Category Archives: Coaching for Intuitives

I Was Lost But Now I’ve Found Me

Hello Everyone!  Happy New Year, Everyone! Happy New Decade! Yay 2020!!! I hope you are doing well.  I hope you find hope in my sharing my journey of feeling lost to feeling found. I understand, I care, and I found ways to heal that perhaps can help you too.

 

10 years ago today I started this blog!  It was a new beginning for me as the blog helped me to find my voice as a writer; as a coach, mentor, and spiritual counselor for other highly sensitive souls and empaths with childhood wounds; and just …as a person, a soul, a human being on the planet! I did not realize I had started my blog at the beginning of a decade! I did not realize until yesterday how serendipitous and special it is that I started my blog at the beginning of the previous Decade!  Wow exactly 10 years ago! I was 48 then and felt kind of old and yet unaccomplished and green.  I am 58 now and I feel younger than I did at 48 …and in fact younger and happier than when I was in my 30s!  2020 vision and clarity is ahead for us all–a new hopeful path is emerging before our very eyes! I invite you to get out your journal or think back to january 2010 and look at how far you have come.  Please share your healing journey in the comments below  or if you resonate with realizing you started some positive changes or awarenesses in your life in 2010.

 

one whole decade

 

I found my true soul’s purpose as a result of writing this blog and an ability to express myself that had long been hidden inside me. When I started I had no idea how importantly the work I did on this blog would impact my life. I remember thinking, if I could just help one other person with what I’ve learned on my journey then this blog would be a success. Such a valuable thing to learn I think because I had low expectations so when the blog gained momentum and had lots of engagement it gave me so much confidence! The success of beginning my career as a life coach on the blog lead me to following my intuition and trusting my own inner guidance at deeper and deeper levels.

I was helping others through sharing my journey through a pen name at first–using my middle name, I was known as Elaine back then. At the height of my coaching career, I then started writing more and more songs, going to open mic nights, met musician friends in my area, and overcame my terrifying fear of singing alone on stage in public. I started performing around Indianapolis and getting paid for it and made an album of original songs that is on all the Worldwide music platforms such as iTunes, Spotify, and Amazon.

While I deeply loved my blog, my coaching and my clients, my heart was torn in 2 directions. I realized I had to put all my songs under my legal name and until then they had been divided–half were songs about inner child healing under the name of Elaine. When I changed my name on the blog and stopped writing as regularly, the blog audience changed and grew as I changed and grew. Even when I didn’t write for a few years on this blog, the old posts continued to get readers and new followers and I continued to get emails from grateful sensitive souls who felt their childhood wounds had been “seen” and their inner feelings “voiced”.

My journey took a spiritual turn as the intuitive abilities helped me realize many of my songs and blog posts had been “channeled” by me–I realized I was co-creating with the help of my higher self. My soul’s purpose grew to include being an energy healer, and the training and certification I received as a Reiki Practitioner in 2012 was fitting beautifully with my channeling abilities, and I attracted opportunities for office space to do this Reiki work and Intuitive work in Indianapolis. Now, in addition, the music and the Reiki are fitting together as I learn about sound healing and things like Reiki-infused music and music-infused Reiki. It is so amazing to me how life unfolds in ways that amaze but we somehow get glimpses of what could be, yet we don’t know how we can get to our dreams and yet the dreams unfold into yet even better dreams and magical abilities.

We also all have so many unexpected hardships along the way and think we are off track sometimes, but I believe it is these very hardships and side roads that make us stronger–strong enough for the next thing that our higher self has planned for us! The last 2 years have been an upheaval for me, revealing unhealthy patterns in me that I couldn’t see without some shake-ups and re-formulating in some very close relationships.

But it all makes sense now–if you have painful childhood wounds you need to relearn how to bond with people with pure love at the core. I have even more self-compassion for my wounds, even more strength to observe them and release them and grow stronger with each layer of emotional pain from the past that presents itself.

The result is a really strong foundation at my core, an independence and confidence to stand on my own 2 feet, and empowerment that is not codependent on a partner or children, or a role, or achievement in life but in a power of being that is centered, grounded, and wise with knowing that I am worthy of having it all just by being. And that we are all worthy of having it all and I LOVE helping others to get to this same feeling of wholeness and vitality and creative expression.

