Hello Everyone! Happy New Year, Everyone! Happy New Decade! Yay 2020!!! I hope you are doing well. I hope you find hope in my sharing my journey of feeling lost to feeling found. I understand, I care, and I found ways to heal that perhaps can help you too.
10 years ago today I started this blog! It was a new beginning for me as the blog helped me to find my voice as a writer; as a coach, mentor, and spiritual counselor for other highly sensitive souls and empaths with childhood wounds; and just …as a person, a soul, a human being on the planet! I did not realize I had started my blog at the beginning of a decade! I did not realize until yesterday how serendipitous and special it is that I started my blog at the beginning of the previous Decade! Wow exactly 10 years ago! I was 48 then and felt kind of old and yet unaccomplished and green. I am 58 now and I feel younger than I did at 48 …and in fact younger and happier than when I was in my 30s! 2020 vision and clarity is ahead for us all–a new hopeful path is emerging before our very eyes! I invite you to get out your journal or think back to january 2010 and look at how far you have come. Please share your healing journey in the comments below or if you resonate with realizing you started some positive changes or awarenesses in your life in 2010.
I found my true soul’s purpose as a result of writing this blog and an ability to express myself that had long been hidden inside me. When I started I had no idea how importantly the work I did on this blog would impact my life. I remember thinking, if I could just help one other person with what I’ve learned on my journey then this blog would be a success. Such a valuable thing to learn I think because I had low expectations so when the blog gained momentum and had lots of engagement it gave me so much confidence! The success of beginning my career as a life coach on the blog lead me to following my intuition and trusting my own inner guidance at deeper and deeper levels.
I was helping others through sharing my journey through a pen name at first–using my middle name, I was known as Elaine back then. At the height of my coaching career, I then started writing more and more songs, going to open mic nights, met musician friends in my area, and overcame my terrifying fear of singing alone on stage in public. I started performing around Indianapolis and getting paid for it and made an album of original songs that is on all the Worldwide music platforms such as iTunes, Spotify, and Amazon.
While I deeply loved my blog, my coaching and my clients, my heart was torn in 2 directions. I realized I had to put all my songs under my legal name and until then they had been divided–half were songs about inner child healing under the name of Elaine. When I changed my name on the blog and stopped writing as regularly, the blog audience changed and grew as I changed and grew. Even when I didn’t write for a few years on this blog, the old posts continued to get readers and new followers and I continued to get emails from grateful sensitive souls who felt their childhood wounds had been “seen” and their inner feelings “voiced”.
My journey took a spiritual turn as the intuitive abilities helped me realize many of my songs and blog posts had been “channeled” by me–I realized I was co-creating with the help of my higher self. My soul’s purpose grew to include being an energy healer, and the training and certification I received as a Reiki Practitioner in 2012 was fitting beautifully with my channeling abilities, and I attracted opportunities for office space to do this Reiki work and Intuitive work in Indianapolis. Now, in addition, the music and the Reiki are fitting together as I learn about sound healing and things like Reiki-infused music and music-infused Reiki. It is so amazing to me how life unfolds in ways that amaze but we somehow get glimpses of what could be, yet we don’t know how we can get to our dreams and yet the dreams unfold into yet even better dreams and magical abilities.
We also all have so many unexpected hardships along the way and think we are off track sometimes, but I believe it is these very hardships and side roads that make us stronger–strong enough for the next thing that our higher self has planned for us! The last 2 years have been an upheaval for me, revealing unhealthy patterns in me that I couldn’t see without some shake-ups and re-formulating in some very close relationships.
But it all makes sense now–if you have painful childhood wounds you need to relearn how to bond with people with pure love at the core. I have even more self-compassion for my wounds, even more strength to observe them and release them and grow stronger with each layer of emotional pain from the past that presents itself.
The result is a really strong foundation at my core, an independence and confidence to stand on my own 2 feet, and empowerment that is not codependent on a partner or children, or a role, or achievement in life but in a power of being that is centered, grounded, and wise with knowing that I am worthy of having it all just by being. And that we are all worthy of having it all and I LOVE helping others to get to this same feeling of wholeness and vitality and creative expression.
