Hello Highly Sensitive Souls, Empaths, and All,
I hope you are doing well! I am sending my love and appreciation to all of you and especially those of you who follow my posts! Thank you!! I am feeling a camaraderie with you and a deep empathy for the unique painful rollercoaster journey that accompanies being a highly sensitive soul and an empath. We are so complex but sometimes all it takes is for us to feel very seen and heard and validated for the injustices we experience and then we are renewed and recharged to get back out there and shine our lights in the world!!
I’m feeling very renewed at the moment and so I want to offer hope to any of you who are suffering right now and not feeling hopeful!! There is hope! You are special and you are sensitive for a good reason! You are enough and just your being here on the planet raises the vibration, even if you don’t feel like you are!
It’s been a long time since I’ve posted because I’ve been going through so much. March was intense and I feel compelled to reach out and connect with you all because well by nature I always want to help others–if you are having a hard time with sudden life changes well I understand completely and I am right there with you! I made it through to a very positive place and so I want to pass on to you what I learned. There is so much hope!
Oh my gosh! Where to begin? I don’t want to speak in generalities and I don’t want to vent about my personal life too much so I will try to just be vulnerable and truthful. Life had been going along one way for years and now I’ve been on this spiritual awakening journey and gradually things had turned upside down for me. Twice in the last week I started spiraling and even my usual supports weren’t helping. I was shocked! I’m the one who has it all figured out and helps others how can I be feeling so out of control and panicky, I felt like I was falling in a black hole. Everything around me felt like it was crumbling away. I didn’t have a panic attack, I’ve been fortunate to never have had one– what I had was an excruciating migraine that was caused by my own negative spiraling thoughts, for hours! …Until I asked, what in my life would make me feel better. The answer that came to me was, something big in my life had to CHANGE.
Then I looked up online Dark Night of the Soul and found what Eckhart Tolle said about it. I was immediately comforted just because what was happening to me had a name. I was having an existential crisis. Here are some parts of Eckhart Tolle’s article that helped me the most:
The Dark Night of the Soul–“It is a term used to describe what one could call a collapse of a perceived meaning in life…an eruption into your life of a deep sense of meaninglessness.” “…Really what has collapsed then is the whole conceptual framework for your life, the meaning that your mind had given it. So that results in a dark place. But people have gone into that, and then there is the possibility that you emerge out of that into a transformed state of consciousness. Life has meaning again, but it’s no longer a conceptual meaning that you can necessarily explain. Quite often it’s from there that people awaken out of their conceptual sense of reality, which has collapsed.
They awaken into something deeper, which is no longer based on concepts in your mind. A deeper sense of purpose or connectedness with a greater life that is not dependent on explanations or anything conceptual any longer. It’s a kind of re-birth. The dark night of the soul is a kind of death that you die. What dies is the egoic sense of self. Of course, death is always painful, but nothing real has actually died there – only an illusory identity. Now it is probably the case that some people who’ve gone through this transformation realized that they had to go through that, in order to bring about a spiritual awakening. Often it is part of the awakening process, the death of the old self and the birth of the true self.”
Besides the migraine, I also was experiencing this falling sensation of impending death and as if the walls around me and life as I knew it was crumbling away. So at a point of desperation I asked my Self, what in my life would make me feel better. The answer that came to me was, Something had to Change. I started imagining some of these changes in detail and magically my migraine started to slowly dissipate, I felt hopeful but perplexed and awestruck by this Dark Night of the Soul experience and I was able to finally feel hopeful and get some sleep after what seemed like the longest night of my life. (Reading Eckhart Tolle’s article had helped too–full article is here).
The next morning, I felt a new sense of aliveness and I took some action on these changes feeling more empowered then I had felt in a long time. But surprisingly the changes that I imagined didn’t end up needing to be THE THING after all–but some painful conversations with certain people in my life opened up what REALLY needed to happen. Then surprisingly my heart just burst open with clarity and LOVE and gratefulness for everyone involved like never before. Suddenly all the changes that I wanted I no longer needed but it was actually the experience of having the dark night of the soul that had changed me–I felt like my heart had grown 3 sizes like the grinch when he got super powerful and turned the sleigh around–I no longer needed other people to change and I had all the answers inside all along. My compassion for myself and others in my life and gratefulness for my journey had grown exponentially as well and a renewed passion in my career of coaching and energy healing and my music! I’m sooo excited like never before and with such clarity and newfound energy about my true purpose in life. Wow!
I feel grateful that my Dark Night of the Soul experience was shorter than what some people experience. After researching this, I have new empathy for the hell other’s go through. I am also aware that this may not be my last experience with this–one never knows how the Universe is going to challenge them to grow when we are unknowingly resisting change with all of our might and our Higher Selves have a different plan for our souls’s journey. What I have learned is more Trust! I trust that I am being guided to experiences that are opening me up and challenging me to grow in ways I didn’t know possible. Holy Hell LOL!!–the pain I went through was excruciating but I guess it had to be purged and experienced so that I can be a hand to hold for others going through it too.
There seems to be no way to skip over this process if it is happening to you. I am not a licensed therapist for those of you experiencing a prolonged depression. But I can share my experience of healing which was by way of writing and doing deep inner grief work in a journal which for the most part started for me in 2003 and then all the songs of hope and healing started pouring out of me in the years that followed. I credit the book The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron for helping me find this positive True Voice that was inside me all along. Whatever you journey looks like please know that I believe you will come out the other side and that your journey is teaching your soul something that will be of great value.
After my Dark Night of the Soul experience last weekend, words can’t describe my new vitality and passion to get on with my life’s work. All winter long I had been soul searching looking for direction and energy and drive to move forward consistently with this blog, my spiritual counseling and intuitive coaching work, energy healing, and my performing and writing my songs of hope and empowerment. AND I am so grateful now to be experiencing this new gift of realizing I’m a channel and always have been–It is profoundly honoring and a humbling experience for me that I now feel stronger to fully step into this role and say yes, I’m a channel for spirit here, having a human experience to help others, who are struggling with deep questions about how to embrace their gifts of sensitivity in an insensitive world. I’m here to tell you when you step fully into loving yourself and taking responsibility to learn tools to daily rise back into your truth as a shining light for the planet you will start attracting more and more positive people and experiences that will help you feel like life is all falling into place. Then you can relax and just be YOU! And you are so wonderful, just as you are, my dear sensitive souls, I’m grateful that you are here with me to help raise the vibration of the planet!
Sending you so much comfort, love and light as you continue on your healing journey,
Hello Dear Highly Sensitive Souls. I am a life coach for highly sensitive people (HSPs) with childhood wounds and I specialize in inner child healing for adults in recovery from narcissistic abuse. I am sharing a new post created by combining and updating 2 posts that I wrote awhile back on this blog to reveal all 12 tips for HSPs on one page.
This information on these 2 posts has continued to attract more and more followers to my blog, for all these years since 2010, even when I stopped blogging for a few years, more than any other posts on this blog. And so I am sharing it now to highlight the important content that resonates with many HSPs who are now awakening to their intuition and/or spirituality and embracing their emotional healing journey in order to step into their true purpose as their Higher Selves to assist the planet with their many creative gifts.:
As highly sensitive people, many of you are struggling with how to cope with your relationship with your narcissistic parent and your unsupportive siblings and extended family. First of all I want to tell you that as an empathic, intuitive life coach for many people with childhood wounds, I understand your pain and how hard it is. There is very little support in our society for not having a relationship with ones’ parents no matter how negative and destructive they are to you or were to you in your childhood. Many people have difficult parents but they tolerate them and seem to get by okay so why can’t you, right? The pressure is very real. But let me help you understand the difference between you (an HSP) and everyone else with some more helpful tips that are very important for you to know.
1. Know that your greatest gift is your intuition.
As a highly sensitive person (HSP), you were naturally giving and loving and trusting as children. You had high hopes for yourselves and others including your parents. People with loving and supportive parents are more likely living lives full of vitality and creative fulfillment and healthy boundaries to keep negative, manipulative, harmful people at a distance naturally and sharing their unique gifts with others. These people don’t feel guilty about not getting along with everyone–they just “know” there are some people who are unhealthy and dangerous–they pay attention to their natural instincts. But people with a narcissistic parent were taught at a very young age, even from birth not to trust their own instincts, their own intuition. The horrible thing about that is, that was their greatest gift, “their sensitive intuition”, and it was often used against them.