Whew! What a ride the last 10 years have been! The first 3 years of this blog contain the meatiest, most substantial posts in my opinion so I am going to be reblogging those posts on the day that they were posted 10 years ago as they come up. I will also be posting updates in the present day too interspersed with these older blog posts.

So here is the very first blog post from the first day I signed up for the wordpress site– I was back then just learning to navigate the brand new wordpress world (and with my very first laptop computer too–I was still just learning the computer) at that time–my youngest child was now settled in college.

The first post was lyrics to an original song that expressed the hope I felt at going from “lost” to “found”. Thank you to all of you who follow me and to any of you who have followed me from the very beginning, I am sending you big hugs!!! 💞💞💞I’d love a comment or a hello from you!! Please join me in celebrating my 10 year anniversary of teaching and learning self-compassion through this blog–all the way from Elaine to Roxanne Elaine. I will continue to write here to share my journey to comfort and encourage all who resonate with this community of Hope and Healing. I’m so grateful to all of you who read my blog. Again I THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart and the depths of my soul.

Wishing you a wonderful Happy New Year Celebration!! 🎉🙌 Yay!! It’s 2020!!🤩

A new Beginning for us all.

Party like 1999

Sending you comfort, caring, inner peace, love and light,

and Encouragement to Enjoy Life, and Permission to Party!!

Look how far you’ve come!! 😃💃🕺❣️

Roxanne ✌️😇🎶💖✨

 

Hope and Healing Haven

My very first post, Dec. 30, 2009: 

I Was Lost But Now I’ve Found Me

Lyrics by Roxanne Smith

I am strong but they can’t see me

I am wise but they can’t hear me

I am kind but they can’t feel me

I was lost but now I’ve found me

I can see the truth in me

I can feel the love in thee

I can have the strength I lost begin again

Your belief in me makes me free

CHORUS

I am sad and you are there to hold me

I am weak and you are there to guide me

I am scared and you are there to love me

I was lost but now I’ve found me

I can be all that I can be

Overcome the fear they gave me

When all I feel is lost and unaware

You are there to say you care

When…

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12 Tips For Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) in Recovery From Narcissistic Abuse in Childhood

Hello Dear Highly Sensitive Souls. I am a life coach for highly sensitive people (HSPs) with childhood wounds and I specialize in inner child healing for adults in recovery from narcissistic abuse.  I am sharing a new post created by combining and updating 2 posts that I wrote awhile back on this blog to reveal all 12 tips for HSPs on one page.

This information on these 2 posts has continued to attract more and more followers to my blog, for all these years since 2010, even when I stopped blogging for a few years, more than any other posts on this blog. And so I am sharing it now to highlight the important content that resonates with many HSPs who are now awakening to their intuition and/or spirituality and embracing their emotional healing journey in order to step into their true purpose as their Higher Selves to assist the planet with their many creative gifts.:

As highly sensitive people, many of you are struggling with how to cope with your relationship with your narcissistic parent and your unsupportive siblings and extended family.  First of all I want to tell you that as an empathic, intuitive life coach for many people with childhood wounds, I understand your pain and how hard it is. There is very little support in our society for not having a relationship with ones’ parents no matter how negative and destructive they are to you or were to you in your childhood.  Many people have difficult parents but they tolerate them and seem to get by okay so why can’t you, right?  The pressure is very real.  But let me help you understand the difference between you (an HSP) and everyone else with some more helpful tips that are very important for you to know.

1. Know that your greatest gift is your intuition.

As a highly sensitive person (HSP), you were naturally giving and loving and trusting as children.  You had high hopes for yourselves and others including your parents.  People with loving and supportive parents are more likely living lives full of vitality and creative fulfillment and healthy boundaries to keep negative, manipulative, harmful people at a distance naturally and sharing their unique gifts with others.  These people don’t feel guilty about not getting along with everyone–they just “know” there are some people who are unhealthy and dangerous–they pay attention to their natural instincts.  But people with a narcissistic parent were taught at a very young age, even from birth not to trust their own instincts, their own intuition.  The horrible thing about that is, that was their greatest gift, “their sensitive intuition”, and it was often used against them.

