Tag Archives: comfort

A New Channeled Angel Message For May 2020–For Empaths, Lightworkers, and All.

Hello Everyone,  Hope everyone is doing well!  Sending you so much love and comfort as we continue to endure this uncertain time.  I am happy to share a new Channeled Angel Message for May 2020. This is a Message from the Archangel Realm lead by Archangel Muriel to support Empaths and Lightworkers channeled through me, Roxanne Smith.  😊 This important group consciousness message came through as one voice from a team of 13 Archangels to give comfort, encouragement, and guidance–The main message is to Find Flow, and Go Slow during the uncertain times we are currently experiencing. Archangel Zadkiel is the new Archangel added to this group consciousness message.  He is the Archangel of Forgiveness, Mercy and Transmutation. Archangel Gabriel was new to the group in the previous message and is included again in this message–He/She is the Archangel of Communication, New Beginnings, and Strength.  So here is the channeled message from my largest group of Archangels so far. The names of all of the Angels and their descriptions are at the end in the signature.

 

Channeled Angel Message 2020-04-27

Dear beautiful empathic earth angels, we are happy to connect with you today and bring you comfort and encouragement. You may be wondering about what the future holds for you, for the planet, and for your livelihoods. We see your worry about your abilities to make a living in the days ahead.  So much seems up in the air and you feel loss but at the same time excitement because as light workers you trust and remain hopeful that love will find a way. 

Yes, keep your sights on being grateful in the good things in your lives is a way to bridge yourselves to a sense of trust and hope that all will be well for you.  It is time to go within and talk to your guides and angels daily and find comfort and loving support for your unique journey and burgeoning path as it opens before you. You are being guided but you must listen to your deepest innermost feelings as they flow out of your bodies as you heal emotionally from the last remnants of emotional trauma.

This trauma could be from past lives as well and can be difficult to get clarity about but it doesn’t matter—just love the part of you that needs love and protection for the times you were embodied and love was not available to you.  You can give it to yourselves now and heal to a new stronger you.  Archangel Azrael is stepping forward to tell all of you that she is available to call upon whenever you are confused about feelings of grief coming up. She is the archangel of grief, transitions, and losses and can help hold you as you grieve the old and open to new beginnings.

You are held by all of us during these times of emotional turbulence—it can be smoothed out by trusting that allowing flow is the way to go rather than resistance, avoidance and keeping busy. Roxanne for example has injured her left lower back and needs to rest it (sacroiliac joint injury to be exact), she is being required to be still and rest it and this is a lesson for her in that she was not being mindful and so lifted some too heavy items knowing her back muscles were vulnerable but she was in a hurry.  This has manifested as an energetic blockage in her left side which represents the divine feminine gifts that are coming to the fore in her career movement forward. She is now seeing this as an opportunity to clear out the old wounds to step more strongly into her true potential.

So you see all is purposeful if you look at injuries and health issues as opportunities to clear out the old patterns to give birth to new flow in new exciting directions in your life right now.  So we asking all of you to slow down, like to a “snails pace” to you, slower than you feel comfortable at first. But we are here to reassure you that you will see and feel the richness in your new slowed pace as creative projects you had set aside you now have time to devote to or books that you now have time to read because your soul is yearning for these new developments as the next higher steps in your journey as a human here to shine your light on planet earth.

Dear Ones, we are beaming so much unconditional love and comfort on you right now. We hope that you can see it and at least allow yourself to imagine it as beautiful bright pastel colors from the angelic realm as your favorite colors that you resonate with that bring you joy. It can be an exercise in trusting your feelings as your intuition develops to wear colors of clothing or jewelry etc.  each day to lift you up and make you happy.  Colors and uplifting music and healthy wholsome foods that you look forward to are very real ways to uplift your soul during these uncertain times.

Please remember to write out your feelings in a journal anytime you feel stuck to shift you back into connection with your inner guidance and your higher self.  Feel free to ask questions of your higher guidance in your journal and then stop and open yourself to receive the answers while in a quiet space—allow some unpressured time for these answers to come to you.  It could be from your guides, angels, or from your higher self and it may not be clear to you where this wisdom is coming from and that is perfectly fine.  Just allow yourself to be comforted with the quiet state and imagining LOVE as a healing state that is available to all who give themselves this gift.

You who listen to these messages are innately able to access this love and heal yourselves and others as you shine your true essence just by being on the planet.  Take pressure off of yourselves right now to do, do, do and just allow yourselves to be, be, be as much as you can. If work comes easily then yes, absolutely follow that flow. But if it doesn’t then extreme self-compassion and self-love will go far to heal your current state.

We know there is uncertainty about the state of the virus and the next steps for localities to adjust their requirements to prevent the spread. Please be patient and heed cautiously as there could be waves of increase and decrease that come and go. Protecting yourself includes keeping a  healthy immune system and this can be enhanced by always transmuting fear to love and staying in social isolation as long as the virus in still a threat.  The virus is real and you must take all precautions to avoid exposure. 

We leave you now with so much love and caring to continue to cocoon yourselves and allow your imaginations to discover creative pastimes that enrich your creative souls. Goodby until next time, Archangel Muriel and the whole team: 

This group consciousness message as one voice includes 13 Archangels:  AA Muriel (Empaths), AA Gabriel (Communication, Strength, and New Beginnings), AA Ariel (Nature and Animals), AA Azrael (Grief, Loss, and Transitions), AA Jophiel (Creativity and Beauty), AA Chamuel (Comfort), AA Sandalphon (Music and Grounding), AA Raziel (Divine Magic and Alchemy), AA Uriel (Wisdom), AA Michael (Protection), and Mother Mary (Queen of Angels), AA Raphael (Healing), and new to the group consciousness message is AA Zadkiel (AA of Mercy).

Sending you all so much inner peace and love,

Roxanne 😇💖✨ 

If you enjoy this channeled angel message, please contact Roxanne for a personal intuitive angel reading (more info here) or for info on any of her other online services here.

 

Roxanne Smith is an Empath, an Intuitive Channel/Coach, a Certified Spiritual Counselor

–specializing in childhood wounds and narcissistic mother recovery–

And she is also a Certified Reiki II Holistic Energy Therapist.

Her Email: Hopesinger11@gmail.com

Channeled Angel Message For April–12 Archangels–Pandemic Support For Empaths and Lightworkers

Hello Everyone,  I have a new Channeled Angel Message for you from the first half of April. I am a little late getting this out to everyone because I had an injury to my lower back that caused a minor setback but now I am back to my most important work which requires some stress free time to be organized to work on the blog as well as my client work and other obligations. So here is the channeled message from my largest group of Archangels so far. The names of the Angels and their descriptions are at the end in the signature.

 

Dear Beautiful Sensitive Empathic souls,

We are so happy to be able to come through as one voice for this important message to give you hope and encouragement. These are hard times. But you are well prepared for what’s ahead. Even though you may be in shock about the impact this virus is having on the world you are slowly gathering your strength as to what to do next.  Don’t feel bad if you have been very unproductive and just trying to grasp the situation and get through just the basics of each day. It’s ok to take care of your body’s during this shocking time as the death toll rises. Know that these souls have contracts and free will to return back to heaven at this time. They are returning to so much love and bliss and welcomed home by their soul families.  Please try not to dwell on these deaths and focus on finding inner peace inside yourself and your gifts of a higher perspective and a high vibration and LOVE.

After all everything is love or the absence of love as you know and you also know how to tap into this state to activate your creativity and gifts of healing others. Give yourselves time and trust that you will be guided to your next best steps as you open your hearts to hear your guidance. Be open to your feelings as a guide. Let the tears flow when sadness appears and you will be surprised how quickly feelings will pass as you let them flow.  Think of yourself in constant flowing like a river or a fountain with no end because the source is infinite love. Just like a river runs—where does it start? You have this gift as light workers and empaths to tap into this infinite source of love to give hope and love light, comfort, and inspiration to others and these uplifting things are so needed at this time. 

It is a good time to start shining your true voice of hopefulness to the world on your outlet of choice if you have not already started doing so.  When you feel stuck, writing out your feelings to vent and release the old or the collective energy that you have observed but think it is your own. Negative emotions are never your own. Take that in and think about that.  You innately are an old soul with a very high vibration of love constantly available so when you feel negative emotions you can  simply say, “These are not my feelings, I am going to let them go”, and visualize them going away from you to be transmuted by heaven or mother earth.

We know we’ve said this before but this is a very important and valuable tool for you to get in the habit of using to clear yourself so that you can shine your true light of our love more often and do what you love and came here to do.  This need not be a hard road ahead. For you it will be easier because you have the higher realms to retreat to whenever you want where as other people you know who are still in 3d have chosen not to have that awareness at this time. Send them love at a distance and allow yourself to bask in the hope and love that you feel in the higher realms of meditation or writing or prayers, or listening to videos of others who channel—however you find inner peace and comfort is a wonderful thing. 

Remember you can always call us angels in to help you and give you insights and clarity or relief, or healing when needed. Remember that we cannot help you unless you ask and we’d like you to get in the habit of talking to your guides and us angels daily.  This will help you build a strong intuitive muscle.  Writing out your prayers and writing down the subtle insights you pick up and then reading back on these things can help you learn to trust that the guidance you are picking up is helpful to you. Give it a try—Roxanne was helped so much by the book the Artists Way by Julia Cameron—she followed the book as a guide of how to journal and was able to unblock her creativity and find her writing voice at the age of 42. You can too. We are eager to help you and so excited to give you hope and healing and insights.

We know this is a hard time right now but we hope this message will help you remember that we are here to help you and you have spirit guides that you chose as a soul before you incarnated in this life to guide you and send you messages to help you to fulfill your goals and desires as a soul.

Take some of the pressure off of yourselves right now and know that extreme self care is of utmost importance right now as you are bombarded with negative news and collective fear and despair on a daily basis. Take good care of you by staying very hydrated with lemon water if you can, taking sea salt baths daily, or showers and imagining all negativity going down the drain.  Eat nourishing foods as best you can and stay away from sugar and processed foods. When healthy food is limited, you can send loving healing energy to your food before you eat it to raise it’s vibration by doing reiki on your food through a positive prayer and intention.

Love yourselves, Dear Ones, and take life one day at a time right now.  Be very kind to yourself and keep reactions and triggers to yourself to work through independently as the best way to thrive in close quarters with others.  You have tools that they may not have but these is not a time to teach others or even ask for support because everyone is dealing with their own issues which the pandemic is bringing up to the surface for each human to face. You are a role model to others just by staying calm and having healthy practices of self care.

We leave you now with so much love we are shining down upon you.  You have everything you need to get through this ordeal.  Trust in this and trust that your higher self knew what you were getting into to push your gifts to the fore when the time is right. Be kind and gentle with yourselves and we’ll be back with a new message for you soon. What the world needs now is love sweet love is the song we want to leave you with.

Goodbye for now, Archangel (AA) Muriel, and the whole group.

–This group consciousness message as one voice includes 12 Archangels:

AA Muriel (Empaths), AA Gabriel (Communication, Strength, and New Beginnings), AA Ariel (Nature and Animals), AA Azrael (Grief, Loss, and Transitions), AA Jophiel (Creativity and Beauty), AA Chamuel (Comfort), AA Sandalphon (Music and Grounding), AA Raziel (Divine Magic and Alchemy), AA Uriel (Wisdom), AA Michael (Protection), and Mother Mary (Queen of Angels and who is from the Angelic Realm and is the twin flame to AA Raphael) and AA Raphael (Healing) is included here as well.

This is the first time for the presence of Archangel Gabriel who is the Archangel of Communication, New Beginnings, Strength and Feminine Energy—this timely appearance of AA Gabriel really profoundly resonates as so supportive for me personally as I find myself asking for strength in stepping out in the world with my divine feminine gifts more fully—in my career as an intuitive as well as the other services I have been offering. …AND this is also the first time for Mother Mary to join in on the channeled message although she has begun coming through on Reiki healing sessions with clients for the past couple of months. I am so honored to be able to do this highly sensitive and Divine work from the Angelic Realms.  I am humbled beyond words to do this channeling work.

Sending you all so much inner peace and love,

Roxanne 😇💖✨ 

If you enjoy this channeled angel message, please contact Roxanne for a personal intuitive angel reading (more info here) or for info on any of her other online services here.

 

Roxanne Smith is an Empath, an Intuitive Channel, a Certified Spiritual Counselor

–specializing in childhood wounds and narcissistic mother recovery–

And she is also a Certified Reiki II Holistic Energy Therapist.

Her Email: Hopesinger11@gmail.com

Hope and Comfort For Sensitive Souls With Childhood Wounds On New Year’s Eve

It’s New Years Eve. Are you feeling raw and wanting to numb out? If you have childhood wounds, they often come to the surface on holidays and celebration times. So be very very kind to yourself right now. I’m writing this to remind all of you sensitive souls about utilizing your tools of Extreme Self Care right now and for the next few days. Your inner child has unmet needs that are surfacing so you can be kind, patient, and loving to make up for those times from your past or childhood when your needs were not met. Wounds can be healed but not if they are constantly pushed down, ignored, or numbed. Be the loving person in your life that was not there for you when you were wounded. What would the most loving person you can think of do? Your Higher Self would say,

“Put your feet up and let me get you a warm blanket and some hot tea or soup. You deserve to rest because you have worked so hard and life can be so hard at times. We all make mistakes, and that is how we learn. Be kind to yourself for trying. You have done so well with all of your hardships. I am so proud of you. You have so many gifts to offer the world but be patient with yourself. As you heal and get stronger you will be brave to try new things and learn more about how to be happy and free and attract abundance, good health, and healthy relationships. You deserve to have fun. You will find fun coming to you as you learn to love the broken parts that need tender loving care. In time you’ll be ready. Trust that life is good and inside of you are all the answers that you need to be successful in life. Spend some quiet time journaling and tending to your hurt feelings. Take down the wall of protection and heavy armor and know that you are deserving of love and kindness. I see you and I know you and I care. Everything is going to be all right. You are loved. You are exactly the way you are for a good reason. If you just take some time and connect with me daily, you can hear my message of love and support as you navigate life. Now is a good time to heal and get stronger. Put yourself and your feelings at the top of your to do list. I am here for you whenever you need me. I love you and I will always take care of you. You are never alone.”

Your best friend,
Your Higher Self.

Have a wonderful, magical night and celebrate however your heart and soul desires.

Peace and Love,
Roxanne

I Was Lost But Now I’ve Found Me

Hello Everyone!  Happy New Year, Everyone! Happy New Decade! Yay 2020!!! I hope you are doing well.  I hope you find hope in my sharing my journey of feeling lost to feeling found. I understand, I care, and I found ways to heal that perhaps can help you too.

