at the exact moment I need it the most. What a wonderful reminder to enjoy these hot summer days. You are a reminder to me that yes I am a hsp who is still recovering from an abusive past. It is a good reminder for me because it teaches me to take care of myself. You are a gentle reminder to me that it is ok to celebrate me and it is ok to take care of me and most of all I should not feel guilty about it. I am in the process of building that family unit that cares for me so until then I have been relying on you to be that support. You have earned that trust through your kinds words and unconditional love and support from the start.
From the last time we spoke, I had a lot to tell you and again today is the same. I want everyone to know what is going on for many reasons. I want to help someone else as much as you, Roxanne, have helped me and continue to help me. I want to speak up about the abuse I received as a child and I continue to receive as an adult. Most of all I am realizing that every time I write my story it’s as if what happened gets left here and I can move past it better. As soon as I write down my pain, the pain is diminished. So here it is…After the last fiasco, I had forced myself to enjoy the summer with my family, go to the pool with friends and my husbands family and try to enjoy. Through my socializing I came across a job that became available. I interviewed for it and just recently was offered the position. I am so excited about this new opportunity because it is allowing me and my family the chance to move. I have wanted to do this desperately to try and lose complete contact from parents but felt like it was impossible, but God put me in the right place at the right time. So the family will be moving soon and I am so happy for us right now. It could not have come at a better time because last week I received a letter in the mail from our county courthouse. My dad is suing my husband and me over some money we borrowed several months ago before I went nc. I knew he was going to try and sue us but I expected him to try the defamation of character lawsuit he had threatened to me in the past but I suppose he realized he had nothing on me. I’ll be honest the money is owed to him and believe me I want to get him paid quickly. I suppose from my standpoint I feel like he is just relentless in his pursuit. When will he just leave me alone and let me be. To me this is a pattern of his attempt to over power and intimidate. to my husband (who happens to be a father to a 24 year old daughter and 4 year old daughter) he sees it as just pushing a daughter further away. My husband personally would never think of doing such a thing to his own children, but once again my parents have managed to show their true selves through this. In the past, I would have had a total meltdown and panic attack, but now I lose little sleep over their temper tantrums. The money will be there but for fun we will not send it until the last minute. Of course, It will be sent through an attorney letting them know that after this payment there will be not reason for further attempt for communication. Am I scared, yes but scared less. most important, I refuse to give them an opportunity to see me in court. Just what they want a dramatic ending to their sad story. I am sure they are hoping to add more lies to their adoring fans ( the family). The idea that they are getting sympathy from everyone when they know what they had been doing to me only intensfies my frustration. To them impression trumps truth, so I am not only no contact with them I have remained no contact from everyone. What do I call this… casualties of war. Due to the nature of our family structure it has always been if you are not for us you are against us and that means all of us. well goodbye all of you and your toxic lives… It’s time for me to stand my ground and…I won’t back down. hehe!!
I loved your statement about us being late bloomers, it is absolutely true as a matter of fact I am still blooming. I am finding that being a late bloomer has it’s advantages when raising a toddler. I am enjoying her more now than ever!! Roxanne, thank you again for giving me a voice and enjoy blowing out all those candles. I will be smiling for you on September 9th and wishing you a wonderful and blessed birthday.
Submitted on 2011/09/30 at 10:28 pm
It’s been several weeks and I’ve had a yearning to communicate with you but I am having a hard time trying to determine or explain how I am feeling these days. In walking away from my family, I have made every change possible within my control..emailing no contact, moving away, changing jobs, changing numbers, etc. I have also been making it a priority to exercise, I keep thinking that if I take better care of myself I will feel better. After all this, all I know is that I ache. It is a feeling that is not going away. I know that I am much better off now that my family is gone. The panic and anxiety and pressure to please is gone but it seems to have been replaced with an ache that I can’t seem to describe. Like I am at the verge of crying but it won’t come out. I don’t know what to do with this feeling and I am at a loss of how to fix it.