2. Know that you may have repressed a terrible trauma from your childhood–the loss of the knowledge of your gifts.

Possibly, if you had an N parent, then part of your sensitivities were seen as a gift for “them”.  They could control you easily because of your trusting nature–so often they used fear to get you to be quiet, anger to get you to obey, and shame to keep you from feeling independent and strong.  And it worked.  You trusted them and needed them to take care of you and protect you from a world that overwhelmed your sensitive souls so you…experienced a trauma that caused you to shut down your true selves and become what they wanted you to become.   Something happened that was “the last straw” for your fragile but wise self that was developing. You stopped trusting the Universe to be a safe place to be YOU.  Typically it happens around age 5 or 6, according to Alice Miller (Author of The Drama of the Gifted Child).  After an incident that you can’t remember because you have repressed it, suddenly, you are obedient and sweet wanting only to please.  And please them you did.  And that is why it is so hard for them to let go of you now.  You took care of them.  Completely and amazingly.  They felt loved by you and validated by you filling a void inside of them that was caused in their childhood.  It is as if you were the loving parent that they never had.  That is how gifted you were.  Those gifts of intuiting the needs of others are still there–they were just misused and abused by your needy and narcissistic parent.  Those gifts of being a loving and giving and caretaking soul were mis-directed.

3. Know that your childhood holds the roots of your anxiety, self-doubt, post traumatic stress, and co-dependence issues.

As you grew up and tried to do some of the creative endeavors that were driven by your soul, your parent probably did not support you because they did not want you to leave them or stop taking care of their emotional needs or they just saw no harm in controlling you.  As narcissistic parents with no conscience or guilt, it was easy for them to manipulate you, so they did.  The pain of your original trauma at the age of 5 or 6 would come up for you each time you tried to express your true self and these outbursts of emotion may have been shamed and punished by your parent and made you give up each time.  This is the beginning of the post traumatic stress that still plagues you today. ” Why do I over-react in these explosive ways”, you may have asked yourself.  This is why.  Your true self and all your repressed feelings and desires from childhood still want badly to be heard and understood and validated and “loved”.  Your narcissistic parent was not capable of giving you this love and still is not and never will be.  Your love needs are still unmet.  You searched for love from others but sometimes, because parts of you are still undeveloped and childlike, you end up being attracted to people who seem wonderful and charming at first but then turn out to be needy and manipulative and unable to comfort you when you need it most–just like your N parent.

4. Know that there is hope and you can heal.

So what is a highly sensitive person with an N parent to do?  You can heal and learn to love yourself and slowly unblock all those creative parts of yourself that never got a chance to be expressed.  You can learn to trust your self and your gifts of emotional intelligence and intuition that were seemingly robbed from you and misused and abused.  You can gain clarity amidst all the confusion, and hope amidst all the despair.  You can learn that it is okay for you to say no to other people’s demands and put yourself first.  You need to learn about extreme “self- care” (Cheryl Richardson–author of the book Life Makeovers) and you need a journal to pour into all the feelings from your deepest heart.  You need support from like-minded, highly sensitive, safe people to share the pain and grief from the loss of a childhood that feels as if it was taken away from you.  All your desires and free impulses were repressed so that you could survive with an illusion that your parent’s needs were more important than your own.  But surviving was not really living your life.  Surviving is not good enough.  Your survival skills just cause you trouble because they are not driven by your heart, they are driven by a needy inner child trying to please a parent that felt unpleasable and without remorse about what they did to you.

5. Know that the answers are inside of you and support is available.

You need to take a new direction.  A direction into your own soul.  You need to excavate the desires of a child who never had a say in the development of his/her own life!  Write it out!  Talk it out! Cry it out!  Shout it out!  You can do this in a journal that is meant for your eyes only.  Or you can find a counselor or coach who does inner child healing therapy.  It’s important to find support somewhere so you can find your true voice and express it.  There are HSP meet-up groups in larger cities.  You might also look into Unitarian churches or Unity churches to meet people of a spiritual nature who are not necessarily “religious”.

6. Know that no contact with a malignant narcissistic parent is not just recommended so that you can get the time you need to heal, it is vital.

