Hello and welcome to my blog.

Updated 2016

I am using the following edited post from 2/9/14 as my About Me page because it explains THE NEW BEGINNING for me as the author of this blog:


Sharing our story sets us free


Hi everyone. I have an announcement to make but first I want to thank all of you who have followed this blog and who have shared your stories and have felt part of this community of hope and healing. It was years ago in January 2010 that I started this blog and many of you have grown and evolved with me as we have shared and healed our childhood wounds together.  I want to fill you in on the details and the big changes ahead for this blog. Yes, it is time for some exciting new changes and the biggest one is that I want to reveal my real name and take ownership of this blog that I am so proud of.

I have been upfront since the first day of this blog saying on my About page that I was using a PEN name. Elaine–my middle name–I chose to use this name so that I could write uninhibitedly about my journey in emotional healing and so that I could help others who are struggling to find and express their true voice as well. My pen name served me well and I have no regrets about being known as Elaine and proudly using this name for my life coaching business that came about because of the success of helping others through this blog. use your voice…brave…live life imagined

Now I am stepping fully into the light with my real legal name and claiming my story.  I feel and hope this will be very empowering for others who are healing from childhood wounds as well. It is with love and compassion and gratefulness in my heart that I share this information with you, my followers and readers, because I know you will understand and support this new venture of empowerment for all of us to step into our truth, and be unafraid to speak up with our true voice about our childhood experiences and our healing journeys. There is no shame in telling your story, nothing to fear when you speak up for yourself about times you felt diminished and unloved as a child.  Telling the truth and coming out of hiding is the right thing to do and doing so will support others to do the same.

So my middle name really is Elaine.  I love the name and when I first decided to start this blog I was proud to find out that the meaning of the name Elaine is “shining light”.  My legal first name is Roxanne and I was thrilled to find out the meaning of Roxanne is “dawn”–light of a new day-a new beginning. Right now I am gradually changing all posts and comments from Elaine to Roxanne.  It will take a while to complete the change and until then I hope all will be understood. …That I am Elaine and I am Roxanne.  Elaine and Roxanne are the same person–ME!  😀Being yourself…is easier

Some might ask, with the great success of this blog why not stay Elaine?  Well, about a year and a half ago, I wanted my grown children and husband to be able to tell of my new successful career as a life coach and singer/songwriter without having to tell a long story of why I had a pen name. Also, I wanted to start a home community life coaching business and I also wanted to be close to my family (and also to this new support network) through facebook.  So I started a home community life coaching website, a new blog with more songs, a personal facebook page and community facebook page in my legal name that I go by on a daily basis with close friends, my husband and kids. Through this experiment I eventually realized I now felt uninhibited to talk about inner child healing and my own healing journey with great confidence– I was able to do both and go back and forth to both blogs and websites with ease for quite a while.  I gradually saw how I was dividing myself and my energies.  Recently it came clear how I could integrate everything to my legal name and that this would be very empowering for all for me to do this. My energies of late had been mostly with my new creative ventures in my world as myself, Roxanne E. Smith.  I am now ready to come out on this blog and say this is who I am, this is what I experienced, and this is how I recovered, and I want to be a role model to help others to come out and express their true voice as well. Owning our story…brave..our light

Upon beginning to write about my past, I had no idea that this blog would be so helpful to others as it has become.  My intention was and is to help and support others by sharing my experience and journey of emotional healing.  I have no resentment, anger, or bitterness towards any people from my past. I do not carry any hard feelings towards them and I wish them only peace and love.  I believe I may have chosen everything that happened to me because I knew my soul was strong enough to recover so that I could help others.  I am now grateful for everything that has ever happened to me for now I am on this path of enlightenment and helping others see their beautiful shining light within that is underneath the layers of pain and self-doubt. I believe helping souls to break through to their true essence is my true purpose in life.  I have come to a place where I know that the absence of light experienced as children is because parents and caregivers of children may have had atrocities and abuses from their own childhood that may have caused a complete separation from their own light.  We absorbed all that darkness as  highly sensitive gifted children but now, after emotional healing, we can now give that light back to ourselves — as for myself, it was only through much inner grief work that I recovered and this is what I now help others through my work–through blogging, life coaching, and through sharing my healing songs and their lyrics.

The truth will set us freeI shared my honest feelings on this blog because this was my experience and it was this candidness that most helped people relate their own feelings and stories and heal on a deep level. Many of my songs continue to reflect the painful journey to wholeness and joy from a childhood of feeling lost–I feel it was through the gift of music and creative song writing that I was able to heal and express my voice and this self expression continues to heal me as well as others.  I have continued to write and record more healing songs recently and this is the project that has kept me busy this past year.follow fire in heart…passion is your purpose

I have a new music website for my newly created and professionally recorded Album–A New Beginning!  I am excited to share with you my songs which are my new passion and focus as of right now and my album of 10 professionally recorded songs is now available for download and also on iTunes, Spotify, Amazon, and many other sites worldwide.

