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Category Archives: Dark Night Of the Soul

A Healing Poem for Sensitive Souls with a Narcissistic Mother on 11-11.

Hello Everyone!  Many sensitive, and empathic souls and clients are having childhood wounds arise to the surface to be healed.  It can be a very painful experience.  It’s also an opportunity to heal and become stronger.  I hope this poem I wrote recently is helpful, uplifting, and supportive. If you resonate, please leave a comment and maybe we’ll create a tribe for support.  Welcome!

YOU WERE NEVER LOVED, MY DEAR (Healing Shame From Childhood Wounds)                By Roxanne Elaine Smith

When you had a narcissistic mom

Where’s the next hit coming from

Not a hit with fist or hand

But words and eyes that punch and land

*

Devastating to your soul

Nothing solid to take hold

No mirror to see your worth

No smiles and comfort so you search

*

You search for reasons, blame yourself

Shame and doubt instead of stealth

It robs you of the truth and time

You were sweet and so sublime

*

You were shining, curious love

Sent to earth from up above

But chose the hardest path to start

A childhood starved from feeling part

*

Everywhere you reached was blocked

So you gave up and heart was locked

Trust too much or not enough

Attracting all similar stuff

*

Until you realize the pattern here

You were never loved, my dear

Start from scratch and loving you

Oh it is so hard to do

*

At first because the triggers are

Relieving painful trauma jars

Shocking you right to your core

“How did I survive Oh Lord”

*

You didn’t! No you gave up YOU

And turned into a mask not true

Obedient and needy so

People-please and perfection oh

*

Trying oh so many things

Until your true voice finally sings

But shame comes up with every truth

The pattern hidden from your youth

*

Every time you were you, you were shamed

Have to get YOU back again

Ignore the shame and keep on moving

Rise above shame and keep on grooving

*

Yell at shame, you are not mine

Dance out shame, I am just fine

Shame keeps coming every time

Hiding doesn’t heal the crime

*

Only way is to see the child

Inside the parents who went wild

Spilling out their pain on you

Everything it was not true

*

You were perfect whole and right

Their fear and anguish like a blight

They felt safe because of you

Your light it was so bright it’s true

*

Not fair of course you deserved the world

You knew that you could heal and unfurl

Figure it all out you would

And love yourself just as you should

*

And finally learn strong boundaries

And attract those loving hercules

Those strong people, inner strength

Like you they’ve been put up to the brink

*

The death of soul and now awake

They search for tribes to quell and quake

Masterful and sensitive

They forgive and give and give and give

*

And you know you are one of them

And renewed hope on journey stems

Trying listening within

Trusting that love is what went dim

*

Self compassion is your chore

As shame returns with each great score

Reducing size or is it growing

Heal emotions and new knowing

*

Center, grounding, peace of mind

Solid forming, still maligned

Defensiveness and anger flare

But forgiving quicker in thin air

*

Believing in the moment’s peace

That’s the truth not all the fleece

Still confusing childhood wounds

Where’s the love-so many moods

*

Why the deep and painful purge

Feel relief when follow urge

Writing helps you flow it out

The truth is innocence about

*

All of it you chose but why

More than you can fathom, sigh

Others seem to simply thrive

Private hell they do deny

*

Good to have access to love

Reach for heaven up above

But also know you are whole and kind

Lovely you, you shine, shine, shine

*

Then loved ones blame—it all comes back

Another painful self attack

Oh the grief you must allow

The child must cry it out oh wow

*

Will the tears they ever stop

When your happy bubble popped

Self-reliant muscle test

You are getting strongest yet

*

See yourself that child hugged

Held and cherished sweetest mug

Smiles and happy to see you

Healing all that you’ve been through

*

It’s okay to cry a lot

Over things that most forgot

Disappointment to your core

Life goes on with all the sores

*

Want them all to go away

Triggers say hello today

Do not put it all on you!

Bask in love all the day through

*

When you find a sea of pain

That is someone else’s train

Let them drive on their own track

Do not let them take a snack

*

Send them love and move along

You know how you are so strong

You do so much for others

Time to be your own best mother

*

Nurture, comfort, love your soul

You are here to Rock n Roll

Everything is now alright

You are purely Love and Light

Original Poem © Roxanne E. Smith

 

With deep caring, comfort, and compassion,

Roxanne 😇💖✨

P.S. See more healing poems and writings here

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The Dark Night of the Soul–There is Hope!

Hello Highly Sensitive Souls, Empaths, and All,

I hope you are doing well! I am sending my love and appreciation to all of you and especially those of you who follow my posts!  Thank you!!  I am feeling a camaraderie with you and a deep empathy for the unique painful rollercoaster journey that accompanies being a highly sensitive soul and an empath.  We are so complex but sometimes all it takes is for us to feel very seen and heard and validated for the injustices we experience and then we are renewed and recharged to get back out there and shine our lights in the world!!

I’m feeling very renewed at the moment and so I want to offer hope to any of you who are suffering right now and not feeling hopeful!!  There is hope!  You are special and you are sensitive for a good reason!  You are enough and just your being here on the planet raises the vibration, even if you don’t feel like you are!

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted because I’ve been going through so much.  March was intense and I feel compelled to reach out and connect with you all because well by nature I always want to help others–if you are having a hard time with sudden life changes well I understand completely and I am right there with you! I made it through to a very positive place and so I want to pass on to you what I learned. There is so much hope!

