Hello Everyone! I haven’t written for a while because I’ve been so busy just observing this emotional roller coaster ride of the last couple months—it’s been hard to put into words! It has propelled me into journaling more to get clarity and as always when I write I am able to access a higher perspective of “what the heck is going on now”! 😳🙏😆Haha! I’ve learned a few things and so I feel ready to share some of the positive things to give all of you sensitive souls on this spiritual journey a boost to feel better about EVERYTHING!
What a roller coaster ride! By this I mean Ups and Downs and Curves and Surprises and Shocks! Can you relate? But at the end of a roller coaster ride at an amusement park, the end of the ride comes with a slowing down and a smooth safe feeling until it comes to a stop and you get off and everyone is all smiles and Gee that was fun. Well, in general I mean haha, and only because you knew it was temporary—it was a ride you took by choice and it was a safe way to experience a thrill and know it would be over soon.
Compare that to this incarnation of life on this planet. As sensitive souls, we are highly evolved divine beings here to help, but we have expectations of smooth sailing and love and abundance. I really think it is these expectations that contribute to us getting stuck in the lows on the roller coaster that we experience.
All of this is coming up for me to talk about I believe because of this last full moon on October 13-yesterday! If you are like me you may have noticed that you are very sensitive to cosmic changes to the planet and Full Moons and New Moons etc.. I am not very educated in astrology but I find myself searching for YouTube videos to explain what’s going on cosmically at certain times when I’m feeling out of balance and sure enough it is a full moon or a solar flare or something like this causing our distress and it all resonates and gives a sense of relief.
I get some reassurance from the information I watch or read from elsewhere but often times I am searching and don’t find what I need to feel inner peace—then I am forced to write and then I realize as I connect to my higher self, my inner wisdom, my spirit team, my angels, the Universe, God, whatever you want to call “IT”.
I am then reminded that all my answers for my own inner peace can be found “within”. I know this but why do I keep forgetting it? Looking for outside validation has been ingrained in us as humans on this planet and we all feel this—trying to fit in and feel understood by other humans—wanting a tribe or even one other person who understands us and makes us feel reassured and comforted that we are OKAY and that what we are feeling is OKAY and that there is hope and that everything is going to be OKAY.
This neediness we feel is understandable—as highly sensitive, compassionate, evolved souls we are awakening spiritually but we are straddling 2 worlds. We are trying to make it in the 3D world and pay our bills etc. and also looking at the higher perspective of the 5D spiritual world for deeper meaning and understanding of why we are here, keeping our vibration high, and living in the moment to access the unconditional love that we have resonated with as Yes, This is it! All is well! We want that feeling everyday, all the time, every morning when we wake up.
But what I am understanding is, when we wake up in the morning with horrible dread and feeling bad about being here on the planet we need to observe this as information and not as our current truth. As divine beings, we have often been astral traveling in our sleep. We love to be in the higher angelic realms where we are from evidently—it’s all Love and Light there all the time! 😇 😁 So when we come back into our bodies and wake up as a human on the planet, the densest negative energies, often from our childhoods or possibly past lives come up to the surface so that we can see that these energies are there and are just ready to be “released”.
We are strong and powerful divine beings with love and light as our true nature but when we were born we didn’t know this so these wounded parts of ourselves are taking longer to heal then we “expected”. If you had a narcissistic parent then you were unloved and had unmet needs day in and day out for years and years and so you have many layers of of small hurts and false beliefs about yourself that need reparented and comforted one by one. That may be discouraging to hear that it is going to take longer to heal than you expected but here is the good news. If you observe the big bad emotion you wake up with as just “information” about your past rather than your present truth you can transmute it in minutes!
First, describe the feeling and label it! What is this? Is it shame, dread, hopelessness, anxiety? Then you do the opposite of avoiding it, or believing it, or numbing it out by keeping busy—you go towards it and you write about it in your journal and you have compassion for yourself about it.