Other changes on this blog and my websites include the adding of a link to my facebook community page called Higher Ground Haven. So please check it out by finding it on the right side of the page and clicking on the name of it–you don’t have to be on facebook to enjoy it–it is open to the public and will just be another means of support for this community.  Sometimes in winds…. find our direction

There will be a new name for this blog–it is being changed from Hope and Healing with Elaine to Hope and Healing Haven.  I hope you like it and will remember it easily.  I think it is a great fit!  The domain name is going back to  I won’t be taking new clients for an indefinite period of time because my singing/songwriting career is taking center stage in my life right now and I will be sharing my song lyrics which are self-help poetry put to music as I embark on this new career.

I hope that you will enjoy embarking with me on this NEW BEGINNING journey.  My song A NEW BEGINNING has new meaning now as it has been rerecorded professionally and is the perfect tribute to this new phase of this Hope and Healing Blog that I hope will continue to be a Haven for all souls seeking healing from their childhood wounds and empowerment to find their true voice and true the End of world is a new beginning Please enjoy listening to a sample of A New Beginning below:  press > play to hear Another song I’d like to share is called “I’m All Right”–you can listen to a sample of it below:

My new music website is finished and it is ready to share with you, you may visit it here: 10 professionally recorded healing songs from my new album are now finalized and available for purchase with free samples of each song for you to listen to first!  You can buy downloads of the songs there on the website–all proceeds will go to continuing my work to help others heal from childhood emotional pain.  It’s a great cause!  I highly recommend playing the songs especially in the morning each day as you get ready–it will change your mood for the day and has a healing effect. Think of it as part of your extreme-self-care healing routine each day which is so important for highly sensitive survivors.  We need to do extra kind things for ourselves each day!  Please try it and let me know how it works for you–I welcome the testimonials!

Thank you for reading today.  I am excited to re-connect with all of you survivors who are searching for emotional guidance and a safe place to feel connected and to heal from the past.  This is a wonderful community to be a part of and I feel truly blessed and grateful. Welcome To Hope and Healing Haven!

With love, blessings, and warmest caring wishes,


(Read the following comments from the bottom up)


Submitted on 2014/02/11 at 12:59 pm | In reply to Judy.

Thank you so much, Judy! That’s wonderful that you will be joining me! You are an important part of this community and I appreciate your support and participation as we journey ahead! With love and light, Roxanne

Submitted on 2014/02/10 at 2:26 pm

Congratulations. I’m looking forward to step onto this new path with you.

Submitted on 2014/02/09 at 4:58 pm | In reply to Alec.

Hi Alec! Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement! Yes, I’ve got new wings to fly higher!–I hope it is “uplifting” for all! Stay tuned for my next post in 2 days–it’s about my “amazing” past year.

Submitted on 2014/02/09 at 8:32 am

This a great step! Well done! You are flying on an amazing trajectory!


Here is an edited version of the original “About Me” when I was using a pen name, written in December 2009 and used through February 2014 (the original was changed a few times over the years ):

Hello and Welcome!  Elaine is a name that has special significance to me and I have chosen this Pen name because it will make it easier to be completely honest and uninhibited in all my writing. My wonderful supportive husband and I have both had many childhood wounds to heal and overcome and we have made a new wonderful life and have raised two amazing children.

I have a Bachelor of Science degree in Child and Family Services with emphasis in humanistic counseling psychology, sociology,  family dynamics, and child development.  There was nothing more important to me than raising children with high self-esteem and to be emotionally healthy, and breaking the cycle of emotional repression that has been passed down for generations through our extended families.  Our children are in college and beyond now, adjusting well to all of life’s demands, and my husband and I couldn’t be prouder of them, not just because of their accomplishments and achievements but because of the relationships we have with them and the caring, loving people they have become.  We are supportive and encouraging of whatever they choose to do with their lives and we are there for them to listen to their feelings and they in turn are supportive and encouraging to us and grateful and loving human beings.

I have discovered many things along the way to building a healthy family and finding my true purpose in life.  I have discovered I am an INFJ, an empath, a highly sensitive person, an avid journaler, writer of self-help poetry, and a singer/songwriter writing many songs–including my songs of hope and healing.  These songs were written mostly to help myself through the pain from my many childhood wounds and the ups and downs of life. Most of all, I have discovered the depth of my skills as an Empathic Life Coach.  With this, I have discovered my true purpose in life-all my skills of writing and singing and songwriting have been catalysts in helping me express and find my true voice–to realize that my true purpose is empowering other highly sensitive souls to heal from their wounds from childhood and become the person they are meant to be.

I feel it as a privilege for me to provide comfort and support to any soul who is in emotional pain and to let them know there is hope and someone out there who understands. With the help of this website,  it is my hope to validate, inspire, and give hope to people through my writing,  my music, and my availability to you as an Empathic Life Coach.   So often a person just needs a companion to listen–someone to validate the complex and confusing painful feelings that come up when childhood wounds are triggered and then keep us from moving forward to become our true selves.  Our blog community strives to be an “enlightened witness”  for any person who needs to be heard about childhood wounds or if you have no family members or friends who understand you.  Please check out the comment sections of each post which contain lots of guidance and sharing of experiences. We understand and we care. Welcome to our community!