 

10 years ago today I started this blog!  It was a new beginning for me as the blog helped me to find my voice as a writer; as a coach, mentor, and spiritual counselor for other highly sensitive souls and empaths with childhood wounds; and just …as a person, a soul, a human being on the planet! I did not realize I had started my blog at the beginning of a decade! I did not realize until yesterday how serendipitous and special it is that I started my blog at the beginning of the previous Decade!  Wow exactly 10 years ago! I was 48 then and felt kind of old and yet unaccomplished and green.  I am 58 now and I feel younger than I did at 48 …and in fact younger and happier than when I was in my 30s!  2020 vision and clarity is ahead for us all–a new hopeful path is emerging before our very eyes! I invite you to get out your journal or think back to january 2010 and look at how far you have come.  Please share your healing journey in the comments below  or if you resonate with realizing you started some positive changes or awarenesses in your life in 2010.

 

one whole decade

 

I found my true soul’s purpose as a result of writing this blog and an ability to express myself that had long been hidden inside me. When I started I had no idea how importantly the work I did on this blog would impact my life. I remember thinking, if I could just help one other person with what I’ve learned on my journey then this blog would be a success. Such a valuable thing to learn I think because I had low expectations so when the blog gained momentum and had lots of engagement it gave me so much confidence! The success of beginning my career as a life coach on the blog lead me to following my intuition and trusting my own inner guidance at deeper and deeper levels.

I was helping others through sharing my journey through a pen name at first–using my middle name, I was known as Elaine back then. At the height of my coaching career, I then started writing more and more songs, going to open mic nights, met musician friends in my area, and overcame my terrifying fear of singing alone on stage in public. I started performing around Indianapolis and getting paid for it and made an album of original songs that is on all the Worldwide music platforms such as iTunes, Spotify, and Amazon.

While I deeply loved my blog, my coaching and my clients, my heart was torn in 2 directions. I realized I had to put all my songs under my legal name and until then they had been divided–half were songs about inner child healing under the name of Elaine. When I changed my name on the blog and stopped writing as regularly, the blog audience changed and grew as I changed and grew. Even when I didn’t write for a few years on this blog, the old posts continued to get readers and new followers and I continued to get emails from grateful sensitive souls who felt their childhood wounds had been “seen” and their inner feelings “voiced”.

My journey took a spiritual turn as the intuitive abilities helped me realize many of my songs and blog posts had been “channeled” by me–I realized I was co-creating with the help of my higher self. My soul’s purpose grew to include being an energy healer, and the training and certification I received as a Reiki Practitioner in 2012 was fitting beautifully with my channeling abilities, and I attracted opportunities for office space to do this Reiki work and Intuitive work in Indianapolis. Now, in addition, the music and the Reiki are fitting together as I learn about sound healing and things like Reiki-infused music and music-infused Reiki. It is so amazing to me how life unfolds in ways that amaze but we somehow get glimpses of what could be, yet we don’t know how we can get to our dreams and yet the dreams unfold into yet even better dreams and magical abilities.

We also all have so many unexpected hardships along the way and think we are off track sometimes, but I believe it is these very hardships and side roads that make us stronger–strong enough for the next thing that our higher self has planned for us! The last 2 years have been an upheaval for me, revealing unhealthy patterns in me that I couldn’t see without some shake-ups and re-formulating in some very close relationships.

But it all makes sense now–if you have painful childhood wounds you need to relearn how to bond with people with pure love at the core. I have even more self-compassion for my wounds, even more strength to observe them and release them and grow stronger with each layer of emotional pain from the past that presents itself.

The result is a really strong foundation at my core, an independence and confidence to stand on my own 2 feet, and empowerment that is not codependent on a partner or children, or a role, or achievement in life but in a power of being that is centered, grounded, and wise with knowing that I am worthy of having it all just by being. And that we are all worthy of having it all and I LOVE helping others to get to this same feeling of wholeness and vitality and creative expression.

Whew! What a ride the last 10 years have been! The first 3 years of this blog contain the meatiest, most substantial posts in my opinion so I am going to be reblogging those posts on the day that they were posted 10 years ago as they come up. I will also be posting updates in the present day too interspersed with these older blog posts.

So here is the very first blog post from the first day I signed up for the wordpress site– I was back then just learning to navigate the brand new wordpress world (and with my very first laptop computer too–I was still just learning the computer) at that time–my youngest child was now settled in college.

The first post was lyrics to an original song that expressed the hope I felt at going from “lost” to “found”. Thank you to all of you who follow me and to any of you who have followed me from the very beginning, I am sending you big hugs!!! 💞💞💞I’d love a comment or a hello from you!! Please join me in celebrating my 10 year anniversary of teaching and learning self-compassion through this blog–all the way from Elaine to Roxanne Elaine. I will continue to write here to share my journey to comfort and encourage all who resonate with this community of Hope and Healing. I’m so grateful to all of you who read my blog. Again I THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart and the depths of my soul.

Wishing you a wonderful Happy New Year Celebration!! 🎉🙌 Yay!! It’s 2020!!🤩

A new Beginning for us all.

Party like 1999

Sending you comfort, caring, inner peace, love and light,

and Encouragement to Enjoy Life, and Permission to Party!!

Look how far you’ve come!! 😃💃🕺❣️

Roxanne ✌️😇🎶💖✨

 

Hope and Healing Haven

My very first post, Dec. 30, 2009: 

I Was Lost But Now I’ve Found Me

Lyrics by Roxanne Smith

I am strong but they can’t see me

I am wise but they can’t hear me

I am kind but they can’t feel me

I was lost but now I’ve found me

I can see the truth in me

I can feel the love in thee

I can have the strength I lost begin again

Your belief in me makes me free

CHORUS

I am sad and you are there to hold me

I am weak and you are there to guide me

I am scared and you are there to love me

I was lost but now I’ve found me

I can be all that I can be

Overcome the fear they gave me

When all I feel is lost and unaware

You are there to say you care

When…

View original post 111 more words

High Expectations? New Tools For Sensitive Souls’ Healing Journeys.

Hello Everyone!  I haven’t written for a while because I’ve been so busy just observing this emotional roller coaster ride of the last couple months—it’s been hard to put into words!  It has propelled me into journaling more to get clarity and as always when I write I am able to access a higher perspective of “what the heck is going on now”! 😳🙏😆Haha! I’ve learned a few things and so I feel ready to share some of the positive things to give all of you sensitive souls on this spiritual journey a boost to feel better about EVERYTHING!

What a roller coaster ride!  By this I mean Ups and Downs and Curves and Surprises and Shocks! Can you relate? But at the end of a roller coaster ride at an amusement park, the end of the ride comes with a slowing down and a smooth safe feeling until it comes to a stop and you get off and everyone is all smiles and Gee that was fun.  Well, in general I mean haha, and only because you knew it was temporary—it was a ride you took by choice and it was a safe way to experience a thrill and know it would be over soon.  

Compare that to this incarnation of life on this planet. As sensitive souls, we are highly evolved divine beings here to help, but we have expectations of smooth sailing and love and abundance. I really think it is these expectations that contribute to us getting stuck in the lows on the roller coaster that we experience.  

All of this is coming up for me to talk about I believe because of this last full moon on October 13-yesterday!  If you are like me you may have noticed that you are very sensitive to cosmic changes to the planet and Full Moons and New Moons etc..  I am not very educated in astrology but I find myself searching for YouTube videos to explain what’s going on cosmically at certain times when I’m feeling out of balance and sure enough it is a full moon or a solar flare or something like this causing our distress and it all resonates and gives a sense of relief.  

I get some reassurance from the information I watch or read from elsewhere but often times I am searching and don’t find what I need to feel inner peace—then I am forced to write and then I realize as I connect to my higher self, my inner wisdom, my spirit team, my angels, the Universe, God, whatever you want to call “IT”.

I am then reminded that all my answers for my own inner peace can be found “within”.  I know this but why do I keep forgetting it?  Looking for outside validation has been ingrained in us as humans on this planet and we all feel this—trying to fit in and feel understood by other humans—wanting a tribe or even one other person who understands us and makes us feel reassured and comforted that we are OKAY and that what we are feeling is OKAY and that there is hope and that everything is going to be OKAY.

This neediness we feel is understandable—as highly sensitive, compassionate, evolved souls we are awakening spiritually but we are straddling 2 worlds. We are trying to make it in the 3D world and pay our bills etc. and also looking at the higher perspective of the 5D spiritual world for deeper meaning and understanding of why we are here, keeping our vibration high, and living in the moment to access the unconditional love that we have resonated with as Yes, This is it! All is well! We want that feeling everyday, all the time, every morning when we wake up.

But what I am understanding is, when we wake up in the morning with horrible dread and feeling bad about being here on the planet we need to observe this as information and not as our current truth.  As divine beings, we have often been astral traveling in our sleep. We love to be in the higher angelic realms where we are from evidently—it’s all Love and Light there all the time! 😇 😁 So when we come back into our bodies and wake up as a human on the planet, the densest negative energies, often from our childhoods or possibly past lives come up to the surface so that we can see that these energies are there and are just ready to be “released”. 

We are strong and powerful divine beings with love and light as our true nature but when we were born we didn’t know this so these wounded parts of ourselves are taking longer to heal then we “expected”. If you had a narcissistic parent then you were unloved and had unmet needs day in and day out for years and years and so you have many layers of of small hurts and false beliefs about yourself that need reparented and comforted one by one. That may be discouraging to hear that it is going to take longer to heal than you expected but here is the good news.  If you observe the big bad emotion you wake up with as just “information” about your past rather than your present truth you can transmute it in minutes!  

First, describe the feeling and label it!  What is this? Is it shame, dread, hopelessness, anxiety? Then you do the opposite of avoiding it, or believing it, or numbing it out by keeping busy—you go towards it and you write about it in your journal and you have compassion for yourself about it. 

Or if you are already versed in this healing process you go right to a positive affirmation to retrain the neurons in your brain to go a more positive route.  You recognize this bad feeling is your inner critic and not the truth.  It is your survival “false” self that absorbed the bad feelings from others around you not knowing they weren’t your feelings.  After all you were just a tiny child and had to believe what you were being “fed” to survive and to get along with your caretakers who didn’t SEE you for the gifted soul you were.

Most of you know this but if you are like me right now you are still surprised that you are still dealing with these long healed issues—especially in the last few months.  It is my understanding that the last remnants of these layers are possibly the most painful and most deeply ingrained and you are strong enough now to finally look at them, acknowledge that it was even worse than you thought.  So give yourself even more kindness, compassion and comforting reparenting than you ever have before. Extreme extreme self care (double extreme 😃) is in order whenever you wake up feeling bad!!  Be nicer to yourself instead of harder to yourself.  After all isn’t that what your narcissistic parent or bully said to you when they ran out of patience with you—they said “what’s wrong with you—why aren’t you over this yet—you should be feeling better by now—you are not doing as well as you thought”.  See? These things you say to yourself are judgements you are making just like bullies or abusers did which is the opposite of the unconditional love and comfort you deserved back then and deserve now.  

Sometimes it isn’t until we get out of our heads and start writing onto paper that we are even realizing we are beating ourselves up just like “they” did (if you had caretakers who maybe even did the best they could but were needy themselves so they didn’t have the patience that you needed as a highly sensitive soul who was sensitive for a very good reason.)

So now it is up to you. To KNOW you are pure love and light and when you wake up feeling bad you are to lovingly cleaning away the false residue, the past debris, that is covering up your beautiful brilliant lamp of love and light. You now have some more tools in your toolbox to lift yourself back up to where you belong.

Joy is your birthright and you are doing a great job figuring out how to shine what is rightfully yours every moment that you can. Be nicer to yourself when you feel bad not harder on yourself. You are training your brain to go positive quicker and quicker when you get better and better at replacing the doubts negative core beliefs with positive affirmations.  You can do it!  You are pure love and light.

Being a human is extremely complex!  Be patient with this healing journey that you are on!  You may be a sensitive soul who seeks safety and inner peace but you are also a tough warrior with new boundaries to take on this challenge of transmuting darkness into light on planet earth.  You chose to come here because you knew you could be successful at finding your true voice and true self and shining your true light.

Just being here on the planet you emanate this light and love energy and it uplifts others who need it. You are making a difference just by being here. So relax and be patient with yourself. It takes time and there is plenty of time for all the things you want to do. Self-compassion and self-care is always time well spent.  

Sensitive souls, I am so glad you are here on the planet with me. You make the planet a wonderful place to be. If we join forces we can move mountains. Thanks for reading and please reach out if you’d like one-on-one coaching.  My email is hopesinger11@gmail.com. Sometimes just having someone to see us and listen to our feelings with understanding can be so healing.  I also offer distance Reiki and intuitive guidance during sessions as well—you design the sessions the way your heart desires. 

I’m adding a link to my latest YouTube Video here of a recent performance of my original song, We Are Here To Love. The lyrics to this song just flowed out of me from beginning to end with no changes—it was magical. I feel now is the perfect time to share these lyrics with you.

Lyrics: -We Are Here To Love-

Trudging through the past debris, finding sparks of light

Holding onto highest hopes, knowing love is right

Seeing through the doubters’ eyes, knowing those above

Want us to believe and know, time is made for love

Chorus: We are here to love, We can fly with wings of time

When we feel the past, We must rise above and shine

We must rise above and shine, We must rise above and shine

 

Reminded who we are by pushing past the ego’s call

Kindness to ourselves is all we need to break the wall

Pieces still fall down on us, don’t misunderstand

Keep the rays of light around and hold each other’s hand

Chorus: We are here to love…

Verse not included in this video performance:

(Power from the latest move unearth’s a tender spot

Confusing inner child takes stage, plays out what we forgot

Kindness is in order now soothing wounds so raw

New aliveness, strength abounds, braving what we saw

Chorus:.. We Are Here to…)

Bridge: Learning to be still and yet, adversity remains

But even when we think we’ve stalled, we’ve unraveled many chains

Working hard it seems we have not played to really live

But underneath we somehow gain renewed hearts to give

Chorus: We are here to love…

Have faith and know that even in the hardest grief of times

You are loved and cheered about, so take in all the signs

Relish in the life you have, grateful for the rest

All will see the loveliness, you are a force for goodness

Chorus: We are here to love… You must rise above and shine… shine… shine You must rise above and shine. (slow end)

Original Song © Roxanne E. Smith

 

Until next time, With Love and Light,

Roxanne ✌️🙏💖✨   

Good News For Highly Sensitive People Who Are Awakening–You Can Do It!

Hello Highly Sensitive Souls! How is it possible that it is the end of May!  It’s gone so fast but now the warm weather is finally here in my part of the midwest, so I’m not complaining–I’m just in awe of the speed of time that seems to be passing!  Wow!  At the same time though I feel like a different person since January of 2019–I’ve done so much more unexpected inner work and self growth and now I’m excited to be where I’m at!  I am experiencing so much clarity and positive energy from my inner guidance to help others at a new higher level!

There is so much to feel hopeful about my dear sensitive friends.  You are exactly the way you are for a reason and you have a spirit guide and angels cheering you forward 24/7.  There may be times that you feel that they are not there and your wounds from childhood seem to be driving the bus so to speak. Please know that these wounds must come up to the surface to be cleared out and that you are healing.  Every single day you are healing!  Know that your higher self is taking you by the shoulders and helping you through each obstacle in life with the intent to make you stronger!  You got this!  You can do it!  You are loved from above.  And I’m here to help you know it and believe it and believe in yourself and your creative gifts.

I love being a cheerleader for highly sensitive souls because I understand so much now from my own journey.  I am so grateful for my intuitive gifts that have lead me to be able to have conversations now with my guides and angels and higher self.  I have honed the skill of automatic writing to where I can connect easily now and get answers.  My journey started out with so much pain and heartache as a child–being highly sensitive with abandonment wounds left me feeling so codependent on others–I didn’t even realize it–I thought I had worked through everything but no there was still more underneath some illusions that were protecting me.  But now all that is behind me and I am feeling so independent and whole.  Whatever healing seems unsurmountable to you at the moment please know that it can be done.  Whatever doubts you have about your ability to attract the life of your dreams are just words you heard from elsewhere ingrained in you from someone who may have just been jealous of your bright light,  You can learn to over-ride all self doubts with positive affirmations and self-belief and self love.

I have just channeled a new angel message, wrote a new song, and wrote a new poem all in the last 2 weeks.  I’m on a roll and I know how to unblock myself for good now. For those of you who are awakening to spirituality and are craving some good news, please check out my YouTube channel to see my angel message videos.  Go to this link=>https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXg27-Lzvcffrr7lf6DRIfg.

Slowly I’ll be putting myself on the videos as I feel ready–right now it is just my voice reading the messages I have channeled.  I am following my guidance to share these messages hopefully weekly now to give comfort to empaths, highly sensitive people, lightworkers, and earth angels and awakening souls. Have a wonderful week! I care and I am here to cheer you on to love yourself and take good care of yourself.  You are on your way!

With love and light,

Roxanne 😇💖✨

The Dark Night of the Soul–There is Hope!

Hello Highly Sensitive Souls, Empaths, and All,

I hope you are doing well! I am sending my love and appreciation to all of you and especially those of you who follow my posts!  Thank you!!  I am feeling a camaraderie with you and a deep empathy for the unique painful rollercoaster journey that accompanies being a highly sensitive soul and an empath.  We are so complex but sometimes all it takes is for us to feel very seen and heard and validated for the injustices we experience and then we are renewed and recharged to get back out there and shine our lights in the world!!

I’m feeling very renewed at the moment and so I want to offer hope to any of you who are suffering right now and not feeling hopeful!!  There is hope!  You are special and you are sensitive for a good reason!  You are enough and just your being here on the planet raises the vibration, even if you don’t feel like you are!

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted because I’ve been going through so much.  March was intense and I feel compelled to reach out and connect with you all because well by nature I always want to help others–if you are having a hard time with sudden life changes well I understand completely and I am right there with you! I made it through to a very positive place and so I want to pass on to you what I learned. There is so much hope!

Oh my gosh! Where to begin? I don’t want to speak in generalities and I don’t want to vent about my personal life too much so I will try to just be vulnerable and truthful. Life had been going along one way for years and now I’ve been on this spiritual awakening journey and gradually things had turned upside down for me.  Twice in the last week I started spiraling and even my usual supports weren’t helping.  I was shocked!  I’m the one who has it all figured out and helps others how can I be feeling so out of control and panicky, I felt like I was falling in a black hole. Everything around me felt like it was crumbling away. I didn’t have a panic attack, I’ve been fortunate to never have had one– what I had was an excruciating migraine that was caused by my own negative spiraling thoughts, for hours!  …Until I asked, what in my life would make me feel better.  The answer that came to me was, something big in my life had to CHANGE.

Then I looked up online Dark Night of the Soul and found what Eckhart Tolle said about it. I was immediately comforted just because what was happening to me had a name.  I was having an existential crisis. Here are some parts of Eckhart Tolle’s article that helped me the most:

The Dark Night of the Soul–“It is a term used to describe what one could call a collapse of a perceived meaning in life…an eruption into your life of a deep sense of meaninglessness.” “…Really what has collapsed then is the whole conceptual framework for your life, the meaning that your mind had given it. So that results in a dark place.  But people have gone into that, and then there is the possibility that you emerge out of that into a transformed state of consciousness. Life has meaning again, but it’s no longer a conceptual meaning that you can necessarily explain.  Quite often it’s from there that people awaken out of their conceptual sense of reality, which has collapsed.

They awaken into something deeper, which is no longer based on concepts in your mind.  A deeper sense of purpose or connectedness with a greater life that is not dependent on explanations or anything conceptual any longer.  It’s a kind of re-birth. The dark night of the soul is a kind of death that you die. What dies is the egoic sense of self. Of course, death is always painful, but nothing real has actually died there – only an illusory identity.  Now it is probably the case that some people who’ve gone through this transformation realized that they had to go through that, in order to bring about a spiritual awakening. Often it is part of the awakening process, the death of the old self and the birth of the true self.”

Besides the migraine, I also was experiencing this falling sensation of impending death and as if the walls around me and life as I knew it was crumbling away.  So at a point of desperation I asked my Self, what in my life would make me feel better.  The answer that came to me was, Something had to Change. I started imagining some of these changes in detail and magically my migraine started to slowly dissipate, I felt hopeful but perplexed and awestruck by this Dark Night of the Soul experience and I was able to finally feel hopeful and get some sleep after what seemed like the longest night of my life. (Reading Eckhart Tolle’s article had helped too–full article is here).

The next morning, I felt a new sense of aliveness and I took some action on these changes feeling more empowered then I had felt in a long time. But surprisingly the changes that I imagined didn’t end up needing to be THE THING after all–but some painful conversations with certain people in my life opened up what REALLY needed to happen. Then surprisingly my heart just burst open with clarity and LOVE and gratefulness for everyone involved like never before. Suddenly all the changes that I wanted I no longer needed but it was actually the experience of having the dark night of the soul that had changed me–I felt like my heart had grown 3 sizes like the grinch when he got super powerful and turned the sleigh around–I no longer needed other people to change and I had all the answers inside all along.  My compassion for myself and others in my life and gratefulness for my journey had grown exponentially as well and a renewed passion in my career of coaching and energy healing and my music!  I’m sooo excited like never before and with such clarity and newfound energy about my true purpose in life. Wow!

I feel grateful that my Dark Night of the Soul experience was shorter than what some people experience.  After researching this, I have new empathy for the hell other’s go through.  I am also aware that this may not be my last experience with this–one never knows how the Universe is going to challenge them to grow when we are unknowingly resisting change with all of our might and our Higher Selves have a different plan for our souls’s journey.  What I have learned is more Trust!  I trust that I am being guided to experiences that are opening me up and challenging me to grow in ways I didn’t know possible. Holy Hell LOL!!–the pain I went through was excruciating but I guess it had to be purged and experienced so that I can be a hand to hold for others going through it too.

There seems to be no way to skip over this process if it is happening to you. I am not a licensed therapist for those of you experiencing a prolonged depression. But I can share my experience of healing which was by way of writing and doing deep inner grief work in a journal which for the most part started for me in 2003 and then all the songs of hope and healing started pouring out of me in the years that followed.  I credit the book The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron for helping me find this positive True Voice that was inside me all along. Whatever you journey looks like please know that I believe you will come out the other side and that your journey is teaching your soul something that will be of great value.

After my Dark Night of the Soul experience last weekend, words can’t describe my new vitality and passion to get on with my life’s work.  All winter long I had been soul searching looking for direction and energy and drive to move forward consistently with this blog, my spiritual counseling and intuitive coaching work, energy healing, and my performing and writing my songs of hope and empowerment.  AND I am so grateful now to be experiencing this new gift of realizing I’m a channel and always have been–It is profoundly honoring and a humbling experience for me that I now feel stronger to fully step into this role and say yes, I’m a channel for spirit here, having a human experience to help others, who are struggling with deep questions about how to embrace their gifts of sensitivity in an insensitive world.  I’m here to tell you when you step fully into loving yourself and taking responsibility to learn tools to daily rise back into your truth as a shining light for the planet you will start attracting more and more positive people and experiences that will help you feel like life is all falling into place.  Then you can relax and just be YOU!  And you are so wonderful, just as you are, my dear sensitive souls, I’m grateful that you are here with me to help raise the vibration of the planet!

Sending you so much comfort, love and light as you continue on your healing journey,

Roxanne 😇💖✨

 

Update! Angel Channeling Success, Inner Child Healing, and a Vacation!

Hi Everyone! I’m happy to say my channeling from last week’s post that I put on YouTube is doing so well!–as of now I have over 2600 views, 260 likes and lots of positive, grateful comments on the Higher Self Channel. I had no idea it would do so well! Here’s the link to see it:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rpKhVU5Etos   ( I apologize but this link is no longer working because I took the video down and moved all my future Channeled Angel Message videos to a new YouTube Channel here. To see all Channeled Angel Messages you can read them here on my blog by clicking here.)

With all the excitement, I then caught a bad cold on Friday. I hadn’t come down with a virus like this in years–I like to believe it happened because I’m clearing out the old from my body that no longer fits and I have shifted into a higher vibration–I hope! 😇. This is what my inner guidance is saying 😍✨ so I’m inclined to believe it. 😃 It’s called a “healing crisis”–google it if you want to learn more.

healing-crisis

I also had to process some emotional pain that got triggered when I was feeling so sick, miserable and alone, and unable to think, or do any work–it triggered me back to my abandonment wound from early childhood and I started spiraling with hopelessness feelings and irrational thoughts like “I will never be well again”–a child believe’s this when they have no comfort and no-one to explain what is happening and that they are going to be okay.

heal the inner child

This wisdom came to me when I allowed myself to examine what messages my inner critic was saying when I was feeling the worst.  With this delving inward, I had an AHA moment!– for the first time when ill, I had clarity of exactly where that feeling came from and I was able to feel it and comfort myself through it–simultaneously I felt myself finally healing from the virus as I felt it lift after a short but intense crying spell about the original neglect and simultaneously comforting myself through it–this was an emotional healing breakthrough! I let the little child in me cry about the original painful event that had been repressed.  I felt so good after that cry–I was …reconnected to my truth–to my true higher self.

That was yesterday.  Today, when I woke up, I felt like Yay my brain is working again, I feel excited and stronger than ever, and I’m getting ready for a vacation in 4 days with my husband.

Palm tree beach

I’ll be back here writing again after I get back from the Bahamas (my first time there ever)! 😁 .

I hope by sharing these things I go through, it will help you the next time you get triggered to a stuck feeling. Write about it and decipher it back to it’s roots and let the inner child ( or past life YOU) cry about it to release this truth that has been repressed.  Crying is part of the healing–Comforting yourself is the crucial 2nd part of the emotional healing process–you know you would comfort a crying child who is ill (or abused) and needs to be held and reassured–of course you would so give this to yourself!!  You can be your own healer!!

157526-Deepak-Chopra-Quote-Any-cell-tissue-or-organ-is-capable-of-crying

If you resonate with this, then this is a good time to start an emotional healing journal today if you have not already.  Think of it as writing out a private conversation with your best loving friend, your higher self, who loves you unconditionally!

Journaling with tea

It’s so healing!! More on this on another post! Have a wonderful couple of weeks, Everyone!!  Sending all of you hugs, comfort, compassion, and deep understanding.

With Love, Light, and Gratefulness,

Roxanne 😇💖✨

Comfort From Above–A Channeled Angel Message

Hello everyone!  Here is my very first long Channeled Angel Message.

Channeled Angel Message 1-12-19

“Dear Ones, You are so loved.  If you only knew the brilliance of your own light—the perfection of your being.  Your soul has a purpose that may be unknown to you at this time but if you take the time to listen to your heart and write out your soul’s desire, you will begin to know yourself. As you love, nurture, and comfort yourself you will heal those deep layers of pain that are keeping you from stepping into your wholeness and vitality to be all that you can be. 

We are with you, Dear Ones, shining light and comfort down on you on those times you feel most alone and afraid.  If you can believe in love from above and open to receive our comfort it will help you so much.  As light workers you chose to come onto earth at this time as co-creators with us the Angels who are always hovering near you.  Your compassionate ways may seem unappreciated by those around you but if you can remember and write and share with others who are open to such spiritual messages, you’ll be spreading hope in ways you can’t imagine.

No-one else is exactly like you but many, who are on similar journeys and just beginning, will so benefit from your wisdom.  Keep writing.  Keep creating from the joy in your heart and share it with others without fear.  The fear of persecution from others is old and we reassure you that the benefits will far exceed any backlash you receive.  If you are afraid to be different well, My Dear, you already are and it is what it is for a good reason.  Goodness and light exudes from you in a way that affects others in a positive way whether it’s positive feelings being around you or pushing their repressed pain up to the light in an explosive way.  This is not for you to decipher or feel responsible for but just know healing is happening. 

If you get negative energy back from anyone know it is not about you and it is just a projection of this inner unconscious unlooked-that world. All pain needs to be looked at in order to heal and be released. This is a role that is not for the faint of heart. You are not faint of heart. You are all heart and you are strong enough for this role. By changing the way you view criticisms of you, you can change your life.  Criticisms of you are actually criticisms of the person criticizing you—their own self-judgments projected outward. 

How to handle this?  Smile with your inner knowing of the real truth. Either walk away or show them compassion if you are in a strong place.  Let the negativity flow through you and not stick.  Transmute it into Mother Earth or up to Heaven it doesn’t matter keep the energy moving flowing and healed and dissolved by love. 

Shining your light really is healing. Perhaps you’ve encountered people drawn to you lately and even asking for a hug from you while others seem to treat you as if you are invisible. They actually make themselves invisible from their own true essence—a true and complete disconnect and so you are feeling their invisibility and self-loathing.  Know it’s not yours. The work of knowing the voice of your inner critic is so helpful.  Yes, you know this. 

But you didn’t know your inner critic is alive in you because you absorbed the inner critic of those around you in your foundational childhood years and you internalized it and believed it.  Now you know better.  You can give yourself the love you never received and deserved.  Yes every child deserves love and care and to be uplifted to see their gifts and potential.  You can re-frame, re-program, re-parent, and re-live the childhood you never had—Regain the childlike trust you missed out on.  Live now with more childlike exuberance, joy, and curiosity and express yourself without fear. 

Know your childlike exuberance is much needed on the planet as you express it without fear of ridicule and shame.  Yes, you may have been shamed for shining your light as a child but now you see their fear, their shame that they felt safe to put on you.  Only because of your light, My Dear Earthbound Angels, only because of your light.

Archangel Muriel here,

sending you hugs and love and comfort so deep you feel it down to your toes.

We angels are just a thought away

Just open to us and get out of the way

To receive our message especially for you

So you can heal and heal others too.

Until we meet again,

Muriel”

If you are interested in scheduling private sessions for Akashic Record Readings, or Angel Readings, Distance Reiki or Life Coaching sessions please email me at Hopesinger11@gmail.com.

(This post previously contained a video of the channeled angel message which has since been deleted as a new platform for the videos is in the making.)

With love and light,

Roxanne 😇

Comfort For Those Who Are Hurting

You who are hurting. I send you comfort and love from above.  Those who reject you are hurting.  Hurt people hurt people. There is nothing wrong with you because you are pure love. You have no negative attachments and you are a powerful source of love and light.  This light beams from you constantly.  Others with lower energies often explode in your presence.  They unconsciously experience a surge of negativity because their pain comes up to the surface to be healed.  Those that cannot comfort their pain and heal it often lash out at innocent people and the most vulnerable.  You are right about everything.  You would make a great friend to many but you dive deeper than most feel comfortable.  You will find your tribe.  They are healing in the isolated protection of their homes right now.  It is the beginning of the end.  Shower yourself with beams of love and light from above anytime you feel alone.  Trust yourself that you are a higher vibration.  You are familiar with the higher realms from past lifetimes.  You are here to comfort others in emotional pain.  You are here to be a beacon light for those lost in fear and fight or flight.  Remember who you are?  You are pure love.  You get defensive when attacked but you are learning to soften this defense.  Walk away until you can send love to attackers because they need it most.  Be grateful when you are left alone because this is when you see your purpose most clearly.  You also hear your inner guidance during meditation and prayer.  Continue writing from your highest self. 

Sharing this for YOU!

With Love and Light,

Roxanne 😇🙏💖✨ 

Part 3 (Final) of Heart To Heart Update

Hello everyone! If you’ve been feeling extra tired, or extra emotional, or stuck, or triggered, I believe the full moon todayfull harvest moon is causing energies that are helping us to clear out some deep unhealed layers of childhood pain.  I personally have been very tired and journaling a lot to work through heavy, dark feelings of self-doubt and unworthiness — which hasn’t been easy.  Some of my best songs and poems arise at times like these and I’ll be sharing them here hopefully soon to help anyone who resonates and would like to feel hopeful about their emotional state.  The poem I wrote on Oct. 1 that I mentioned in my last post will be shared in my next post–I read it again today and it was helpful in moving out the stuck emotions I felt today so I plan to share that in the coming few days.

Now, on with Part 3!–Here’s the last part of my heart to heart series to update everyone on what I’ve been doing while I was on a break from writing regularly on this blog. This post is a long one–future posts will be much shorter for easier reading I promise!

Continuing with sharing the story of my journey to finally start performing, let me just say it took until fall of 2017 for me to feel ready to start looking for paid gigs–I had been practicing a 2 hour set of my songs (including playing guitar) for many months while we got settled in our new house (Oct. 2016) before I felt ready to reach out to venues as a professional musician. Then on one courageous day, I took the leap and did it–made phone calls and sent emails with a demo video I had made.

1st gig photo

1st gig on Sept. 23, 2017

I found 2 local venues (a branch of Breweries, and a winery) that were encouraging local artists and paid, albeit meagerly, for 2 hours of a mix of original folk rock and cover songs by my favorite artists: James Taylor, Carole King, The Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, Bonnie Raitt, Neil Young, and more! My album and the demo I made with performance videos from my open mic nights helped convince them to give me a chance and soon I was performing once a month then twice a month and then eventually 4 times a month. By the end of the summer of 2018 I was doing 3 hour gigs as well with several hired guitarists that I had duos with. Phew!rock and roll wonder woman

I stopped in September to take a break and get organized with my coaching and this blog and also to celebrate!– because I feel over a hump and ready to branch out and collaborate with some new musicians and look for higher paying venues.  Breaking through a glass ceiling that I never thought I could achieve brings up surprising amounts of grief and emotional pain and is not all just happiness, ease, and fun. glass ceiling Yes, when you have childhood wounds that kept you in a state of hiding most of your life, you must keep up with the positive affirmations and self-care of course but also make time for grieving the loss of all the years you didn’t believe in yourself and your gifts. It’s important to leave time for emotional healing and not spread yourself too thin.  It took some time for me to find a balance that worked for me.keep calm and glass ceiling

Okay, so now on a new topic, not only have I been performing and working on my music career, but I have also developed some new life coaching skills and emotional healing tools. From 2014 to now and continuing, I have been working with various intuitive coaches, energy healers, and spiritual counselors.  Through my seeking and thirst for knowledge about the spiritual realms, I have developed my own intuitive abilities to the point where I am proud to say that I am now a channel for spiritual guidance  as an Akashic Record Reader and you can read more about this on my new life coaching website. Yay! It’s very exciting! I realize now that I have always had this ability on some level but now I am able to ask for and receive spiritual inner guidance with greater clarity and greater confidence, knowing, and with greater tools to help others.AA Muriel

And this is because:  I have had to continually be doing intense emotional healing of my own.  Layers of pain coming up to the surface with each new success–the pain and doubt doesn’t just magically go away one day when you have many childhood wounds–having given up on myself at the age of 5 and banished my true self and my dreams away to develop a false self that was hiding and codependent, a people pleaser, and a rescuer–I’ve had to continue to work on healing all of these issues!  I’ve continually been working through the PTSD that results from having the abandonment wounds (from being hospitalized as a toddler) and also working through shame and feeling unsafe to be my true self as a child and throughout my early adulthood.  I had learned how to survive by hiding away my true desires and gifts and dreams so completely that I gave up on my music for 20 years while raising my children. Perhaps you can relate! hiding under a rock.jpeg

And so now here I am an empty nester, feeling like I’m in my 30’s (due to a healthy diet and new tools), pursuing a singing career, to share my songs that flow out of me– sometimes from my wounded heart but mostly from the bright light of hope inside of me that knows my purpose on the planet is to write and sing music and also give hope to others who cannot find their way up and out of the painful layers that often feel too heavy to break through.

Joni-Mitchell-Complete-So-Far-Guitar-Songbook-Edition-800

As I write this I realize I’ve learned and sharpened so many tools since 2012:guitar yoga  I learned ways to replenish and to re-energize my adrenals; continued my healthy diet; exercise regularly for strength and endurance; made myself more disciplined to practice my music as a priority; tap into spirit often to sharpen those innate intuitive skills and gifts; continue to write poetry and songs as I work through the emotional challenges;  I have opened myself up to spiritual knowledge about ascension symptoms, upgrades to the planet, and even the effect of past lives on our current incarnations; practice extreme self-care as I continue to grow from life’s challenges and surprises, and remind myself that the rule #1 from this blog still applies and was really ground-breaking at that time.

And that is that Self-Compassion is rule #1!journal tea bed

I’m grateful to this blog for this all important bit of wisdom to come forth–because it was writing here to you all that caused this bit of wisdom to be born!

And so I say thank you to all of you that are part of this highly sensitive, compassionate, and spiritually awakened community of Hope and Healing from Childhood Wounds. I hope it continues to be a haven of safety for your wounded inner child to come and get strong–as a cocoon for you to grow your wings at your own pace and try out your new wings when you are feeling strong enough to go for your dreams.  As always my message is:  You Can Do It!! …And have compassion and kindness for yourself as the pain comes up to heal with each success! Because you are strong enough to feel it, comfort yourself through it, acknowledge that you absorbed negativity you didn’t deserve, release it, rest, and rise again!inner child

Rest here in this haven anytime you wish, and reach out to this community or just read the comments from the hundreds who have reached out with their stories of childhood wounds and emotional healing in the comment sections. I would love to hear from you!  Please leave a comment to let me know you are helped by what I am sharing or if you are new to this community so that I can welcome you.

Wishing all of you comfort, inner peace, and so much love as you continue to heal,

Roxanne 😇✌️🎶💖✨

Roxanne Smith – Folk Rock Songs For the Soul

 

 

 

“Pain From the Past” Arising for Highly Sensitive Souls

Pain from the past image

PAIN FROM THE PAST

Lyrics by Roxanne Smith

 

Feelings coming up from I don’t know where

I don’t want to feel it but avoid it I don’t dare

 

CHORUS:

‘Cause it’s pain from the past you see

Comin’ up to say hello to me

Just keep it a movin’ until I’m free

Let it move on through and away from me

 

They say it gets easier as the old layers heal

I can tell I am stronger and I’m more grounded and real

But sometimes it’s thick and pulls me back down

To how I felt as a child when love was not around

 

CHORUS:

It’s just pain from the past you see

Comin’ up to say hello to me

Just keep it a movin’ until I’m free

Let it move on through and away from me

 

What happened back then can’t be made right

But I can love that little child in me with all my might

I can protect her and soothe her pain

I deserved love back then and now I’m gonna make it rain

 

BRIDGE:

Make it rain love love love

Coming down on me

Make it rain love love love

Until I’m free

Wash away all of the doubt

And the fear and shame

Until I’m a bright shining light again

with no more pain

 

Repeat 1st verse:

Feelings comin up from I don’t know where

I don’t want to feel it but avoid it I don’t dare

 

CHORUS:

‘Cause it’s pain from the past you see

Comin’ up to say hello to me

Just keep it on movin’until I’m free

Let it move on through and away from me.

Original Song © 2014 Roxanne Smith

Hello everyone! Lots of good things have been happening with my music performances and my coaching in the last couple of months so I’ve been very busy with that. It’s very exciting and somewhat surreal as I keep reaching outside of my comfort zone.  HOWEVER, just recently I’ve been surprised by the intensity of feelings coming up that I haven’t felt for a long time or maybe EVER.  I know I’m so much stronger because I am observing this happening rather letting it get me down. However, I’ve been surprised at the intensity of old feelings, anxiety, lack of motivation, and emotional pain. I reassure myself that it’s old stuff on the way out but I have the say Man I’m very surprised at the intensity and heaviness of the feelings that been coming and going in the last few days!  I look up and listen to youtube channellings on the spiritual guidance about solar flares and energy upgrades and ascension symptoms and things of this nature at times like these when I feel out of sorts. I usually get comfort and confirmation that something big is going on with the planets energy and this time is no exception. One of my favorites for highly sensitive souls and empaths, if you are interested, is Lee Harris Energy. Check his video out at the bottom of this post if you are interested.

So if you are feeling out of sorts, lost your confidence, extra tired and unmotivated, and experiencing bouts of emotional pain, and/or loneliness please know you are not alone and this too shall pass.  Highly sensitive souls are feeling it because it’s a gift to be so clairsentient and empathic–it’s not because it’s a curse or a problem.  Please allow these times of emotional healing and physical healing to reassure you that you belong to a unique and special tribe of souls here on earth with an innate higher vibration. You might possibly be a lightworker and you might like to google this word and see if you resonate with the meaning of it–it may help you feel supported if you are feeling drawn to learning about spiritual awakening.

If you identify as an empath, introvert, or HSP then you might possibly still be a sponge and absorbing the unfelt feelings of the collective consciousness–this could be happening to you if you are still healing childhood wounds.  Learning about grounding techniques and positive affirmations can help a lot. Take solace in knowing you are not alone and you are part of a tribe of highly sensitive people all going through similar emotional healing in similar ways.  Please comment if you are needing support from others in this community right now or if you relate to what I am saying. Or let us know if you are doing great and zooming right through because of healing that is behind you.  Everyone is different and it’s fascinating to see how we are all healing in different ways and yet similar in other ways. We can learn so much from each other.

One common similarity among us it seems is that pain seems to come up to heal after a success and achievement is reached, that when “wham” old beliefs and insecurities come up to the surface, sometimes the next morning, after you’ve broken through a personal glass ceiling in your life’s journey.  Please don’t let your old inner critic/ego beliefs that can get loud after a success convince you that you are not cut out for this new level of success. Just try to observe it happening and write about it in a journal for your eyes only and see how unfair that voice is being to you. That is not the voice of your true self. Self-compassion is the voice of the true self and that is the voice that is best to listen to–your higher self.  It’s like developing a muscle when you are learning to tap into this inner guidance–you will get stronger and stronger as you practice recognizing when your inner critic is beating you up.  It’s often just a lower vibration energy that is on the way out as your soul is reaching for higher heights–back up where you belong.  😃 Because you were born with a higher vibration–highly sensitive for a good reason and that reason is to elevate the planet with your compassion and innate goodness and positivity.

With love and light, comfort, caring, and compassion,

Roxanne 😇🙏🎶💖✨

P.S. Please leave a comment because your comment will help other highly sensitive souls who have not yet found their voice or inner strength to comment yet.  Helping others by writing about your story can lift you up during hard times as well!

Here’s the video I mentioned above:

 

 

To All Highly Sensitive Souls–You Are Loved

You Are Loved

Lyrics by Roxanne Smith

I once was lost but then I opened up my heart

It took time to see my journey’s sad start

Strength in me came with feelings inside

Courageous purging with joy on the other side

 

Somehow I know that love is all there is

Inside every dark and painful fear is bliss

This I know because I left no stone unturned

I face the pain when the bottom was learned

 

It lays waiting until you let it go

Forgiving those who don’t connect with their soul

The soul has answers and comfort and love

Go within to hear angels from above

 

Chorus:

They surround each and every breathing heart

You are loved every day right from the start.

You are loved, you are loved, you are loved, you are loved

You are loved, you are loved, you are loved, you are loved

 

Repeat from the beginning

 

Add end (slowing)

You are loved, you are loved, you are loved, you are loved

Original Song © 2017 Roxanne Smith

 

Hello Everyone! I am sharing this song to the public for the first time here on this blog. It’s such a personal song I have not performed it yet, waiting for the perfect audience, the right moment. You all, however are the perfect audience for lyrics like these.  Here on this blog I feel comfortable letting it all hang out and feel proud of the healing journey I am on with all it’s ups and downs but always “with joy on the other side”.

I just saw that it has been since April 5 that I have put out a blog post and I apologize for that! Time has been flying by since I decided to start my life coaching business back up. I just completed designing my brand new life coaching website.  I’m happy to report that this blog has gotten over 45 new followers in just the last 2 months even though my recent posts were short and not really up to my standards yet.  So I am getting the message that my blog posts here are important and to make them a priority in my life!

I am very excited about this.  I love talking to you all!  I love giving hope to all of you like-minded souls out there who resonate with my message of hope and healing to become your highest selves! We strive to be our healthiest, kindest, most confident, and helpful to the planet while being complex and highly sensitive souls who often feel we don’t fit in with others. We are overcoming deep-seated negative feelings and beliefs from the past that keep popping up out of the blue just when things are going well.  Phew!  Why are we so hard on ourselves when we already know that extreme self-care makes so much difference in our lives?

Time to pull back again. Get quiet. Go inward. Write out ALL your feelings with self-compassion as if you are writing to your most trusted friend in the world who really GETS you! Be your own container when you can’t find a safe person to vent to.  We all need to vent all the frustration we are feeling about EVERYTHING! I had a surprising amount of anger to release in April. It was all about codependency issues that I thought I had healed long ago.  Surprise!–there was more! Releasing it all (which was not easy) moved me to a new place of strength and independence at the core of me that I didn’t know existed.  And the month of May… well it’s starting out with a virus from some recent airplane travel that has got me layed up and resting to clear it all out.  So all my exciting plans for coaching and more performing are on hold while I rest and clear out this virus and with it lots of emotions too. My intuition tells me I’ve moved to a new level of vibrational success so I need to clear out more …whatever! 😳 I’m not as frustrated as I am fascinated and trusting that whatever happens it will be for a good reason.

Sometimes things are so hard and then we get through it and see the silver lining that was there all along. And that is that We Are Loved.  We are loved from above. We are here for a good reason.  We are highly sensitive souls who are here on the planet at this time because the planet needs our gifts, our light, our true essence. We can relax and just BE and know we are loved.

Just being here is enough.  You don’t have to do anything–just heal and learn to love ourselves.  If we really GET this we can recharge and become strong and then we have more energy to give more light and love to others. But we can’t do it if we don’t love ourselves first. Let the love in that is beaming down for you at all times. Believe it.

And if you can’t believe it at least be OPEN to the possibility. Let down your guard and allow the possibility that your guardian angel/spirit guide/God/ Universe/Highest Self  just might be sending you messages of love and comfort through your intuition.  They just might be sending you guidance on your next steps for the highest good of your soul.  Follow your heart to hear the inner guidance. Hear it? It is saying, You Are Loved! Exactly as you are! You don’t have to change yourself, you only need to love yourself. Let that sink in. Marinate in that truth for a while.  I’m sending all of you so much comfort, caring, and encouragement to see your unique gifts as highly sensitive souls. I’ll be writing more uplifting blog posts soon so stay tuned.

With love and light 💖 ✨,

Roxanne 😇 🎶

NOW Is A Good Time… For Emotional Healing

Hi everyone!  Now that it’s Spring, the warmth is finally here in the midwestern part of the USA!  Yay!!  I feel happier when the temperatures are warmer and I can get outside and enjoy nature and recharge.  As a HSP healing from childhood wounds, I am still figuring out what makes me happiest and what I “like” most in life–right now I like thinking about some day moving to a warmer climate during the winter months!  😉

As HSP children, your “job” may have been to often to take care of your own parents’ feelings so you didn’t dare even ask yourself “What do I want?, How do I feel?, and What are my dreams and desires?  Perhaps it can be  “fun” now to “create” a life for yourself that is purely satisfying to “you”.  This is not being selfish for HSPs who have spent their lives putting others’ feelings and happiness first.  This is realizing your feelings and desires are meant to be your “compass” for finding direction and satisfaction in your life!

Even after all of your recovery and replacing a negative inner critic with a very consistent feeling of love and protection for yourself and you inner child, do you still sometimes wake up with a feeling of shame that surprises you?  It may usually happen after a day when you really asserted your voice and followed your heart (I have written about this before). Try to see that as evidence of how your shining light as a child may have been a threat to a narcissistic or bullying  caretakers and they had to bring you “down”.  “Get off of your high horse!”, “Who do you think you are!?”, “How dare you be happy when I am not happy!?”,  and “Straighten up and fly right!”–Were these phrases (spoken or implied silently with mean looks (angry eyes)) ones that come to mind that were a daily occurrence to shame and control you as a child?

Now that you may be working on changing the core beliefs about yourself, it is also helpful to reframe all those events with how you would have voiced your opposition if you had felt safe and knew you were loved and supported by the Universe.  Talking back to the inner critic is acknowledging it is there and then saying what you need to say to yourself to be an emotionally healthy soul–say, “I like being on my high horse!–it is good to feel proud of myself!”, “I think I am an amazing and gifted person!”, “Everyone is free to pursue their own happiness–it’s in the Constitution!”, and “Your right way and my right way are 2 different things!”  If you had felt safe and strong as a child and had been able to say these things in your childhood without being shamed and punished, then your true self would have survived and you would not have had to push your feelings underground and develop a false self that was fearful and obedient.  You can say it NOW and reclaim your strength that it didn’t feel safe for you to have. It is very healing to your wounded soul when you express the truth about yourself, either silently, out loud, or in a journal–express your true voice!

Just realizing you have an inner critic that stops you from enjoying your life and feeling good about yourself is the first step–writing out all the mixed messages swimming around your brain and getting them on paper in a journal will help you to realize that your inner critic has taken over.  I no longer have to journal to realize when I am listening to my inner critic–I recognize the negative feeling right away, acknowledge it, and say to myself  “that is ridiculous and that is not true about me!”

The real truth is I am a shining light of God’s love and I am perfect just the way I am!  You are perfect just the way you are too! There is nothing wrong with you!  You just have self-doubt– “doubt” just means questioning the truth–the truth is there but it takes courage to Believe It!  Believe it because it is true–you are perfect exactly as you are NOW in this moment!  And you deserve the LOVE, COMFORT, COMPASSION, and ENCOURAGEMENT that you never got during childhood.  You can learn to give it to yourself!

For myself, any shame feeling I get in the morning goes away immediately as I shoo it away and replace it with love for myself and with my new core beliefs: “This shame is not mine and not true and I have nothing to be ashamed of!”  Poof!  Gone! I also say, “Wow, I must have done something amazing and authentically me yesterday, I am on the right path!”  Then I can’t wait to get up and enjoy my day, my way!  I love my life and I am grateful that I am free to enjoy it now.

I feel my true purpose is to help others who are struggling to love themselves because of these very complex, negative messages that were engrained in their brains since early childhood.  It is not easy but growing new loving neural pathways in your brain is possible and I am living proof.  I hope that by my example I can help those of you struggling, suffering, and occasionally falling into pits of despair to climb out and break free from the negative energy “soup” that can engulf the soul of an emotionally needy HSP.  It takes time so please be patient with yourself if you fall backwards sometimes.

The key is to keep on feeling the feelings and comforting yourself through them–it is a grieving process.  You will come out the other side–to truth, light, and a connection to the Universe that no one can ever take away from you–it is innate in you and as a HSP you are a loved and highly evolved soul with compassion and light for others as your greatest gift.  You are going to be okay if you allow yourself to believe these things NOW–start today.  I am here, I understand–I have been lost, and now I am found.  NOW is the time to begin to love yourself without shame. You can do it!  This blog post was written for YOU!

After a weekend visit with our grown son who lives in Chicago, I felt energized, so energized that I wrote a new poem–even though I am a pretty extreme introvert and we had a very extraversion-filled weekend.  I was energized because of the quality of the relationship we have with our son and we all so enjoyed each others company and enjoyed being positive, building each other up, expressing our love and appreciation for each other, and having fun together.  So when we returned I was standing in my kitchen and had to grab paper and a pen because I felt this poem just had to be expressed.  I just let it flow out of me and when I was done I realized I was still “standing up” in my kitchen! (leaning against the counter 🙂 )  I am so glad I listened to that still small voice in my head that said to write this down.  Here is the poem that flowed out of me that cold, winter, sunday evening after our trip:

NOW Is A Good Time

By Roxanne Smith

Feb. 18, 2013

NOW’s a good time to nurture yourself and your feelings

To release the past and all painful dealings.

The pain’s coming up NOW so you’ll see the truth

of how you weren’t seen and loved in your youth.

The child inside, he or she yearns to be free.

The pain is just blocking your feelings of glee.

Joy and great gladness are all waiting there.

Waiting until you feel the truth and despair.

What happened to you was awful and sick

The pain you repressed was unbearable and thick.

You were too small and dependent back then

but now you are safe so the wounds can open

and your soul wants to heal these wounds from within.

You cannot move higher until you tell the truth of your kin.

How they poked you and pulled you down each time you succeeded

’til you gave up and blamed yourself… but they weren’t what you needed.

You were a bright star with a higher energy.

They were jealous and threatened by your desire to be free.

So you hid your true self until a much safer time–

It’s safe NOW so your soul is crying out as a sign

to be kind to your inner child who is coming out—please allow!

Don’t beat yourself up for feeling bad NOW.

Because you’re rising up from patterns ingrained in your head.

New ways of being are in your soul, time to shed

all the old pain, it must be felt to be released.

It is gone forever once you see the danger has ceased.

The danger was real then, don’t ever forget it

but now you choose new friends who are not like your inner critic.

You are learning your true self is a compassionate soul

who is kind to others and that is your role.

So being kind to your self is the very first step.

All day everyday you must give yourself pep!

Don’t listen to your inner critic—it is wrong and so mean

like those who abused you and weren’t nice as they seem.

You deserved better and NOW you must give it to your soul.

The more you are kind, the more you’ll feel Whole!

Each layer of pain will dissolve as you express

all of your confusion and unhappiness.

How could this be… you thought: “I was bad and wrong”

but really blaming “YOU” was unfair all along.

You were a bright light never harming a flea–

so easy to control because you trusted completely.

I hope you can see that you can reframe your past.

Replace those mean moments with self-love that will last.

Accepting Love from Above will change your beliefs about your core.

Who you are YOU must love so your dreams can then soar!

You are gifted and brilliant, a gift to us all.

You are treasured by those others who also feel this call.

The call’s mixed with pain and feeling bad about your childhood.

When you change your beliefs you will see your soul’s all Good!

Then you can reconnect with your self and find creativity and fun.

You’ll learn to relax and recharge from the sun.

Learn to listen to your body instead of working too hard.

You’ll get lots more done when you “play” in your yard.

Allowing yourself to enjoy being you

will slow you down and allow the pain to come through.

After a good cry, each time you’ll feel better–

lighter and lighter ‘til you’re light as a feather.

And allowing yourself to have space that is yours—

new boundaries to protect yourself will help open doors.

You must learn to feel grounded and connected to the earth.

This will help you feel solid and put yourself first.

You deserve to be happy and that starts with self-care.

After you are grounded, then you will become aware

that lifting up others is your gift and your purpose

and there’s a billion others out there who are not just kind on the surface.

They are deep and compassionate—you are not alone.

We are healing together as we feel grace and atone.

We did our best with all that we have known.

NOW we know it’s okay to be angry, then let it go.

Don’t hold onto blame, but blame needs to be spoken.

Release it and move on—don’t yell at the broken.

You are higher than they are (those who brought you down).

You don’t need to punish—you can just leave town

to start a new life and create all that your dreams can arrange.

Move forward… not fixing those who don’t want to change.

Trust these new feelings that spark in your heart.

Healing is painful but that’s only part.

This feeling’s inside that you’re finally alive!

Keep going with following your passions inside.

Don’t compare yourself to others—you have a new gig!

Let desires be your guide and your success will be BIG.

If you do this and trust your intuition inside

your internal guidance will help you to thrive.

Sometimes you’ll get stuck so you’ll need to be kind

to yourself when you inner critic starts messing with you mind.

Drop down to your heart instead of your head.

If you need to cry about something that was said,

grieve for this loss, the wrong path where you were led.

It hurt you so much, childhood pain must be shed

so we can see, that NOW we’re safe and free

And we would have parented differently!

And that’s good you are different and unique and that’s great!

I hope you can see that it’s never too late.

We often must go backward to move forward to be free.

You can heal and find wholeness—take it from me!

I found here a community of souls who relate–

I share how I healed and how sensitivity is great!

By journaling out the pain, I had new eyes to see.

My true voice was found, then my true self was free!

I know it sounds simple but it took a long time.

Try to trust in your feelings, then all will be fine.

As I followed my pain I got signs from above:

“relax and enjoy” and best “You are loved!”

I know of your pain– I know just how you feel.

It happened to me and I learned how to heal

So NOW as you journey from wounded to whole

I hope that these words will comfort your soul.

=============================

Please share your feelings in a comment if this post resonates with you.  Your comments also help others who are still struggling to find their voice.  We can help uplift each other higher as a community of compassionate souls.  Thank you for reading.  Have a wonderful Spring–may the warmth of the Universe envelope you and comfort you NOW as you heal and grow to your true potential.

With love, light, and my deepest compassion,

Roxanne

The Process of Inner Child Healing and a Poem of Hope for Highly Sensitive Survivors

Hello everyone.  Whenever I write a new post, I “tune in” to you, my readers, and write from my heart.  Sometimes I plan what I am going to write and other times I write something entirely different from what I had planned.  At the beginning I used to worry, “how can I top that last post”, but now I just trust in the process and I know that what I write will turn out all right.

It is wonderful to feel such confidence. It is such a contrast to how I used to feel years ago before I gained access to the truth of who I am.  It was “self-doubt”–a looming horrible anxious feeling of dread and guilt…or more often a feeling of numbness and compulsions to avoid feelings by keeping busy with tasks that I felt I “should” be doing.  I had no access to my truth–I had hidden away my truth to protect myself from the unbearable pain that I experienced as a child.

Through my journaling I discovered a process that helped me to heal more than anything else I tried–it was writing out my pain from my inner child’s point of view.  I knew from all of my reading and training in psychology that blocks happen in childhood–and I had been encouraged by two helpful counselors to continue to write out my feelings in order to uncover them (I had been writing poems about my feelings since the age of 14).

Writing from my inner child’s perspective just kind of naturally happened and I found it to be the most powerful healing tool in my own recovery.  I discovered “her” voice by writing out “her” pain and then I had no choice but to feel compassion for what “she” went through and over time “she” became clearly “Me”!  And as I began trusting in this process of trusting “her” view of what had happened to me I began trusting my self.  My inner dialogue then gradually changed from critical to compassionate.  I remember that I started feeling emotions that had previously been repressed and could then label them.

I was excited about this process.  For example, I’d be at the grocery store and suddenly become aware of a feeling such as shame and say to myself , “this feeling is really familiar but I never knew until now that it is “shame”.  Wow this is shame from my childhood coming up.”  I realized I was feeling these feelings for the first time since I had hidden them away in childhood.  Rather then get caught up in them I was able to observe them and acknowledge them and release them.  I would often go right away and write in my journal about the origins of these painful feelings.  Repressed memories would often come back to me during these times.  It wasn’t always so simple–sometimes I would unconsciously drag my husband into a drama only to discover I was replaying a trauma from childhood so that I could finally voice my feelings of anger, grief, or fear to my envisioned N parent.  My knowledge of what was happening luckily allowed me to be aware of the process of healing–I would quickly reassure my husband what was happening so that he could then support the release of my feelings as a supportive witness without feeling blamed in any way.  Seeing me recover my feelings in such a way and feel relief helped my husband to understand this healing process as well and he began processing his childhood pain in a similar way (he had a Narcissistic parent too).

I am planning to put together a book in which I include the best of my healing writings directly from my journals that show this process of healing first hand from age 18 to the present.  Although it will be very personal I am hoping that it will help others to heal and develop compassion for their inner child and what they went through if they are unable to write out their feelings in such a way that I was able–I consider it a gift that I was able to do this and I am grateful to have such a vivid memoir of my recovery.  I believe this gift of writing I have been given is another way that I can help other highly sensitive souls to recover and to help them to feel relief from the inner prison of emotional abuse by a Narcissistic parent.  Please let me know if you would be interested in reading such a book.

Recently I wrote the following poem when I “tuned in” to you, my readers and fellow highly sensitive survivors.  I was planning to save it for my book but I have decided to share it with you now instead to show an example one of the kinds of writings that will be included.  Here it is:

Poem of Hope and Healing for the Highly Sensitive Survivor

By Roxanne E. Smith

March 22, 2011

Pain so deep, I can’t see the light

I know it’s there but it’s not very bright

The sadness is thick, despair all around

I envision a child giving up with no sound

Pain so deep, I hide all my hope

Afraid to come out, I feel like a dope

Worthless and horrible, don’t ever try

The pain is unbearable, can’t even cry

I can’t feel the love, I need it so bad!

So much fear without it, it’s really so sad!’

I am feeling much better just admitting this truth

You have to have love when you’re in your youth!

Without love you can’t heal all the hurts that come by

When bad things do happen we need love when we cry

Someone has to hold us and give us new hope

If there’s no one for comfort than there’s no way to cope

No wonder I hid my talents away

When I would do well then I was their prey

The taunting, the teasing, “Who do you think you are?”

Shame became my deepest scar

But who was this child all hidden in shame

An innocent victim who will never be the same?

She thinks she is nothing but she is so wrong

The truth is she’s beautiful, wise, and so strong

Scoop up that child all broken and battered

Love her and hug her and tell her she matters

She’s awesome and wonderful, they were so wrong

Talented, creative , and smart all along

Sensitive soul you were so beaten down

But you figured it out and now you can leave town

You’re safe now and free–no more bullies outside

Shine your light, spread your wings, don’t believe all the lies

Be kind to yourself when the pain comes back ’round

Love yourself through it, your true self is found

You know the truth and now you can be free

Fear is from “them”–in the past, don’t you see?

Relax into the pain and it will dissipate

Because the pain is from lies and it’s never too late!

To believe in yourself and your talents and dreams

You are good at compassion and so many things

They did not want you to succeed with your gifts

So they made you give up and they threatened with fists

You were small so you gave up but now you are grown

You can heal all the pain and make it now on your own

You can do it!–the words you’ve long waited to hear

Say them to your self!  And say NO to the fear!

Give them back all the bad feelings that they gave to you

Imagine this energy going outward from you

Then let in the light and the love from a place

Where angels don’t want you to live in disgrace

You know what love is because you give it so freely

To others who need it when they’re feeling needy

Give to your self all this love all the time!

You will find your true purpose and all will be fine

These lessons are so hard that we learn from our pain

But we discover our strengths again and again

So sensitive souls who survived from abuse

Your gifts are so needed to be put to good use

I know how you feel and I hope you feel better

Because we can overcome it if we do it together!

I hope that this poem has helped you to feel loved

You are!–and I send it to you from above!

I understand and I want to comfort your pain

I hope this is helpful.  Love, Roxanne Elaine

Hurts So Good?–Through Pain You Grow Stronger–Processing Childhood Emotional Pain So You Can Heal

Hi everyone.  Today I was out on my patio getting my morning dose of Vitamin D from the sun (hallelujah, the warmth is finally here to stay!) and writing down ideas for my next post.  When I was finished, the song “Hurts So Good” by John Mellencamp came on the radio I was listening to.  You know the one…”sometimes love don’t feel like it should…”  Anyway, I had to laugh out loud with amazement as it seemed like a sign from the universe/God that my topic was approved–it seemed clear that I should trust my intuition to write about what I had decided to focus on and that was:  what hurts the most in life emotionally can reveal the truth of who we really are–and physical pain can teach us the exact lesson we need to learn to move forward–both kinds of pain help us grow and heal to become our best selves.

Of course the lyrics of the song do not imply that, but the title jumped out at me as confirmation and I have always loved that song!  It always makes me want to get up and dance and celebrate being alive for some reason.  Sometimes when you are feeling the pain from childhood wounds, acknowledging you were wronged, and you know you didn’t deserve it, you feel so much more alive and you have the right to your feelings about it!!  Your anger can be channeled into positive energy to take action for your self and improving your life and moving forward towards your dreams!  Also the song implies that you know how love should feel but you are willing to take the painful risk of loving again for the chance of being loved in return.

I so look forward to dancing again to songs like this and forgot how much I missed it until it was taken away when I recently injured my back/hip (S.I. joint)!  My pain has almost completely healed. Yay! I still have restricted movements but I have so much to look forward to.  And I am on my way to complete healing and I learned much–I will spare you the details until the end of this post for those interested.

Okay, so about the lessons to be learned from the emotionally painful things that happen to us….   I believe that all of us are here on this planet to learn lessons about who we are, what we are capable of, how to achieve inner peace, love ourselves the way we deserved to be loved, and how we can use our gifts to help others.  For those of us who are gifted with high sensitivity and intuition it is so difficult to figure these things out until we realize that a lot of the pain we experienced as children was pain of the people around us that we just absorbed and internalized as our own.

One of the most complex examples contributing to many of my clients’ childhood wounds are when the parent is a malignant narcissist. I am sharing these examples of extreme cases in the hopes that they will be the most helpful. When a malignant narcissist starts to feel any emotional pain they get rid of it immediately by blaming the people around them. The highly sensitive child is the perfect target to take away the malignant narcissist’s pain because they absorb it completely and don’t retaliate.  As kind and loving spirits, highly sensitive compassionate children would never dream of blaming someone else for anything so they can’t imagine that their parent might be wrong or sick or unhealthy in any way.  Now that they are adults they are starting to see the light of how they were “used” to take away the parent’s shame, self-hatred, blame, and self-doubt. Hsps can heal as they acknowledge the truth that they were fine before malignant narcissistic parents took away their hopes and dreams and gave them their pain in its place.  They absorbed it all and believed it to be true–saying to themselves, “I am to blame, there is something wrong with me, I am not good enough, I must try really hard to be someone else other than who I am in order to be loved, I am not as good as I think I am, I cannot trust my feelings, I must not make any mistakes, I am unloveable, I am unworthy, I hate myself, or I must be a disgusting human being for upsetting my parent in such a way.”  This is what a highly sensitive compassionate child can determine to be true when they are not seen for the kind and sensitive soul they are but used for the dumping ground of the negative emotions of a highly dysfunctional family.

They numb their feelings to survive as children–They repress the pain and decide to be obedient (if they were the Golden Child) or they rebel (if they were the Scapegoat).  Either way their mind protects them with illusions about their parents in this case because they need them to survive.  They were after all children doing the best they knew how–there is no way for a sensitive child to detect danger when for as long as they can remember, this is what a loving family looks and feels like and it is ingrained in the neural pathways in their brains.  They believed the distorted view that their malignant narcissistic parent presented to them and insisted upon because they believe in the goodness of life innately–they trust completely which is a beautiful thing.  It is a wondrous gift to be able to trust in life, to trust in the universe, that it will support them and show them the way if they trust their feelings and our intuition.  We have the inner guidance and wisdom to be happy and fulfilled, enlightened and loving, full of vitality with the perseverance to press on through the ups and downs of life.  They all (HSPs) have this ability inside of them, this trust in the goodness of life, but it was taken away from them.

But what happened to them is not really about them at all.  They were victims, yes, but they don’t have to be victims ever again when they work through the truth of what happened to them as children–layer by layer, injustice by injustice, voicing the truth of how much it hurt, how they didn’t deserve it, and see how they lost their trust in themselves and their feelings.  Once you start this process of healing the layers, you feel lighter and a little kinder to yourself each time.  It is a blessing when you are in the midst of an episode of despair because someone you trusted criticized you and you suddenly realize, “Oh wait, this is how I felt as a child when my malignant narcissistic mother would feel threatened when I expressed a brilliant creative idea and put it down–I was smarter than she was!” –or something to this effect.

DOCUMENTING YOUR TRUTH STATEMENTS is a method I invented during my years as a life coach.  Journaling these revelations by writing statements of what you learned about yourself when a new layer of pain is uncovered  helps to document your progress.  Then when you are feeling lost, depressed, or blocked make yourself get out your journal and read over these statements and you will see the true voice of your soul being uncovered.  Statements like “I had brilliant creative ideas as a child”, “I discovered I was actually smart”, “I was kind, caring and innocent and did not deserve to be criticized and abused!”  These are truths come to light and will forever be true about you–they will help you change the internalized beliefs about yourself so you will develop your true voice.  This will help you stop listening to your inner critic and say,” No!  That is not true about me”.  Then say your new-found personalized positive affirmations (truth statements) to yourself instead. Your self-doubts will gradually fade and your confidence will grow stronger and stronger.

Childhood pain comes up to be healed in layers–it is like the truth of your untold story from childhood wants to be told and when you are strong enough, the painful feelings pop up unexpectedly in your lives.  You sometimes unconsciously provoke painful situations in our lives so that the original trauma can be healed.  For example:  you are feeling grouchy, irritable,  numb, and lost, and you criticize your husband for not supporting you enough, for not just listening, (he is trying to solve it and tell you what to do and you just want to be listened to and heard).  He responds with, “Something else must be wrong because I have been listening to you a lot lately but you are still really grouchy.”  You blow up and yell, “I wanted an apology but instead you are attacking me” and you fall in a heap of crying, blaming, angry despair. The feelings directed at your husband are so real to you but you are actually experiencing post traumatic stress from your childhood.  Your husband deserves about 10% of the anger that you are feeling but the other 90% is from your childhood. (90/10 Principle.  John Gray,…Venus and Mars).

In that moment you are reexperiencing the unresolved feelings of your self as a small child with legitimate needs to be seen and reassured and loved–you were perhaps rejected by a malignant narcissistic mother who was too busy with her own agenda to stop and be the loving mother you needed in that moment.  Perhaps instead she lashed out at you for being too sensitive, told you to knock it off and be quiet so she could think.  When you cried harder she may have slapped you on the bottom, screamed at you, and told you that you were giving her a headache and to go play somewhere.  You went to your bedroom and cried and cried and she ignored you–you felt rejected, scared, and humiliated but you felt so ashamed that your mother was angry at you that you wiped away your tears and went out and said, “I’m sorry Mommy I will try to be good”.  Then, she smiles at you and says, something like, “good, you learned your lesson about obeying me”.

This is horrible abuse for a highly sensitive gifted child whose only way of surviving this situation is to be a shell of her former self, deny all of her legitimate feelings and needs for pursuing her gifts and talents and dreams, and become a little robot shell of a person with all her feelings pushed way down deep to the point of repression.  A child incorporates the internalized message of, I must not trust my feelings or I will upset my mother/father and I need her/him.  To the less than sensitive observer this exchange seems harmless enough and they might even think “what a good child” or worse “what a good parent to have such a child that obeys so well”.  That is one reason that it is difficult for HSPs to change our negative beliefs about ourselves–most of society doesn’t yet understand or support a childs need to express needs contrary to the parent in charge.

You won’t feel guilty about leaving your abusive narcissistic family members behind when you understand that if malignant narcissists are in emotional pain for even a second, they lash out and blame someone else for it–they are not feeling pain the way you and I do–they get rid of it immediately.  They put on acts of great suffering because they know it works to make us feel guilty.  Don’t fall for it–it is all an act.  They are going about their merry way without a trace of remorse or guilt. They pull out the tears and anguish when other family members are around to get them against you–they get relief and control back from these antics so don’t feel guilty about leaving all of the craziness behind.

So back to how pain is helping you have a better life….  The truth too painful to bear as children has to come up as the painful truth or you can’t acknowledge that it happened, release it, learn from it, and find yourself!  It is a painful process but you are worth it!  Your true voice has been in hiding for far too long.  Next time something happens to you that is so painful it makes you want to give up on a person, try telling yourself,  “this pain is exactly how I felt as a child when ___ happened to me!”  Then write it out with all the pent-up emotion you can conjure up and see if you don’t feel better when as you write you realize you were an innocent victim and have a right to all of those feelings!

You may just be so grateful for the realization that you were a child who deserved so much more that you will even feel grateful for the person in the present that hurt you! They helped you bring a painful truth from your childhood to the surface to be healed.  You healed a layer of pain from your childhood!  On to the next!  Soon you will begin believing in your goodness and see your inner wisdom and kindness. You will begin attracting only loving giving people like you because your bright shining light of your special highly sensitive intuitive soul can now shine through the existing layers making them much easier to process through.  The illusions that helped you survive will fall away and a new-found confidence and ease will emerge.

So remember, from the layers of pain and hurt emerges the wonderful and amazing true YOU!  You can do it!  I hope that my words can assist you through this complex healing process.

Part 2

Okay, now for the health update:  The recent painful injury to my low back/hip sacroiliac joint (S.I.) is another example of how the universe/God  helps us along our path with painful obstacles that are lessons in disguise.

My holistic chiropractor was unable to answer my many questions about what I could and couldn’t do and what would help and hinder my recovery.  So I made an appointment with a physical therapist that was prescribed by my family doctor. She was able to tell me exactly what ligaments I had sprained, the reasons for my pain, exactly what movements to avoid and which ones were so safe so I could heal in the fastest amount of time.  She explained exactly why it had happened to me–with no core strength in my pelvis from lack of exercise, the ligaments were sprained severely requiring 6 to 8 weeks to heal completely.

She explained that sitting and standing hurts because those actions depend entirely on the ligaments I strained, whereas walking uses different muscles.  I can sit for a one hour at a time now, can drive for short periods, am allowed to walk on flat surfaces only, and should avoid all stairs as much as possible until I am fully healed.  She showed me the correct way to pick up something from the floor, bending at the knees and holding onto something for support–I had been doing it wrong every time.  She has given me homework of daily exercises to start strengthening my core muscles as I heal and I am doing them diligently!

Before I went to my physical therapist, there were 3 occasions when I had no pain in the morning (that is usually when I was in the most pain).  I  had gotten so excited I ended up doing too much that day and the next day I paid for it with pain that sent me back to the couch with ice and rest.  The third time it happened I had this surreal moment of anguish but at the same time a moment of grace and surrender–a reminder of how, even though I was exiled to the couch, I had a glimpse of what I had learned spending most of the month of May on the couch unable to move without the severe pain recurring.  The month of May gave me an entirely new perspective on my life and this moment of grace made me permanently slow down and appreciate that the small things in life were actually huge things to be grateful for.

It made me realize:  the things I missed being able to do most were things I did not expect because they were lost in all the busy activities I took for granted.  I missed most being able to sit up and play my guitar and sing my songs without pain. I missed being able to sit and write creatively on my computer for long periods (my last post I had to write and edit in long hand first).  I missed being pain-free so that I could concentrate again and get back to coaching my clients–having chronic pain is exhausting and I had to put my coaching on hold for a while (but it has now resumed 🙂 ). Biking, hiking, and dancing were also activities I loved and never found time for.  These are all things that have now been moved even higher on my priority list–maybe this injury is the only way for me to really learn what is most important to me in life.

A bonus from all this is that my husband had no idea how much I did around our home and has a new appreciation for all the years I spent managing our home because suddenly, he had to do it all!  I didn’t even realize how much I took on. Now he has wonderfully agreed to continue taking on his share of these tasks even after I fully recover (including half of the grocery shopping 🙂 ).  After all, I have a successful career too now and it is only fair!  My husband was really amazed at how much work it was and he now has a new appreciation of how much time and energy I spent doing it.  As I recover I am learning to delegate tasks that need taken care of, but more important than that, I learned to just let the unimportant things go so we can just spend more quality time together and be in the moment enjoying life! I am very grateful for a husband with such a kind and compassionate soul.

With every new victory in my physical abilities, we celebrate together and both of us appreciate our life together and our health so much more.  Soon I will be able to dance again.  We both loved to go out dancing together when we were younger–why don’t we do that more often!  Now with my physical therapist teaching me core strengthening exercises, I am determined to get strong and enjoy things with my husband that we both love to do together: biking, hiking, and dancing! Yay!  Through pain came important changes: the ability to slow down, be grateful, and relax and live in the moment; delegating tasks so I have more time to commit to the work and activities that I love; commiting to getting and keeping core strength and stamina; and letting the unimportant things go!

I hope my words have inspired you to look for and find the lessons amidst all the wonderful ups and painful downs of life.  I hope I have helped you to find strength in the truth re-experienced by your wise and gifted inner child. And I hope I’ve helped you to slow down and discover the joys in the small blessings in your life.

With Love,

Roxanne

Journaling for Joy and Finding My True Voice In A Poem

Hello to all of you sensitive souls.  I hope you are enjoying this beautiful week of Indian Summer we are having. The news says that most of the U.S. is experiencing gorgeous mild temperatures and colorful changing leaves right now.  It is definitely my favorite time of the year and it feels like such a gift from above now that I can relax and take it in and be in the moment and fully appreciate it.  As many of you who follow my blog already know, it wasn’t always this way for me.  I used to be numb to my feelings, keeping too busy to feel, compelled to be a people-pleaser and a perfectionist, and full of self-doubt and anxiety.

There are many facets to my journey to finding my voice as a person, many of which I describe on my blog so that I might inspire other highly sensitive people (HSPs) to believe in their dreams.  Writing out my feelings in a journal has been one of these many facets that contributed to my awakening to my true spirit which was hiding inside. I have been writing poetry in a journal since the age of 14, but it wasn’t until about 2002 that I set out to to try to do Julia Cameron’s morning pages (3 pages of free writing every day) which turned out to be extremely therapeutic “inner grief work” that took place over a period of 5 years.  It was during this period that I wrote about the feeling that I was “growing a backbone” and this felt very miraculous indeed.  I knew I was finding my voice finally and it had been hidden away in fear for so long.  I was writing songs and poetry and it never really occurred to me to seriously share them with others until one day when an extra special one poured out of me.  When I wrote this poem, it dawned on me that I had been transformed and now, finally, I could reach out and help others–something I had always wanted to do but I always felt I had to figure myself out first.  I had a new found sense of self and there was no going back.  I am very happy to be sharing it with you today.

After I wrote this poem, I got the idea to write a book sharing many of my poems and my growth along the way to finding my voice and that this poem would be the final one in the book–a finale of sorts.  However, since then I have written even more special poems and songs so I have decided to go ahead and share a shortened version of it here in my blog. (I haven’t written my book yet but I plan to start it in the near future.)  This very special poem is entitled, “Joy, Our Birthright, Waiting There”.  I want to explain that I wrote this with my children in mind– when I say “and I was never there for you the way I thought I was, it’s true”.  What this means is when I went through growth and gradually had more access to my true self, then I couldn’t help but feel regret about the past when I had been doing my best but I was not able to be my strong confident true self yet.  When I expressed this regret to my children expecting them to agree and feel relief and tell me it had been hard for them, they both instead said they always felt I was always emotionally available to them and it meant a lot to them that I always apologized to them whenever I made emotional mistakes and they felt fully validated at each step along the way in their upbringing. For this I feel extremely grateful because nothing has ever been more important to me than my children feeling good about themselves and their unique gifts and breaking the cycle of dysfunction that my husband and I experienced as children.  Still…I can’t help but wish I knew then what I know now….

So here it is:

Joy, Our Birthright, Waiting There

By Roxanne Smith

Feb 21, 2007

Telling someone helped me heal

All the pain inside was real

No wonder I had been so tired

My whole heart had been so mired

So much grief to lead the way

Let it out, so much to say

I was never there for you

The way I thought I was, it’s true

Because I was empty – none to give

Alive but I just now learned to live

Soulful is the proper word

I have “me” – it sounds absurd

Let your painful feelings out

You can’t be whole and live without

Expression of unfairness do

Your soul will help you live anew

And learn compassion for your self

Don’t put feelings on a shelf

Any doubt is harmful thought

The truth is–look how far you got!

Negativity and blocks

To true self and joyful shocks

Being blamed can stunt our growth

Fear of feelings: anger, both

Also fearing joy and bliss

Pain comes up and we all miss

The connection to our rightful heir

Joy, our birthright, waiting there!

Love is what we all deserve

Joy it feels when then observed

Share it then and it comes back

Filling up the past we lacked

Helping others heal their wounds

Nothing like it – glowing moons

Stars are twinkling, warming sun

Nature loves us one by one

Let the love come down on you

It is there don’t block the view

Doubts of self will keep it blocked

You must trust your soul’l be rocked!

With this truth I’m trying to tell

Creative soul fear-blocked is hell

Heaven is a word away

Love is here please let it stay

You deserve its welcome home

Inside you it does belong

Love yourself I’m trying to say

God is trying – just light the way

Ask him to comfort your soul

Believe!  And he will rock and roll!

I’m not kidding this I know

I let out grief and felt a glow

A light inside I did believe

I’m OK. I feel. I grieve.

Compulsions all have fear beneath

God has no “shoulds” or “work hard” teeth

Be yourself and kindness do

Serve to help others heal anew

Help them see that love transcends

We can all relax and mend

“Relax and enjoy your life

and everything will be alright!”

This phrase came in a dream so real

I hope this poem will help you heal

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

With Love,

Roxanne

Part 2–More Helpful Tips for HSPs With A Narcissistic Parent

Hi everyone.  I am a life coach for highly sensitive people with childhood wounds and I specialize in inner child healing.  Today I am releasing Part 2 of my More Helpful Tips post for those of you Highly Sensitive Souls trying to figure out how to thrive when you have a narcissistic parent.  It may help for you to review tips 1 through 6 in my last post. To summarize, they were about: your gift of intuition; the childhood traumas you repressed to survive; anxiety, self-doubt, co-dependence and PTSD; there is hope; inner child healing can help; and no contact with your Narcissistic parent may be vital to the healing process. So here are tips 7. through 12.:

7.  Know that the GUILT is relieved by acknowledging the anger and hatred you felt as a child that you were forced to repress.

The guilt of setting boundaries in your relationship with your Narcissistic (N) parent will be strong!  Ignore it! It is guilt induced from elsewhere that you internalized since you were a tiny child.  That has affected your freedom as a gifted child to become your own wonderful self!  It may feel as if they took that from you and gave you guilt, shame, and fear in it’s place.  So what do you do with the guilt you feel when stepping out on your own to become the person with freedom to do whatever you want with your life?  HSPs tend to feel guilt for feeling anger–allow yourself to feel angry about it!  Righteous anger is a healthy emotion that you were not “allowed” to express to them–but it is important that you release this anger in harmless ways (not to the parent who abused you) .  Acknowledge it, tell a safe person, or write it out in a journal (for your eyes only) in detail the anger you feel for all that you lost.  Because this rage inside that comes out sometimes in your life at the wrong people has an origin that needs to be acknowledged and let go of.  You have a right to acknowledge this repressed anger for the traumas that happened to you as a child–it was too painful for a child to survive this kind of excruciating, unbearable emotional pain of hating your parents when you needed them so desperately.  So the trauma is repressed and the truth of what happened to you needs to be released so that you can finally be free. Punching a mattress with your fist and/or screaming into several pillows for as long as you need to is helpful to release the rage you have kept inside all these years.  It helps to have a supportive and safe person present to validate your feelings as you release them. Do not hold onto this intense anger–release it and imagine this energy going away from you forever.  (Forgiveness is important but not until all the layers of repressed anger are worked through and this takes time and patience with yourself–do not attempt to forgive too soon or you may get stuck in a guilt about not being able to forgive cycle.)

8. Know that grieving the loss of your childhood is part of the healing process.

Often after the release of anger you will begin to feel all the hurt and pain of not being truly loved as you deserved. Letting this out and releasing this is so important as well in the healing process of your wounded soul. It helps so much to talk to another empathic human to feel fully validated and comforted through this grieving process–but if there is no one possible then you can write this pain out and you may even surprise yourself by the poetry that pours out of you.  (No rules when you write–just let it pour out).  These words of your soul will always surprise you– you will discover a richness and deep inner life inside of you that you never knew existed.  Because it was hiding in fear all this time–a very real fear–fear of your parent’s judgemental rejection and abandonment of your budding wise self.

9.  Know that it is okay for you to be FREE of them and put yourself first so you can heal.

It is a free country!  You are a free person to do as you wish.  And noone knows the pain that a narcissistic parent can do to the soul of a highly sensitive child except those who have experienced it.  So stop waiting for approval from the rest of society.  You may need to stop all contact with the harmful, negative, malignant narcissistic parent in your life forever and always if that is how long it takes for you to feel safe and have inner peace. You do not even need to attend their funeral if that is something that worries you. It is okay to protect yourself from all the negative energy and judgements of others at family gatherings if you are feeling this will happen. (This all depends upon your own personal spiritual beliefs–I personally now believe our souls live for eternity and those who truly love and support you will be there in heaven and watch over you in spirit–they will understand your reasons for staying away.  I believe you don’t need to go to a funeral to say goodbye or to appease family members who don’t support you either. This is something that must feel right to you and your own personal spiritual beliefs)  And to support you further, I just happened to hear on the radio today, a Christian counselor reminding someone that  “Honor thy father and mother” DOES NOT APPLY when they are emotionally abusive and use fear to control you.  Fear is the opposite of love!  It is a deal breaker and they are no longer honorable parents.  God wants for you to protect yourself and go towards love in your life and away from those who induce fear. I agree with this.  Loving parents want you to feel safe and loved–N parents do not care if you feel safe and loved, they want you to obey or else!  Please get yourself safe and free.

10. Know that Narcissistic people are known as “Crazymakers” for a good reason.

If you have malignant narcissistic parents, they are not going to change and they are not going to stop trying to make you wrong.  You are not wrong for putting your life and your dreams first for a change.  This is your time!  This is your life!  This is your time for healing and dreaming and learning to love yourself as God has always wanted for you.  Malignant Narcissism is mental illness.  It’s a severe problem and insidious in nature because they appear to fit in with other people and have friends and thrive and look fine on the outside. They may even be religious and say they are devoted to God but it is not true!  It is just words!  They may even appear to change and will be on their good behavior around your children but don’t believe it.  They may even turn your kids against you in an instant if they are able.   There’s a hidden self-hatred there underneath in a narcissist and a desire to control others with no remorse and no desire to change as a disconnected self-protection from emotional pain–a complete separation from their soul’s true essence.  That’s enough knowledge for you to know you need to get you and your children safe with safe boundaries in place.

11.  Know that highly sensitive people absorb the negative energy of others. Time alone and the beauty of nature can help recharge your positive  energy.

Malignant narcissists are like energy vampires sucking the good energy out of you and replacing it with all their unconscious negative feelings about themselves.  You feed them, so to speak, and they take it and feel better about themselves. And they constantly want more, not seeing or caring how it is hurting you.  Only you can stop feeding their endless need for your supply of positive energy. This is what it means to develop healthy boundaries.  It is your very essence, your “gift” that they are taking–your ability to give light and love to others.  You must protect this gift. It is meant for those who are also of light and love so that we can build each other up and help each other so that all of our dreams can come true and we can improve life on our planet.  These dreams and desires that you have deep inside are the innervoice that connects you to God and the light that feeds all of us (HSPs).  It is the LOVE that you never got from your N parents that you begin to feel has been inside of you all along.  As you begin to connect with your real feelings and your vitality you connect with God and the love and bliss that was there innately in our true selves.  Love exists and you can give it to yourselves when you realize you were loved all along and were born with this love to give to others who don’t exploit you.

12.  Know that you can rescue yourself!  Noone can do it for you.

Take the first steps and start on a path of healing today!  Be strong and stay away from your malignant narcissistic parent while you heal and anyone who judges you for doing so.  You don’t need to explain it to anyone.  Most highly sensitive people will understand without explanation.  They are out there–don’t give up! I am proud to be a highly sensitive person and now as a life coach of inner child healing I shine my light brightly to help other sensitive souls out of the dark.  You have a light inside of you that has just been hiding in fear.  Everything is going to be all right now as the truth of who you are comes to light. Please take extremely good care of yourself so your highly sensitive soul can shine and inspire others. I hope these tips have been helpful to you.

With Love and Light,

Roxanne

5 Helpful Tips and Reminders for Highly Sensitive Survivors of a Narcissistic Abuse

Hi everyone. Finally a new post!  It’s been a wonderful, eventful summer!  It’s been very exciting and my husband and I are so proud watching our children start their new independent lives with confidence, hard work, determination, and exhilaration as they pursue their dreams and desires. It’s an emotional time of bittersweet endings and wonderful new beginnings for all of us.

Although we still have an entire month of summer weather left to enjoy, this time of year always seems like the beginning of a new year because of the new academic school year starting locally and at universities everywhere.  The excitement of buying school supplies and getting new books with new subjects to learn about still affects me in a positive way.  I was able to master my ability to relax and enjoy myself in the summer, my most difficult season, and truly “be in the moment”.

Now I am excited to be returning my focus to my true purpose in life–comforting and encouraging highly sensitive souls (HSPs) with childhood wounds to heal and feel GOOD about themselves. To all of you sensitive souls out there reading this blog, I feel your presence and I understand your struggles and frustrations. Here are some helpful tips and reminders for survivors of an N parent:

1.  Compassion for yourself is always rule #1.  You did a great job surviving a very difficult childhood.  Instead of getting loving support you may have been ridiculed and undermined.  You DESERVED compassion but you did not get it.  You must learn to give it to yourself.  You really can be the ideal mother or father to yourself that you never had.  As survivors, you may often be too hard on yourselves.  If you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed, stop everything and be nice to yourself about it.  You have every right to feel stressed and overwhelmed.  Imagine the most loving mother comforting you through it.  What would she say to you?  “Everything is going to be all right.  You have worked so hard and you deserve to rest.  Put your feet up and I’ll get you a warm blanket.  How about some green tea and a warm cup of soup.” 🙂  Put your worries out of your mind–does that task really have to be done today?  No, it does not. It is very important to know that until you have unconditional compassion and love for your self you will not have the energy to give compassion and love freely to others!  Healthy, loving relationships are reciprocal–you must have compassion to give to others if you want to attract people into your life who are truly “giving” in return.

2.  Forgive yourself.  When you have an N parent you were never taught that it’s okay to make mistakes. When you make a mistake, a loving parent would say to you,  “It’s okay, that is how we learn and you learned a lot from this–maybe it is even good that it happened.”  If you had this message growing up, imagine where you’d be today!  You could glide from one mistake to the next without beating yourself up about it, instead you would say to yourself, “that’s okay, I am only human, we all make mistakes and that is how we learn.”  Also forgive yourself for trusting the wrong people.  Because you had an N parent that you trusted for a long time, you may be confused about what a healthy relationship looks and feels like.  It takes time to learn to love yourself and start attracting people who also love themselves and have real love to give.  Forgive yourself about trusting the wrong people along the way, this happening is often a necessary stepping stone on your journey to finding your true selves and honoring all of your feelings.

3. Allow yourself to have some inner confusion at times.  We all have inner confusion at times.  Even Deepok Chopra, Eckhart Tolle, and the wisest psychotherapists on earth have inner confusion at times and this is how we continue to grow and learn.  This is part of the human experience on this planet.  You cannot and must not feel that you have to be on top and have it all figured out all the time!  Your N parent may have made you feel this way probably because you were so very bright and right so much of the time, they felt compelled to knock you down and never gave you credit for your brilliant ideas.  So when you weren’t on top and were naturally feeling confused about some unexplained event in your lives, they probably often took this opportunity to point out to you, “See you aren’t so great, this happened to you and this is proof!  This may have very confusing and painful to you which just further made you harder on yourselves.  You may have said to yourselves, “I must never let people see that I don’t have it all figured out. I must be even more perfect!”  If you can see how unfair this was to you as a child and how you deserved to feel okay about having inner confusion, you will feel much relief and realize you deserve to be… human.  It is so unhealthy trying to be perfect.  You must allow yourself to grieve for the time you spent feeling unworthy of acceptance and that you are not good enough as you are in each given moment.  Sometimes you have inner confusion–it is okay…let it be.  In time, the lesson you were to learn from it will be learned and you will progress again towards expressing your true voice.

4.  Guilt, shame, and doubt are thoughts and feelings from elsewhere to be ignored.  Ignoring your “inner critic” is hard to do because it feels like it’s your “self” telling you these negative messages so you think it must be true.  But these messages and feelings are not from your true self–they are incorrect beliefs from surviving your N parent which you have internalized!  You can learn to recognize them and identify them as your “inner critic” which you must ignore.  It is not the truth!  Your inner critic is WRONG about you.  Most often the exact opposite is true.  When you become conscious of your “inner critic” you can over-ride your thoughts with positive affirmations such as “I love and approve of myself”.  Getting in the habit of catching yourself  when you are unconsciously beating yourself up will change your life!  When you can stop your negative thoughts and know and believe that they aren’t true, your true purpose and compassionate self will begin to emerge. This is not easy and this leads into my next tip.  Sometimes you must get help from a safe person you trust fully to grieve and let out the pain from your abused inner child before you can begin to change these negative beliefs about yourself.

5. Consider reaching out and getting help.  If you are projecting bouts of anger and despair onto your loved ones and are confused about why this is happening, it helps to understand the roots of this confusing pattern. In inner child grief work, this is called “transference” and is a very important and necessary part of the healing process. It is as if you must pull the other person into the drama of the original feelings from childhood so that you can process these feelings and heal them in the present day. Post traumatic stress (PTSD) is the eruption of past unresolved childhood pain into your relationships in the present. If you don’t understand what is happening it can wreak havoc on your present relationships. But if you work this out with a skilled coach or counselor that you fully trust, you can learn to understand your feelings as they come up and you will not need to act on them. You can learn how if you are able to display the out-of-control feelings with this safe person who is able to stay impartial and unaffected and still be compassionate even to angry or blaming projections. Depending on the severity of the abuse and the transference symptoms, look for an experienced and sensitive counselor or coach with knowledge of inner child healing and are humanistic in their approach.  As a coach I can help clients with mild symptoms of post traumatic stress–I have experience with this as I not only worked through my own transference and projections with a therapist but also because my husband and I worked through our projections and transference from our childhoods onto each other to the point of working through most of our co-dependence issues. We were able to do this because of our deep trust in each other and because of my training, my own self-growth which had to happen first, and my knowledge about healthy communication skills, grieving our losses, and what constitutes healthy boundaries. 

 I will be sharing even more helpful healing tips here on my blog in the coming weeks and months.  As a highly sensitive person who survived an N parent, you can learn techniques to love yourself and heal your childhood wounds so that you can have the peace of mind and confidence in yourself that you DESERVE.  I hope that my tips have been comforting to you.  You are a special highly sensitive soul and your healing is necessary so your God-given gifts and true self can be actualized and all your dreams can come true.  You survived a N parent–be kind to yourself!  Now is your time for healing.  I care and I am here for you.

With love,

Roxanne

Mother’s Day Survival Guide–How To Cope If You Have a Narcissistic Mother

Hi everyone.  May is approaching. It’s a big month for many.  If you have a difficult relationship with your mother, you may find yourself here, reading this, because you need support on how to cope….

If you are a mom then it may help to stay focused on the fact that this is a special day for you as a mother–my two children and my husband like to make it special which is wonderful and I look forward to spending the day with them and being the focus of their attention. My daughter’s birthday is always around Mother’s Day and our anniversary is in May so there is always alot going on.

If you are not a parent then allow yourself to be busy with all the positive things that are Spring related–even spring cleaning and decluttering to bring renewed positive energy into your home. (Distracting yourself may only be helpful if you are also working through any painful feelings that arise by writing in a journal for your eyes only or purging your pain verbally with a safe person in your life who can be an enlightened witness for you.) I allow myself to be distracted because I know in my heart now (after all of my inner grief work) that it is okay for me to detach from any relationship that does not feel like I have the freedom to be ME!  I no longer feel guilty for putting LOVE and self-compassion first in my life.  It is for your higher good to have healthy boundaries in your life–detach from people who you do not feel safe around to be YOURSELF! After you fully heal and feel safe to be YOU without being triggered and stressed then you can reassess your desire to have a closer relationship with any people in question.  It is okay whatever you decide to do–just do what is the least stressful for your healing soul.

So, focusing on being positive and on the other positive events going on for you in May and making them special for your loved ones will help to supercede any negative feelings that may arise.  And isn’t that what we all need to do all the time anyway?  Build ourselves up with positive messages–affirmations if you will–the opposite of what we (highly sensitive children) may have received growing up.  For example, tell yourself  “I can do it!”  instead of  “you can’t do that–who do you think you are!”  And “I love and approve of myself” instead of “what were you thinking–why did you do it that way!”  And say, “I am safe” for the dreaded “how dare you talk to me that way–you are so ungrateful!”    Perhaps now you can see how ridiculous the accusations and blaming are, because you know the truth about you is the opposite and these were said out of inner fear, inner shame and ignorance and not necessarily to hurt you.  But at the time, these accusations were excruciatingly painful to you.  As highly sensitive children we trusted our caretakers more than we trusted ourselves.

There are so many more examples  you may be thinking of, but the point here is not to believe these negative messages in our heads, given to us by someone with conditional love as a parenting method that was passed down for many generations without guilt.  Conditional love is not love.  The opposite of these messages is probably more the real truth.  When you find yourself thinking something negative like “I am never going to get this done” or “I am not good at this”–turn it around and be the ideal mother to yourself that you never had.  Say “I am doing a good job”  and “I am great at this” and “look how much I got done already”.  You deserve these positive messages now and you deserved them as a child.

I can feel the stress of Mother’s Day approaching from all of you out there and so I want to give you some additional extra support to help you stay strong and be true to yourself and honor your feelings.  As highly sensitive people, we want so badly to do the right thing, the kindest thing, the most compassionate response at all times and so we feel guilt for not wanting to honor thy mother on this day that is meant to honor those mothers who are honorable.  And so I am going to write out some quotes from a book that helped me in my darkest hours when I needed them most at the age of 25.  The name of the book is “Cutting Loose–An Adult’s Guide To Coming To Terms With Your Parents”.  This book by Howard M. Halpern, Ph.D.  is full of wonderful emotionally healthy ways to deal with every kind of difficult parent you can imagine.  There is the martyred parent, the despotic parent, the seductive parent, the moralistic parent, and of course the parent with a narcissistic disturbance but who is remorseful about their actions if you confront them.  The book talks about all kinds of ways you can learn to communicate with these kinds of parents and for some of you there may actually be some light at the end of the tunnel if your parent is genuinely remorseful!  A very helpful part of the book is the very last chapter that talks about dealing with the narcissistic parent that takes an adversary stance.  Here is some of it:

“The narcissistic parent in a adversary posture is an enraged peacock.  When you stop trying to win his (her) nurturant caring by being a compliant extension of him, when you no longer exalt him, when you stop following his pre-scribed script, he will react with the indignant certainty, “If you are not a part of me, you’re against me.”  And, if you require reciprocity in your relationship with him, if you insist on a flow of give and take, he will feel that you are trying to take everything from him and always have your own way.  He (she) may be willing to write you off rather than submit to such an obviously unfair demand on your part, and unfortunately you may have to let him do just that.”

“The form a parent’s rigidity may take when it hardens into an adversary position will differ with the type of inner child he has, but what they all have in common is enormous rage and outrage if you fail to act as they expect.  And theirs is not a transient outburst at unexpected frustration or disappointment–their fury may calcify into a chronic suspiciousness or hatred in which you can sense the willingness to destroy the relationship with you and even to wreck your happiness and theirs rather than accept a new way of relating.”

“Depending on you, the experience of your parent perceiving you as an enemy will either so traumatize you that you will choose to regress back to the old song and dance, or will so clarify how impossible it is to have a viable, constructive relationship with him that it will make it easier for you to terminate the tie.  You know what going back means; you’ve been there.  Under the circumstances, if you’ve come so far that you’ve been able to change the song and dance and this has done nothing but propel them into an adversary stance, it is clearly better to make the painful decision to let it go.”  

Hoping this is helpful for you to read!  As I have said before, it takes a lot of inner strength and outside supports to take the action of setting boundaries with a parent. If you are one of the people who is in this position and struggling with guilt on this Mother’s Day week, please know that you are not alone.  I am here to say, everything is going to be okay, if you will be especially kind to yourself and your wounded inner child this week.  Think back to some things you loved as a child and do that for yourself on Mother’s Day.  Ride your bike, play with your dog or cat, skip through a field of flowers, read a favorite comic book, watch your favorite show, take a bubble bath, draw a silly picture, or finger paint. If this just seems too silly to you, wasn’t it fun just imagining yourself doing those things?   That is the power of visualizations and affirmations to change your mood–it really works!  The strong part of you can mother, nurture, comfort and love the wounded inner child part of you on Mother’s Day–imagine the adult you comforting the child you.

This powerful exercise will help you in your healing if you do it whenever you are feeling a lot of self-doubt, guilt, or emotional pain. Also do something special for yourself.   Maybe you could buy yourself a small gift you’ve been wanting or wanted as a child as a reward for being strong.  You survived!  And as a highly sensitive person (HSP), you are stronger and have more to give to others because of the compassion you recognize that you deserved but never received from your mother.  Be the mother you never had to yourself and you can begin to heal your childhood wounds and find your true voice and become the person that you are meant to be. God Bless You All.

Today I have decided to release the lyrics for my song, “Finally I See, Now I’m Free”.  This song was written  at a time when I realized the futility of a relationship in my life and was grieving for what would never be–but also discovered an inner strength and a new found sense of freedom.  I hope it brings you some comfort and strength during this difficult week.

With love,

Roxanne

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