2. Know that you may have repressed a terrible trauma from your childhood–the loss of the knowledge of your gifts.
Possibly, if you had an N parent, then part of your sensitivities were seen as a gift for “them”. They could control you easily because of your trusting nature–so often they used fear to get you to be quiet, anger to get you to obey, and shame to keep you from feeling independent and strong. And it worked. You trusted them and needed them to take care of you and protect you from a world that overwhelmed your sensitive souls so you…experienced a trauma that caused you to shut down your true selves and become what they wanted you to become. Something happened that was “the last straw” for your fragile but wise self that was developing. You stopped trusting the Universe to be a safe place to be YOU. Typically it happens around age 5 or 6, according to Alice Miller (Author of The Drama of the Gifted Child). After an incident that you can’t remember because you have repressed it, suddenly, you are obedient and sweet wanting only to please. And please them you did. And that is why it is so hard for them to let go of you now. You took care of them. Completely and amazingly. They felt loved by you and validated by you filling a void inside of them that was caused in their childhood. It is as if you were the loving parent that they never had. That is how gifted you were. Those gifts of intuiting the needs of others are still there–they were just misused and abused by your needy and narcissistic parent. Those gifts of being a loving and giving and caretaking soul were mis-directed.
3. Know that your childhood holds the roots of your anxiety, self-doubt, post traumatic stress, and co-dependence issues.
As you grew up and tried to do some of the creative endeavors that were driven by your soul, your parent probably did not support you because they did not want you to leave them or stop taking care of their emotional needs or they just saw no harm in controlling you. As narcissistic parents with no conscience or guilt, it was easy for them to manipulate you, so they did. The pain of your original trauma at the age of 5 or 6 would come up for you each time you tried to express your true self and these outbursts of emotion may have been shamed and punished by your parent and made you give up each time. This is the beginning of the post traumatic stress that still plagues you today. ” Why do I over-react in these explosive ways”, you may have asked yourself. This is why. Your true self and all your repressed feelings and desires from childhood still want badly to be heard and understood and validated and “loved”. Your narcissistic parent was not capable of giving you this love and still is not and never will be. Your love needs are still unmet. You searched for love from others but sometimes, because parts of you are still undeveloped and childlike, you end up being attracted to people who seem wonderful and charming at first but then turn out to be needy and manipulative and unable to comfort you when you need it most–just like your N parent.
4. Know that there is hope and you can heal.
So what is a highly sensitive person with an N parent to do? You can heal and learn to love yourself and slowly unblock all those creative parts of yourself that never got a chance to be expressed. You can learn to trust your self and your gifts of emotional intelligence and intuition that were seemingly robbed from you and misused and abused. You can gain clarity amidst all the confusion, and hope amidst all the despair. You can learn that it is okay for you to say no to other people’s demands and put yourself first. You need to learn about extreme “self- care” (Cheryl Richardson–author of the book Life Makeovers) and you need a journal to pour into all the feelings from your deepest heart. You need support from like-minded, highly sensitive, safe people to share the pain and grief from the loss of a childhood that feels as if it was taken away from you. All your desires and free impulses were repressed so that you could survive with an illusion that your parent’s needs were more important than your own. But surviving was not really living your life. Surviving is not good enough. Your survival skills just cause you trouble because they are not driven by your heart, they are driven by a needy inner child trying to please a parent that felt unpleasable and without remorse about what they did to you.
5. Know that the answers are inside of you and support is available.
You need to take a new direction. A direction into your own soul. You need to excavate the desires of a child who never had a say in the development of his/her own life! Write it out! Talk it out! Cry it out! Shout it out! You can do this in a journal that is meant for your eyes only. Or you can find a counselor or coach who does inner child healing therapy. It’s important to find support somewhere so you can find your true voice and express it. There are HSP meet-up groups in larger cities. You might also look into Unitarian churches or Unity churches to meet people of a spiritual nature who are not necessarily “religious”.
6. Know that no contact with a malignant narcissistic parent is not just recommended so that you can get the time you need to heal, it is vital.
One of the first steps into this new direction of healing for yourself is ending the old song and dance and unhealthy relationship that you have with your narcissistic parent. If you’ve tried everything else and you are still miserable, that means setting boundaries on contact is an important step so that you can heal and move on with the life that you always deserved. The fact that you understand the words Malignant Narcissistic is crucial here. We are not talking about a parent that is capable of being remorseful about your childhood and trying to change, we are talking about a parent who blames you every time the relationship isn’t going their way–they resent the loss of control over your life that they always had. Control is not love. It may be time to cut off contact so you can finally heal. You do not owe them another ounce of your precious energy. You owe it to yourself to stay away from them as you heal, because being around them at all always takes a toll on you, a toll that is much heavier and destructive and stressful and toxic to you than you may realize.
7. Know that the GUILT is relieved by acknowledging the anger and hatred you felt as a child that you were forced to repress.
The guilt of setting boundaries in your relationship with your Narcissistic (N) parent will be strong. Ignore it because it is not your guilt. It is guilt induced from elsewhere that you internalized since you were a tiny child. That has affected your freedom as a gifted child to become your own wonderful self! It may feel as if they took that from you and gave you guilt, shame, and fear in its place. So what do you do with the guilt you feel when stepping out on your own to become the person with freedom to do whatever you want with your life? HSPs tend to feel guilt for feeling anger–allow yourself to feel angry about it! Righteous anger is a healthy emotion that you were not “allowed” to express to them–but it is important that you release this anger in harmless ways (not to the parent who abused you) . Acknowledge it, tell a safe person, or write it out in a journal (for your eyes only) in detail the anger you feel for all that you lost. Because this rage inside that comes out sometimes in your life at the wrong people has an origin that needs to be acknowledged and let go of. You have a right to acknowledge this repressed anger for the traumas that happened to you as a child–it was too painful for a child to survive this kind of excruciating, unbearable emotional pain of hating your parents when you needed them so desperately. So the trauma is repressed and the truth of what happened to you needs to be released so that you can finally be free. Punching a mattress with your fist and/or screaming into several pillows for as long as you need to is helpful to release the rage you have kept inside all these years. It helps to have a supportive and safe person present to validate your feelings as you release them. Do not hold onto this intense anger–release it and imagine this energy going away from you forever. (Forgiveness is important but not until all the layers of repressed anger are worked through and this takes time and patience with yourself–do not attempt to forgive too soon or you may get stuck in a guilt about not being able to forgive cycle.)
8. Know that grieving the loss of your childhood is part of the healing process.
Often after the release of anger you will begin to feel all the hurt and pain of not being truly loved as you deserved. Letting this grief out and releasing this is so important as well in the healing process of your wounded soul. (Allow yourself to cry as needed–let your inner child’s repressed pain finally be acknowledged and allowed to cry). It helps so much to talk to another empathic human to feel fully validated, comforted, or hold your hand through this grieving process–but if there is no one possible then you can write this pain out and you may even surprise yourself by the poetry that pours out of you. (No rules when you write–just let it pour out). These words of your soul will always surprise you– you may discover a richness and deep inner life inside of you that you never knew existed. Because it was hiding in fear all this time–a very real fear–fear of your parent’s judgemental rejection and abandonment of your budding wise self that needed love.
9. Know that it is okay for you to be FREE of them and put yourself first so you can heal.
It is a free country (I am writing this in the USA). You are a free person to do as you wish. Freedom is your birthright. And no one knows the pain that a narcissistic parent can do to the soul of a highly sensitive child except those who have experienced it. So stop waiting for approval from the rest of society. You may need to stop all contact with the harmful, negative, malignant narcissistic parent in your life forever and always if that is how long it takes for you to feel safe and have inner peace. You do not even need to attend their funeral if that is something that worries you. (You can send them peace and love from afar later when you are ready if this worries you–even if they pass on you can send love to them in heaven …if you are open to spirituality and this belief.) It is okay to protect yourself from all the negative energy and judgements of others at family gatherings if you are feeling this will happen. (This all depends upon your own personal spiritual beliefs–I personally now believe our souls live for eternity and those who truly love and support you will be there in heaven and watch over you in spirit–they will understand your reasons for staying away. I believe you don’t need to go to a funeral to say goodbye or to appease family members who don’t support you either. This is something that must feel right to you and your own personal spiritual beliefs) And to support you further, I just happened to hear on the radio today, a Christian counselor gently reminding someone that “Honor thy father and mother” DOES NOT APPLY when they are emotionally abusive (diminishing in any way) and use fear to control you. Fear is the opposite of love. It is a deal breaker and they are no longer honorable parents as long as they do not honor your feelings and use fear to intimidate or diminish you. God wants for you to protect yourself and go towards love in your life and away from those who induce fear until you feel strong and safe to stand up for yourself and your feelings. I agree with this. Loving parents want you to feel safe and loved–N parents do not care if you feel safe and loved, they want you to obey or else. Please get yourself safe and free to heal and get strong.