My hometown is in Georgia. I am compelled to tell you this because here in Georgia nothing is more important than family. Everyone I know has and loves their family. Every country song sings about family and friends. My parents moved from New York and eventually made their way to Georgia when I was a baby. So along with their narcissism also came a sense of being a foreigner. They are Puerto Rican and all my life they never really embraced Georgia and the southern culture. Growing up, I learned to love country music. I love the way southerners are, they know no strangers, but I felt my mom frowned heavily upon it So while growing up I always thought they kept people out because our cultures were so different but actually they kept out everyone that would see how they really are. I never belonged, never felt able to belong and now that I am away from them I feel more alone then ever. I really have no idea who I am, who I want to be and more importantly how to live in a town that would never understand walking away from family. It’s like an ugly secret that I can never really feel comfortable revealing. This is but a small aspect of what’s bothering me about my life.
How do I fix this or do I just live with this feeling? I am just so sad.
Submitted on 2012/05/27 at 6:53 pm
Hi Roxanne, I am not sure if you recall me…you have a lot of wonderful followers but I just had to write to you. You have been on my mind for a long time. You helped, supported and loved me through the most difficult part of my life. Walking away from my narcisstic parents was the hardest thing I ever endured. I went no contact around this time last year and I know I could not have done it without your kind words and encouragement. I am so far removed from the girl I was last year…I can’t actually believe I lived through all of it. I know before you I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown or really to be honest I had one and you helped me through it. From threatiing emails, to having to call the police on my own father I look back and can’t believe the inner strength I had to have to pull away from their scary, intimidating and threating ways. But today after one year away I must say I am happier then I have ever been. Yes, I have a long way to go…I am working on a lot of personal growth. I am still healing, don’t get me wrong but I am really coming out of the fog!! Roxanne, thank you so much for this website and know because of you I am paying it forward. I have signed up to dailystrength.org and I blog, journal and positively support anyone in my group that needs it. I want to be there for someone who had to endure the same abuse I endured. I want to be there for someone like you were there for me. I have a testimony now and I share it with anyone that needs support and you are part of my testimony. May your website continue helping others find their true sensitive, wonderful and beautiful self!! Be Blessed!!
Submitted on 2012/06/13 at 6:07 pm | In reply to Roxanne.
Wow, I don’t really know what to say. I am truly overwhelmed with emotions…Sure, feel free to use my blogging any way you find it will help your website. I only hope that it helps someone else. After all this I am 100% a supporter for no contact. I support it, I encourage it, and most of all I try to let everyone know the true benefits of it. Reflecting back, my situation in the beginning felt like a lose lose situation but after time and therapy it turned into a win win. It doesn’t happen overnight, it does take time but I have to let people know what can lie ahead if they just hold on!!. I really want to be the support during the lash out phase, when a person is on the brink of cutting off contact. It is the most intense, scary, out of control place to be when you first walk away from a Narc!! I don’t wish this on anyone, but if they can just hold on, I promise that happiness is just over the mountain. It is the abolute crossroads between choosing to live a deep, fulfilling soulful life or handing your soul over to the devil and dying slowly everyday!! Roxanne, be blessed in your journey and please keep writing!!
Thank you, Belinda, for allowing me to share your story! Feel free to comment here on this post any time you wish as well as keep us updated on how you are doing! 😀
And to everyone else: Now that I have a busier schedule and am working on other projects, I am no longer able to answer each comment with emotional support and guidance as I did here, but it would be great if this new post became a forum of support for all of you HSPs who are struggling to find the courage to go no contact with your narcissistic parents! Express your voice here and leave a comment–I am sure many out there who are suffering in silence will be helped by all of your stories as many were and are helped by this one–The Story of Belinda. It is my hope that you all become “free to move on” to become your true selves and help others in the process if you so desire. (It’s okay if you are not ready to speak out and help others yet, compassion for yourself as you heal is rule #1–time alone to heal is important, HSPs 🙂 )
With warmest wishes for inner strength, comfort, and love to all who identify with this story,
Hi everyone! Summer is upon us and I hope you are enjoying the many opportunities that arise in this beautiful season. For those of us in the midwestern United States, we know the warm weather is short-lived so we try to get outside and enjoy it while we can. As highly sensitive people though this “pressure” to enjoy the outdoors can add to our “to do” list that is already too long as it is! Please look at the weather as a bonus to get outside in nature to recharge from the usual stress in our lives–just setting aside even 10 minutes alone in the morning and 10 minutes in the evening to walk, ride a bike, or even just sit outside and look and marvel at the sky or walk barefoot in the warm grass will help you enjoy the moments of summer more fully and not feel like the summer is passing you by yet again.
