Hello Everyone! I haven’t written for a while because I’ve been so busy just observing this emotional roller coaster ride of the last couple months—it’s been hard to put into words! It has propelled me into journaling more to get clarity and as always when I write I am able to access a higher perspective of “what the heck is going on now”! 😳🙏😆Haha! I’ve learned a few things and so I feel ready to share some of the positive things to give all of you sensitive souls on this spiritual journey a boost to feel better about EVERYTHING!
What a roller coaster ride! By this I mean Ups and Downs and Curves and Surprises and Shocks! Can you relate? But at the end of a roller coaster ride at an amusement park, the end of the ride comes with a slowing down and a smooth safe feeling until it comes to a stop and you get off and everyone is all smiles and Gee that was fun. Well, in general I mean haha, and only because you knew it was temporary—it was a ride you took by choice and it was a safe way to experience a thrill and know it would be over soon.
Compare that to this incarnation of life on this planet. As sensitive souls, we are highly evolved divine beings here to help, but we have expectations of smooth sailing and love and abundance. I really think it is these expectations that contribute to us getting stuck in the lows on the roller coaster that we experience.
All of this is coming up for me to talk about I believe because of this last full moon on October 13-yesterday! If you are like me you may have noticed that you are very sensitive to cosmic changes to the planet and Full Moons and New Moons etc.. I am not very educated in astrology but I find myself searching for YouTube videos to explain what’s going on cosmically at certain times when I’m feeling out of balance and sure enough it is a full moon or a solar flare or something like this causing our distress and it all resonates and gives a sense of relief.
I get some reassurance from the information I watch or read from elsewhere but often times I am searching and don’t find what I need to feel inner peace—then I am forced to write and then I realize as I connect to my higher self, my inner wisdom, my spirit team, my angels, the Universe, God, whatever you want to call “IT”.
I am then reminded that all my answers for my own inner peace can be found “within”. I know this but why do I keep forgetting it? Looking for outside validation has been ingrained in us as humans on this planet and we all feel this—trying to fit in and feel understood by other humans—wanting a tribe or even one other person who understands us and makes us feel reassured and comforted that we are OKAY and that what we are feeling is OKAY and that there is hope and that everything is going to be OKAY.
This neediness we feel is understandable—as highly sensitive, compassionate, evolved souls we are awakening spiritually but we are straddling 2 worlds. We are trying to make it in the 3D world and pay our bills etc. and also looking at the higher perspective of the 5D spiritual world for deeper meaning and understanding of why we are here, keeping our vibration high, and living in the moment to access the unconditional love that we have resonated with as Yes, This is it! All is well! We want that feeling everyday, all the time, every morning when we wake up.
But what I am understanding is, when we wake up in the morning with horrible dread and feeling bad about being here on the planet we need to observe this as information and not as our current truth. As divine beings, we have often been astral traveling in our sleep. We love to be in the higher angelic realms where we are from evidently—it’s all Love and Light there all the time! 😇 😁 So when we come back into our bodies and wake up as a human on the planet, the densest negative energies, often from our childhoods or possibly past lives come up to the surface so that we can see that these energies are there and are just ready to be “released”.
We are strong and powerful divine beings with love and light as our true nature but when we were born we didn’t know this so these wounded parts of ourselves are taking longer to heal then we “expected”. If you had a narcissistic parent then you were unloved and had unmet needs day in and day out for years and years and so you have many layers of of small hurts and false beliefs about yourself that need reparented and comforted one by one. That may be discouraging to hear that it is going to take longer to heal than you expected but here is the good news. If you observe the big bad emotion you wake up with as just “information” about your past rather than your present truth you can transmute it in minutes!
First, describe the feeling and label it! What is this? Is it shame, dread, hopelessness, anxiety? Then you do the opposite of avoiding it, or believing it, or numbing it out by keeping busy—you go towards it and you write about it in your journal and you have compassion for yourself about it.
Or if you are already versed in this healing process you go right to a positive affirmation to retrain the neurons in your brain to go a more positive route. You recognize this bad feeling is your inner critic and not the truth. It is your survival “false” self that absorbed the bad feelings from others around you not knowing they weren’t your feelings. After all you were just a tiny child and had to believe what you were being “fed” to survive and to get along with your caretakers who didn’t SEE you for the gifted soul you were.
Most of you know this but if you are like me right now you are still surprised that you are still dealing with these long healed issues—especially in the last few months. It is my understanding that the last remnants of these layers are possibly the most painful and most deeply ingrained and you are strong enough now to finally look at them, acknowledge that it was even worse than you thought. So give yourself even more kindness, compassion and comforting reparenting than you ever have before. Extreme extreme self care (double extreme 😃) is in order whenever you wake up feeling bad!! Be nicer to yourself instead of harder to yourself. After all isn’t that what your narcissistic parent or bully said to you when they ran out of patience with you—they said “what’s wrong with you—why aren’t you over this yet—you should be feeling better by now—you are not doing as well as you thought”. See? These things you say to yourself are judgements you are making just like bullies or abusers did which is the opposite of the unconditional love and comfort you deserved back then and deserve now.
