Advertisements

Monthly Archives: October, 2018

Poem: EMERGING WITH POETIC NEWS–About Healing Childhood Wounds

Emerging With Poetic News

By Roxanne E. Smith

October 1, 2018

Painful layers coming up. Tortured soul now wise enough.

Stronger now to see the truth.  Allow my heart to show the proof.

No wonder sometimes feel alone.  Who can understand this drone?

I can see it, but who else?  Few dive as deep into the self.

Emerging with poetic news to explain the latest cruise

That ventured deep inside my heart to purge and cleanse to a brand new start.

I feel the urge to start anew.  Old mask feels odd and fits askew.

Anxiety had gone away but visiting now it’s back today.

Fear from old, not about the present.  Hurry and leave, you are unpleasant.

I can comfort the child you hurt. Anxiety you are so absurd—

If I knew then what I know now I’d ground myself and calm it! Wow!

—I know how to when I “write” but when I “think” I lose all sight.

To think is to stay stuck in fright—to write accesses hope and light.

So write I must and clear it out.  The truth is LOVE and it heals all doubt.

Sure that I will then succeed as I would’ve done with love as seeds.

Fertile growth of childhood soul instead of hurt from heartless roles.

We all wear masks to protect the child—inside of us afraid, meek, and mild.

The bully’s gone you can come out.  Love is God and Joy can shout.

It’s okay to loudly dance and sing at newfound circumstance.

You are love and past was wrong but you are right so sing a song.

Release all doubt and pain not yours and let in truth and love in store.

Instantly you can check in and fill yourself with heart heaven.

By knowing love is under the pain, let it go and fill it up again.

My heart hurts but yearns for love. Replace all pain with bliss from above.

Writing helps me know the truth. If you weren’t loved then love is proof.

Now you’re loved and you are the same just now away from shame and blame.

Toxic talk does harm to kids but they then grow stronger hearts to rid…

They rid themselves of negativity and shine and thrive compassionately.

And go where kindness is so real and life is pure and peace does heal.

Get time alone with heartfelt word—injustice melts and love endures.

Replenish just by plugging in to your higher self and grow within.

More real you with tougher resolve—the outcome as your soul evolves.

Here on earth to shine your light with wisdom that helps others’ plights.

We all have this ability—some know it more—Oh lucky me.

My life plan helped me enough to encounter those who’d wake me up.

Awake I am and grateful yes to heal my soul from heart oppressed.

Freedom beckons every soul to love themselves and heal to whole.

Write to heal and feel relief.  You deserve to rest with peace.

And you’ll grow stronger you will see.  Sending Love to You, from Me. 😀

Original Poem © 2018 Roxanne Smith

This is the poem that I wrote a few weeks ago. It talks about how writing helps me to access a wisdom that comforts and heals me to my vibrant self again. This poem was such a valuable reminder–Sometime I forget to journal when I get stuck but writing out my most vulnerable feelings helps me every time!

This poem flowed out of me as is in cursive longhand–with just a few minor grammatical changes. I feel it is a combination of my own creative process combined with channeling my Higher Self/divine inner wisdom. It is never my intention to ever share it when I am writing these kinds of poems. After each time I write my poems and healing songs, I feel like I’ve healed a layer of repressed childhood pain that needed to be acknowledged and released.  I’m sharing this one now with this blog community with the hope that it helps you heal too. I encourage you to try writing this way too–give it a try in a journal for your eyes only–it’s important that you know it’s only for your own healing to help you dive deep and discover feelings you didn’t know you had. (The Artist’s Way book by Julia Cameron is a wonderful guidebook on how to journal to unblock yourself creatively and find your voice.)

Thank you to those who have emailed me to tell me that my poems have changed their lives and that they print out and read their favorite ones every day to lift themselves up.  It’s been almost 2 years since I’ve written one of these healing poems.  I’ll be adding it and a few others to the Healing Writings Page.  I’ll be adding new song lyrics to this page also–they won’t be new Posts so you won’t get email notifications, they will just be new Pages on the blog so I will mark them with “NEW” in red so you can check them out. Wishing you comfort, healing, inner peace, and a feeling of safety to be YOU!

With Love and Light,

Roxanne ♥ XOXOXO

 

 

Advertisements

Part 3 (Final) of Heart To Heart Update

Hello everyone! If you’ve been feeling extra tired, or extra emotional, or stuck, or triggered, I believe the full moon todayfull harvest moon is causing energies that are helping us to clear out some deep unhealed layers of childhood pain.  I personally have been very tired and journaling a lot to work through heavy, dark feelings of self-doubt and unworthiness — which hasn’t been easy.  Some of my best songs and poems arise at times like these and I’ll be sharing them here hopefully soon to help anyone who resonates and would like to feel hopeful about their emotional state.  The poem I wrote on Oct. 1 that I mentioned in my last post will be shared in my next post–I read it again today and it was helpful in moving out the stuck emotions I felt today so I plan to share that in the coming few days.