Today I woke up with a very strong feeling of shame and dread. Along with it though there was very strong clarity about the truth of these feelings and the shame and dread very soon faded away as I got on with my day. So I wanted to share with you the process that I go through and how I got to this emotionally healthy place!
Immediately when feeling this strong dread and shame this morning I went straight to comforting myself and saying to myself, “Wow, I must have done something really great for my true self yesterday–I must have really been expressing my truth and shining my light…. these feelings from childhood coming up to heal are the evidence and so I must be extra kind to myself today.” I KNOW this now because of many years of analyzing and paying attention to my own emotional patterns. I learned that when I wrote a great song, poem, or even when I just had great uninhibited fun or even exercise, this strong shame feeling would always pop up for me the morning of the next day. This is because these feelings from childhood were my experience day in and day out until I had to give up as a child and repress my true self and all of the memories of this unbearable shame in order to survive.
Back then as a child, when I expressed my true wise self, or my joy in my own creativity, I felt shamed to the core. I KNOW this now. I no longer allow these dreadful feelings when they arise in me to negatively spiral in the following way: My inner critic used to say, “What is wrong with me that I feel this shame, it feels terrible, almost unbearable, I feel disgusting, I must have done something horrible and shameful, I thought I had a good day yesterday but it must not be true, what was I thinking, I am never going to feel better, why do I even try”…blah blah blah, down down down the spiral went, draining all hope and positive energy out of me, leading to a depressed feeling and sometimes just numbness (dissociation) as I trudged though the day. Wow, it’s hard to believe I used to spiral this way!! But I did! My inner critic has now completely been replaced with positive affirmations that I KNOW are true. I don’t let my inner critic take over and I over-ride it with love and compassion for myself. It took a lot of inner work but the whole process was well worth it.
My thought and feeling cycles are so different now as I know that how I treat myself with my inner thoughts create the kind of day and experience I am going to have. This is more than just positive thinking or law of attraction techniques. I had to go through a grieving process that actually changed my core beliefs about myself to the point that I learned that I had a lot to be sad about, angry about, and plenty to comfort myself through. I had to delve into the past to see where the negative beliefs came from and get justice (inwardly) for the little girl inside who felt so much like an inferior being. It was not the truth and I had to figure out what the truth was for ME.
As a mother I knew, and my college education in child development told me, that NO child is inferior and deserves to be shamed–so the inner grief work was a challenge for me to put together this puzzle to find out the truth about what happened to me to make me feel so bad about myself. Memories started coming back to me and feelings that had been dormant and frozen in time became “available” to me again and I learned compassion for that little girl inside. This took a while and everyone’s journey to healing will be different and take as long as it takes to work through your layers of illusions that keep you from seeing the truth of your brilliant shining light and true self.
So please be patient with yourself if you are in the middle of feeling all the pain and not yet seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Or if you are feeling comfortably numb but joyless and lacking motivation. The light is there. It is because you had this bright light and higher spiritual level that bullies in your life had to put you down and put out your light. You may have been a threat to their distorted view of the world where “their” feelings were the center of the universe. But your light never went out–it was just dimmed or covered up with illusions and blocks that are not true about you. You have the power within you to turn your light back up high yourself! No one can do it for you. It takes time to learn how to process through the layers of dormant feelings.
Writing out your pain in a journal for your eyes only is so important to the healing process because it gets you out of your left brain’s spiraling or scattered thoughts and connects you to your right brain’s compassion for yourself and creativity. Document your progress in the journal and then go back and make yourself read the hopeful stuff you write, you will begin to see how amazing and wise you are that you survived it all and that there is so much to look forward to as you grow and grow in your own compassion for your wounded inner child. As you grow to protect your inner child and stand up for the rights to all of your feelings, the negative thoughts about yourself begin to change.
Another thing I had to realize was that no one was going to rescue me but ME and I had to make a decision to never ever beat myself up again. I remember saying to myself once, “That is it!!, that is the last time! I am never going to waste my time in such misery again!” And it stuck. I still had bad days when shameful feelings came up to heal but I comforted myself instead. Maybe I stayed on the couch that day BUT I was kind to myself instead. I put away my to-do list, watched a favorite movie, made myself my favorite warm soup or hot tea, wrapped myself in a soft blanket, “loved” myself through the bad feelings and had compassion for my inner child who deserved love and comfort. And I allowed myself to grieve the happy carefree childhood that I never had. This is so important to learn to do for ourselves–we hsp survivors may feel like we got skipped as we nurture our children and everyone around us–I realized this was important for me to take the time to mother my self for a while. Then I would feel SO much better after I took a day for myself like this–I would feel renewed and recharged and it started a habit of a positive cycle of healing and change.
