Category Archives: finding your voice
Hello everyone. I hope you are able to enjoy the holidays and find some inner peace and joy in just “being wonderful, sensitive YOU!”. For highly sensitive souls, the holidays can be difficult, especially if you are triggered easily due to PTSD from childhood trauma. I relate, however, many big breakthroughs have been happening for myself. I have been wanting to write and connect with you all about all the self discovery and healing I am learning about and how it’s making profound shifts in my own life–I am always listening to my inner guidance and growing. It’s an amazing process once you get on a roll. One day while journaling, the following information just poured out of me from my inner guidance and I knew it was meant to share on this blog. Here it is:
“You can recover from PTSD from childhood trauma. It’s not easy. It’s step by step. Yes, it really is about putting one foot in front of the other-wading through the feelings and voicing your truth. When you have PTSD from trauma in childhood it is your root chakra that continually needs help in your life. This is about getting your legs underneath you, standing strong on your own 2 feet, and feeling safe. It’s about moving forward towards your dreams. It’s about feeling solid, centered, grounded, and safe for your soul to stay in your body. When you voice your deep fears and the truth about their origins to a safe person, it validates you to feel safe and be “in” your body—perhaps for the first time.”
I didn’t know I wasn’t in my body until 2011 and I had memories of terror come up when I was laid up with some health problems. I had to cry and re-experience the terror with a safe person holding my hand as I voiced the truth of what happened to me. Realizing it was from childhood and not in the present is part of the relief—you realize you are not dying or going to die from the emotional pain (which is what a child believes) but just releasing a repressed trauma. Afterwards, I had a new sensation and a knowing that I was stronger—I proclaimed, “OMG! I feel like I am in my body for the first time!” I never forgot this moment and I was amazed—you realize the profound shifts that emotional healing can evoke. It propels you to keep feeling more and more of your repressed pain and release it as it comes up.
After this you begin to understand you are building a foundation (healing your root chakra)—a solid foundation is being laid down brick by brick. It takes time and patience and deep love for yourself. You are lovable and you have always been. You deserve to feel safe and whole and vital. You can overcome all of your fears and step into your whole true self. You are on your way!
More helpful guidance for highly sensitive souls on the way in 2019! Happy New Year to you all!! It’s gonna be a great year!!!
With love and light,
PAIN FROM THE PAST
Lyrics by Roxanne Smith
Feelings coming up from I don’t know where
I don’t want to feel it but avoid it I don’t dare
‘Cause it’s pain from the past you see
Comin’ up to say hello to me
Just keep it a movin’ until I’m free
Let it move on through and away from me
They say it gets easier as the old layers heal
I can tell I am stronger and I’m more grounded and real
But sometimes it’s thick and pulls me back down
To how I felt as a child when love was not around
It’s just pain from the past you see
Comin’ up to say hello to me
Just keep it a movin’ until I’m free
Let it move on through and away from me
What happened back then can’t be made right
But I can love that little child in me with all my might
I can protect her and soothe her pain
I deserved love back then and now I’m gonna make it rain
Make it rain love love love
Coming down on me
Make it rain love love love
Until I’m free
Wash away all of the doubt
And the fear and shame
Until I’m a bright shining light again
with no more pain
Repeat 1st verse:
Feelings comin up from I don’t know where
I don’t want to feel it but avoid it I don’t dare
‘Cause it’s pain from the past you see
Comin’ up to say hello to me
Just keep it on movin’until I’m free
Let it move on through and away from me.
Original Song © 2014 Roxanne Smith
Hello everyone! Lots of good things have been happening with my music performances and my coaching in the last couple of months so I’ve been very busy with that. It’s very exciting and somewhat surreal as I keep reaching outside of my comfort zone. HOWEVER, just recently I’ve been surprised by the intensity of feelings coming up that I haven’t felt for a long time or maybe EVER. I know I’m so much stronger because I am observing this happening rather letting it get me down. However, I’ve been surprised at the intensity of old feelings, anxiety, lack of motivation, and emotional pain. I reassure myself that it’s old stuff on the way out but I have the say Man I’m very surprised at the intensity and heaviness of the feelings that been coming and going in the last few days! I look up and listen to youtube channellings on the spiritual guidance about solar flares and energy upgrades and ascension symptoms and things of this nature at times like these when I feel out of sorts. I usually get comfort and confirmation that something big is going on with the planets energy and this time is no exception. One of my favorites for highly sensitive souls and empaths, if you are interested, is Lee Harris Energy. Check his video out at the bottom of this post if you are interested.