10. Know that Narcissistic people are known as “Crazymakers” for a good reason.
If you have malignant narcissistic parents, they are not going to change and they are not going to stop trying to make you wrong. You are not wrong for putting your life and your dreams first for a change. This is your time. This is your life. This is your time for healing and dreaming and learning to love yourself as God/The Universe has always wanted for you. Malignant Narcissism is mental illness. It’s a severe problem and insidious in nature because they appear to fit in with other people and have friends and thrive and look fine on the outside. They may even be religious and say they are devoted to God but it is not true. It is just words. They don’t love themselves so they can’t love you. They may even appear to change and will be on their good behavior around your children but be on guard to not believe it. They may even turn your kids against you in an instant if they are able so beware. There’s a deeply hidden self-hatred there underneath in a malignant narcissist and a desire to control others with no remorse and no desire to change which is a disconnected self-protection from emotional pain–a complete separation from their soul’s true essence. That’s enough knowledge for you to know you need to get you and your children safe with safe boundaries in place.
11. Know that highly sensitive people absorb the negative energy of others. Time alone and the beauty of nature can help recharge your positive energy.
Malignant narcissists can be like energy vampires sucking the good energy out of you and replacing it with all their unconscious negative feelings about themselves. It may feel as if you feed them, so to speak, and they take it and feel better about themselves. And they constantly want more, not seeing or caring how it is hurting you. Only you can stop feeding their endless need for your supply of positive energy. This is what it means to develop healthy boundaries. It is your very essence, your “gift” that they are taking–your ability to give light and love to others. You must protect this gift. It is meant for you and for those who are also of light and love so that we can build each other up and help each other so that all of our dreams can come true and we can improve life on our planet. These dreams and desires that you have deep inside are the inner voice that connects you to God/The Universe and to the light that feeds all of us who are connected to our true essence (HSPs). It is the LOVE that you never got from your N parents that you begin to feel has been inside of you all along. As you begin to connect with your real feelings and your vitality you connect with God and the love and bliss that was there innately in our true selves. Love exists and you can give it to yourselves when you realize you were loved all along and were born with this love to give to others who don’t exploit you.
12. Know that you can rescue yourself! No-one can do it for you.
Take the first steps and start on a path of healing today. Be strong and stay away from your malignant narcissistic parent while you heal and anyone who judges you for doing so. You don’t need to explain it to anyone. (Most likely you have hidden abandonment wounds that need addressed because you get triggered easily and you are very hard on yourself about that.) Most highly sensitive people will understand without explanation. They are out there–don’t give up! I am proud to be a highly sensitive person and now as a life coach of inner child healing I shine my light brightly to help other sensitive souls out of the dark. You have a light inside of you that has just been hiding in fear. Everything is going to be all right now as the truth of who you are comes to light. Please take extremely good care of yourself so your highly sensitive soul can shine and inspire others. I hope these tips have been helpful to you. I care so much and I understand.
With much comfort and Love and Light as you heal,
Hi Everyone! It’s a new and improved version!–I changed my new video of the Channeled Angel Message (see last post for the original video) and added MY VOICE reading it, along with the scroll. I turned the music down too. Many people like to just listen to these YouTube videos rather than read them so I hope it is more appealing to more people now and makes the message more accessible and pleasant to receive. Below is the new version. Enjoy!
This is a work in progress and I appreciate any feedback on anything on this video you’d like changed. My voice will improve too as I get used to reading these–I used the very first take so it’s not a perfect match up to the scroll–let me know if it is bothersome or good enough! Thanks!
Also, this seems like a good time to announce some other changes. I have rewritten several key pages on this blog now–some were too long and definitely outdated. So if you haven’t already, please check out the new About Me page, the new About This Blog page, the new Home page, and the new Original Home Page From 2012,.
Also, I am aware that the Theme of this blog is a little outdated as well (the theme is the look and design of it, including the width of the post pages–new themes have a wider overall set-up in many cases). I like this one but Please let me know if you think I would appeal to more readers if I changed the Theme of this blog …or are you happy with the way it is? Please be candid about big changes or small changes you would like to see. Thank you so much for all of you who are reading here today!! I’d love your feedback! 😊
With love and light,
and have a good night!
Hello everyone! I just completed making a video of my very first Channeled Angel Message. This is kind of an experiment for me–I’m not sure if this is the format I’ll be using for all future videos of this sort but it was very fun putting it together. My plan is to share these on my YouTube Channel for that audience but I thought I’d share it here first. The entire message is also below this video.
Channeled Angel Message 1-12-19
“Dear Ones, You are so loved. If you only knew the brilliance of your own light—the perfection of your being. Your soul has a purpose that may be unknown to you at this time but if you take the time to listen to your heart and write out your soul’s desire, you will begin to know yourself. As you love, nurture, and comfort yourself you will heal those deep layers of pain that are keeping you from stepping into your wholeness and vitality to be all that you can be.
We are with you, Dear Ones, shining light and comfort down on you on those times you feel most alone and afraid. If you can believe in love from above and open to receive our comfort it will help you so much. As light workers you chose to come onto earth at this time as co-creators with us the Angels who are always hovering near you. Your compassionate ways may seem unappreciated by those around you but if you can remember and write and share with others who are open to such spiritual messages, you’ll be spreading hope in ways you can’t imagine.
No-one else is exactly like you but many, who are on similar journeys and just beginning, will so benefit from your wisdom. Keep writing. Keep creating from the joy in your heart and share it with others without fear. The fear of persecution from others is old and we reassure you that the benefits will far exceed any backlash you receive. If you are afraid to be different well, My Dear, you already are and it is what it is for a good reason. Goodness and light exudes from you in a way that affects others in a positive way whether it’s positive feelings being around you or pushing their repressed pain up to the light in an explosive way. This is not for you to decipher or feel responsible for but just know healing is happening.
If you get negative energy back from anyone know it is not about you and it is just a projection of this inner unconscious unlooked-that world. All pain needs to be looked at in order to heal and be released. This is a role that is not for the faint of heart. You are not faint of heart. You are all heart and you are strong enough for this role. By changing the way you view criticisms of you, you can change your life. Criticisms of you are actually criticisms of the person criticizing you—their own self-judgments projected outward.
How to handle this? Smile with your inner knowing of the real truth. Either walk away or show them compassion if you are in a strong place. Let the negativity flow through you and not stick. Transmute it into Mother Earth or up to Heaven it doesn’t matter keep the energy moving flowing and healed and dissolved by love.
Shining your light really is healing. Perhaps you’ve encountered people drawn to you lately and even asking for a hug from you while others seem to treat you as if you are invisible. They actually make themselves invisible from their own true essence—a true and complete disconnect and so you are feeling their invisibility and self-loathing. Know it’s not yours. The work of knowing the voice of your inner critic is so helpful. Yes, you know this.
But you didn’t know your inner critic is alive in you because you absorbed the inner critic of those around you in your foundational childhood years and you internalized it and believed it. Now you know better. You can give yourself the love you never received and deserved. Yes every child deserves love and care and to be uplifted to see their gifts and potential. You can re-frame, re-program, re-parent, and re-live the childhood you never had—Regain the childlike trust you missed out on. Live now with more childlike exuberance, joy, and curiosity and express yourself without fear.
Know your childlike exuberance is much needed on the planet as you express it without fear of ridicule and shame. Yes, you may have been shamed for shining your light as a child but now you see their fear, their shame that they felt safe to put on you. Only because of your light, My Dear Earthbound Angels, only because of your light.
Archangel Muriel here,
sending you hugs and love and comfort so deep you feel it down to your toes.