One of the first steps into this new direction of healing for yourself is ending the old song and dance and unhealthy relationship that you have with your narcissistic parent.  If you’ve tried everything else and you are still miserable, that means setting boundaries on contact is an important step so that you can heal and move on with the life that you always deserved.  The fact that you understand the words Malignant Narcissistic is crucial here.  We are not talking about a parent that is capable of being remorseful about your childhood and trying to change, we are talking about a parent who blames you every time the relationship isn’t going their way–they resent the loss of control over your life that they always had. Control is not love. It may be time to cut off contact so you can finally heal.  You do not owe them another ounce of your precious energy.  You owe it to yourself to stay away from them as you heal, because being around them at all always takes a toll on you,  a toll that is much heavier and destructive and stressful and toxic to you than you may realize.

7.  Know that the GUILT is relieved by acknowledging the anger and hatred you felt as a child that you were forced to repress.

The guilt of setting boundaries in your relationship with your Narcissistic (N) parent will be strong.  Ignore it because it is not your guilt. It is guilt induced from elsewhere that you internalized since you were a tiny child.  That has affected your freedom as a gifted child to become your own wonderful self!  It may feel as if they took that from you and gave you guilt, shame, and fear in its place.  So what do you do with the guilt you feel when stepping out on your own to become the person with freedom to do whatever you want with your life?  HSPs tend to feel guilt for feeling anger–allow yourself to feel angry about it!  Righteous anger is a healthy emotion that you were not “allowed” to express to them–but it is important that you release this anger in harmless ways (not to the parent who abused you) .  Acknowledge it, tell a safe person, or write it out in a journal (for your eyes only) in detail the anger you feel for all that you lost.  Because this rage inside that comes out sometimes in your life at the wrong people has an origin that needs to be acknowledged and let go of.  You have a right to acknowledge this repressed anger for the traumas that happened to you as a child–it was too painful for a child to survive this kind of excruciating, unbearable emotional pain of hating your parents when you needed them so desperately.  So the trauma is repressed and the truth of what happened to you needs to be released so that you can finally be free. Punching a mattress with your fist and/or screaming into several pillows for as long as you need to is helpful to release the rage you have kept inside all these years.  It helps to have a supportive and safe person present to validate your feelings as you release them. Do not hold onto this intense anger–release it and imagine this energy going away from you forever.  (Forgiveness is important but not until all the layers of repressed anger are worked through and this takes time and patience with yourself–do not attempt to forgive too soon or you may get stuck in a guilt about not being able to forgive cycle.)

8. Know that grieving the loss of your childhood is part of the healing process.

Often after the release of anger you will begin to feel all the hurt and pain of not being truly loved as you deserved. Letting this grief out and releasing this is so important as well in the healing process of your wounded soul. (Allow yourself to cry as needed–let your inner child’s repressed pain finally be acknowledged and allowed to cry). It helps so much to talk to another empathic human to feel fully validated, comforted, or hold your hand through this grieving process–but if there is no one possible then you can write this pain out and you may even surprise yourself by the poetry that pours out of you.  (No rules when you write–just let it pour out).  These words of your soul will always surprise you– you may discover a richness and deep inner life inside of you that you never knew existed.  Because it was hiding in fear all this time–a very real fear–fear of your parent’s judgemental rejection and abandonment of your budding wise self that needed love.

9.  Know that it is okay for you to be FREE of them and put yourself first so you can heal.

It is a free country (I am writing this in the USA).  You are a free person to do as you wish. Freedom is your birthright. And no one knows the pain that a narcissistic parent can do to the soul of a highly sensitive child except those who have experienced it.  So stop waiting for approval from the rest of society.  You may need to stop all contact with the harmful, negative, malignant narcissistic parent in your life forever and always if that is how long it takes for you to feel safe and have inner peace. You do not even need to attend their funeral if that is something that worries you. (You can send them peace and love from afar later when you are ready if this worries you–even if they pass on you can send love to them in heaven …if you are open to spirituality and this belief.)  It is okay to protect yourself from all the negative energy and judgements of others at family gatherings if you are feeling this will happen. (This all depends upon your own personal spiritual beliefs–I personally now believe our souls live for eternity and those who truly love and support you will be there in heaven and watch over you in spirit–they will understand your reasons for staying away.  I believe you don’t need to go to a funeral to say goodbye or to appease family members who don’t support you either. This is something that must feel right to you and your own personal spiritual beliefs)  And to support you further, I just happened to hear on the radio today, a Christian counselor gently reminding someone that  “Honor thy father and mother” DOES NOT APPLY when they are emotionally abusive (diminishing in any way) and use fear to control you. Fear is the opposite of love.  It is a deal breaker and they are no longer honorable parents as long as they do not honor your feelings and use fear to intimidate or diminish you.  God wants for you to protect yourself and go towards love in your life and away from those who induce fear until you feel strong and safe to stand up for yourself and your feelings.  I agree with this.  Loving parents want you to feel safe and loved–N parents do not care if you feel safe and loved, they want you to obey or else.  Please get yourself safe and free to heal and get strong.