Or if you are already versed in this healing process you go right to a positive affirmation to retrain the neurons in your brain to go a more positive route. You recognize this bad feeling is your inner critic and not the truth. It is your survival “false” self that absorbed the bad feelings from others around you not knowing they weren’t your feelings. After all you were just a tiny child and had to believe what you were being “fed” to survive and to get along with your caretakers who didn’t SEE you for the gifted soul you were.
Most of you know this but if you are like me right now you are still surprised that you are still dealing with these long healed issues—especially in the last few months. It is my understanding that the last remnants of these layers are possibly the most painful and most deeply ingrained and you are strong enough now to finally look at them, acknowledge that it was even worse than you thought. So give yourself even more kindness, compassion and comforting reparenting than you ever have before. Extreme extreme self care (double extreme 😃) is in order whenever you wake up feeling bad!! Be nicer to yourself instead of harder to yourself. After all isn’t that what your narcissistic parent or bully said to you when they ran out of patience with you—they said “what’s wrong with you—why aren’t you over this yet—you should be feeling better by now—you are not doing as well as you thought”. See? These things you say to yourself are judgements you are making just like bullies or abusers did which is the opposite of the unconditional love and comfort you deserved back then and deserve now.
Sometimes it isn’t until we get out of our heads and start writing onto paper that we are even realizing we are beating ourselves up just like “they” did (if you had caretakers who maybe even did the best they could but were needy themselves so they didn’t have the patience that you needed as a highly sensitive soul who was sensitive for a very good reason.)
So now it is up to you. To KNOW you are pure love and light and when you wake up feeling bad you are to lovingly cleaning away the false residue, the past debris, that is covering up your beautiful brilliant lamp of love and light. You now have some more tools in your toolbox to lift yourself back up to where you belong.
Joy is your birthright and you are doing a great job figuring out how to shine what is rightfully yours every moment that you can. Be nicer to yourself when you feel bad not harder on yourself. You are training your brain to go positive quicker and quicker when you get better and better at replacing the doubts negative core beliefs with positive affirmations. You can do it! You are pure love and light.
Being a human is extremely complex! Be patient with this healing journey that you are on! You may be a sensitive soul who seeks safety and inner peace but you are also a tough warrior with new boundaries to take on this challenge of transmuting darkness into light on planet earth. You chose to come here because you knew you could be successful at finding your true voice and true self and shining your true light.
Just being here on the planet you emanate this light and love energy and it uplifts others who need it. You are making a difference just by being here. So relax and be patient with yourself. It takes time and there is plenty of time for all the things you want to do. Self-compassion and self-care is always time well spent.
Sensitive souls, I am so glad you are here on the planet with me. You make the planet a wonderful place to be. If we join forces we can move mountains. Thanks for reading and please reach out if you’d like one-on-one coaching. My email is firstname.lastname@example.org. Sometimes just having someone to see us and listen to our feelings with understanding can be so healing. I also offer distance Reiki and intuitive guidance during sessions as well—you design the sessions the way your heart desires.
I’m adding a link to my latest YouTube Video here of a recent performance of my original song, We Are Here To Love. The lyrics to this song just flowed out of me from beginning to end with no changes—it was magical. I feel now is the perfect time to share these lyrics with you.