We angels are just a thought away
Just open to us and get out of the way
To receive our message especially for you
So you can heal and heal others too.
Until we meet again,
If you are interested in scheduling private sessions for Akashic Record Readings, or Angel Readings, Distance Reiki or Life Coaching sessions please email me at email@example.com.
Please give me feedback about the video. Was it too fast or too slow? Was the music annoying or not your cup of tea? Any tips to change how I present these channelings to the people who enjoy them would be very helpful.
With love and light,
How To Soothe My Soul
By Roxanne Smith
January 14, 2019
Pain in my heart. Follow it through.
What is this all about. Is it me or you?
I want to run away. …want to be left alone.
Am I the only one… who wants to stay in bed
… and write a song! 😀 lol
Okay here’s the healing part: Pain has a voice.
It’s just a messenger. I have a choice.
I can look at it… and see where it’s from.
I can love the one who was made wrong.
And if I realize my innocence
My intentions were good….
It’s not my fault and
I did what I thought I should.
Everyone needs love. Give yourself a break.
Imagine the little boy or girl whose heart still aches.
They long for the words “It’s gonna be okay,
I will always be here for you … every single day.”
And if I realize my innocence
My intentions were good….
It’s not my fault and
I did what I thought I should.
Take it all away and leave the LOVE
Take the doubt and leave comfort from above
Lift me up. Make me whole.
No more feeling like a fool.
I am learning how to soothe my soul.
I am learning how to soothe my soul.
I am learning how to soothe my soul. ( last time slow)
Original song © 2019 Roxanne Smith
It’s been 6 months since I’ve written a new Song of Hope and Healing. Yay! My creativity is really flowing right now in every area–blogging, music, channeled messages, and intuitive guidance for myself and others. I always feel immediately better when I stop and write a song like this when I’m feeling some negativity that seems to come from out of the blue. And the melody that flowed out is extra good with this one. I hope to have a video of me singing and playing guitar with it soon (or at least audio) and I will post it here as well as on my YouTube channel.
I wrote this song a week ago but it mirrored what I was feeling today. Today, I’ve got so many wonderful creative ideas but I also feel like I am clearing out a lot of root chakra debris and it’s sometimes heavy–like a wet blanket.
That makes sense because as a highly sensitive child I absorbed and believed those around me who were sometimes “wet blankets on the hopes and dreams of others”. I internalized the negativity and blamed myself as a child. Now I can visually lift off the wet blanket of negativity that was never mine and be restored to my true nature of positivity and creative hopefulness! You can too! I hope my words have been helpful to you. Have a great day!!
With love and light,
Hello Everyone! It’s January 2nd! Feels like a Monday but it’s Wednesday. Feels like a brand spankin’ new beginning! And it is! I’m fired up!–in a positive-anger, fed up, determined sort of way! I wasn’t fired up when I first woke up–being my day off, I woke up with HUGE childhood pain. Bigger than ever! In my face!–heart, solar plexus, every darn chakra really! The kind of childhood pain where you can’t function–you are just a tiny abandoned toddler feeling completely in despair and giving up in order to survive. I’m like WTF! Excuse my language but like I said I am fired up and want to share the raw truth lol!
I had been so hopeful about the new year and Oh boy what a way to start out! I learned a long time ago how to nurture myself instead of spiral with negative feelings so I pulled out my journal to write. I couldn’t even write much because I’m still so exhausted from the holidays and from being an empath and all that goes with that (all that is for another post). I realized my eyes were terribly, unusually sore! I sleep in my contacts and have to put new contacts in every 6 days–I take one day per week and give my eyes a rest. I couldn’t even get my contacts out!–my eyes were too sore to remove them but I had to try. I thought “okay, I’m grateful I have the day off to heal–just take my contacts out ( a day early which is weird) and give my eyes a rest …Give my body, mind, and soul a rest.”
Even though I have a gazillion things on my list to-do today that I didn’t get done over the holidays, I told myself I am going to listen to my body and weary eyes and give my eyes and body a rest. I got my contacts out and then I spontaneously just …cried. I cried HARD, deep hard crying from the core of my being! Not despairing or feeling sorry for myself but just FREEDOM to cry because like “I was never allowed to cry as a child and damn it today I’m gonna do whatever the hell I want–I’m a friggin’ adult with a day off to recharge and if I feel like crying all day then I’ll do that because I can!–that kind of crying!! Lol.
It lasted only for a few minutes and it was profound–I felt a ton better and had unusual clarity sooner than usual ( I had cried more and longer over the holidays healing some wounds that had been triggered but this was different). This came with clarity! This came with a powerful glimpse of …something.
When I took my contacts out I had this sorry-for-myself feeling that I need to wear contacts for being far-sighted–like “Geez, I can’t even see anymore, man, I am getting old. Then I had this flash of being BLIND!–of going blind and the despair of the loss of my sight caused me to feel, for an instant, like I wouldn’t want to LIVE anymore if that happened! It was a split second “gift” and then I was instantly so grateful for my eyesight and the clarity of “Oh wow, things could be so much worse! Thank God I have my sight–I can rest and recharge and heal my eyes when so many people have it worse than I do.” I was reminded of all the chronic pain I used to have at times and thankfully I no longer have–I had forgotten how I had promised myself, if and when I heal from this chronic pain, I will never take my health or life for granted.
Okay, you get where I am going here … but that was just the start of it! I got some clarity and a reminder of my true purpose of helping others because of what I have overcome. So let’s get right down to the raw truth! Yeah I want to help others because for what ever reason I CAN! The childhood pain staring me in the face this morning was my abandonment wound from my childhood. As if I was re-experiencing it–it was impossible to deny–I was right back there–age 1 1/2 in a hospital crib (cage) with no parents or loved ones to comfort me for days on end. It was then that I stopped trusting the Universe that I’d be okay. I experienced terror for days at the fragile age of attachment and it never got healed. It explains so much! And I am strong enough, for the first time, to feel all of it now!!
In my wisdom and coaching and successes in life there has always been this limit that I’ve had. Don’t criticize me too much, don’t blame me, don’t leave me, don’t hurt me because oh the bottom may fall out and cause me to feel all that I cannot bear to feel because–it killed me! By age 5 the “too talkative singing and dancing child” finally gave up. Rejected again, I hid in a closet, my soul went dormant–the trauma was repressed–the pain numbed out with beliefs and illusions and bargains only a tiny child can make. ” I am not safe alone–I must please others to be taken care of–I am not worthy of love as I am, so I must conform to get the love I need to survive–life is painful and scary alone–I need others to take care of me–I promise to be obedient if you will just be kind to me–maybe if I’m perfect then you will love me etc.”
Sure successes and experiences in later life healed some of these beliefs, but the deepest ones are often buried deep with the deepest of the pain. It is pure rage! I hated them for not having the wisdom to know how much they were injuring my trust in “life”! My soul knew it was cruel to abandon a child–how could they not KNOW the damage they are doing!! I (my highly evolved compassionate soul) would never cause such pain in such a tiny helpless being whose cries were begging for love but repeatedly ignored.
I’ll jump to the end here (because I could write WAY too much on this subject right now lol). With my soul’s spiritual awakening and unquenchable thirst for knowledge about the highest truth in the Universe, I know now that I CHOSE for this to happen to me! (It was validated by years ago reading the book, Journey of Souls–Case Studies of Life Between Lives By Michael Newton, Ph.D.)
I know that sounds crazy, why in the world would any soul choose to have a horrific trauma happen to them right at the beginning of their soul’s incarnation–a trauma so terrifying to a sensitive soul that it completely breaks them–makes them into a compliant, obedient, spineless shell of a person with no access to their gifts, their light, their energy, and no ability to relax and have fun and trust that life is a kind and loving place to just BE. Yep I chose it! I also chose a lot of other events and people in my life that would slowly open me back up to trusting life and my feelings and my vitality again.