10. Know that Narcissistic people are known as “Crazymakers” for a good reason.

If you have malignant narcissistic parents, they are not going to change and they are not going to stop trying to make you wrong.  You are not wrong for putting your life and your dreams first for a change.  This is your time.  This is your life.  This is your time for healing and dreaming and learning to love yourself as God/The Universe has always wanted for you.  Malignant Narcissism is mental illness.  It’s a severe problem and insidious in nature because they appear to fit in with other people and have friends and thrive and look fine on the outside. They may even be religious and say they are devoted to God but it is not true.  It is just words. They don’t love themselves so they can’t love you. They may even appear to change and will be on their good behavior around your children but be on guard to not believe it.  They may even turn your kids against you in an instant if they are able so beware.  There’s a deeply hidden self-hatred there underneath in a malignant narcissist and a desire to control others with no remorse and no desire to change which is a disconnected self-protection from emotional pain–a complete separation from their soul’s true essence.  That’s enough knowledge for you to know you need to get you and your children safe with safe boundaries in place.

11.  Know that highly sensitive people absorb the negative energy of others. Time alone and the beauty of nature can help recharge your positive energy.

Malignant narcissists can be like energy vampires sucking the good energy out of you and replacing it with all their unconscious negative feelings about themselves.  It may feel as if you feed them, so to speak, and they take it and feel better about themselves. And they constantly want more, not seeing or caring how it is hurting you.  Only you can stop feeding their endless need for your supply of positive energy. This is what it means to develop healthy boundaries.  It is your very essence, your “gift” that they are taking–your ability to give light and love to others.  You must protect this gift. It is meant for you and for those who are also of light and love so that we can build each other up and help each other so that all of our dreams can come true and we can improve life on our planet.  These dreams and desires that you have deep inside are the inner voice that connects you to God/The Universe and to the light that feeds all of us who are connected to our true essence (HSPs).  It is the LOVE that you never got from your N parents that you begin to feel has been inside of you all along.  As you begin to connect with your real feelings and your vitality you connect with God and the love and bliss that was there innately in our true selves.  Love exists and you can give it to yourselves when you realize you were loved all along and were born with this love to give to others who don’t exploit you.

12.  Know that you can rescue yourself!  No-one can do it for you.

Take the first steps and start on a path of healing today.  Be strong and stay away from your malignant narcissistic parent while you heal and anyone who judges you for doing so.  You don’t need to explain it to anyone. (Most likely you have hidden abandonment wounds that need addressed because you get triggered easily and you are very hard on yourself about that.) Most highly sensitive people will understand without explanation.  They are out there–don’t give up! I am proud to be a highly sensitive person and now as a life coach of inner child healing I shine my light brightly to help other sensitive souls out of the dark.  You have a light inside of you that has just been hiding in fear.  Everything is going to be all right now as the truth of who you are comes to light. Please take extremely good care of yourself so your highly sensitive soul can shine and inspire others. I hope these tips have been helpful to you.  I care so much and I understand.

With much comfort and Love and Light as you heal,

Roxanne 😍✌️🙏😇💖✨

Update! Angel Channeling Success, Inner Child Healing, and a Vacation!

Hi Everyone! I’m happy to say my channeling from last week’s post that I put on YouTube is doing so well!–as of now I have over 2600 views, 260 likes and lots of positive, grateful comments on the Higher Self Channel. I had no idea it would do so well! Here’s the link to see it:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rpKhVU5Etos   ( I apologize but this link is no longer working because I took the video down and moved all my future Channeled Angel Message videos to a new YouTube Channel here. To see all Channeled Angel Messages you can read them here on my blog by clicking here.)