These were the new patterns and beliefs that were laying groundwork for new neurons in my brain for a new future and over-riding the shame from childhood. This is the process of recovery from emotional abuse. It is not easy. It is not fun. It is painful. But with delving into the pain at first I noticed that I at least felt more “alive” and this was a “spark” of light that kept me going towards the painful truth and not escaping into a comfortably numb existence of denial and dissociation that had for years kept me from moving forward towards my dreams and desires. Instead I started continually delving into and through the pain to find my truth and aliveness—I acknowledge the painful feeling and released it layer by layer in my journal or to a trusted, safe witness and gradually I emerged on the other side of it all. The shame and dread that I wake up to is now just a weak residue, a glimmer of the truth of the past and all I worked through to get here–to where the joy in my heart can’t wait to get started on another day of being me in a Universe that I feel connected to and know that it supports me!
And so I say to all of you out there who are on what feels like an endless healing path, there is light at the end of the tunnel and it is awesome! When you can tap into the light and love from inside of you and believe and know that you deserve it, then you will be able shine your light and recharge and renew yourself anytime you want to!
P.S. More posts are coming soon! I am working on putting together a post with all of the comments and replies from a frequent commenter who calls herself Belinda. Her story is an inspiring example of a highly sensitive soul with bullying parents whose painful drama unfolded here on this blog–she bravely reached out and expressed what was in her heart and she came out the other side and into the light–and now she is shining her own light to help others. Other commenters and my replies will be highlighted in upcoming posts as well. (I ask all commenters for their permission first before highlighting it in a post.) Be kind to yourself, HSPs, and I’ll be back in touch soon!
Welcome To The Blog For Highly Sensitive People, Intuitives, Empaths, and INFJs In Search Of Emotional Support and Guidance
(May 23, 2012–No you are not seeing double–except for parts of the first paragraph I copied this post and turned it into my new static Home page. So if you have already read this post, check out the comments here and then just scroll down to find the other posts. Welcome to my blog and it’s new format. New posts coming soon! 🙂 )
Hi Everyone. I am back and feeling great. Thank you to all for your prayers and well wishes. I hope you are doing well also. I learned much while I was away and I have much new knowledge and wisdom to share. My Coaching is thriving and I feel very blessed. I love my work–there is no better feeling than helping other highly sensitive souls to feel good about themselves and their lives and to help them to heal their emotional wounds. In my opinion, my clients are among the kindest, most compassionate, gifted people on the planet!
It is interesting for me to take an objective look at this blog now that I have had a break from it for several months–there is so much content here. The first post I wrote back in January 2010. In my last post, I talked about how I feel I healed my final trauma-wound—an abandonment wound from the time when I was only 1 and 1/2. I couldn’t remember it of course but the emotional pain had been dormant within me and in my body in the form of an energy blockage. Both ailments that I suffered from in the last year were in my root chakra–I never knew about the chakras before and I had been kind of resistant to learning about that kind of stuff. But it kept coming up in my search for answers to how to heal from this last ailment. It helped me to put it all together when I read that health issues in the root chakra area may have to do with issues of abandonment. Then it all came clear in the AHA moment I talked about in my last post (see Oct. 2011) and I was able then to process and heal this inner trauma.
Since then I feel different–healthier, physically stronger, and wiser and with so much more clarity and calmness. For the last month, when thinking about what I was going to write for this post I was trying to think of a word to describe this feeling. Then I saw Jane Fonda speak on Oprah and on Dr. Oz and some other shows and I resonated so much with what she was saying about “wholeness” and I realized that is it! I feel “Whole”.