My higher self, while in heaven, before I incarnated, along with the knowledge that I would have free will to choose how these things played out I chose many things to evolve as a soul. I chose an adult friend of the family to buy me a journal at age 14 so I could start writing about my feelings in self discovery–the very beginning of finding my voice. I chose relationships that would break me open to find my own strength and desire to go to college. I chose an education in child and family services to educate myself on what a child needs to be emotionally healthy in each and every developmental stage. I chose a significant other in life who experienced a similar plight in childhood so he could empathize but had a tougher resolve and a warrior spirit to go out into the rat race and pay the bills so I could raise our 2 gifted children. I chose being a stay-at-home mom so I could re-experience life through my children’s eyes and heal my inner child in the process. Since my soul/higher self was a gifted writer and singer (my dream since before age 5), I chose circumstances that allowed me time alone to write about my feelings and healing journey and read self-help books on how to heal the blocks to my own creativity and become the singer-songwriter I was meant to ultimately become.
I believe I chose it all so I could write songs and poetry about overcoming deep pain from childhood and shine my light of compassion on other souls who have had a similar plight. I even chose for my closest relationships to trigger me so that I can heal any remnants of my dormant pain and step into my full power as a woman. This is where I am at now!
It’s all in how you look at it. I could totally be resentful and be saying to myself, “Oh my lord what now!” or I can say I trust my higher self knew that I am strong enough for all that is happening to me! I am a nurturer and comforter by nature so damn it I am going to nurture and comfort the heck out of myself right now more than ever!! That’s easier said than done when all you feel is terror and as if you are being abandoned! Meanwhile I’m having to step out of my comfort zone in my life and also face and heal my deepest abandonment wound pain.
More things I have chosen that helped me: I chose to have such debilitating food allergies and ill-health and chronic fatigue in my 30s that I had to discover a pretty extreme anti-inflammatory diet that made me feel like a new person energy-wise. I stuck to it out of necessity and now at the wise old age of 57, I look and feel like I am 38. Which is such a blessing because I am just getting started with my career as a singer-songwriter and life coach/spiritual counselor/ and akashic record reader. I’m more physically fit than ever and my adrenal fatigue issues are almost completely resolved.
There’s much more I could tell you about what I chose but I want to get to my real point of writing this post. And it is this: My heart breaks for those highly sensitive souls out there who have chosen to incarnate here at this time on earth and feel completely broken from those early years in life. Perhaps they are here to help the planet with their light and compassion as well but don’t have the resources or time to get the healing they need, the counseling, schooling, or there are no kind and gentle souls around them to validate them as empaths, see their giftedness as I do. They may have no-one to understand that they are working at a job that is way beneath their abilities and intelligence but it is all they can handle due to the unresolved childhood pain that leaves them re-traumatized–with each thing in life that leaves them feeling like crawling back under the rock of safety in their small apartments, or small jobs, or small dreams. I have felt this way too!
Somehow in all my reading and time alone, I realized I had the gift of intuition and I learned how to hone it in to my benefit–I learned to listen to my own inner guidance by getting out of my head and into my heart with my special techniques of automatic writing. Eventually, by learning to tune in the helpful guidance from my spirit guide and angels, and the higher realms of the Akashic Records, I heard myself being guided to ask my significant other in my life, “Please just hold me, I need to be held. I was not held and loved enough as a child and being held feels really healing to me.” This has been powerful for me and it works!
Sometimes when your partner, who is very different from you, says something that just makes you feel way too angry and rightfully rejecting, it can be so helpful to just realize you wouldn’t be so angry if you had been held and comforted every time you needed it as a child. So instead of pushing your partner away with anger and tear-filled victimized cries of “how can you be so insensitive when you know more than anyone how sensitive I am” (am I right?! lol)–Instead you can calmly say, perhaps after walking away and cooling off, come back and say “I feel really triggered by what you said because of my childhood. Could you please just hold me and let me cry–I wasn’t held enough or allowed to cry as a child and that would be really healing for me.” The divine masculine often loves just being given something helpful to do! This is often a win-win for both partners. It is powerfully healing!
But those time when you can’t be held by someone else, we still have times when our unbearable pain comes up! (either from this childhood or our past lives where we were persecuted for being “different” because our lights were shining too brightly). Those times are when perhaps this blog can help you feel like you are not alone and that is why I am writing about this raw content today. We highly sensitive souls all need deep connection and understanding–being seen and validated has made all the difference in my life. I feel this is part of my gift to the planet–to create a safe haven where gifted sensitives who feel downtrodden can feel seen and uplifted to the beautiful, shining lights that they are. You are so special. You are just wounded and those wounds can heal. But first you must bring them to the light–up to the surface where they can be seen. Perhaps if things are really hard right now, your higher self planned for you to be faced with the truth of your childhood pain so you can finally heal it! It will never be healed if you keep it all so deeply buried and protected. You are strong enough to look at it now! Finally! You can allow the unbearable pain to be looked at and voiced and released. Your powerful soul has been waiting patiently for your courage to admit how badly you were wounded. It may have been worse than you thought. I know, for me, it was much worse than I thought it was, but now it’s all been seen and it is so FREEING!
Please leave a comment if you relate to the subject here today. Your voice will help others who are not yet ready to speak about their pain. I’ll be writing about more raw truth about childhood pain! Yeah I’m fired up like the Phoenix rising from the ashes–determined to be my highest self and overcome any fears that stand in the way of my dreams and my true purpose! I love connecting with all of you who read or follow this blog! You make the world a better place and give me hope to keep sharing my healing journey!
Sending hugs and comforting wishes to all who are on a healing journey,
Hello everyone! I’ve been wanting to write here again and I get so many ideas of what I want to share. And when I went looking for something else, I stumbled upon this poem in a file on my computer. Thank goodness it had the date on it because I did not remember it. But it was written when this blog was just taking off with success in 2010 with many commenters and now things are taking off for me in a different way–with the performing and the coaching and blogging all coming together with my True Voice and True Purpose …and with such clarity and hopes of abundance–and so yes, darkness and unsupportive energies come out of the blue yet again! So it seems timely to share it now. I hope it uplifts and illuminates you as finding it has done for me. I believe in you! You can do it!
Peace and Love, ✌️💖✨
By Roxanne Smith, June 25, 2010
How could this be? So much success
When part of me was so upset
I just kept on with my intent
Wanting to live with no regret
God does provide—his love is there
You can hide and not say a prayer
But love exists—It’s all around
Let it in and you’ll be found
Just like me you’ll be all right
I once was lost but I found my sight
Believe in God because He is Love
And we all came from up above
We are all one—strange but it’s true
If you believe you’ll make it through
Not only that you will feel bliss
Sorrow leaves and despair will miss
And hope returns with every prayer
When you believe you send a flare
And God does see and feel your pain
And He will comfort your disdain
You must reach out into the dark
He will be there amid the sparks
The sparks of light will guide you home
To your true self where you’re not alone
When you combine with your true self
You reconnect with God himself
It is pure love and fear is gone
And you can know your pain is done
And then you can reach out to heal
other souls who cannot feel
Those who are numb from life’s events
Need your light to circumvent
And when you help others to heal
Then love inside you feels so real
And you can keep on spreading love
And it keeps coming from above
This endless loop of sharing hope
Illuminating in it’s scope
So much joy inside my heart
I have learned right from the start
That God was there and ‘ere shall be
‘cause our souls live for eternity
Now I was never big on church
But I was always on the search
For the meaning of this life
And now I know—to end the strife
And change my thoughts to thoughts of love
And I’m loved from up above
And all this pain can be released
Til it’s all gone and I have peace
I’m almost there just some small doubts
I chase them away with kicks and shouts
Writing out anger when I’m wronged
Continues to make me strong
So much joy inside my heart
People of light have helped me start
To be sure of dreams a lark
And to trust those of light–not dark
People of dark I do not do
But I can let their words flow through
Their words of evil cannot hurt
When it flows past and into dirt
You can rise above it all
And you don’t need to make them fall
They will fall when they can’t rise
Into heaven when they despise
There is no hell but only time
Time without God…they must decide
And open up to feel his light
He loves us all—free will’s a right
And in between this life and next
They will decide to hate or rest
So do not fear those with mean gloves
Just rise above and send them love
So to you and me and all of light
Hand in hand we will take flight
With light and love there’s peace from fright
And everything will be all right!