With love,



46 responses

  1. I was in a long stretch of grief over going nc with my entire family and tonight I stumbled upon your dialog with Belinda. What a wonderful space this blog is. I no longer feel as scared and alone as I did before I read. I also noticed that it is your birthday. New beginnings are everywhere! Sending hope and love to you today!


    1. Hello wendy! I just saw your comment today and what a wonderful birthday present! hehe 😀 I am so happy that my blog was helpful to you! Yes, isn’t it a wonderful time for new beginnings! Sending hope and love right back to you with warmest, caring wishes as you continue to heal.

      Wishing you comfort and inner strength,



  2. HI Roxanne,
    I feel so thankful to have discovered your blog, I have read the other posts and it is so nice to know I am not alone. I am an only child to a mother who was impossible to please. I have made mistakes but I have done alot of good and it is always the mistakes that she continues to focus on, I am now 35 years old. My parents were divorced when I was very young and I never heard my mom speak a positive word about my dad my entire life. My dad was a man who was kind and gentle and he too had made many mistakes but one mistake he did not make was loving me unconditionally. He unfortunately passed away last November of cancer and I feel guilty for not having spent more time with him and focusing more on my mom with the intentions of pleasing her and constantly yearning for her love that I know now will never be possible. I was divorced 2 years ago and as much as I do not want to take full responsibility for it failing I do feel that alot of the reason it failed is because I did not know how to accept true love from my former husband, as if I was not worthy and my mom never had a problem reminding me that I wasn’t. Thankfully he and I do have a good relationship, we have two beautiful daughters, ages 5 and 8 now and I pray everyday that I am not making the same mistakes and will find a way to break this negative cycle. I could go on and on as it does feel good to write down my thoughts and I will take your advice on starting the journal. Thankyou, Jessica


    1. Jessica, Thank you so much for your kind words about the blog and for sharing your story with us–it will help others who are still finding their footing to stand tall and love themselves. Welcome to our community! So glad to hear you will start journaling your feelings–you are on your way to the life you deserve–a happy one with love and abundance :D. With love and light, Roxanne


  3. Dear Roxanne: thank you for sharing your heart and words with us. I just recently divorced a narcissistic/abusive man. Neglected/abandoned by both parents. I am 48. Finally learning to love myself. I earned a PhD, was a high school principal in NYC, publishe books, raised a daughter and nothing has been more difficult than having the courage to love myself. I will be following you and work. Great role model for me.


    1. jocelyn, Thank you so much for your comment. It is so refreshing to hear from someone as accomplished as yourself and a high achiever tell of the value and importance of healing the inner wounds and learn to love yourself! Thank you! Your comment will help many others realize that it’s time for their extreme-self-care and self-healing to become a priority in their life! It’s wonderful to know you are following me and my work and see me as a role model. That means a lot to me. 🙂 With warmest caring wishes, Roxanne


  4. Thank you. I too am an INFJ. I was a sexually abused by my father, and emotionally by my mother. Reading your blog bout freeing yourself from a Narcisstic mother was so helpful. I used to be healthy and strong and suddenly my body began falling apart. The diagnosis was unresolved childhood Trauma.

    My mother is deceaed, my father started going to my Church. I left the Church when he started hovering over me and basically stalking me, and I now have no contact with him, and siblings with the exception of one. Of course the Chuch hits me with forgive and forget. I have since found that forgiveness is for me, not him, and forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. Your life is so much like mine. Amazing.


    1. Sue, Thank you for your comment and for sharing your story. I myself discovered that Unitarian and Unity churches are more supportive and empowering about staying away from bullies even if it’s your own family members. Thank you for the kind words and for reaching out and expressing your kinship with my story. 😀 Welcome to our community!


  5. Its grt hlp from your article.I m 22 and i have been thinkin abt for long.but few years bk i hv realised dere z no hope. My mother z a hardcore narcissist.n i m having no idea i should i deal with her.plz hlp me becoz i hv no one to spk to.plz guide me.its lke i cnt hndle her torture.mentally. emotionally. Verbal torture.wht do i do roxanne?


    1. Hi kriti, Thank you for your comment! Welcome to our community of highly sensitive survivors! Just realizing your mother is a narcissist is a big step. Keep reading my blog and especially the comment sections and, if you can, start reading my recommended books for support. The more support the better. Start a journal for your eyes only and follow the Artist’s Way book by Julia Cameron. Seek out supportive safe people who you can tell your story to. Pour out your true feelings in your journal and get a strong voice to stand up for yourself and plan a life that is independent from her. You can do it! She will not change but you are fine and whole and a gift to the planet. Compassion for yourself is rule #1. Love yourself as you wish she had loved you and you will heal as you grieve all that you lost growing up. Sending you healing wishes for you to have inner strength to shine your light and your gifts on yourself and others, and to get yourself safe and free, Roxanne


  6. Dear Roxanne,

    I discovered your “5 Tips for Highly Sensitive Survivors of a Narcissistic Parent” yesterday. I now keep it present on my computer so that I can refer to it throughout the day. It is extremely rare that words such as your resonate with me in such a profound way. It is like they found a direct channel to my heart. I am so grateful and know that God sent you to me at a time in my life when I need you so much. What could it be but Divine assistance to bring me in contact with an INFJ when I myself am an INFP? As I read your blog and the entries from others, it is evident to me how gifted you are. Your contribution to healing in the world is immense. I am so grateful.