Lyrics: -We Are Here To Love-
Trudging through the past debris, finding sparks of light
Holding onto highest hopes, knowing love is right
Seeing through the doubters’ eyes, knowing those above
Want us to believe and know, time is made for love
Chorus: We are here to love, We can fly with wings of time
When we feel the past, We must rise above and shine
We must rise above and shine, We must rise above and shine
Reminded who we are by pushing past the ego’s call
Kindness to ourselves is all we need to break the wall
Pieces still fall down on us, don’t misunderstand
Keep the rays of light around and hold each other’s hand
Chorus: We are here to love…
Verse not included in this video performance:
(Power from the latest move unearth’s a tender spot
Confusing inner child takes stage, plays out what we forgot
Kindness is in order now soothing wounds so raw
New aliveness, strength abounds, braving what we saw
Chorus:.. We Are Here to…)
Bridge: Learning to be still and yet, adversity remains
But even when we think we’ve stalled, we’ve unraveled many chains
Working hard it seems we have not played to really live
But underneath we somehow gain renewed hearts to give
Chorus: We are here to love…
Have faith and know that even in the hardest grief of times
You are loved and cheered about, so take in all the signs
Relish in the life you have, grateful for the rest
All will see the loveliness, you are a force for goodness
Chorus: We are here to love… You must rise above and shine… shine… shine You must rise above and shine. (slow end)
Original Song © Roxanne E. Smith
Until next time, With Love and Light,
You Are Loved
Lyrics by Roxanne Smith
I once was lost but then I opened up my heart
It took time to see my journey’s sad start
Strength in me came with feelings inside
Courageous purging with joy on the other side
Somehow I know that love is all there is
Inside every dark and painful fear is bliss
This I know because I left no stone unturned
I face the pain when the bottom was learned
It lays waiting until you let it go
Forgiving those who don’t connect with their soul
The soul has answers and comfort and love
Go within to hear angels from above
They surround each and every breathing heart
You are loved every day right from the start.
You are loved, you are loved, you are loved, you are loved
You are loved, you are loved, you are loved, you are loved
Repeat from the beginning
Add end (slowing)
You are loved, you are loved, you are loved, you are loved
Original Song © 2017 Roxanne Smith
Hello Everyone! I am sharing this song to the public for the first time here on this blog. It’s such a personal song I have not performed it yet, waiting for the perfect audience, the right moment. You all, however are the perfect audience for lyrics like these. Here on this blog I feel comfortable letting it all hang out and feel proud of the healing journey I am on with all it’s ups and downs but always “with joy on the other side”.
I just saw that it has been since April 5 that I have put out a blog post and I apologize for that! Time has been flying by since I decided to start my life coaching business back up. I just completed designing my brand new life coaching website. I’m happy to report that this blog has gotten over 45 new followers in just the last 2 months even though my recent posts were short and not really up to my standards yet. So I am getting the message that my blog posts here are important and to make them a priority in my life!
I am very excited about this. I love talking to you all! I love giving hope to all of you like-minded souls out there who resonate with my message of hope and healing to become your highest selves! We strive to be our healthiest, kindest, most confident, and helpful to the planet while being complex and highly sensitive souls who often feel we don’t fit in with others. We are overcoming deep-seated negative feelings and beliefs from the past that keep popping up out of the blue just when things are going well. Phew! Why are we so hard on ourselves when we already know that extreme self-care makes so much difference in our lives?
Time to pull back again. Get quiet. Go inward. Write out ALL your feelings with self-compassion as if you are writing to your most trusted friend in the world who really GETS you! Be your own container when you can’t find a safe person to vent to. We all need to vent all the frustration we are feeling about EVERYTHING! I had a surprising amount of anger to release in April. It was all about codependency issues that I thought I had healed long ago. Surprise!–there was more! Releasing it all (which was not easy) moved me to a new place of strength and independence at the core of me that I didn’t know existed. And the month of May… well it’s starting out with a virus from some recent airplane travel that has got me layed up and resting to clear it all out. So all my exciting plans for coaching and more performing are on hold while I rest and clear out this virus and with it lots of emotions too. My intuition tells me I’ve moved to a new level of vibrational success so I need to clear out more …whatever! 😳 I’m not as frustrated as I am fascinated and trusting that whatever happens it will be for a good reason.
Sometimes things are so hard and then we get through it and see the silver lining that was there all along. And that is that We Are Loved. We are loved from above. We are here for a good reason. We are highly sensitive souls who are here on the planet at this time because the planet needs our gifts, our light, our true essence. We can relax and just BE and know we are loved.