Original Poem © 2010 Roxanne Smith
You who are hurting. I send you comfort and love from above. Those who reject you are hurting. Hurt people hurt people. There is nothing wrong with you because you are pure love. You have no negative attachments and you are a powerful source of love and light. This light beams from you constantly. Others with lower energies often explode in your presence. They unconsciously experience a surge of negativity because their pain comes up to the surface to be healed. Those that cannot comfort their pain and heal it often lash out at innocent people and the most vulnerable. You are right about everything. You would make a great friend to many but you dive deeper than most feel comfortable. You will find your tribe. They are healing in the isolated protection of their homes right now. It is the beginning of the end. Shower yourself with beams of love and light from above anytime you feel alone. Trust yourself that you are a higher vibration. You are familiar with the higher realms from past lifetimes. You are here to comfort others in emotional pain. You are here to be a beacon light for those lost in fear and fight or flight. Remember who you are? You are pure love. You get defensive when attacked but you are learning to soften this defense. Walk away until you can send love to attackers because they need it most. Be grateful when you are left alone because this is when you see your purpose most clearly. You also hear your inner guidance during meditation and prayer. Continue writing from your highest self.
Sharing this for YOU!
With Love and Light,
Emerging With Poetic News
By Roxanne E. Smith
October 1, 2018
Painful layers coming up. Tortured soul now wise enough.
Stronger now to see the truth. Allow my heart to show the proof.
No wonder sometimes feel alone. Who can understand this drone?
I can see it, but who else? Few dive as deep into the self.
Emerging with poetic news to explain the latest cruise
That ventured deep inside my heart to purge and cleanse to a brand new start.
I feel the urge to start anew. Old mask feels odd and fits askew.
Anxiety had gone away but visiting now it’s back today.
Fear from old, not about the present. Hurry and leave, you are unpleasant.
I can comfort the child you hurt. Anxiety you are so absurd—
If I knew then what I know now I’d ground myself and calm it! Wow!
—I know how to when I “write” but when I “think” I lose all sight.
To think is to stay stuck in fright—to write accesses hope and light.
So write I must and clear it out. The truth is LOVE and it heals all doubt.
Sure that I will then succeed as I would’ve done with love as seeds.
Fertile growth of childhood soul instead of hurt from heartless roles.
We all wear masks to protect the child—inside of us afraid, meek, and mild.
The bully’s gone you can come out. Love is God and Joy can shout.
It’s okay to loudly dance and sing at newfound circumstance.
You are love and past was wrong but you are right so sing a song.
Release all doubt and pain not yours and let in truth and love in store.
Instantly you can check in and fill yourself with heart heaven.
By knowing love is under the pain, let it go and fill it up again.
My heart hurts but yearns for love. Replace all pain with bliss from above.
Writing helps me know the truth. If you weren’t loved then love is proof.
Now you’re loved and you are the same just now away from shame and blame.
Toxic talk does harm to kids but they then grow stronger hearts to rid…
They rid themselves of negativity and shine and thrive compassionately.
And go where kindness is so real and life is pure and peace does heal.
Get time alone with heartfelt word—injustice melts and love endures.
Replenish just by plugging in to your higher self and grow within.
More real you with tougher resolve—the outcome as your soul evolves.
Here on earth to shine your light with wisdom that helps others’ plights.
We all have this ability—some know it more—Oh lucky me.
My life plan helped me enough to encounter those who’d wake me up.
Awake I am and grateful yes to heal my soul from heart oppressed.
Freedom beckons every soul to love themselves and heal to whole.
Write to heal and feel relief. You deserve to rest with peace.
And you’ll grow stronger you will see. Sending Love to You, from Me. 😀
Original Poem © 2018 Roxanne Smith
This is the poem that I wrote a few weeks ago. It talks about how writing helps me to access a wisdom that comforts and heals me to my vibrant self again. This poem was such a valuable reminder–Sometime I forget to journal when I get stuck but writing out my most vulnerable feelings helps me every time!
This poem flowed out of me as is in cursive longhand–with just a few minor grammatical changes. I feel it is a combination of my own creative process combined with channeling my Higher Self/divine inner wisdom. It is never my intention to ever share it when I am writing these kinds of poems. After each time I write my poems and healing songs, I feel like I’ve healed a layer of repressed childhood pain that needed to be acknowledged and released. I’m sharing this one now with this blog community with the hope that it helps you heal too. I encourage you to try writing this way too–give it a try in a journal for your eyes only–it’s important that you know it’s only for your own healing to help you dive deep and discover feelings you didn’t know you had. (The Artist’s Way book by Julia Cameron is a wonderful guidebook on how to journal to unblock yourself creatively and find your voice.)
Thank you to those who have emailed me to tell me that my poems have changed their lives and that they print out and read their favorite ones every day to lift themselves up. It’s been almost 2 years since I’ve written one of these healing poems. I’ll be adding it and a few others to the Healing Writings Page. I’ll be adding new song lyrics to this page also–they won’t be new Posts so you won’t get email notifications, they will just be new Pages on the blog so I will mark them with “NEW” in red so you can check them out. Wishing you comfort, healing, inner peace, and a feeling of safety to be YOU!
With Love and Light,
Roxanne ♥ XOXOXO
Hello Everyone! Sorry to be late with this post– So much has happened since my last post. I had intended to release Part 2 last week but, after my performance on Oct. 6, I was unexpectedly exhausted–I slept 8 hours then I took a 6 hour nap the day after my show! I was shocked and woke up feeling like Rip Van Winkle lol! I continued to be tired on and off this week and was feeling brain fog and lots of emotional healing to do from having broken through another glass ceiling for myself. This show was my first 3 hour gig on a saturday night and my highest paying gig to boot! It went even better than expected too because I had to play all the guitar by myself for the entire 3 hour gig (I usually hire someone to play guitar with). I prepared a set list that was 1/2 originals and 1/2 covers and all songs that I could play confidently and I practiced at least an hour a day to have the proper callouses by then. It was a duo show accompanied by my friend who plays beautiful mandolin and bass (alternating depending on the needs of each song). I made my best tips ever too that night so this gig was a success on many levels and as always that brings up more inner child pain to acknowledge and release–having given up on my music for so many years.
I’m so grateful to realize I can do things I never dared to dream to be doing and yet now I am doing it! It’s been indescribably surreal and emotional causing parts of me to want to go into hiding again to protect myself from feeling it and other parts of me are so excited to be at the next level and wanting more success!–the latter is the voice I am listening to!
Preparing for this big performance was also emotional and so 5 days prior to the show I had one of those days I couldn’t function well because of intense emotions brewing inside me. Whenever this happens I always turn to pen and paper to write out my feelings in longhand to gain clarity–and on Oct 1 a long poem burst forth in poetic rhyming fashion just like my other poems on my healing writings page. I’ve been writing songs and journaling consistently but I haven’t written a Poem in a year or 2! It is still in longhand at the present moment but I will be sharing it here on this blog after I get it typed up properly. I’m naming it “Emerging With Poetic News” so look for it in an upcoming post after this “heart to heart update series”.
Okay now so back to Part 2! I’ll just start in with this. …In keeping with my explanation of my journey away from the blog since 2012: I was feeling spread too thin to keep up with this blog, I was going to open mic nights to overcome my fear of singing in public, and I was making an album of my original songs which was a dream come true. It was 2012 when this blog and my coaching business were at their peak but I couldn’t do both–my heart told me that focusing on the music was the right thing to do. My health problems improved dramatically and I overcame my severe stagefright and made important musical connections in my city. I performed my songs with my guitar for free at open mics but I still had a long way to go.
The album was released on iTunes in 2014. I still had never performed for money yet. I had no income, just a dream and spiritual guidance from an intuitive counselor mentor that I trusted who helped me to see that my songs of hope and healing are helping others and they are a big part of my true purpose in this lifetime. This deeply resonated as I had accumulated 50 original songs by now that had poured out of me fairly easily in a creative process that I had developed which felt as if I channeled their creation from my higher self. I knew that I must become the singer-songwriter that I longed to be in my heart and share my journey of hope, healing, and upliftment through my songs.
As soon as my album was self-published and released on iTunes, I had a surgery in fall 2014 to correct varicose veins that ended up setting me back on my health journey–sensitive to the high levels of epinephrine that was used in this outpatient procedure that spanned 4 weeks time, my adrenal fatigue came back with a vengeance. I stopped with the open mic nights too and focused on regaining my health.