    1. Hi Joseph! Thank you so much for letting me know how you feel. It means a great deal to me that I could be such a support to you. Words like yours help me to keep doing what I am doing! 😀 The rewards of my job and this blog have far exceeded any expectations. Thank you for your kind words and gratefulness, Joseph. Welcome to our community of compassionate souls. Sending you much love and light and warm, caring, and comforting wishes as you continue on your healing journey, Roxanne


  7. Hi Roxanne,

    I am very happy to find your blog. Your blog is one of my source of inspiration and I would like to thank you for writing this blog for us. This means so much for me, as I just recenly that I am one of the HSP and partly INFP.

    I am originally from Indonesia, a very rich cultured country. My parents are chinese descendant whose parents migrated to Indonesia and all my grandparents and surely my parents experienced a lot of hardships through their life. They luckily progresses really well and reach their goal: to live comfortably without worrying not having enough to wear and what to eat. However, it is not enough. My mother, presumably very gentle, but yet very repressed by my father, who is a narcissist, slowly became a narcisisst as well to balance up their marriage. Obviously, as a HSP, I feel very repressed and at times I feel very crazy as I also tried very hard to talk to ANYONE about my emotional need not being fulfilled and the fact that I haven’t been loved properly— all my friends denied it and being still supportive, telling me that my parents love me. So as a sensitive, kind and caring daughter, I always come back to my parents, be their golden children, even I am hurt again and again. I have tried to ignore the pain.

    Nonetheless…, the pain built over time and sometimes I explode to my loved one and this affects my relationship badly with my partner and also my friends.

    But after reading your blog… I slowly begin to open my eyes and begin to see clearly what happened, what I need to recognise, accept and what I also need to avoid to do as a HSP who has a narcisisst father.

    Needless to say, Your blog is a miracle..! For me and a lot of people out there around the world!!

    Lastly, I would like to wish you a merry christmas and happy new year, hope you are blessed with health and happiness as always!

    Kind regards from Indonesia,


    Ps. I wonder if your blog can be more widely, internationally known and read! I also wish you could somehow appear in Sydney/Melbourne(Australia), or even Singapore to give a talk! It will be wonderful. In the meantime, I would keep an eye on my emotions, use my sensitivity kindly, and my energy for positive things. Thank you again very much Roxanne!


    1. Thank you, Felicia, for your warm and lovely comment! I was looking over my blog and saw that I somehow missed replying to your comment–sometimes when a lot of comments came through at the same time, I put them through with the intention of replying to them all and I apologize for missing yours! I greatly appreciate your kind words about my blog and thank you for sharing your story–your comment is one of the most generous and caring of all. You are a strong and wise soul, my dear, with a bright shining light of giving and compassion that is a gift to the world for sure! How kind of you to wish me to go international–I am worldwide with my songs now and writing more all the time. I hope to get back to coaching and blogging more expansively in the future. Wishing you great comfort, healing, love, and light, Roxanne


  8. Hi, were you the author of The Highly Sensitive Wallflower blog? The titles and descriptions of the posts there really connected with me, but I never got a chance to to read any of them because the blog was deleted. If your not, sorry for the mix up! This blog seems outstanding and I know I’m going to learn a lot from reading it!


    1. Hi David, Thank you for your comment. No, I believe she was a college student and a follower of this blog–I was on her list of blog links and I read her blog a couple times when it started a year or so ago. Welcome to my blog! 🙂


  9. Hello Roxanne,
    I can honestly tell you i feel God directed me to find this site! On behalf of every person who has benefited from your choice to help people, thank you so much! I honestly felt something was wrong with me all my life. I am highly sensitive, emotional, and very hard on myself. I was actually going thru one of my attempts to “figure out” what it is that makes me the person i am, I have never been able to pin point exactly what was, all i knew is that normal people do not feel such intense emotions , I am highly empathetic, and can practically feel what others feel, even before they feel it themselves. All my life i have thought of it as a curse, I am great with people, and feel like God gave me the gift of encouragement, yet the one person i could never figure out or help was the person staring back at me in the mirror. upon reading your “About Me” section, it was as though everything you discribed was everything i have been dealing with all my life! I dont know why, but I could never pinpoint exactly what caused me to be like this, only within the past couple of months i came to the realization that it had to do with my mother and not being shown love as a child. Ive stopped trying to get others to understand, because to them it is ridiculous, unless you have truly been hurt in that way, you would never understand the extent of the damage it can have on a persons soul, especially a shy little girl. All my life I feel like I have in a way punished myself for not being good enough, and literally crippled my own personal growth and prevented myself from becoming better because in a weird way i felt i didnt derserve it. What hurts most is reaching out (to my husband, my mom, sisters, brothers etc.) and trying to explain how I feel, and being rejected, ridiculed or as my husband would say “stop feeling sorry for yourself, and take control of yourself”. to me, being put down and rejected by ppl who are supposed to love me unconditionally, especially when it took so much out of me to come out and say it, its like taking a knive and slowly puting it thru my heart.
    Also, I am a Christian, but upon trying to learn more about who i am, I turned to horoscopes, because it was the best thing I could find to accurately discribe who i am. Im not sure if you know about them, but i am a pisces girl with a cancer moon. (in case you dont know, that s a double whammy. Pisces and cancer are both the most emotional signs. =(((((((((((
    In conclusion, I guess my question to you is how can I get past what I went thru as a child and grow from it? It has put a huge strain on my marriage, and even my husband has tried to understand me, but it just feels like my words are not getting thru to him.
    Thank you again so much for your time! May God bless you generously for what you do and all the lives you have impacted!!