Oh my gosh! Where to begin? I don’t want to speak in generalities and I don’t want to vent about my personal life too much so I will try to just be vulnerable and truthful. Life had been going along one way for years and now I’ve been on this spiritual awakening journey and gradually things had turned upside down for me.  Twice in the last week I started spiraling and even my usual supports weren’t helping.  I was shocked!  I’m the one who has it all figured out and helps others how can I be feeling so out of control and panicky, I felt like I was falling in a black hole. Everything around me felt like it was crumbling away. I didn’t have a panic attack, I’ve been fortunate to never have had one– what I had was an excruciating migraine that was caused by my own negative spiraling thoughts, for hours!  …Until I asked, what in my life would make me feel better.  The answer that came to me was, something big in my life had to CHANGE.

Then I looked up online Dark Night of the Soul and found what Eckhart Tolle said about it. I was immediately comforted just because what was happening to me had a name.  I was having an existential crisis. Here are some parts of Eckhart Tolle’s article that helped me the most:

The Dark Night of the Soul–“It is a term used to describe what one could call a collapse of a perceived meaning in life…an eruption into your life of a deep sense of meaninglessness.” “…Really what has collapsed then is the whole conceptual framework for your life, the meaning that your mind had given it. So that results in a dark place.  But people have gone into that, and then there is the possibility that you emerge out of that into a transformed state of consciousness. Life has meaning again, but it’s no longer a conceptual meaning that you can necessarily explain.  Quite often it’s from there that people awaken out of their conceptual sense of reality, which has collapsed.

They awaken into something deeper, which is no longer based on concepts in your mind.  A deeper sense of purpose or connectedness with a greater life that is not dependent on explanations or anything conceptual any longer.  It’s a kind of re-birth. The dark night of the soul is a kind of death that you die. What dies is the egoic sense of self. Of course, death is always painful, but nothing real has actually died there – only an illusory identity.  Now it is probably the case that some people who’ve gone through this transformation realized that they had to go through that, in order to bring about a spiritual awakening. Often it is part of the awakening process, the death of the old self and the birth of the true self.”

Besides the migraine, I also was experiencing this falling sensation of impending death and as if the walls around me and life as I knew it was crumbling away.  So at a point of desperation I asked my Self, what in my life would make me feel better.  The answer that came to me was, Something had to Change. I started imagining some of these changes in detail and magically my migraine started to slowly dissipate, I felt hopeful but perplexed and awestruck by this Dark Night of the Soul experience and I was able to finally feel hopeful and get some sleep after what seemed like the longest night of my life. (Reading Eckhart Tolle’s article had helped too–full article is here).

The next morning, I felt a new sense of aliveness and I took some action on these changes feeling more empowered then I had felt in a long time. But surprisingly the changes that I imagined didn’t end up needing to be THE THING after all–but some painful conversations with certain people in my life opened up what REALLY needed to happen. Then surprisingly my heart just burst open with clarity and LOVE and gratefulness for everyone involved like never before. Suddenly all the changes that I wanted I no longer needed but it was actually the experience of having the dark night of the soul that had changed me–I felt like my heart had grown 3 sizes like the grinch when he got super powerful and turned the sleigh around–I no longer needed other people to change and I had all the answers inside all along.  My compassion for myself and others in my life and gratefulness for my journey had grown exponentially as well and a renewed passion in my career of coaching and energy healing and my music!  I’m sooo excited like never before and with such clarity and newfound energy about my true purpose in life. Wow!

I feel grateful that my Dark Night of the Soul experience was shorter than what some people experience.  After researching this, I have new empathy for the hell other’s go through.  I am also aware that this may not be my last experience with this–one never knows how the Universe is going to challenge them to grow when we are unknowingly resisting change with all of our might and our Higher Selves have a different plan for our souls’s journey.  What I have learned is more Trust!  I trust that I am being guided to experiences that are opening me up and challenging me to grow in ways I didn’t know possible. Holy Hell LOL!!–the pain I went through was excruciating but I guess it had to be purged and experienced so that I can be a hand to hold for others going through it too.

There seems to be no way to skip over this process if it is happening to you. I am not a licensed therapist for those of you experiencing a prolonged depression. But I can share my experience of healing which was by way of writing and doing deep inner grief work in a journal which for the most part started for me in 2003 and then all the songs of hope and healing started pouring out of me in the years that followed.  I credit the book The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron for helping me find this positive True Voice that was inside me all along. Whatever you journey looks like please know that I believe you will come out the other side and that your journey is teaching your soul something that will be of great value.

After my Dark Night of the Soul experience last weekend, words can’t describe my new vitality and passion to get on with my life’s work.  All winter long I had been soul searching looking for direction and energy and drive to move forward consistently with this blog, my spiritual counseling and intuitive coaching work, energy healing, and my performing and writing my songs of hope and empowerment.  AND I am so grateful now to be experiencing this new gift of realizing I’m a channel and always have been–It is profoundly honoring and a humbling experience for me that I now feel stronger to fully step into this role and say yes, I’m a channel for spirit here, having a human experience to help others, who are struggling with deep questions about how to embrace their gifts of sensitivity in an insensitive world.  I’m here to tell you when you step fully into loving yourself and taking responsibility to learn tools to daily rise back into your truth as a shining light for the planet you will start attracting more and more positive people and experiences that will help you feel like life is all falling into place.  Then you can relax and just be YOU!  And you are so wonderful, just as you are, my dear sensitive souls, I’m grateful that you are here with me to help raise the vibration of the planet!

Sending you so much comfort, love and light as you continue on your healing journey,

Roxanne 😇💖✨

 

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