Continuing to write songs, I realized my house and it’s constant needs for updates and repairs were too much for me and my husband. So we followed our hearts and intuitive guidance from my intuitive counselor that it was best that we move and leave the 18 year old house where we’d raised our 2 now grown children and find a place that I could focus on my music and have less maintenance to worry about. For a sentimental sensitive person like myself this was quite a challenge–purging many things to make the move easier.
By fall of 2016 we found the perfect home in a different part of the city and, after a rollercoaster year of searching and decluttering, we were all moved into a wonderful new home that (magically 😇 ✨) met all of our needs. Long story short, it took until fall of 2017 for me to feel ready to start reaching out and looking for paid gigs to perform my original songs of hope and healing….
…To be continued in Part 3 coming in a couple weeks.
Sending all of you Peace and Love and Light from Above,
Hello Everyone! Hello to all of you highly sensitive souls who resonate with the topics of emotional healing on my blog. Hugs to all of you!!! I look at this blog and it is a marvel to me that I am so proud of–and now with over 250,000 views! When I was writing with a pen name in 2010 at the start of this blog (with my middle name Elaine), I was uninhibited to talk openly about my emotional healing journey and help others in the process–this blog helped me find my true voice! Then some things changed, some health problems, especially those in my throat chakra, that made me realize and listen to my heart and inner guidance that I needed to be singing–that my music and songs needed my best energy. Suddenly I was feeling spread too thin to keep up with the blog, In 2014, I was going to open mic nights to overcome my fear of singing in public, and I was making an album of my original songs which was a dream come true.
Now jump ahead to now–This week is the 1 year anniversary of my first paid gig on September 23, 2017! So now, as of September of 2018, I’ve had 19 performances in the last year at about 7 different locations. I’ve performed mostly as a duo with the help of several amazing guitarists to accompany me at some wonderful supportive venues for new musicians (mostly wineries and some food and beer chains 😊). In August, I was invited to perform my original songs at a local folk festival due to my success which was a big exciting breakthrough for my career and then I exhaustedly took a break for the month of September. 😃 🎉Phew!
I’m still on that break right now as I regroup and decide how I want to move forward. I’m so grateful to these venues and the angels above for helping me land these gigs. Performing is such a thrill!–but it is also draining afterwards because, yes, I’m still an introvert, empath, and highly sensitive soul who has just figured out how to balance life and recharge in order to do it. Now I’m ready for the next level–reaching out to some higher paying venues to play even more original songs with new-found confidence and experience!
With this break which required some rest and regrouping, I feel stronger than ever before in so many way and so I am naturally examining what is important to me and following my heart. I’m happy to say that I have newfound excitement, renewed energy, and gleeful interest in reconnecting with this blog and it’s followers. Yay! This community is very important to me and has always been, but as many of you highly sensitive souls can relate to spreading yourself too thin, unfortunately keeping up with this blog had to take a back burner.
But now I’ll be sharing more of my healing journey on this blog, in part because I have recently made the realization that my own emotional healing journey is an important part of the musical journey too. Most of my 60+ original songs that I continue to write were born out of this need to dive deep and make sense of the painful feelings that come up as we navigate life–a determination innate in me to see the sun–the silver lining in every painful cloud. They are all heartfelt, soulful, positive, and empowering (but some are raw, vulnerable, and about inner child healing and those songs will be best shared here only on this blog …for now😌).
Now that I’m over the hardest hump of tackling the stresses of performing, I now realize it’s important that I’m transparent and honest and vulnerable as an artist. So this is me. It hasn’t been easy. I’ve had emotional pain and shame come up to the surface with each big success. I’ve been shocked that there’s still more to heal when I thought I had healed all there was to heal. No it seems there will always more to face and release as we get stronger. New relationships and changing relationships still cause triggers and even ptsd reactions. I’ve been awakened to a spirituality that has raised my perspective higher than I ever imagined. I am grateful that I have tools to cope and to share to help others. And here on this blog I can relax and be myself. So I’ll be sharing more of my self here including my songs, my healing journey, my life. Looks like New Beginnings again! (–wow that’s the name of my album–how serendipitous!) Have a wonderful end of September and I’ll be back again next week with part 2 of this update of …transparent emotional growth. Wishing you a week of extreme self care and tender loving comfort for your wounded inner child.
With Tons of Love and Light ✨💖✨,
You Are Loved
Lyrics by Roxanne Smith
I once was lost but then I opened up my heart
It took time to see my journey’s sad start
Strength in me came with feelings inside
Courageous purging with joy on the other side
Somehow I know that love is all there is
Inside every dark and painful fear is bliss
This I know because I left no stone unturned
I face the pain when the bottom was learned
It lays waiting until you let it go
Forgiving those who don’t connect with their soul
The soul has answers and comfort and love
Go within to hear angels from above
They surround each and every breathing heart
You are loved every day right from the start.
You are loved, you are loved, you are loved, you are loved
You are loved, you are loved, you are loved, you are loved
Repeat from the beginning
Add end (slowing)
You are loved, you are loved, you are loved, you are loved
Original Song © 2017 Roxanne Smith
Hello Everyone! I am sharing this song to the public for the first time here on this blog. It’s such a personal song I have not performed it yet, waiting for the perfect audience, the right moment. You all, however are the perfect audience for lyrics like these. Here on this blog I feel comfortable letting it all hang out and feel proud of the healing journey I am on with all it’s ups and downs but always “with joy on the other side”.
I just saw that it has been since April 5 that I have put out a blog post and I apologize for that! Time has been flying by since I decided to start my life coaching business back up. I just completed designing my brand new life coaching website. I’m happy to report that this blog has gotten over 45 new followers in just the last 2 months even though my recent posts were short and not really up to my standards yet. So I am getting the message that my blog posts here are important and to make them a priority in my life!
I am very excited about this. I love talking to you all! I love giving hope to all of you like-minded souls out there who resonate with my message of hope and healing to become your highest selves! We strive to be our healthiest, kindest, most confident, and helpful to the planet while being complex and highly sensitive souls who often feel we don’t fit in with others. We are overcoming deep-seated negative feelings and beliefs from the past that keep popping up out of the blue just when things are going well. Phew! Why are we so hard on ourselves when we already know that extreme self-care makes so much difference in our lives?
Time to pull back again. Get quiet. Go inward. Write out ALL your feelings with self-compassion as if you are writing to your most trusted friend in the world who really GETS you! Be your own container when you can’t find a safe person to vent to. We all need to vent all the frustration we are feeling about EVERYTHING! I had a surprising amount of anger to release in April. It was all about codependency issues that I thought I had healed long ago. Surprise!–there was more! Releasing it all (which was not easy) moved me to a new place of strength and independence at the core of me that I didn’t know existed. And the month of May… well it’s starting out with a virus from some recent airplane travel that has got me layed up and resting to clear it all out. So all my exciting plans for coaching and more performing are on hold while I rest and clear out this virus and with it lots of emotions too. My intuition tells me I’ve moved to a new level of vibrational success so I need to clear out more …whatever! 😳 I’m not as frustrated as I am fascinated and trusting that whatever happens it will be for a good reason.
Sometimes things are so hard and then we get through it and see the silver lining that was there all along. And that is that We Are Loved. We are loved from above. We are here for a good reason. We are highly sensitive souls who are here on the planet at this time because the planet needs our gifts, our light, our true essence. We can relax and just BE and know we are loved.
Just being here is enough. You don’t have to do anything–just heal and learn to love ourselves. If we really GET this we can recharge and become strong and then we have more energy to give more light and love to others. But we can’t do it if we don’t love ourselves first. Let the love in that is beaming down for you at all times. Believe it.
And if you can’t believe it at least be OPEN to the possibility. Let down your guard and allow the possibility that your guardian angel/spirit guide/God/ Universe/Highest Self just might be sending you messages of love and comfort through your intuition. They just might be sending you guidance on your next steps for the highest good of your soul. Follow your heart to hear the inner guidance. Hear it? It is saying, You Are Loved! Exactly as you are! You don’t have to change yourself, you only need to love yourself. Let that sink in. Marinate in that truth for a while. I’m sending all of you so much comfort, caring, and encouragement to see your unique gifts as highly sensitive souls. I’ll be writing more uplifting blog posts soon so stay tuned.