I feel I have come full circle into living my life with the vitality of my whole true self. I feel more centered and grounded with an exhilaration about the wonderful things to come and for all that I have learned from where I have been. I am so grateful for what feels like a second chance at life without chronic pain. I have learned how to relax and enjoy my life. It has been such a rollercoaster of a spiritual journey to come to this place and time where I can say that with confidence and amazement. In 2004, when I started writing my songs and process through the layers of grief and pain that kept coming up and were holding me back, I never would have dreamed it was possible–the pain seemed endless as I worked through my childhood truth that had previously been long hidden away from me. There was something inside of me that KNEW that going through the pain was the only way to get to the other side–that finding my true self was only possible by changing the “faulty BELIEFS” about myself that had formed in early childhood.
And now here I sit feeling very much healed with a new-found ability to recharge and comfort myself and find inner peace no matter what life throws at me and know with complete confidence and trust that everything is going to be okay. I am telling you this because I want all of you to know it is possible for you too. I feel so strong in spirit now with so much to give to assist other highly sensitive souls to heal from their abuse from a narcissistic, emotionally abusive parent or to heal from childhood wounds from an event or trauma from childhood.
I look at the content on this blog and there is so much self-help information here–I am amazed at how I did it! I remember it just flowed out of me easily for almost 2 years, ideas coming to me all the time. I really was just going with the flow in my life at the time–it takes a lot, getting informative posts ready for public view. I look over this blog and it feels like it is “complete’–I have had people tell me that it is an entire self-help book in itself. Some people tell me they read 2 posts a week and it helps them so much. Others tell me they start at the first post and read it like a book.
If you are looking for some emotional support and guidance, there is much content that I have written in the comment sections of each post where I have in the past answered each and every person’s comment. I am no longer able to do that now that I am Coaching a lot more. Frequent commenters have been jumping in occasionally to give support to other commenters when I am not able–it is wonderful to see this happening. Thank you to those of you who have reached out to help others in this way.
I will be answering comments just sporadically and occasionally from now on because of my busy Coaching schedule. But please know, I am here–I am available for Ask the Coach services and for Coaching. I am reading your comments and I know you are out there–I understand and KNOW first-hand the emotional pain you are experiencing as you try to make sense of the confusion and destruction of the spirit that is left behind by a narcissistic parent or narcissistic family members. I send my love and message of hope to you all. I hope this blog will be a safe place that you can come to for comfort, encouragement, compassion, and most of all healing.
UNDERSTANDING THE HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON:
In my early forties, I felt empowered when I discovered that I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). I now understand that being an HSP is a gift and for this I am truly grateful. It means I am highly “intuitive”–not highly “insecure” or “weak” as many people have been wrongly led to believe by our American culture and media. It also means that I am “Sensory”-sensitive which is not about emotionality–it means I am sensitive to sensory input that causes me to feel overstimulated at times–HSPs take in 5 to 10 times more stimuli in our environments than non-HSPs. HSPS are highly creative and often visionaries. Here are some other things I learned about being an HSP that I would like to share:
1) MANY HSPS ARE HIGHLY EMPATHIC. Until you understand the benefits of being an HSP, it can be very difficult to understand why you are so different from those around you and why you yearn to “fit in”. HSPs feel things more deeply and we can empathize with the feelings of others so completely that we often unwittingly “take on” the negative feelings of those around us. We can end up feeling “bad” and have no idea why and blame ourselves for it when actually the feelings belong to the person we were just talking to (or sometimes even someone we have just been near). When we feel bad for no reason, the common reaction for HSPs is to blame ourselves and mentally beat ourselves up. For example, we say to ourselves, “what is wrong with me; I should be happy; everyone else seems happy and carefree so there is something wrong with me that I feel this way; I must have emotional problems; I am flawed compared to everyone else” etc. When we can recognize that the emotions we are feeling are from others, we can learn to stop this negative self-talk and let go of and release this negative energy that we have absorbed.
2) HSPS ARE OFTEN TOO HARD ON THEMSELVES. Becoming aware of how you are treating yourself in your head is becoming aware of your “inner critic”. Your inner critic is always negative and always wrong about you. Becoming aware of your inner critic is powerful. Once you become aware that you are listening to your inner critic you must stop and say to your self, “No, that is not true about me!” Then replace these thoughts with positive affirmations such as “I love and approve of myself; I am safe; I am supported and cared for by the Universe (God); and I am a highly intuitive soul and I am sensitive for a reason”. Being able to change the way you treat yourself and talk to yourself will change your life!