Whew! What a ride the last 10 years have been! The first 3 years of this blog contain the meatiest, most substantial posts in my opinion so I am going to be reblogging those posts on the day that they were posted 10 years ago as they come up. I will also be posting updates in the present day too interspersed with these older blog posts.
So here is the very first blog post from the first day I signed up for the wordpress site– I was back then just learning to navigate the brand new wordpress world (and with my very first laptop computer too–I was still just learning the computer) at that time–my youngest child was now settled in college.
The first post was lyrics to an original song that expressed the hope I felt at going from “lost” to “found”. Thank you to all of you who follow me and to any of you who have followed me from the very beginning, I am sending you big hugs!!! 💞💞💞I’d love a comment or a hello from you!! Please join me in celebrating my 10 year anniversary of teaching and learning self-compassion through this blog–all the way from Elaine to Roxanne Elaine. I will continue to write here to share my journey to comfort and encourage all who resonate with this community of Hope and Healing. I’m so grateful to all of you who read my blog. Again I THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart and the depths of my soul.
Wishing you a wonderful Happy New Year Celebration!! 🎉🙌 Yay!! It’s 2020!!🤩
A new Beginning for us all.
Sending you comfort, caring, inner peace, love and light,
and Encouragement to Enjoy Life, and Permission to Party!!
Look how far you’ve come!! 😃💃🕺❣️
My very first post, Dec. 30, 2009:
I Was Lost But Now I’ve Found Me
Lyrics by Roxanne Smith
I am strong but they can’t see me
I am wise but they can’t hear me
I am kind but they can’t feel me
I was lost but now I’ve found me
I can see the truth in me
I can feel the love in thee
I can have the strength I lost begin again
Your belief in me makes me free
I am sad and you are there to hold me
I am weak and you are there to guide me
I am scared and you are there to love me
I was lost but now I’ve found me
I can be all that I can be
Overcome the fear they gave me
When all I feel is lost and unaware
You are there to say you care
View original post 111 more words
Hello Everyone! Many sensitive, and empathic souls and clients are having childhood wounds arise to the surface to be healed. It can be a very painful experience. It’s also an opportunity to heal and become stronger. I hope this poem I wrote recently is helpful, uplifting, and supportive. If you resonate, please leave a comment and maybe we’ll create a tribe for support. Welcome!
YOU WERE NEVER LOVED, MY DEAR (Healing Shame From Childhood Wounds) By Roxanne Elaine Smith
When you had a narcissistic mom
Where’s the next hit coming from
Not a hit with fist or hand
But words and eyes that punch and land
Devastating to your soul
Nothing solid to take hold
No mirror to see your worth
No smiles and comfort so you search
You search for reasons, blame yourself
Shame and doubt instead of stealth
It robs you of the truth and time
You were sweet and so sublime
You were shining, curious love
Sent to earth from up above
But chose the hardest path to start
A childhood starved from feeling part
Everywhere you reached was blocked
So you gave up and heart was locked
Trust too much or not enough
Attracting all similar stuff
Until you realize the pattern here
You were never loved, my dear
Start from scratch and loving you
Oh it is so hard to do
At first because the triggers are
Relieving painful trauma jars
Shocking you right to your core
“How did I survive Oh Lord”
You didn’t! No you gave up YOU
And turned into a mask not true
Obedient and needy so
People-please and perfection oh
Trying oh so many things
Until your true voice finally sings
But shame comes up with every truth
The pattern hidden from your youth
Every time you were you, you were shamed
Have to get YOU back again
Ignore the shame and keep on moving
Rise above shame and keep on grooving
Yell at shame, you are not mine
Dance out shame, I am just fine
Shame keeps coming every time
Hiding doesn’t heal the crime
Only way is to see the child
Inside the parents who went wild
Spilling out their pain on you
Everything it was not true
You were perfect whole and right
Their fear and anguish like a blight
They felt safe because of you
Your light it was so bright it’s true
Not fair of course you deserved the world
You knew that you could heal and unfurl
Figure it all out you would
And love yourself just as you should
And finally learn strong boundaries
And attract those loving hercules
Those strong people, inner strength
Like you they’ve been put up to the brink
The death of soul and now awake
They search for tribes to quell and quake