Now, on with Part 3!–Here’s the last part of my heart to heart series to update everyone on what I’ve been doing while I was on a break from writing regularly on this blog. This post is a long one–future posts will be much shorter for easier reading I promise!

Continuing with sharing the story of my journey to finally start performing, let me just say it took until fall of 2017 for me to feel ready to start looking for paid gigs–I had been practicing a 2 hour set of my songs (including playing guitar) for many months while we got settled in our new house (Oct. 2016) before I felt ready to reach out to venues as a professional musician. Then on one courageous day, I took the leap and did it–made phone calls and sent emails with a demo video I had made.

1st gig photo

1st gig on Sept. 23, 2017

I found 2 local venues (a branch of Breweries, and a winery) that were encouraging local artists and paid, albeit meagerly, for 2 hours of a mix of original folk rock and cover songs by my favorite artists: James Taylor, Carole King, The Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, Bonnie Raitt, Neil Young, and more! My album and the demo I made with performance videos from my open mic nights helped convince them to give me a chance and soon I was performing once a month then twice a month and then eventually 4 times a month. By the end of the summer of 2018 I was doing 3 hour gigs as well with several hired guitarists that I had duos with. Phew!rock and roll wonder woman

I stopped in September to take a break and get organized with my coaching and this blog and also to celebrate!– because I feel over a hump and ready to branch out and collaborate with some new musicians and look for higher paying venues.  Breaking through a glass ceiling that I never thought I could achieve brings up surprising amounts of grief and emotional pain and is not all just happiness, ease, and fun. glass ceiling Yes, when you have childhood wounds that kept you in a state of hiding most of your life, you must keep up with the positive affirmations and self-care of course but also make time for grieving the loss of all the years you didn’t believe in yourself and your gifts. It’s important to leave time for emotional healing and not spread yourself too thin.  It took some time for me to find a balance that worked for me.keep calm and glass ceiling

Okay, so now on a new topic, not only have I been performing and working on my music career, but I have also developed some new life coaching skills and emotional healing tools. From 2014 to now and continuing, I have been working with various intuitive coaches, energy healers, and spiritual counselors.  Through my seeking and thirst for knowledge about the spiritual realms, I have developed my own intuitive abilities to the point where I am proud to say that I am now a channel for spiritual guidance  as an Akashic Record Reader and you can read more about this on my new life coaching website. Yay! It’s very exciting! I realize now that I have always had this ability on some level but now I am able to ask for and receive spiritual inner guidance with greater clarity and greater confidence, knowing, and with greater tools to help others.AA Muriel

And this is because:  I have had to continually be doing intense emotional healing of my own.  Layers of pain coming up to the surface with each new success–the pain and doubt doesn’t just magically go away one day when you have many childhood wounds–having given up on myself at the age of 5 and banished my true self and my dreams away to develop a false self that was hiding and codependent, a people pleaser, and a rescuer–I’ve had to continue to work on healing all of these issues!  I’ve continually been working through the PTSD that results from having the abandonment wounds (from being hospitalized as a toddler) and also working through shame and feeling unsafe to be my true self as a child and throughout my early adulthood.  I had learned how to survive by hiding away my true desires and gifts and dreams so completely that I gave up on my music for 20 years while raising my children. Perhaps you can relate! hiding under a rock.jpeg

And so now here I am an empty nester, feeling like I’m in my 30’s (due to a healthy diet and new tools), pursuing a singing career, to share my songs that flow out of me– sometimes from my wounded heart but mostly from the bright light of hope inside of me that knows my purpose on the planet is to write and sing music and also give hope to others who cannot find their way up and out of the painful layers that often feel too heavy to break through.

Joni-Mitchell-Complete-So-Far-Guitar-Songbook-Edition-800

As I write this I realize I’ve learned and sharpened so many tools since 2012:guitar yoga  I learned ways to replenish and to re-energize my adrenals; continued my healthy diet; exercise regularly for strength and endurance; made myself more disciplined to practice my music as a priority; tap into spirit often to sharpen those innate intuitive skills and gifts; continue to write poetry and songs as I work through the emotional challenges;  I have opened myself up to spiritual knowledge about ascension symptoms, upgrades to the planet, and even the effect of past lives on our current incarnations; practice extreme self-care as I continue to grow from life’s challenges and surprises, and remind myself that the rule #1 from this blog still applies and was really ground-breaking at that time.

And that is that Self-Compassion is rule #1!journal tea bed

I’m grateful to this blog for this all important bit of wisdom to come forth–because it was writing here to you all that caused this bit of wisdom to be born!