Sometimes it isn’t until we get out of our heads and start writing onto paper that we are even realizing we are beating ourselves up just like “they” did (if you had caretakers who maybe even did the best they could but were needy themselves so they didn’t have the patience that you needed as a highly sensitive soul who was sensitive for a very good reason.)
So now it is up to you. To KNOW you are pure love and light and when you wake up feeling bad you are to lovingly cleaning away the false residue, the past debris, that is covering up your beautiful brilliant lamp of love and light. You now have some more tools in your toolbox to lift yourself back up to where you belong.
Joy is your birthright and you are doing a great job figuring out how to shine what is rightfully yours every moment that you can. Be nicer to yourself when you feel bad not harder on yourself. You are training your brain to go positive quicker and quicker when you get better and better at replacing the doubts negative core beliefs with positive affirmations. You can do it! You are pure love and light.
Being a human is extremely complex! Be patient with this healing journey that you are on! You may be a sensitive soul who seeks safety and inner peace but you are also a tough warrior with new boundaries to take on this challenge of transmuting darkness into light on planet earth. You chose to come here because you knew you could be successful at finding your true voice and true self and shining your true light.
Just being here on the planet you emanate this light and love energy and it uplifts others who need it. You are making a difference just by being here. So relax and be patient with yourself. It takes time and there is plenty of time for all the things you want to do. Self-compassion and self-care is always time well spent.
Sensitive souls, I am so glad you are here on the planet with me. You make the planet a wonderful place to be. If we join forces we can move mountains. Thanks for reading and please reach out if you’d like one-on-one coaching. My email is email@example.com. Sometimes just having someone to see us and listen to our feelings with understanding can be so healing. I also offer distance Reiki and intuitive guidance during sessions as well—you design the sessions the way your heart desires.
I’m adding a link to my latest YouTube Video here of a recent performance of my original song, We Are Here To Love. The lyrics to this song just flowed out of me from beginning to end with no changes—it was magical. I feel now is the perfect time to share these lyrics with you.
Lyrics: -We Are Here To Love-
Trudging through the past debris, finding sparks of light
Holding onto highest hopes, knowing love is right
Seeing through the doubters’ eyes, knowing those above
Want us to believe and know, time is made for love
Chorus: We are here to love, We can fly with wings of time
When we feel the past, We must rise above and shine
We must rise above and shine, We must rise above and shine
Reminded who we are by pushing past the ego’s call
Kindness to ourselves is all we need to break the wall
Pieces still fall down on us, don’t misunderstand
Keep the rays of light around and hold each other’s hand
Chorus: We are here to love…
Verse not included in this video performance:
(Power from the latest move unearth’s a tender spot
Confusing inner child takes stage, plays out what we forgot
Kindness is in order now soothing wounds so raw
New aliveness, strength abounds, braving what we saw
Chorus:.. We Are Here to…)
Bridge: Learning to be still and yet, adversity remains
But even when we think we’ve stalled, we’ve unraveled many chains
Working hard it seems we have not played to really live
But underneath we somehow gain renewed hearts to give
Chorus: We are here to love…
Have faith and know that even in the hardest grief of times
You are loved and cheered about, so take in all the signs
Relish in the life you have, grateful for the rest
All will see the loveliness, you are a force for goodness
Chorus: We are here to love… You must rise above and shine… shine… shine You must rise above and shine. (slow end)
Original Song © Roxanne E. Smith
Until next time, With Love and Light,
Hello everyone. Whenever I write a new post, I “tune in” to you, my readers, and write from my heart. Sometimes I plan what I am going to write and other times I write something entirely different from what I had planned. At the beginning I used to worry, “how can I top that last post”, but now I just trust in the process and I know that what I write will turn out all right.
It is wonderful to feel such confidence. It is such a contrast to how I used to feel years ago before I gained access to the truth of who I am. It was “self-doubt”–a looming horrible anxious feeling of dread and guilt…or more often a feeling of numbness and compulsions to avoid feelings by keeping busy with tasks that I felt I “should” be doing. I had no access to my truth–I had hidden away my truth to protect myself from the unbearable pain that I experienced as a child.
Through my journaling I discovered a process that helped me to heal more than anything else I tried–it was writing out my pain from my inner child’s point of view. I knew from all of my reading and training in psychology that blocks happen in childhood–and I had been encouraged by two helpful counselors to continue to write out my feelings in order to uncover them (I had been writing poems about my feelings since the age of 14).