    p.s. Is it normal for a person like me to not be able to talk about anything emotional without crying? Just within this past year I can not say how i really feel without bursting into tears, and then starts the process of telling myself that its stupid to cry over it etc etc.. :((

    Much Love,
    Elisabeth D.


    1. Hi Elisabeth D.,

      Thank you for your wonderful, thoughtful and wise comment. I agree with everything you say here. I wish I had time to respond in depth to everyone’s comments but there are too many–I am so happy to know this blog is helping so many. Thank you ALL for all the wonderful comments! I just want to mention a few things: why the sad((( face for being the most emotional signs–I don’t know anything about horoscopes but sounds like you are emotionally “gifted” :D!!!. Our families of origin (and our society too) instill in us this shame about our emotions–it is not true!! It is wonderful to be emotional–our emotions are meant to be our “compass” for finding happiness in our lives! You can learn how to have boundaries to keep out the negative emotions from others and tap into the positive emotions that are innate in you. Learning to love yourself is key and processing your pain from the past includes grieving about the love and acceptance you never got for having this emotional gift. Crying is necessary to tell your truth about how you have been treated. I usually direct all questions to my Life Coaching services, but since I believe this will help many others who may feel the same way I will answer here: It is normal to cry if you feel the need–sounds like you have a good reason to cry. It spills out at inopportune times because we are holding it in so often. Having a good cry from time to time is so healthy and recharging! Also, often survivors like us cry when we are misunderstood and don’t feel “heard” when we are actually “angry”–but we were punished for expressing our true assertive positive selves when we were tiny children and so we learned to repress it–they were threatened by our positivity and truthfulness! So it is kind of a post traumatic stress response. It is not stupid in any way to cry–crying is positive and healing when it is grieving about how you were mistreated in the past. Crying releases a truth that needs to be told. There are 2 kinds of crying (…or more): “grieving” is the healthy releasing of the truth of your injustices and it is cleansing to release your truth–try to catch what you are learning as you cry and write it in a “journal for your eyes only.” Crying has lead to the writing of my best songs–there is always hope at the end and you feel a release and a new inner strength. “Despairing” is a kind of crying that can be destructive if it is habitual because while doing it you are being very mean to yourself and beating yourself up the same way your abusers did. As survivors we often need to release and admit these despairing feelings at first which are still repressed from childhood–upon realizing how bad you must have been treated to be a child in such horrible despair your innate compassion kicks in and you begin to love yourself a little more each time–releasing layer by painful layer of truth is how we heal. Learning that we must stop the habit of despairing and turn it into grieving (and be very very kind and gentle to ourselves when we are sad and build ourselves up instead of continue the abuse of ourselves that started as tiny children) will change your life. I hope you will continue to read more of my blog because I talk about the importance of grieving our losses from childhood quite a bit. Elisabeth D., by crying you have bravely started the process of emotional healing–you are on your way to finding out how special and gifted you are and have always been! I hope this has been helpful to you. With love and light to you and all, Roxanne


    2. As a fellow INTJ and follower of Jesus Christ, I thought you might enjoy this database:



  10. I was married to a narcissist for 22 years. She was a perfect play actor, but I did feel constant blame and resentment from her, which left me in a constant state of confusion. I wanted to take her out of the dark, but she fought it every step. Thanks to your blog “The Active Side of Infinity” I suddenly realize she is a sociopath and nothing can be done to help her. Why is it that empaths fall into the worst relationships possible? We want to help the un-help-able and beat our heads against the wall.


    1. Thank you so much for this comment, Stephen. Somehow I missed it after I put it through and I apologize for the extreme lateness of this reply. I too kept trying to help narcissists in my life until I understood that it’s best to have strong boundaries or to stop contact with people who constantly drain our energies. What I understand now is that narcissists and sociopaths are completely separated from their own light. Their own free will keeps them from reconnecting to self-love and healing. It is a lesson we empaths are here to learn–our energies and best served helping those who want help and to stop helping those who don’t want to change. It’s hard for us empaths because as highly evolved old souls we innately know that LOVE heals everything. Sending you warmest, comforting wishes, and deep understanding. With love and light, Roxanne


  11. I “lose my self” when I am around people who are very negative and I need time by myself to revive and find myself again.”
    I hate myself for that.I wonder why people cant be sensitive!!!!