With love and light 💖 ✨,
Roxanne 😇 🎶
Holding Space for someone is also called being an Enlightened Witness for someone else’s pain. Alice Miller talks about this in her book The Drama of the Gifted Child. This concept changed my life as I learned to be my own Enlightenment Witness through journaling and doing deep inner grief work when my children were growing up.
This process helped me to find my ”True Voice” and I started writing songs of hope and healing in 2004, then I started a blog helping others called Hope and Healing Haven for highly sensitive people who have childhood wounds in 2010. The success of the blog lead to my intuitive life coaching business which I named True Voice Life Coaching in 2011.
After a hiatus of a few years where I worked solely on my music, performing and getting my songs of hope and healing out to the world, I am now adding the Coaching back in. As an intuitive life coach I offer my services as an Enlightened Witness for highly sensitive people recovering from childhood wounds. I am available and accepting new clients for Telephone Coaching, Skype Coaching, Email Coaching, and for the first time ever I’m offering face-to-face Coaching. I am adding Spiritual Counseling and guidance from the Akashic Records, and I am adding Reiki energy healing services as well.
Starting April 18, 2018, I’m excited to announce that my new office is at Dragonfly 360 Yoga & Wellness in Indianapolis, Indiana! I will be there on Wednesday’s only for the face to face Coaching from 11-7. But I am also available online Tuesday-Saturday 12-5 for my other Coaching services.
So if you are in need of someone to Hold a Space for you, or offer intuitive guidance on your self-healing journey to find your true self and true voice, Email me at Truevoicelifecoach@ymail.com. I understand, I’ve been there, I care, I listen, and I feel your true spirit.
If you are looking for a safe haven, or more info about my coaching and testimonials, I hope you feel by coming here to my blog that you’ve come to the right place. I feel so honored to be able provide a safe haven and a safe community to highly sensitive souls who are healing to become whole–to become their true selves. Welcome to my blog!
With love and light,
For highly sensitive souls, life can be especially complex. Whether you believe you may be a lightworker, an empath, an earth angel, etc. or just a regular human being trying your best to shine some love and light and compassion to show the bright side of every situation, you are complex. I know I am. I believe this is a good thing. But just when I think I have things figured out, more new layers of emotional healing come out of left field to surprise me and tell me, there’s more challenges ahead–more self-growth to make me stronger. Jeesh! I find a great deal of comfort talking to energy healers, reading about other HSPs’ journeys, and listening to videos of those who channel spirit for guidance. I’ve learned to channel uplifting spiritual messages for myself in the last few years as well and it is a great comfort that is hard to describe. I like to spread my “everything is gonna be alright” messages to help others who are feeling lost or stuck. I do this through my songs, my blog, my facebook pages, and in my daily life with my family and friends. I feel it’s my true purpose in life and it took me a long time to find this inner peace and inner knowing and have confidence to believe it and share it.
I also find comfort coming here to this blog community. When I’m feeling unsupported in my personal life and childhood wounds rise to the surface, I find comfort in being in the company of other like-minded souls who feel the same way. I believe I have a higher self who has in some way orchestrated the challenges that come up for me to make me stronger. I also believe I have free will to choose different paths as I go and I also believe I attract certain things based on my beliefs and the energy I am emitting. Often this energy is invisible to us–we all have blind-spots. These blind-spots served us well for a time but now when we are stronger, things happen in life to make us “see” what we couldn’t before. The illusions are lifted.
I had a long run of good fortune while I was away from this blog for awhile and those things I built and accomplished are solid things that I can count on–things I know about myself that no one person or event in life can take away. Now more growth and challenges are happening and I realize I have very solid ground to fall back on. This makes all the difference! So when things happen and you are feeling like, “What the heck is going on! I don’t deserve this!”, know that you are growing into becoming your true self and your false self is falling away. It’s like when a wall is coming down which is a good thing but you accidentally get hit by one of the falling bricks on your head! It hurts! But the truth is the wall IS coming down, Yay! Don’t focus on the bruise on your head–see past it! It wasn’t meant to stop you or punish you at all, it’s a by-product of movement in the right direction! If you are “seeing stars from the calamity”, you are actually on your way to clarity of mind and attracting a life more suited to your true self! You are strong enough to handle it or it wouldn’t be happening to you! You’ve got this!!
Please comment if you are experiencing a “brick on the head” at the moment or just to say hello–it will help support other highly sensitive souls who haven’t yet found their voice.
P.S.–I’m excited to announce I’m going to be coaching again with a very flexible schedule of openings available all throughout the week. I’ll be adding face-to-face coaching for clients in the Indianapolis area at an exciting new office location on Wednesdays only. I’ll be adding Intuitive sessions with access to the Akashic Records, and Reiki Energy Healing services as well. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you are interested or just for more info. I’m also updating this blog and my coaching website so there will be lots of good changes happening. Yay! 😀
Let’s embrace change together! We are a community of comfort, compassion, and encouragement for the emotional healing of our highly sensitive souls! Join us! Please Follow this blog for more uplifting, personal posts that will be coming!
With love and light,
Hi Everyone. I’m excited to write a new post and share the lyrics to a new song I just wrote. Life is full of change and growth for us highly sensitive souls, and new layers of childhood wounds seem to pop up when least expected. Abandonment wounds are some of the deepest and most painful. I woke up feeling terror for some reason and immediately got paper and pen to write out my feelings to sort it out. As always, I just started describing how I felt and I gained clarity about where the feelings were coming from and compassion for myself, and then I felt a song coming on.
When I start to write a song I always tell myself, this is for me only, and then I let the creativity flow. Later I decide if I want to share it or not and that takes pressure off the process of writing a good song. If it’s completely from the heart it’s always ends up “good” and this one flowed out from beginning to end with few changes. The words came first and then the melody was already there in my head too when I went back to read it. Adding a bridge came easily to make it more interesting and poof! Done! A new song!
The creativity process is so healing that the original pain is somehow transformed into a feeling of pride and achievement. When I first started writing songs I felt shame about them because I was exposing forbidden feelings often straight from my inner wounded child. If this shame happens to you, keep at it and share them only with a safe trusted friend who will help encourage you and not criticize. It’s amazing how healing writing can be. I kept my songs hidden for a long time and now I’m proud to share all of them because they help others! I’ll be adding more songs to this blog now–I’ve written quite a few that I’m ready to share.
This song is dedicated for those of you who have not yet found your voice yet to describe and heal unbearable emotions from childhood or trauma that often remain hidden until we are strong enough to release them.
I plan to start posting more posts again and I am going to be doing Coaching again on Wednesdays only too. My music and Coaching are going strong and for the first time I’ll be doing both. I’ll be performing more of my original songs of hope and healing now and sharing the videos here as well. So please stay tuned for more! 😀
Noone Was There (Hope for Abandonment Wounds from Childhood)
By Roxanne Smith
Feeling so alone. Can’t describe the pain.
Falling in a hole. Doom makes you insane.
Pain is not the truth. It’s just your darkest fear.
Noone was there to comfort you my dear.
Noone was there to comfort you my dear.
That is all it is. This dark and empty thought.
Fill it up with love and give it all you’ve got.
You know that love exists and it is All There Is.
So why not be the one to show us it exists.
So why not be the one to show us it exists.
It exists in every heart, not just a chosen few.
Every single human has the chance to renew.
When you’re feeling all the worst, hopeless feelings inside,
Love yourself so much, so much more than you ever tried.
Love yourself so much, so much more than you ever tried.
You didn’t know how empty, how raw you could feel.
Writing is the way, to fill you up with love and heal.
And when you forget and you’re feeling really low.
Ask for help from the Angels who will guide you how to go.
Ask for help from the Angels who will guide you how to go.
They love you all the time, but you can’t tell they’re there.
Unless you ask for help, you don’t know how much they care.
Pain is not your truth, It’s just your darkest fear.
Noone was there to comfort you my dear.
Noone was there to comfort you my dear.
Comfort is there, when you’re feeling lost.
Let the Angels in, when you’re feeling tossed.
They are always there, when you feel alone.
Love yourself so much until you feel home.
Home is in your heart, it just gets covered up.
It feels so far away, but it’s always close enough.
All the comfort that you wish for, is already there.
Just let yourself believe Heaven really cares.
Just let your self believe Heaven really cares.
No one was there (slow to end) to comfort you my dear.
Original Song © 2018 Roxanne Smith
Sending comforting, caring wishes to all!