3) HSPS ARE LOVING, COMPASSIONATE SOULS. When you love and approve of yourself as you deserve to be, you begin to shine the light that is inside your soul. This light is the gift of the highly sensitive soul: you innately see the good and the potential in other people; you look to yourself to improve rather than blaming others or expecting them to change; you are able to empathize with other people’s feelings with compassion; you are a trusting and loyal friend; and a very good listener. These are wonderful gifts for a person to have for they are rare—and it is usually only the rare and highly sensitive friend that would point this out to you.
4) HSPS OFTEN NEED TO LEARN HEALTHY BOUNDARIES. Being the kind and caring soul that you are, if you are not seeing the value of that, your worthiness, you will often attract relationships with the kind of negative energy that your inner critic is reflecting. Also, people who are less sensitive and not intuitive at all are often drawn to HSPs because we absorb their negative feelings and they feel better around us. Some of these relationships can really confuse us because these non-HSPs can “act” very kind and generous when they want something from us. These are actually people we need to avoid because they drain us and are unable to reciprocate the giving nature that we need and deserve in a friendship. Ending relationships with people who are really takers and manipulators rather than givers is a giant leap towards becoming the person you dream to be. When you are able to take this final step for yourself and start listening to your inner guidance that is your gift, you are well on your way to a life of emotional vitality and wholeness.
Here are lists of links to important posts within this blog:
As a final note of support, I want to say that as a highly sensitive and intuitive person, you are part of a group of 15 to 20% of the population that is deep, caring, and compassionate with much love to give. Our giving nature is an inspiration to others who are also part of this 15 to 20%. You do not have to be around anyone who makes you feel bad. One fifth of the population is over 1 BILLION PEOPLE–and empathetic compassionate people are out there. When you begin to love yourself as you are, stop comparing yourself to others, and protect yourself and your energy from the negative people who diminish you by staying away from them while you are healing, you will start attracting and finding more compassionate people like yourself in your life. Do not settle for superficial relationships–take the road less traveled. It is the path to love and enlightenment and inner peace.
With love and warmest wishes,
Hi everyone. It is now August and I hope all of you have been enjoying the summer. Yeah it’s too hot!–but I hope you are finding creative ways to beat the heat. I am having the best summer ever! I have found that my ability to slow down and enjoy the moment is really sticking this time. The lessons I learned from my now healed injury are sticking with me–I appreciate the small things so much still… and when I get too busy I catch myself and pull back the reins and say “Whoa, slow down and listen to your body”. Then I have more energy to do the things that are important to me… like writing to you all! 🙂
My creative way of beating the heat is to wait to ride my bike for exercise around my neighborhood until evening and sometimes even after dark. (Please only do this if it is a safe area and there is no traffic.) There is something special about summer evenings when the temperature is perfect, the moonlight is just enough to see what you need to see, and it’s so quiet and peaceful out. It is really recharging for highly sensitive people and it feels like such a treat for myself–I feel a spiritual connection to Mother Earth and the Universe and God.
I have a special event coming up. I am turning 50 years old next month! I really don’t feel 50 and people say I don’t look 50 so I am really going to celebrate big! Yay! I have a lot to celebrate! I feel more like 32 and have more energy and better health than I have ever had in my life! The second half of my life is going to be even better than the first half and the first half turned out to be really awesome!
I believe HSPs are very often late bloomers–we have hardships early in life that we struggle with but then we start coming out the other side. We soon realize the journey we are on is exactly the one we needed to be on to find our voice and true purpose in life. That is definitely what happened to me. The first half of my life I acquired a college degree, married, and then chose, for my first career, being a Mom raising two amazing children to feel good about themselves as my first priority. I support and encourage them to express their unique creativity and they have nothing holding them back from pursuing their dreams. I cheer them on and say “You can do it!
Both of my children are both highly sensitive and intuitive people with kind and compassionate spirits. They call us often to share good news and also when they encounter negativity and negative people in their lives and we listen and empathize. They feel better with support and continue to learn to build themselves up. That is what a healthy family system is supposed to be like. I am adding 2 new links here on my blog that I want to share with all of you and they are: Attachment Parenting International Dot Org and The Attached Family Dot Com.