    1. Thank you for your comment, sofia. Be kind to yourself for your very real needs for understanding, comfort, and LOVE. You are a highly evolved old soul and most others have not learned all that your soul has already learned. You are wiser, sofia! When you love yourself as you are you will start attracting more wise souls who love themselves too and have something positive to give you. Warmest wishes, Roxanne


  12. I am in the most terrible pain at the moment. My mother is 86 years old and suffering from emphysema but she is still able to play her games even now. Her health is deteriorating and she needs help and I have been giving it, but she has hurt me so badly I don’t know how to go on. I feel I must cut off from her for the most part, despite the fact that she may die very soon. I am in agony. I cannot believe that she does not love me and never loved me, but I know that that is true. I am in such pain right now. Thankyou for reading this.


    1. Thank you for trusting me enough to express this painful experience. You are seeking validation for this experience because part of you knows it will help you to have this pain “heard” and “felt” by a safe and empathic witness. The pain you are feeling is from your childhood. Your mother was not capable of giving you the love you needed as a child. As highly sensitive children this is unbearable to us and the wound doesn’t heal until we acknowledge this and then can allow ourselves to receive this love and know we are worthy of it. Your wounded part has been reopened by your mother’s behavior. But part of you is strong enough to acknowledge this childhood pain–you are feeling it now. It is coming up now because you are strong enough to “bear” it and comfort yourself through this truth. It means you are ready for healing. This is a healing opportunity. You are worthy. God does not want you to suffer and He is your true parents. You are loved unconditionally just as you are. Don’t fight the pain–resisting makes it persist. You are loved. God IS love and it is all around you. Love will heal your pain. We (This community of HSP survivors) all send our love… We all…understand. Sending comfort, love, and strength so you can heal, Roxanne


  13. So in my journey, I have been given the gift of finding your blog!!!! Thank you Roxanne and Thank you God for bringing me here. I am Okay…I am lovable…and I will survive this emotional roller coaster I am on right now. I have been No Contact (only emails and the odd conversation) for almost 2 years.

    I am 40 years old,, married to an amazing man for 17 years who has been so supported each time I put myself back into my relationship with my mom “hoping this time it would better”. I am a mom to 2 precious gifts. Our miracle preemie son, who is almost 14 and our adopted little princess who is almost 4. I am loving be a mom and be a mom that I never had. It is great raising these 2 children with the care and respect they deserve.

    Well as of this week, I am moving forward…never to look back. Reading your blogs is like reading completely about myself. I am having huge health issues right now, so your most recent blog In May about your health is totally me. I have had serious issues with pain in my neck since I was a little girl. My mom would rush me to doctors thinking I was dying because of me complaining I had a sore neck. This has turned into Fibromyalgia, now Liver issues, and I am being tested for Lupus. Well, I know if I can get rid of the anger and heal myself emotionally, probably most of my physical ailments will also disappear.

    I am always on the go…questioning how “lazy” my friends are who sit and read at night and don’t clean or do “stuff”. I’m always on the go helping others (which I do not want to change…I LOVE helping people) but I need to find that balance. Time for me to “Get Lazy”…my friends have it right and I don’t.

    With your words, I will heal. Thank you!!! God has blessed you with an amazing gift to help others heal and for that I will be eteranally grateful!!!



    1. Darlene, Wow! Thank you so much for your comment and for your kind supportive words and expressions of gratitude! I am so happy you found me and that I am part of your moving forward to a healthier life in every way! Yay! I like how you say, “I am Okay…I am lovable…and I will survive this emotional roller coaster…” Once you can comfort yourself with positive affirmations like this, the rest comes easier to process. I am so sorry that you have had to endure a narcissistic mother and such chronic health problems. Yes, there is definitely a tie between the physical and emotional healing. You get it! Wonderful that you see that you need to find balance from being too busy. Thank you for saying, “With your words, I will heal…” –I appreciate it more than words can say. God has blessed you with a bright and shining light as well that uplifts many others! Welcome! With warmest wishes on your healing journey, Roxanne


  14. Hi Roxanne,

    I very much enjoyed and very much appreciate your website and all the good work you do! I want to introduce myself, I’m Jim Hallowes and I invite you to my website and also suggest and give you my permission to add my website as a link on yours and in return I’ll be more than happy to create a link to yours, if you’d like that. I look forward to hearing from you.

    All the best, Jim

    Jim Hallowes
    Founder, Highly Sensitive People® and
    Director of the Dr. Pat Allen WANT® Institute “Educators of Effective Communication Strategies”

    Tel: 310-390-4767, Email:


    1. Hi Jim. Thank you so much for your kind words about my website! I had seen your name around the web but I had not yet visited your site. I checked it out and I am happy to add your link to my website. And yes, I accept your offer to put a link to mine on yours. I also look forward to talking to you more in the future.