Masterful and sensitive
They forgive and give and give and give
And you know you are one of them
And renewed hope on journey stems
Trying listening within
Trusting that love is what went dim
Self compassion is your chore
As shame returns with each great score
Reducing size or is it growing
Heal emotions and new knowing
Center, grounding, peace of mind
Solid forming, still maligned
Defensiveness and anger flare
But forgiving quicker in thin air
Believing in the moment’s peace
That’s the truth not all the fleece
Still confusing childhood wounds
Where’s the love-so many moods
Why the deep and painful purge
Feel relief when follow urge
Writing helps you flow it out
The truth is innocence about
All of it you chose but why
More than you can fathom, sigh
Others seem to simply thrive
Private hell they do deny
Good to have access to love
Reach for heaven up above
But also know you are whole and kind
Lovely you, you shine, shine, shine
Then loved ones blame—it all comes back
Another painful self attack
Oh the grief you must allow
The child must cry it out oh wow
Will the tears they ever stop
When your happy bubble popped
Self-reliant muscle test
You are getting strongest yet
See yourself that child hugged
Held and cherished sweetest mug
Smiles and happy to see you
Healing all that you’ve been through
It’s okay to cry a lot
Over things that most forgot
Disappointment to your core
Life goes on with all the sores
Want them all to go away
Triggers say hello today
Do not put it all on you!
Bask in love all the day through
When you find a sea of pain
That is someone else’s train
Let them drive on their own track
Do not let them take a snack
Send them love and move along
You know how you are so strong
You do so much for others
Time to be your own best mother
Nurture, comfort, love your soul
You are here to Rock n Roll
Everything is now alright
You are purely Love and Light
Original Poem © Roxanne E. Smith
With deep caring, comfort, and compassion,
P.S. See more healing poems and writings here
Perfectionism, The Highly Sensitive Person, and How Grieving Our Childhood Pain Is Essential To Healing
Hi everyone. I hope you are enjoying the summer. I hope you are not heaping lists of “shoulds” on yourself (home improvements etc.) to accomplish–only to realize, “What was I thinking?! I can’t do all this stuff!–the KIDS are home!” ha ha. Yes I remember, and I still do it somewhat but this summer is SO much better. Back then it was a priority for me to make happy, fun summer memories for my children and connecting with them emotionally. I always ended up throwing out my long list of shoulds. If you don’t, you end up saying to yourself, “I didn’t get this done and I didn’t get that done. Instead make a list of all the things you DO accomplish after they happen–write down each special conversation, each walk in nature, each memorable meal together etc. By the end of the summer you will have a wonderful memoir of how special your summer actually was instead of a list of what you didn’t get done.
Even with my best efforts when my children were growing up, I was too busy satisfying their needs for a fun summer and way too many “shoulds” for myself that I often felt like I missed it–summer would just zip by me and I was left feeling regret.
I think often times we are busy like that to avoid our painful feelings that we may have experienced in childhood. We found ways to cope and survive the lack of love, encouragement, acknowledgement, and acceptance we all desperately wanted and needed. We are perfectionists, compulsive over-workers, compulsive shoppers, compulsive list-makers, and then call ourselves procrastinators because we put things off–but it’s really because we have unrealistic expectations of what we need to accomplish.
As highly sensitive children, it seemed to us that nothing we ever did was praised or applauded as we deserved unless it was something others wanted us to be doing. This was so confusing to us so we rationalized that we must not be doing enough or doing it well enough. Now when we overwork because of perfectionism it is because we are still trying to fill an unmet need from childhood–one that will never be met but can be resolved if we allow our sadness about the truth of it all to come to the surface. Grief is a positive, healthy emotion that is necessary to heal your childhood wounds. You deserved so much more–you deserved…”love”. You did not get what you felt you needed and you may feel you are still not getting it. The problem is not with you…you are so loveable! Aren’t you! You know it. You are smiling right now aren’t you because you know it on some deep level. 🙂 That is the truth that you must listen to. The love you need and deserve exists–we know what we deserved.