Writing from my inner child’s perspective just kind of naturally happened and I found it to be the most powerful healing tool in my own recovery. I discovered “her” voice by writing out “her” pain and then I had no choice but to feel compassion for what “she” went through and over time “she” became clearly “Me”! And as I began trusting in this process of trusting “her” view of what had happened to me I began trusting my self. My inner dialogue then gradually changed from critical to compassionate. I remember that I started feeling emotions that had previously been repressed and could then label them.
I was excited about this process. For example, I’d be at the grocery store and suddenly become aware of a feeling such as shame and say to myself , “this feeling is really familiar but I never knew until now that it is “shame”. Wow this is shame from my childhood coming up.” I realized I was feeling these feelings for the first time since I had hidden them away in childhood. Rather then get caught up in them I was able to observe them and acknowledge them and release them. I would often go right away and write in my journal about the origins of these painful feelings. Repressed memories would often come back to me during these times. It wasn’t always so simple–sometimes I would unconsciously drag my husband into a drama only to discover I was replaying a trauma from childhood so that I could finally voice my feelings of anger, grief, or fear to my envisioned N parent. My knowledge of what was happening luckily allowed me to be aware of the process of healing–I would quickly reassure my husband what was happening so that he could then support the release of my feelings as a supportive witness without feeling blamed in any way. Seeing me recover my feelings in such a way and feel relief helped my husband to understand this healing process as well and he began processing his childhood pain in a similar way (he had a Narcissistic parent too).
I am planning to put together a book in which I include the best of my healing writings directly from my journals that show this process of healing first hand from age 18 to the present. Although it will be very personal I am hoping that it will help others to heal and develop compassion for their inner child and what they went through if they are unable to write out their feelings in such a way that I was able–I consider it a gift that I was able to do this and I am grateful to have such a vivid memoir of my recovery. I believe this gift of writing I have been given is another way that I can help other highly sensitive souls to recover and to help them to feel relief from the inner prison of emotional abuse by a Narcissistic parent. Please let me know if you would be interested in reading such a book.
Recently I wrote the following poem when I “tuned in” to you, my readers and fellow highly sensitive survivors. I was planning to save it for my book but I have decided to share it with you now instead to show an example one of the kinds of writings that will be included. Here it is:
Poem of Hope and Healing for the Highly Sensitive Survivor
By Roxanne E. Smith
March 22, 2011
Pain so deep, I can’t see the light
I know it’s there but it’s not very bright
The sadness is thick, despair all around
I envision a child giving up with no sound
Pain so deep, I hide all my hope
Afraid to come out, I feel like a dope
Worthless and horrible, don’t ever try
The pain is unbearable, can’t even cry
I can’t feel the love, I need it so bad!
So much fear without it, it’s really so sad!’
I am feeling much better just admitting this truth
You have to have love when you’re in your youth!
Without love you can’t heal all the hurts that come by
When bad things do happen we need love when we cry
Someone has to hold us and give us new hope
If there’s no one for comfort than there’s no way to cope
No wonder I hid my talents away
When I would do well then I was their prey
The taunting, the teasing, “Who do you think you are?”
Shame became my deepest scar
But who was this child all hidden in shame
An innocent victim who will never be the same?
She thinks she is nothing but she is so wrong
The truth is she’s beautiful, wise, and so strong
Scoop up that child all broken and battered
Love her and hug her and tell her she matters
She’s awesome and wonderful, they were so wrong
Talented, creative , and smart all along
Sensitive soul you were so beaten down
But you figured it out and now you can leave town
You’re safe now and free–no more bullies outside
Shine your light, spread your wings, don’t believe all the lies
Be kind to yourself when the pain comes back ’round
Love yourself through it, your true self is found
You know the truth and now you can be free
Fear is from “them”–in the past, don’t you see?
Relax into the pain and it will dissipate
Because the pain is from lies and it’s never too late!
To believe in yourself and your talents and dreams
You are good at compassion and so many things
They did not want you to succeed with your gifts
So they made you give up and they threatened with fists
You were small so you gave up but now you are grown
You can heal all the pain and make it now on your own
You can do it!–the words you’ve long waited to hear
Say them to your self! And say NO to the fear!
Give them back all the bad feelings that they gave to you
Imagine this energy going outward from you
Then let in the light and the love from a place
Where angels don’t want you to live in disgrace
You know what love is because you give it so freely
To others who need it when they’re feeling needy
Give to your self all this love all the time!
You will find your true purpose and all will be fine
These lessons are so hard that we learn from our pain
But we discover our strengths again and again
So sensitive souls who survived from abuse
Your gifts are so needed to be put to good use
I know how you feel and I hope you feel better
Because we can overcome it if we do it together!
I hope that this poem has helped you to feel loved
You are!–and I send it to you from above!
I understand and I want to comfort your pain
I hope this is helpful. Love, Roxanne Elaine