With all the excitement, I then caught a bad cold on Friday. I hadn’t come down with a virus like this in years–I like to believe it happened because I’m clearing out the old from my body that no longer fits and I have shifted into a higher vibration–I hope! 😇. This is what my inner guidance is saying 😍✨ so I’m inclined to believe it. 😃 It’s called a “healing crisis”–google it if you want to learn more.

healing-crisis

I also had to process some emotional pain that got triggered when I was feeling so sick, miserable and alone, and unable to think, or do any work–it triggered me back to my abandonment wound from early childhood and I started spiraling with hopelessness feelings and irrational thoughts like “I will never be well again”–a child believe’s this when they have no comfort and no-one to explain what is happening and that they are going to be okay.

heal the inner child

This wisdom came to me when I allowed myself to examine what messages my inner critic was saying when I was feeling the worst.  With this delving inward, I had an AHA moment!– for the first time when ill, I had clarity of exactly where that feeling came from and I was able to feel it and comfort myself through it–simultaneously I felt myself finally healing from the virus as I felt it lift after a short but intense crying spell about the original neglect and simultaneously comforting myself through it–this was an emotional healing breakthrough! I let the little child in me cry about the original painful event that had been repressed.  I felt so good after that cry–I was …reconnected to my truth–to my true higher self.

That was yesterday.  Today, when I woke up, I felt like Yay my brain is working again, I feel excited and stronger than ever, and I’m getting ready for a vacation in 4 days with my husband.

Palm tree beach

I’ll be back here writing again after I get back from the Bahamas (my first time there ever)! 😁 .

I hope by sharing these things I go through, it will help you the next time you get triggered to a stuck feeling. Write about it and decipher it back to it’s roots and let the inner child ( or past life YOU) cry about it to release this truth that has been repressed.  Crying is part of the healing–Comforting yourself is the crucial 2nd part of the emotional healing process–you know you would comfort a crying child who is ill (or abused) and needs to be held and reassured–of course you would so give this to yourself!!  You can be your own healer!!

157526-Deepak-Chopra-Quote-Any-cell-tissue-or-organ-is-capable-of-crying

If you resonate with this, then this is a good time to start an emotional healing journal today if you have not already.  Think of it as writing out a private conversation with your best loving friend, your higher self, who loves you unconditionally!

Journaling with tea

It’s so healing!! More on this on another post! Have a wonderful couple of weeks, Everyone!!  Sending all of you hugs, comfort, compassion, and deep understanding.

With Love, Light, and Gratefulness,

Roxanne 😇💖✨

Welcome To The Blog For Highly Sensitive People, Intuitives, Empaths, and INFJs In Search Of Emotional Support and Guidance

(May 23, 2012–No you are not seeing double–except for parts of the first paragraph I copied this post and turned it into my new static Home page. So if you have already read this post, check out the comments here and then just scroll down to find the other posts. Welcome to my blog and it’s new format.  New posts coming soon!  🙂 )

Hi Everyone.  I am back and feeling great.  Thank you to all for your prayers and well wishes.  I hope you are doing well also.  I learned much while I was away and I have much new knowledge and wisdom to share.  My Coaching is thriving and I feel very blessed.  I love my work–there is no better feeling than helping other highly sensitive souls to feel good about themselves and their lives and to help them to heal their emotional wounds.  In my opinion, my clients are among the kindest, most compassionate, gifted people on the planet!

It is interesting for me to take an objective look at this blog now that I have had a break from it for several months–there is so much content here.  The first post I wrote back in January 2010.  In my last post,  I talked about how I feel I healed my final trauma-wound—an abandonment wound from the time when I was only 1 and 1/2.  I couldn’t remember it of course but the emotional pain had been dormant within me and in my body in the form of an energy blockage.  Both ailments that I suffered from in the last year were in my root chakra–I never knew about the chakras before and I had been kind of resistant to learning about that kind of stuff.  But it kept coming up in my search for answers to how to heal from this last ailment.  It helped me to put it all together when I read that health issues in the root chakra area may have to do with issues of abandonment.  Then it all came clear in the AHA moment I talked about in my last post (see Oct. 2011) and I was able then to process and heal this inner trauma.