      Thank you so very much! Roxanne


  15. Caroline Schmidt | Reply

    Hi Roxanne,

    Thanks for your reply-My interpretation of my dream is
    I want so desperately to feel warmth and love toward
    my mother, consequently I feel guiltly for not having
    those feeling toward her. Daughter’s are supposed
    have these feelings for their Mother. I do have compassion
    especially now that she is in the twilight of her life; and
    is showing sighns of vulnerability; each day I struggle
    with these thoughts and feelings. I’m fortunate to have
    a supportive loving husband and an amazing daughter
    and son I feel blessed also I always get positive feedback
    from them we have a great relationship.

    Thank you Roxanne, Love CS


    1. CS, Thank you for sharing this. Your interpretation makes a lot of sense. Love, Roxanne


  16. Caroline Schmidt | Reply

    Hi Roxanne,

    I can’t begin to tell you how extremely helpful your words of
    encouragement meant to me. I feel you are an understanding
    compassionate and sensitive human being; similar to my
    dearest childhood friend. I’m very fortunate to have someone
    I can express my true feeling and frustrations too.

    I will take your advice and begin a journal – writing my private
    thoughts and express how Im’ feeling each and every day.

    I enjoy walking and working out; I also go to a little chapel
    after my exercise class to pray and meditate three times a week.
    You have provided me with a sense of hope and comfort,
    Thank you so much.

    May God Bless You, Love CS


    1. Dear CS, I can’t begin to tell you how extremely happy I am that I was helpful to you. You have expressed to me a very healthy and hopeful plan of action and I am so proud of you. There was something special that happened in this whole process–from the first time I read your first email request, I felt a “calm and a knowing” that I could help you. My long reply to you was easy to write–the words just flowed out of me and it was an experience I’ve had before like when I write my songs and I feel the lyrics were “given” to me from above. I hope this gives you extra comfort as well because I felt a spiritual connection that was very real. I am just beginning to understand my abilities as an “empath” and all that it means. CS, you will always hold a special place in my heart for being the first to trust me to coach you on my blog. Thank you for what you have done for me by trusting me and the confidence it has given me to continue to help others. Love, Roxanne


      1. Caroline Schmidt | Reply

        Good Morning Roxanne,

        I awoke this morning recalling a dream-it was about
        me hugging my mother, she was in distress due to
        applying a mediation in her eyes, she complained she could
        not see-I preceded to walk over to her and gave her a
        big hug.
        I just thought I would share that with you.
        I feel so confident that I am able to express my thoughts
        and feeling with you.

        Love CAS


        1. Hi CS,

          I’m so glad you shared this with me. I do believe that dreams that we recall vividly like this can feel like messages to us. Our own personal interpretations are the most correct. For example, if it brings comfort to you then that is what it is meant to do. My thoughts are that because you have felt validated for your negative feelings and are releasing them, you are able to also unblock the positive feelings that are your true nature–your compassion and your ability to give to others without needing it to be returned. Loving yourself first helps a person to tap into the reservoir of love inside that can make a difference in the lives of others. Those are my thoughts but what YOU feel about this dream is most important. How do you feel about your dream, CS?

          Love, Roxanne


  17. Caroline Schmidt | Reply

    Hi Roxanne,

    Thanks for your reply and understanding it’s very difficult
    talking to a friend regarding my situation; they just wouldn’t
    I am the only daughter; I have two older brothers their wives
    would never take care of my mother, thier relationship with
    her is kind of rocky; they were never very close to her.
    My Mom is 98 years old and she began having health issues,
    she is mentally stable. physically she is declining. We couldn’t
    afford a nursing home-so I suggested she move in with
    us. I hope you will set up telephone access it would be
    great to be able to speak to you.



    1. CS, Thank you for the info. on how she ended up in your home–that gives me some insight into the situation. I see my role as being an emotional support to you so that you can be strong enough to do what you set out to do. Like you, if I was the only one able, out of wanting to be humane when there was no one else available and all other resources had been tried, I too would take my negative, narcissistic mother in at the end of her life.

      What you described to me was that you are struggling with your feelings of depression and guilt and resentment and this is what you need support for. It sounds to me as if you are, by being around someone who is a narcissist, on a daily basis, finding it difficult not to absorb the negativity that she exudes–this can happen even if she is no longer negative but you were wounded by her negativity in your formative years ( our bodies and souls never forget). I “lose my self” when I am around people who are very negative and I need time by myself to revive and find myself again. When you take someone into your home even for a short period of time, if they have a lot of this negativity it is going to affect your health and your feelings about yourself. The fact that you are feeling guilt about feeling the resentment is a conditioned response from being the child of a narcissistic parent–they teach us that their feelings are more important than ours and that we should feel guilt for having any of our own needs at all.

      You need to be very, very nice to yourself right now. You are giving up your space, your time, your privacy, your life for someone who didn’t give you what you needed when it was your turn to be cared for. Of course you are resentful. You have the right to be. I would try voicing your feelings of anger, pain, and sorrow (all your feelings, whatever they are) in a journal that no one will ever see but you. I would also advise you to get time by yourself each day and do something extra nice for yourself to reward yourself for all you are giving up. You will get through this if you separate and find yourself and love yourself for this noble and extreme gesture that you are doing each and every day. Buy yourself flowers, take walks in nature, take bubble baths with your favorite music. Nature is God’s way of reviving us if we allow ourselves to take it in and see it’s beauty.