Just being here is enough. You don’t have to do anything–just heal and learn to love ourselves. If we really GET this we can recharge and become strong and then we have more energy to give more light and love to others. But we can’t do it if we don’t love ourselves first. Let the love in that is beaming down for you at all times. Believe it.
And if you can’t believe it at least be OPEN to the possibility. Let down your guard and allow the possibility that your guardian angel/spirit guide/God/ Universe/Highest Self just might be sending you messages of love and comfort through your intuition. They just might be sending you guidance on your next steps for the highest good of your soul. Follow your heart to hear the inner guidance. Hear it? It is saying, You Are Loved! Exactly as you are! You don’t have to change yourself, you only need to love yourself. Let that sink in. Marinate in that truth for a while. I’m sending all of you so much comfort, caring, and encouragement to see your unique gifts as highly sensitive souls. I’ll be writing more uplifting blog posts soon so stay tuned.
With love and light 💖 ✨,
Roxanne 😇 🎶
Hi everyone! Summer is upon us and I hope you are enjoying the many opportunities that arise in this beautiful season. For those of us in the midwestern United States, we know the warm weather is short-lived so we try to get outside and enjoy it while we can. As highly sensitive people though this “pressure” to enjoy the outdoors can add to our “to do” list that is already too long as it is! Please look at the weather as a bonus to get outside in nature to recharge from the usual stress in our lives–just setting aside even 10 minutes alone in the morning and 10 minutes in the evening to walk, ride a bike, or even just sit outside and look and marvel at the sky or walk barefoot in the warm grass will help you enjoy the moments of summer more fully and not feel like the summer is passing you by yet again.
Today I woke up with a very strong feeling of shame and dread. Along with it though there was very strong clarity about the truth of these feelings and the shame and dread very soon faded away as I got on with my day. So I wanted to share with you the process that I go through and how I got to this emotionally healthy place!
Immediately when feeling this strong dread and shame this morning I went straight to comforting myself and saying to myself, “Wow, I must have done something really great for my true self yesterday–I must have really been expressing my truth and shining my light…. these feelings from childhood coming up to heal are the evidence and so I must be extra kind to myself today.” I KNOW this now because of many years of analyzing and paying attention to my own emotional patterns. I learned that when I wrote a great song, poem, or even when I just had great uninhibited fun or even exercise, this strong shame feeling would always pop up for me the morning of the next day. This is because these feelings from childhood were my experience day in and day out until I had to give up as a child and repress my true self and all of the memories of this unbearable shame in order to survive.
Back then as a child, when I expressed my true wise self, or my joy in my own creativity, I felt shamed to the core. I KNOW this now. I no longer allow these dreadful feelings when they arise in me to negatively spiral in the following way: My inner critic used to say, “What is wrong with me that I feel this shame, it feels terrible, almost unbearable, I feel disgusting, I must have done something horrible and shameful, I thought I had a good day yesterday but it must not be true, what was I thinking, I am never going to feel better, why do I even try”…blah blah blah, down down down the spiral went, draining all hope and positive energy out of me, leading to a depressed feeling and sometimes just numbness (dissociation) as I trudged though the day. Wow, it’s hard to believe I used to spiral this way!! But I did! My inner critic has now completely been replaced with positive affirmations that I KNOW are true. I don’t let my inner critic take over and I over-ride it with love and compassion for myself. It took a lot of inner work but the whole process was well worth it.
My thought and feeling cycles are so different now as I know that how I treat myself with my inner thoughts create the kind of day and experience I am going to have. This is more than just positive thinking or law of attraction techniques. I had to go through a grieving process that actually changed my core beliefs about myself to the point that I learned that I had a lot to be sad about, angry about, and plenty to comfort myself through. I had to delve into the past to see where the negative beliefs came from and get justice (inwardly) for the little girl inside who felt so much like an inferior being. It was not the truth and I had to figure out what the truth was for ME.