Since then I feel different–healthier, physically stronger, and wiser and with so much more clarity and calmness. For the last month, when thinking about what I was going to write for this post I was trying to think of a word to describe this feeling.  Then I saw Jane Fonda speak on Oprah and on Dr. Oz and some other shows and I resonated so much with what she was saying about “wholeness” and I realized that is it!  I feel “Whole”.

I feel I have come full circle into living my life with the vitality of my whole true self.  I feel more centered and grounded with an exhilaration about the wonderful things to come and for all that I have learned from where I have been.  I am so grateful for what feels like a second chance at life without chronic pain.  I have learned how to relax and enjoy my life.  It has been such a rollercoaster of a spiritual journey to come to this place and time where I can say that with confidence and amazement.  In 2004, when I started writing my songs and process through the layers of grief and pain that kept coming up and were holding me back, I never would have dreamed it was possible–the pain seemed endless as I worked through my childhood truth that had previously been long hidden away from me.  There was something inside of me that KNEW that going through the pain was the only way to get to the other side–that finding my true self was only possible by changing the “faulty BELIEFS” about myself that had formed in early childhood.

And now here I sit feeling very much healed with a new-found ability to recharge and comfort myself and find inner peace no matter what life throws at me and know with complete confidence and trust that everything is going to be okay.  I am telling you this because I want all of you to know it is possible for you too.  I feel so strong in spirit now with so much to give to assist other highly sensitive souls to heal from their abuse from a narcissistic, emotionally abusive parent or to heal from childhood wounds from an event or trauma from childhood.

I look at the content on this blog and there is so much self-help information here–I am amazed at how I did it!  I remember it just flowed out of me easily for almost 2 years, ideas coming to me all the time.  I really was just going with the flow in my life at the time–it takes a lot, getting informative posts ready for public view.  I look over this blog and it feels like it is “complete’–I have had people tell me that it is an entire self-help book in itself.  Some people tell me they read 2 posts a week and it helps them so much.  Others tell me they start at the first post and read it like a book.

If you are looking for some emotional support and guidance, there is much content that I have written in the comment sections of each post where I have in the past answered each and every person’s comment.  I am no longer able to do that now that I am Coaching a lot more.  Frequent commenters have been jumping in occasionally to give support to other commenters when I am not able–it is wonderful to see this happening. Thank you to those of you who have reached out to help others in this way.

I will be answering comments just sporadically and occasionally from now on because of my busy Coaching schedule.  But please know, I am here–I am available for Ask the Coach services and for Coaching.  I am reading your comments and I know you are out there–I understand and KNOW first-hand the emotional pain you are experiencing as you try to make sense of the confusion and destruction of the spirit that is left behind by a narcissistic parent or narcissistic family members.  I send my love and message of hope to you all.  I hope this blog will be a safe place that you can come to for comfort, encouragement, compassion, and most of all healing.

UNDERSTANDING THE HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON:

In my early forties, I felt empowered when I discovered that I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).  I now understand that being an HSP is a gift and for this I am truly grateful.  It means I am highly “intuitive”–not highly “insecure” or “weak” as many people have been wrongly led to believe by our American culture and media.  It also means that I am “Sensory”-sensitive which is not about emotionality–it means I am sensitive to sensory input that causes me to feel overstimulated at times–HSPs take in 5 to 10 times more stimuli in our environments than non-HSPs.  HSPS  are highly creative and often visionaries.  Here are some other things I learned about being an HSP that I would like to share:

1)      MANY HSPS ARE HIGHLY EMPATHIC.  Until you understand the benefits of being an HSP, it can be very difficult to understand why you are so different from those around you and why you yearn to “fit in”.  HSPs feel things more deeply and we can empathize with the feelings of others so completely that we often unwittingly “take on” the negative feelings of those around us.  We can end up feeling “bad” and have no idea why and blame ourselves for it when actually the feelings belong to the person we were just talking to (or sometimes even someone we have just been near).  When we feel bad for no reason, the common reaction for HSPs is to blame ourselves and mentally beat ourselves up.  For example, we say to ourselves, “what is wrong with me;  I should be happy;  everyone else seems happy and carefree so there is something wrong with me that I feel this way;  I must have emotional problems;  I am flawed compared to everyone else”  etc.  When we can recognize that the emotions we are feeling are from others, we can learn to stop this negative self-talk and let go of and release this negative energy that we have absorbed.