So if you are feeling out of sorts, lost your confidence, extra tired and unmotivated, and experiencing bouts of emotional pain, and/or loneliness please know you are not alone and this too shall pass. Highly sensitive souls are feeling it because it’s a gift to be so clairsentient and empathic–it’s not because it’s a curse or a problem. Please allow these times of emotional healing and physical healing to reassure you that you belong to a unique and special tribe of souls here on earth with an innate higher vibration. You might possibly be a lightworker and you might like to google this word and see if you resonate with the meaning of it–it may help you feel supported if you are feeling drawn to learning about spiritual awakening.
If you identify as an empath, introvert, or HSP then you might possibly still be a sponge and absorbing the unfelt feelings of the collective consciousness–this could be happening to you if you are still healing childhood wounds. Learning about grounding techniques and positive affirmations can help a lot. Take solace in knowing you are not alone and you are part of a tribe of highly sensitive people all going through similar emotional healing in similar ways. Please comment if you are needing support from others in this community right now or if you relate to what I am saying. Or let us know if you are doing great and zooming right through because of healing that is behind you. Everyone is different and it’s fascinating to see how we are all healing in different ways and yet similar in other ways. We can learn so much from each other.
One common similarity among us it seems is that pain seems to come up to heal after a success and achievement is reached, that when “wham” old beliefs and insecurities come up to the surface, sometimes the next morning, after you’ve broken through a personal glass ceiling in your life’s journey. Please don’t let your old inner critic/ego beliefs that can get loud after a success convince you that you are not cut out for this new level of success. Just try to observe it happening and write about it in a journal for your eyes only and see how unfair that voice is being to you. That is not the voice of your true self. Self-compassion is the voice of the true self and that is the voice that is best to listen to–your higher self. It’s like developing a muscle when you are learning to tap into this inner guidance–you will get stronger and stronger as you practice recognizing when your inner critic is beating you up. It’s often just a lower vibration energy that is on the way out as your soul is reaching for higher heights–back up where you belong. 😃 Because you were born with a higher vibration–highly sensitive for a good reason and that reason is to elevate the planet with your compassion and innate goodness and positivity.
With love and light, comfort, caring, and compassion,
P.S. Please leave a comment because your comment will help other highly sensitive souls who have not yet found their voice or inner strength to comment yet. Helping others by writing about your story can lift you up during hard times as well!
Here’s the video I mentioned above:
Hi Everyone. So much has happened since my last post, I want to update you about all that has transpired. In fall of 2012, I was drawn to look for a new family doctor for myself and just for fun googled Highly Sensitive Doctor in Indianapolis haha. What I found was not a doctor who called himself highly sensitive but a doctor with amazing reviews from patients who said he was highly sensitive to their needs. I made an appointment even though I felt I was in pretty good health at the time and didn’t really have any dire need–I just wanted a doctor who would understand and support my quest for the best holistic and alternative health care I could find.
I had to wait 3 months to get in with him but it was worth it. He listened to all of my theories on how I had healed my food allergies, chronic fatigue, candidiasis, adrenal fatigue issues through holistic means and an anti-inflammatory gluten-free diet. I also shared how I was feeling pretty good considering my age and the impending hormonal changes. He was impressed rather than skeptical and I was thrilled at his response. Still he ordered a pretty extensive blood test to be sure and I am so glad he did. The results came back that I had low thyroid function and had to be put on thyroid medication immediately!