As a mother I knew, and my college education in child development told me, that NO child is inferior and deserves to be shamed–so the inner grief work was a challenge for me to put together this puzzle to find out the truth about what happened to me to make me feel so bad about myself. Memories started coming back to me and feelings that had been dormant and frozen in time became “available” to me again and I learned compassion for that little girl inside. This took a while and everyone’s journey to healing will be different and take as long as it takes to work through your layers of illusions that keep you from seeing the truth of your brilliant shining light and true self.
So please be patient with yourself if you are in the middle of feeling all the pain and not yet seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Or if you are feeling comfortably numb but joyless and lacking motivation. The light is there. It is because you had this bright light and higher spiritual level that bullies in your life had to put you down and put out your light. You may have been a threat to their distorted view of the world where “their” feelings were the center of the universe. But your light never went out–it was just dimmed or covered up with illusions and blocks that are not true about you. You have the power within you to turn your light back up high yourself! No one can do it for you. It takes time to learn how to process through the layers of dormant feelings.
Writing out your pain in a journal for your eyes only is so important to the healing process because it gets you out of your left brain’s spiraling or scattered thoughts and connects you to your right brain’s compassion for yourself and creativity. Document your progress in the journal and then go back and make yourself read the hopeful stuff you write, you will begin to see how amazing and wise you are that you survived it all and that there is so much to look forward to as you grow and grow in your own compassion for your wounded inner child. As you grow to protect your inner child and stand up for the rights to all of your feelings, the negative thoughts about yourself begin to change.
Another thing I had to realize was that no one was going to rescue me but ME and I had to make a decision to never ever beat myself up again. I remember saying to myself once, “That is it!!, that is the last time! I am never going to waste my time in such misery again!” And it stuck. I still had bad days when shameful feelings came up to heal but I comforted myself instead. Maybe I stayed on the couch that day BUT I was kind to myself instead. I put away my to-do list, watched a favorite movie, made myself my favorite warm soup or hot tea, wrapped myself in a soft blanket, “loved” myself through the bad feelings and had compassion for my inner child who deserved love and comfort. And I allowed myself to grieve the happy carefree childhood that I never had. This is so important to learn to do for ourselves–we hsp survivors may feel like we got skipped as we nurture our children and everyone around us–I realized this was important for me to take the time to mother my self for a while. Then I would feel SO much better after I took a day for myself like this–I would feel renewed and recharged and it started a habit of a positive cycle of healing and change.
These were the new patterns and beliefs that were laying groundwork for new neurons in my brain for a new future and over-riding the shame from childhood. This is the process of recovery from emotional abuse. It is not easy. It is not fun. It is painful. But with delving into the pain at first I noticed that I at least felt more “alive” and this was a “spark” of light that kept me going towards the painful truth and not escaping into a comfortably numb existence of denial and dissociation that had for years kept me from moving forward towards my dreams and desires. Instead I started continually delving into and through the pain to find my truth and aliveness—I acknowledge the painful feeling and released it layer by layer in my journal or to a trusted, safe witness and gradually I emerged on the other side of it all. The shame and dread that I wake up to is now just a weak residue, a glimmer of the truth of the past and all I worked through to get here–to where the joy in my heart can’t wait to get started on another day of being me in a Universe that I feel connected to and know that it supports me!
And so I say to all of you out there who are on what feels like an endless healing path, there is light at the end of the tunnel and it is awesome! When you can tap into the light and love from inside of you and believe and know that you deserve it, then you will be able shine your light and recharge and renew yourself anytime you want to!
P.S. More posts are coming soon! I am working on putting together a post with all of the comments and replies from a frequent commenter who calls herself Belinda. Her story is an inspiring example of a highly sensitive soul with bullying parents whose painful drama unfolded here on this blog–she bravely reached out and expressed what was in her heart and she came out the other side and into the light–and now she is shining her own light to help others. Other commenters and my replies will be highlighted in upcoming posts as well. (I ask all commenters for their permission first before highlighting it in a post.) Be kind to yourself, HSPs, and I’ll be back in touch soon!