      Depression is blocked hope. I want you to feel hopeful each and every day in knowing that you owe her nothing except humaneness at the end of her life. You have a right to all of your negative feelings towards her and to put yourself and your life first. And if it looks like this could be a longer time than you anticipated, seeking out a support group for caregivers might be a necessity. Unless your brothers are completely estranged from her, the expenses for her care should be divided three ways as I see it.

      I am proud of you. You are a special person and God loves you so much. You are stronger than you think you are. You must believe this situation happened to you for you to learn something about your own strength. And as I see it, if HER behavior becomes so negative that you can bear it no more, you must save yourself and get free. Doesn’t the government help out when there is no one and no money for a nursiing home? I don’t know. But I applaud you. Everything is going to be all right. Please love yourself through this difficult time. You sound like a special highly sensitive person. Please give me some feedback if I was helpful to you. I hope I was. I will talk to you again as well if you need more support. You can do it CS! Love, Roxanne


      1. This is very good advice. My mom has moved in with me and my husband, too, and it’s been a struggle, especially as she is actually angry at me about it, refusing to believe she can no longer live on her own. She thinks I’ve ‘pulled a fast one’ on her. For the first couple of years, I tried to convince her that this was not the case, but then I just pretty much gave up on that – she never gave an inch, and I finally figured out that the fighting actually energized her (and left me feeling as though I’d been run over by a truck.).

        Since that realization, my husband and I just have some basic rules that everyone in the house has to follow – if you can’t be cordial, you need to go in your room; every insult has to be followed by at least one compliment, or you have to go in your room (this one INFURIATES her 🙂 ; and, suicide threats are given one warning and, if the threat is repeated, there will be a trip to the emergency room followed by a stay in the ‘behavioral health ward’ at our local hospital. I only had to do this one time – now she stops with the warning (and seethes, but too bad).

        I try to be patient with my mom. It helped when I realized she is pretty severely damaged. I try to be compassionate – I don’t always succeed, but it’s the best way I’ve found to allay the resentment I feel so often when dealing with her. And then I give thanks that I’m NOT her. My life has had a large amount of pain and frustration, but I’d take that any day over being her.

        Thanks for this blog – it’s a godsend!


        1. Elizabeth, Thank you for your comment! I am glad you found these comments here on the about page about how to deal with taking in a Narcissistic parent. Your rules are brilliant!! Wow!! You have made an unbearable situation bearable in my opinion–this shows incredible inner strength, patience, and that you innately have a bright shining light of divine love exuding from your soul. 😀 It is wonderful that you have attracted a husband that is so supportive. Sounds like you have created a home that is a model for all of us–compassion and kindness are expected–I LOVE the rule that every insult must be followed by a compliment–every household would benefit doing that! Also the suicide threat follow-through puts the responsibility back in her lap where it belongs! Amazing job you are doing! Yes she is severely damaged. It is wonderful that you share how being grateful that you are not her gives you strength–and it really puts things in the proper perspective. Thank you for sharing your gratefulness for my blog–so glad to be of support to you! You are a support to US and I am sure you are shining light to many others just by being you–you may not realize how your kind spirit elevates everyone around you. Take care and God Bless, Roxanne


  18. Caroline Schmidt | Reply

    Dear Roxanne,

    I feel comforted by your blog; I can’t believe so many of us
    have endured being raised by a narcissitic mother or father.
    My elderly mother has moved in with my husband and myself
    since Christmas 2009, I struggle each day with depression
    and negative feeling toward her-please help me deal with
    these terrible thoughts and guilt for not feeling very
    loving towards her and I’m filled with resentment. I need
    your support.

    Many Thanks.


    1. Hi CS, I am so glad you reached out to me. Your feelings are completely understandable in your situation. I am so sorry that it is so hard right now. Of course you have the right to feel unloving towards her–if she was narcissistic then she was not loving to you as you deserved and needed as a child and this affects the rest of your life. Please tell me more about how you ended up taking her in. It is up to you, if you would like to talk to me by comment or if you would like to email me for a more private conversation. Someday I hope to set up telephone access but I am sorry I am not set up for that yet. Roxanne


  19. Hey Roxanne!

    Blog looks great and your songs are amazing! I think it’s important to our healing process for us DoNM’s to purge all the negative memories, be it through blogging, journaling, singing or whatever.

    Look forward to reading more!




    1. DA, Thank you so much for your comments! I’m so glad you like my blog and songs. I agree with you about us DoNM’s healing through asserting our “Voice” in whatever means possible. Since our feelings were never validated by our NMs, it helps so much when we support each other now. Thanks for your support and Hugs. It means a lot to me! Hugs, Roxanne


  20. Narcissists on both sides of the family, huh? Good times. 🙂 Thanks for leading me here. I look forward to reading more.


    1. Cyndi, This comment made me laugh and cry at the same moment! In a good way :). Seems you know something about this. I look forward to reading more of your blog too! Thanks! Roxanne


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