For some reason, we may feel we were born into situations where we couldn’t get love the way our souls needed to be loved. I had a hard time resolving this–it didn’t make sense. I was drawn to reading a lot of new age books on spirituality to figure this out. Reading all these books really helped me get a new perspective. I now believe that I may have more innate inner strength than certain family members. I am able to grow and give to others even more because of my childhood wounds. We (HSPs) see the truth, we KNOW we deserve love and better treatment and we know we don’t deserve feeling bad about ourselves any longer. When someone sees you as LESS THAN and you know you deserve more–you don’t have to be around that person. You may need to try a few times to get them to see you and understand you, but if you keep on coming up short in their eyes, and this is causing you a great deal of stress, then it’s time to distance yourself from them and get some healing support. Some of us can’t even try to be ourselves with them–it’s too excruciating to re-experience the rejection, so we must just leave for as long as it takes so that we can begin to heal.
We all NEED acceptance. It’s very important to look elsewhere for people who accept you and understand your self-expression for support. We (HSPs) eventually grow from the pain of it all, and we learn to rely on our selves if we can get away from the negativity that unhealthy family members, bullies, and/or society use to control us and keep us DOWN. They know we are different and special and yet maybe they are not as evolved as we are and so it seems they do not have the inner strength to say, “Wow you have these great gifts of sensitivity and awareness and depth–you are different from us, you should go out into the world and share your knowledge, vision, gifts, and message of love and peace to the world–we understand and we are in awe of you. So GO, fly away and be the best that you can be!” ha ha Wouldn’t that be the greatest to hear anyone say that!?!
In order for them to say that to us, they would have to be very secure and love themselves a lot (or be an HSP like you). It could be they don’t love themselves at all. They may want to control us because they have so much pain and if we leave them it makes them feel their pain so they blame us. They may not have the “insight” to see what we see or want what we want and to see that their pain has nothing to do with us. We are holding ourselves back, waiting for their permission to leave.
Reading the books on spirituality helped me to believe that my spirit (everyone’s spirit) is going to live for all eternity and the lessons I learn in this lifetime will never be forgotten. I believe we all evolve at different levels and different speeds and some of us souls are more advanced than others. We (HSPs) are continuously healing our post traumatic stress from our very real childhood wounds, and it is necessary for us to separate from those who caused these wounds and move forward toward new healthier people. We must not feel guilty for healing–I believe GOD wanted us to be all that we can be and he is with us in all our healing. We each have different limits to what negativity we can be around–we need to honor these limits and take care of ourselves whatever it takes! Alice Miller often talks about the “never-ending work of mourning” in her books and how important the grieving process is for our recovery–we must accept it as essential to our healing and to our eventual freedom from our inner-prison of self-doubt.
Perhaps our highly sensitive souls are more evolved and we chose (with the gift of God’s free will) to have these experiences in this lifetime to learn about the pain of rejection and about our own strength in overcoming it. Maybe we chose them so we could learn what not to do to our own children and develop empathic skills to help others by surviving such treatment as children. I know that I am finally glad to be me, and I am proud of myself for all that I have figured out and how this knowledge has helped a lot of other people to heal.
The grieving process has opened my life up to the most wonderful feelings of joy, love, and trust in my creativity, and this is what keeps me going in this direction. When I love and value myself and my feelings, all of them, I have more to give others to help them to heal as well. I believe we are all highly sensitive for a very special reason and may need to heal separately from our families until we are strong enough to not be triggered and to give back to others…others who are ready to heal and ready to feel.
With support we can grieve for not getting the love we feel we needed and we can have a happy, healthy, guilt-free, and independent life. The joy and relief you will feel when you allow yourself to grieve will feel wonderful and so you will know you are going in the right direction. If you need help grieving and someone to listen, this is what this blog community is here for. Thank you sensitive souls out there for being here on the planet.
Thank you to all my commenters for sharing your pain and experiences and encouragement–your words are so helpful to others who have not yet found their voice.
Please also check out my new pages called “Portrait of an INFJ, …INFP, and …INTJ”. Very many of my clients have turned out to be these three temperament types (but not all) and I believe it would benefit those who are to read the description of your true potential as was written in Keirsey and Bates book on temperament types. (See Recommended Books). It certainly gave me hope when I read it and I hope it does the same for you.