If you have childhood wounds, it is so supportive to go to these sites and see what a healthy nurturing family looks and feels like! It helps you remember, if you are trying to recover from childhood wounds from parents who were malignant narcissists, it is their choice not to embrace their roles as parents with compassion and giving and to choose blaming, negativity, and guilt-inducing instead. It may help to tell yourself, “it is not my responsibility to give up the essence of my self and my energy so that someone else will feel better and not even appreciate it or see how that harms me.”
It is my intention to never induce guilt in my children–to never make them feel guilty so they will visit me more often. They visit us because they want to because they feel better being around us. We build them up and give them encouragement. We tell them, “We are sure you will figure it all out–you are doing a great job so far!”. We help them to trust their inner guidance and to go towards positive people and positive feelings in their lives. We teach them to have healthy boundaries. Healthy boundaries are when you are able to be separate and whole and feel good about your place on the planet–you can shine your light and help others without giving up your self.
As highly sensitive children, you as survivors may have taken care of your parent’s feelings because your compassion is innate in you. But you have to learn to stop doing this at the expense of your true feelings now that you are adults. When you give up your truth to get a parent’s approval to avoid conflict then you have gone too far and have lost your healthy sense of self and have given up your own energy and truth.
HSPs need support to know that it is important to protect your precious energy that is so easily drained away by people who tell us we OWE them. You don’t owe narcissistic parents anything–parents who use fear to manipulate and control instead of giving any love and acceptance are deal breakers (not honorable). You don’t have to “honor thy parent” if they induce fear in their children. Fear is the opposite of love.
It is always best to try to talk to parents in a civil way to point out these things. I’m sure you have tried saying things like, “I care about you and I also disagree and I am going to do it this way instead”. If with your best efforts at fairness you are still constantly punished for your disobedient ways, (even if it is passive–aggressive silent treatments), even though you are an adult, these are toxic situations for HSPs. If you have tried it all and you are miserable and fed up, don’t feel guilty! Or if “no contact” is working for you now or helping you heal so you can get stronger, don’t feel guilty! You are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness, just yours.
What would they say if you confronted them with the pain they caused you. They would deny and blame, right? You would never do that to them, you would say…“I’m sorry”… maybe even if it wasn’t your fault. Your compassionate soul is rare and has a special purpose on this planet. Your specialness is important to the planet. Focus on giving your gifts to those who really will appreciate it as a mission and even possibly a career for yourself. The planet needs more HSPs! Be glad you are one.
I heard the song, I Won’t Back Down by Tom Petty on the radio the other day. It filled me with a sense of fun and positive energy and helped me feel even stronger. Since then I have been singing it a lot in my head and I love how it gives me strength when I say those words. “I am gonna stand my ground”. Listen to it when you get a chance. Here are some of the lyrics:
No I’ll stand my ground, won’t be turned around
And I’ll keep this world from draggin me down
gonna stand my ground
… and I won’t back down
(I won’t back down…)
Hey baby, there ain’t no easy way out
(and I won’t back down…)
hey I will stand my ground
and I won’t back down
Well I know what’s right, I got just one life
in a world that keeps on pushin me around
but I’ll stand my ground
…and I won’t back down
The point is that feeling “grounded” is so important to an HSPs health in all ways: Body, Mind, and Spirit. Standing your ground can symbolize feeling rooted in the earth. You are here on the planet for a reason. Your “space” here on the planet is your own and you deserve to feel confident and strong and separate and whole… standing tall and deserving of your spot on the planet. We get positive strength and energy from Mother Earth and she recharges us again when we get depleted. Mother Earth loves us–imagine being rooted in love! Walking on the warm grass in bare feet (on warm summer August evenings 🙂 ) is especially recharging–imagine the positive energy of the planet beneath you recharging you up your legs and into your heart and head. Relax your tense muscles throughout your body while you do this. These kinds of visualizations really work to help me feel strong and inner peace about my independence and freedom and standing “my ground”. I hope they are helpful to you too!
My birthday is on September 9! I hope you will stop by my site on that day and say hello and help me Celebrate! My husband, children and I will be partying all day and evening! I will have a message for all of you in my Update Corner on that day. 🙂
I will be on vacation August 22-28–So, except for that week, I am here and always available to you, my readers, commenters, and clients. My next post won’t be until later in September. Have a wonderful August and rest of the summer, HSPs! And remember to Stand Your Ground!