2)      HSPS ARE OFTEN TOO HARD ON THEMSELVES.  Becoming aware of how you are treating yourself in your head is becoming aware of your “inner critic”.  Your inner critic is always negative and always wrong about you.  Becoming aware of your inner critic is powerful.  Once you become aware that you are listening to your inner critic you must stop and say to your self, “No, that is not true about me!”  Then replace these thoughts with positive affirmations such as “I love and approve of myself;  I am safe;  I am supported and cared for by the Universe (God);  and I am a highly intuitive soul and I am sensitive for a reason”.  Being able to change the way you treat yourself and talk to yourself will change your life!

3)      HSPS ARE LOVING, COMPASSIONATE SOULS.   When you love and approve of yourself as you deserve to be, you begin to shine the light that is inside your soul.  This light is the gift of the highly sensitive soul:  you innately see the good and the potential in other people;  you look to yourself to improve rather than blaming others or expecting them to change;  you are able to empathize with other people’s feelings with compassion;  you are a trusting and loyal friend;  and a very good listener.  These are wonderful gifts for a person to have for they are rare—and it is usually only the rare and highly sensitive friend that would point this out to you.

4)      HSPS OFTEN NEED TO LEARN HEALTHY BOUNDARIES.  Being the kind and caring soul that you are, if you are not seeing the value of that, your worthiness, you will often attract relationships with the kind of negative energy that your inner critic is reflecting.  Also, people who are less sensitive and not intuitive at all are often drawn to HSPs because we absorb their negative feelings and they feel better around us.  Some of these relationships can really confuse us because these non-HSPs can “act” very kind and generous when they want something from us.  These are actually people we need to avoid because they drain us and are unable to reciprocate the giving nature that we need and deserve in a friendship.  Ending relationships with people who are really takers and manipulators rather than givers is a giant leap towards becoming the person you dream to be.  When you are able to take this final step for yourself and start listening to your inner guidance that is your gift, you are well on your way to a life of emotional vitality and wholeness.

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Here are lists of links to important posts within this blog:

HSPs and Allergies, Food Intolerances, and Stress-Related Illness

Helpful Tips About Healing Childhood Pain

Learned Helplessness in HSPs

High Achieving and Intuitive HSPs Can Overcome Self-Defeating Behaviors

More Helpful Tips For HSPs with N. Parents

Part 2–More Helpful Tips of HSPs with N. Parents

The Misjudgement of Introverts and the True Meaning of Introversion

HSPs and Perfectionism–How to Heal Through Grieving Childhood Pain  

Forgiveness is For Your “Self”

Through Pain You Grow Stronger–Processing Childhood Pain

Mother’s Day Survival Guide

The Process of Inner Child Healing

How My Best Counselor Helped Me

Journaling for HSPs–Over-riding Your Inner Critic

Childhood Pain Comes Up To Heal When Things Are Going Well

Overcoming Self-doubt and Unblocking Creativity

Holiday Survival Tips–For HSPs With N. Parents and My Musical Gift Recovery

Honor Thy Parents Only If They Are Honorable

Stress Relief For HSPs

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As a final note of support, I want to say that as a highly sensitive and intuitive person, you are part of a group of 15 to 20% of the population that is deep, caring, and compassionate with much love to give. Our giving nature is an inspiration to others who are also part of this 15 to 20%.  You do not have to be around anyone who makes you feel bad.  One fifth of the population is over 1 BILLION PEOPLE–and empathetic compassionate people are out there. When you begin to love yourself as you are, stop comparing yourself to others, and protect yourself and your energy from the negative people who diminish you by staying away from them while you are healing, you will start attracting and finding more compassionate people like yourself in your life. Do not settle for superficial relationships–take the road less traveled.  It is the path to love and enlightenment and inner peace.

With love and warmest wishes,

Roxanne

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