And so I say thank you to all of you that are part of this highly sensitive, compassionate, and spiritually awakened community of Hope and Healing from Childhood Wounds. I hope it continues to be a haven of safety for your wounded inner child to come and get strong–as a cocoon for you to grow your wings at your own pace and try out your new wings when you are feeling strong enough to go for your dreams.  As always my message is:  You Can Do It!! …And have compassion and kindness for yourself as the pain comes up to heal with each success! Because you are strong enough to feel it, comfort yourself through it, acknowledge that you absorbed negativity you didn’t deserve, release it, rest, and rise again!inner child

Rest here in this haven anytime you wish, and reach out to this community or just read the comments from the hundreds who have reached out with their stories of childhood wounds and emotional healing in the comment sections. I would love to hear from you!  Please leave a comment to let me know you are helped by what I am sharing or if you are new to this community so that I can welcome you.

Wishing all of you comfort, inner peace, and so much love as you continue to heal,

Roxanne 😇✌️🎶💖✨

Roxanne Smith – Folk Rock Songs For the Soul

 

 

 

Part 2 of Heart to Heart Update

Hello Everyone! Sorry to be late with this post– So much has happened since my last post.  I had intended to release Part 2 last week but, after my performance on Oct. 6, I was unexpectedly exhausted–I slept 8 hours then I took a 6 hour nap the day after my show! I was shocked and woke up feeling like Rip Van Winkle lol! I continued to be tired on and off this week and was feeling brain fog and lots of emotional healing to do from having broken through another glass ceiling for myself. solophoto10-6-18 This show was my first 3 hour gig on a saturday night and my highest paying gig to boot!  It went even better than expected too because I had to play all the guitar by myself  for the entire 3 hour gig (I usually hire someone to play guitar with).  I prepared a set list that was 1/2 originals and 1/2 covers and all songs that I could play confidently and I practiced at least an hour a day to have the proper callouses by then.  It was a duo show accompanied by my friend who plays beautiful mandolin and bass (alternating depending on the needs of each song).  I made my best tips ever too that night so this gig was a success on many levels and as always that brings up more inner child pain to acknowledge and  release–having given up on my music for so many years.

I’m so grateful to realize I can do things I never dared to dream to be doing and yet now I am doing it!  It’s been indescribably surreal and emotional causing parts of me to want to go into hiding again to protect myself from feeling it and other parts of me are so excited to be at the next level and wanting more success!–the latter is the voice I am listening to!

Preparing for this big performance was also emotional and so 5 days prior to the show I had one of those days I couldn’t function well because of intense emotions brewing inside me.  Whenever this happens I always turn to pen and paper to write out my feelings in longhand to gain clarity–and on Oct 1 a long poem burst forth in poetic rhyming fashion just like my other poems on my healing writings page.  I’ve been writing songs and journaling consistently but I haven’t written a Poem in a year or 2! It is still in longhand at the present moment but I will be sharing it here on this blog after I get it typed up properly. I’m naming it “Emerging With Poetic News” so look for it in an upcoming post after this “heart to heart update series”.

Okay now so back to Part 2! I’ll just start in with this.  …In keeping with my explanation of my journey away from the blog since 2012:  I was feeling spread too thin to keep up with this blog, I was going to open mic nights to overcome my fear of singing in public, and I was making an album of my original songs which was a dream come true.  It was 2012 when this blog and my coaching business were at their peak but I couldn’t do both–my heart told me that focusing on the music was the right thing to do.  My health problems improved dramatically and I overcame my severe stagefright and made important musical connections in my city.  I performed my songs with my guitar for free at open mics but I still had a long way to go.

The album was released on iTunes in 2014. I still had never performed for money yet.  I had no income, just a dream and spiritual guidance from an intuitive counselor mentor that I trusted who helped me to see that my songs of hope and healing are helping others and they are a big part of my true purpose in this lifetime. This deeply resonated as I had accumulated 50 original songs by now that had poured out of me fairly easily in a creative process that I had developed which felt as if I channeled their creation from my higher self.  I knew that I must become the singer-songwriter that I longed to be in my heart and share my journey of hope, healing, and upliftment through my songs.

As soon as my album was self-published and released on iTunes, I had a surgery in fall 2014 to correct varicose veins that ended up setting me back on my health journey–sensitive to the high levels of epinephrine that was used in this outpatient procedure that spanned 4 weeks time, my adrenal fatigue came back with a vengeance. I stopped with the open mic nights too and focused on regaining my health.

Continuing to write songs,  I realized my house and it’s constant needs for updates and repairs were too much for me and my husband.  So we followed our hearts and intuitive guidance from my intuitive counselor that it was best that we move and leave the 18 year old house where we’d raised our 2 now grown children and find a place that I could focus on my music and have less maintenance to worry about.  For a sentimental sensitive person like myself this was quite a challenge–purging many things to make the move easier.

By fall of 2016 we found the perfect home in a different part of the city and, after a rollercoaster year of searching and decluttering, we were all moved into a wonderful new home that (magically 😇 ✨) met all of our needs. Long story short, it took until fall of 2017 for me to feel ready to start reaching out and looking for paid gigs to perform my original songs of hope and healing….

…To be continued in Part 3 coming in a couple weeks.

Sending all of you Peace and Love and Light from Above,

Roxanne 😇🎶💖✨

%d bloggers like this: