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Category Archives: Extreme self care

Part 2 Of My New Beginning Journey–How 2013 AMAZINGLY Gave Me Wings To Fly in 2014.

PART 2:

Your time as a caterpillar...

Hi Everyone. So much has happened since my last post, I want to update you about all that has transpired. In fall of 2012, I was drawn to look for a new family doctor for myself and just for fun googled Highly Sensitive Doctor in Indianapolis haha.  What I found was not a doctor who called himself highly sensitive but a doctor with amazing reviews from patients who said he was highly sensitive to their needs.  I made an appointment even though I felt I was in pretty good health at the time and didn’t really have any dire need–I just wanted a doctor who would understand and support my quest for the best holistic and alternative health care I could find.

I had to wait 3 months to get in with him but it was worth it.  He listened to all of my theories on how I had healed my food allergies, chronic fatigue, candidiasis, adrenal fatigue issues through holistic means and an anti-inflammatory gluten-free diet. I also shared how I was feeling pretty good considering my age and the impending hormonal changes.  He was impressed rather than skeptical and I was thrilled at his response.  Still he ordered a pretty extensive blood test to be sure and I am so glad he did.  The results came back that I had low thyroid function and had to be put on thyroid medication immediately!

Changes look negative, new to emergeThe amazing thing to me is it turned out he was a specialist in knowledge about the thyroid–the exact best person to help me with this particular condition! And so gave me a prescription for Armour thyroid which is the best naturally derived medication and it’s hard to find an open-minded Dr. who will prescribe it.  Another amazing thing was I didn’t have symptoms until I was waiting for those blood test results and I suddenly gained 15 pounds in 3 weeks even though I was eating extremely healthy and watching carbs and calories.  It was quite shocking to see my body react this way but also to know that I had the perfect kind of care at the exact right time.

And another amazing thing that happened was that during my first visit with that doctor a large Bald Eagle flew past the window and the Dr. was shocked and said Oh my gosh did you just see that?–with that I looked out the window and saw this beautiful majestic bald eagle flying in the air. This was in a busy neighborhood inside the city limits!  I was thrilled that the doctor felt as I did that this was quite an amazing and beautiful sight and agreed with me that maybe it had  been a special “sign” that I was in the right place at the right time–all this on the first visit before I found out about the thyroid issue!I Know that was you God...

Now at this point I am feeling really blessed and cared for from up above to be guided to just the right doctor at just the right time.  But I also had big questions now.  Why had I gotten thyroid problems with all my healthy lifestyle habits?  Well this doctor’s thorough questionnaire I had filled out helped me to see that I was working too much and I was feeling stressed even though I loved what I was doing, I was feeling pretty drained a lot of the time.  This is when my coaching was at a peak with a waiting list of clients and I was really loving all the success my inner child healing practice was doing for others and it was very fulfilling helping others heal.

When I did some research about low thyroid I found out that it is in the throat chakra which has to do with creative self-expression and I immediately knew…  I hadn’t been singing.  All the songwriting had sort of stopped and I had been too busy with my coaching and I had stopped making time for my music. It was clear to me–I knew it deep inside–I am supposed to be singing and getting my then 40 (now over 50) original songs of hope and healing recorded and out to help others heal– as it was the songs that had helped me heal,  find my “voice”, and were the impetus to start the blogging and the coaching!  It had been the music that had started everything healing and moving forward to my vitality and inner peace and I realized I had neglected this important part of me.  So I cut back on my coaching and immediately felt better as I devoted time each week to resting, singing, and songwriting, and in May 2013 I started making professional recordings of my songs!follow your bliss, doors will open

At my second visit back with this doctor he gave me adrenal supplements and other vitamins saying it was the low adrenals affecting the thyroid and that he thought if I reduced stress and took care of myself I could gradually get off the thyroid medication.  And he was right!  I did it!  I worked on recording my songs all summer long and I also went to a new chiropractor who gave me Neuro-emotional Technique (NET) treatments each week.  By the end of summer I was completely off the thyroid medication!  And I still am!  Amazing!

Okay and there’s more amazing news.  That fall (2012) that I had just been put on thyroid medication I knew I wanted to do more singing but I wasn’t sure how I was going to move forward with it.  Well, one saturday night my husband and I decided to go to a little nearby bar that we had never been to before to listen to some live music.  And there was a young guy age 29 singing all of my favorite songs that I used to sing harmony to growing up and over the years. He was playing guitar and harmonica and was extremely talented but here he was in this little bar so I felt compelled to ask him if he’d be interested in helping me record my songs.  He said Yes!  He needed some extra money and I needed some professional help recording and guidance on how best to proceed with making an album.

Turns out that this guy turned out to be very professional indeed and the perfect guy to help me. Not only that, he slowly revealed to me as I got to know him, that he was very close to being signed with a music contract for his band with his original music, had met Clive Davis, had been flown to Hollywood several times, had opened for John Legend, and had many friends in the music business.  He is a songwriter too and he liked my songs and songwriting ability.  He liked my singing too but I had pretty bad stage fright to perform in public at that time and it was not even in my mind to attempt to overcome it–I was just planning to make an album, not perform.To live in fear…deny our dreams

But as our collaboration was working successfully, as my vocal coach he invited me to sing with him at his gigs so I could get used to performing!  At first it was one song, then 2, and by the end of the summer I was singing up to 8 songs with him at his gigs and had overcome my fear of performing on stage!  I got to sing harmony to my favorite songs from the Eagles, Bob Seger, John Mellencamp, Tom Petty etc., it was a dream come true!  And it was so much fun! (I have pictures of this on my music website).

The best part is he and I worked on my songs–we got 6 songs completely done, mixed, and produced by him, and he laid down the most beautiful guitar tracks for 22 more of my songs, and he taught me how to record and mix the rest of the songs by myself.  And with his encouragement I have been improving my own guitar playing skills as well so that I can start going to open mic nights while I record my songs.  And that’s what I am pursuing now!Words sing out

Wow, what a summer!  This fall and winter I have continued to write more songs and work on the albums and it is going really well!  I can’t wait to share my songs with all of you!  I have been working hard on this new music website and figuring out how to integrate all my work  so all my healing songs, coaching and blogging are easily accessible for those who will most find inspiration and healing from them.

Hole in my heartonly i can fillSo now I want to share with you a sample of an especially healing song from my new album A New Beginning that is one of my absolute favorites and I wrote it last summer. I hope you like it.  It’s call Hole In My Soul and here is a sample:  

I am very excited to announce that all 6 professionally recorded healing songs from my new album are now available for purchase with free samples of each song for you to listen to first!  You can buy downloads of the songs there on the website www.RoxanneSmithMusic.com–all proceeds will go to continuing my work to help others heal from childhood emotional pain.  It’s a great cause!  I highly recommend playing the songs especially in the morning each day as you get ready–it will change your mood for the day and has a healing effect.  Many people have told me this and I have experienced it myself with my own songs which I feel were somehow “given” to me from “above” when I wrote them–they healed something deep inside. Think of it as part of your extreme-self-care healing routine each day which is so important for us survivors of childhood trauma.  We need to do extra kind and comforting things for ourselves each day!  These songs were written for you!  Please try it and let me know how it works for you.  My second album, Songs of Hope and Healing will have the most deeply healing songs on it and it is in the works as soon as this first album is complete.  I will be releasing each song individually as it gets finished so keep checking back for more song releases.

Thank you for reading today and please like my facebook community page (if you like it) called Higher Ground Haven– I have now attached it to this blog so that our community can reach out and grow and connect in even more ways than before.  I look forward to your comments and to meeting and seeing you on facebook where I will be posting updates and information about healing childhood wounds, narcissistic parents, highly sensitive people (HSPs), unblocking your creativity, and how to go for your dreams, as well as videos of me and my music.  Remember, you can create the life you desire in your heart.  You are a shining light of compassion and love.  You deserve comfort, encouragement, compassion, and a community of safety and healing support that we all missed out on as children. I hope you find all of that here on my blog as your new Hope and Healing Haven. 😀You are important, you matter

Sending all of you much love and light and deep caring,

Roxanne

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More Helpful Tips–For Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) With A Narcissistic Parent–Part 1

Hi everyone. As highly sensitive people, many of you are struggling with how to cope with your relationship with your narcissistic parent and your unsupportive siblings and extended family.  First of all I want to tell you that as a life coach for people with childhood wounds, I understand your pain and how hard it is. There is very little support in our society for not having a relationship with ones’ parents no matter how negative and destructive they are to you or were to you in your childhood.  Many people have difficult parents but they tolerate them and seem to get by okay so why can’t you, right?  The pressure is very real.  But let me help you understand the difference between you (an HSP) and everyone else with some more helpful tips that are very important for you to know.

1. Know that your greatest gift is your intuition.

As a highly sensitive person (HSP), you were naturally giving and loving and trusting as children.  You had high hopes for yourselves and others including your parents.  People with loving and supportive parents are more likely living lives full of vitality and creative fulfillment and healthy boundaries to keep negative, manipulative, harmful people at a distance naturally and sharing their unique gifts with others.  These people don’t feel guilty about not getting along with everyone–they just “know” there are some people who are unhealthy and dangerous–they pay attention to their natural instincts.  But people with a narcissistic parent were taught at a very young age, even from birth not to trust their own instincts, their own intuition.  The horrible thing about that is, that was their greatest gift, “their sensitive intuition”, and it was often used against them.

2. Know that you may have repressed a terrible trauma from your childhood–the loss of the knowledge of your gifts.

Possibly, if you had an N parent, then part of your sensitivities were seen as a gift for “them”.  They could control you easily because of your trusting nature–so often they used fear to get you to be quiet, anger to get you to obey, and shame to keep you from feeling independent and strong.  And it worked.  You trusted them and needed them to take care of you and protect you from a world that overwhelmed your sensitive souls so you…experienced a trauma that caused you to shut down your true selves and become what they wanted you to become.   Something happened that was “the last straw” for your fragile but wise self that was developing.  Typically it happens around age 5 or 6, according to Alice Miller (Author of The Drama of the Gifted Child).  After an incident that you can’t remember because you have repressed it, suddenly, you are obedient and sweet wanting only to please.  And please them you did.  And that is why it is so hard for them to let go of you now.  You took care of them.  Completely and amazingly.  They felt loved by you and validated by you filling a void inside of them that was caused in their childhood.  It is as if you were the loving parent that they never had.  That is how gifted you were.  Those gifts of intuiting the needs of others are still there–they were just misused and abused by your needy and narcissistic parent.  Those gifts of being a loving and giving and caretaking soul were mis-directed.

3. Know that your childhood holds the roots of your anxiety, self-doubt, post traumatic stress, and co-dependence issues.

As you grew up and tried to do some of the creative endeavors that were driven by your soul, your parent probably did not support you because they did not want you to leave them or stop taking care of their emotional needs or they just saw no harm in controlling you.  As narcissistic parents with no conscience or guilt, it was easy for them to manipulate you, so they did.  The pain of your original trauma at the age of 5 or 6 would come up for you each time you tried to express your true self and these outbursts of emotion may have been shamed and punished by your parent and made you give up each time.  This is the beginning of the post traumatic stress that still plagues you today. ” Why do I over-react in these explosive ways”, you may have asked yourself.  This is why.  Your true self and all your repressed feelings and desires from childhood still want badly to be heard and understood and validated and “loved”.  Your narcissistic parent was not capable of giving you this love and still is not and never will be.  Your love needs are still unmet.  You searched for love from others but sometimes, because parts of you are still undeveloped and childlike, you end up being attracted to people who seem wonderful and charming at first but then turn out to be needy and manipulative and unable to comfort you when you need it most–just like your N parent.

4. Know that there is hope and you can heal.

So what is a highly sensitive person with an N parent to do?  You can heal and learn to love yourself and slowly unblock all those creative parts of yourself that never got a chance to be expressed.  You can learn to trust your self and your gifts of emotional intelligence and intuition that were seemingly robbed from you and misused and abused.  You can gain clarity amidst all the confusion, and hope amidst all the despair.  You can learn that it is okay for you to say no to other people’s demands and put yourself first.  You need to learn about extreme “self- care” (Cheryl Richardson–author of the book Life Makeovers) and you need a journal to pour into all the feelings from your deepest heart.  You need support from like-minded, highly sensitive, safe people to share the pain and grief from the loss of a childhood that feels as if it was taken away from you.  All your desires and free impulses were repressed so that you could survive with an illusion that your parent’s needs were more important than your own.  But surviving was not really living your life.  Surviving is not good enough.  Your survival skills just cause you trouble because they are not driven by your heart, they are driven by a needy inner child trying to please a parent that felt unpleasable and without remorse about what they did to you.

5. Know that the answers are inside of you and support is available.

You need to take a new direction.  A direction into your own soul.  You need to excavate the desires of a child who never had a say in the development of his/her own life!  Write it out!  Talk it out! Cry it out!  Shout it out!  You can do this in a journal that is meant for your eyes only.  Or you can find a counselor or coach who does inner child healing therapy.  It’s important to find support somewhere so you can find your true voice and express it.  There are HSP meet-up groups in larger cities.  You might also look into Unitarian churches or Unity churches to meet people of a spiritual nature who are not necessarily “religious”.

6. Know that no contact with a malignant narcissistic parent is not just recommended so that you can get the time you need to heal, it is vital!

One of the first steps into this new direction of healing for yourself is ending the old song and dance and unhealthy relationship that you have with your narcissistic parent.  If you’ve tried everything else and you are still miserable, that means setting boundaries on contact is an important step so that you can heal and move on with the life that you always deserved.  The fact that you understand the words Malignant Narcissistic is crucial here.  We are not talking about a parent that is capable of being remorseful about your childhood and trying to change, we are talking about a parent who blames you every time the relationship isn’t going their way–they resent the loss of control over your life that they always had. Control is not love. It may be time to cut off contact so you can finally heal.  You do not owe them another ounce of your precious energy.  You owe it to yourself to stay away from them as you heal, because being around them at all always takes a toll on you,  a toll that is much heavier and destructive and stressful and toxic to you than you may realize.

There are a total of 12 tips that I have written about here today, but I am going to stop here and give you the other 6 in my next post in two weeks because this is getting really long. I hope that what I have written has been helpful to you.  I hope that you can enjoy this last week of summer and get out in the warmth of the sunshine–slow down and feel the connection to God’s love that nature provide’s and really take it in. Walks in nature are a great way to recharge your energy.  Your highly sensitive soul and body deserve this special treatment.  It’s never too late to start on the path to the healing you deserve.

With Love,

Roxanne

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