The amazing thing to me is it turned out he was a specialist in knowledge about the thyroid–the exact best person to help me with this particular condition! And so gave me a prescription for Armour thyroid which is the best naturally derived medication and it’s hard to find an open-minded Dr. who will prescribe it. Another amazing thing was I didn’t have symptoms until I was waiting for those blood test results and I suddenly gained 15 pounds in 3 weeks even though I was eating extremely healthy and watching carbs and calories. It was quite shocking to see my body react this way but also to know that I had the perfect kind of care at the exact right time.
And another amazing thing that happened was that during my first visit with that doctor a large Bald Eagle flew past the window and the Dr. was shocked and said Oh my gosh did you just see that?–with that I looked out the window and saw this beautiful majestic bald eagle flying in the air. This was in a busy neighborhood inside the city limits! I was thrilled that the doctor felt as I did that this was quite an amazing and beautiful sight and agreed with me that maybe it had been a special “sign” that I was in the right place at the right time–all this on the first visit before I found out about the thyroid issue!
Now at this point I am feeling really blessed and cared for from up above to be guided to just the right doctor at just the right time. But I also had big questions now. Why had I gotten thyroid problems with all my healthy lifestyle habits? Well this doctor’s thorough questionnaire I had filled out helped me to see that I was working too much and I was feeling stressed even though I loved what I was doing, I was feeling pretty drained a lot of the time. This is when my coaching was at a peak with a waiting list of clients and I was really loving all the success my inner child healing practice was doing for others and it was very fulfilling helping others heal.
When I did some research about low thyroid I found out that it is in the throat chakra which has to do with creative self-expression and I immediately knew… I hadn’t been singing. All the songwriting had sort of stopped and I had been too busy with my coaching and I had stopped making time for my music. It was clear to me–I knew it deep inside–I am supposed to be singing and getting my then 40 (now over 50) original songs of hope and healing recorded and out to help others heal– as it was the songs that had helped me heal, find my “voice”, and were the impetus to start the blogging and the coaching! It had been the music that had started everything healing and moving forward to my vitality and inner peace and I realized I had neglected this important part of me. So I cut back on my coaching and immediately felt better as I devoted time each week to resting, singing, and songwriting, and in May 2013 I started making professional recordings of my songs!
At my second visit back with this doctor he gave me adrenal supplements and other vitamins saying it was the low adrenals affecting the thyroid and that he thought if I reduced stress and took care of myself I could gradually get off the thyroid medication. And he was right! I did it! I worked on recording my songs all summer long and I also went to a new chiropractor who gave me Neuro-emotional Technique (NET) treatments each week. By the end of summer I was completely off the thyroid medication! And I still am! Amazing!
Okay and there’s more amazing news. That fall (2012) that I had just been put on thyroid medication I knew I wanted to do more singing but I wasn’t sure how I was going to move forward with it. Well, one saturday night my husband and I decided to go to a little nearby bar that we had never been to before to listen to some live music. And there was a young guy age 29 singing all of my favorite songs that I used to sing harmony to growing up and over the years. He was playing guitar and harmonica and was extremely talented but here he was in this little bar so I felt compelled to ask him if he’d be interested in helping me record my songs. He said Yes! He needed some extra money and I needed some professional help recording and guidance on how best to proceed with making an album.
Turns out that this guy turned out to be very professional indeed and the perfect guy to help me. Not only that, he slowly revealed to me as I got to know him, that he was very close to being signed with a music contract for his band with his original music, had met Clive Davis, had been flown to Hollywood several times, had opened for John Legend, and had many friends in the music business. He is a songwriter too and he liked my songs and songwriting ability. He liked my singing too but I had pretty bad stage fright to perform in public at that time and it was not even in my mind to attempt to overcome it–I was just planning to make an album, not perform.
But as our collaboration was working successfully, as my vocal coach he invited me to sing with him at his gigs so I could get used to performing! At first it was one song, then 2, and by the end of the summer I was singing up to 8 songs with him at his gigs and had overcome my fear of performing on stage! I got to sing harmony to my favorite songs from the Eagles, Bob Seger, John Mellencamp, Tom Petty etc., it was a dream come true! And it was so much fun! (I have pictures of this on my music website).
The best part is he and I worked on my songs–we got 6 songs completely done, mixed, and produced by him, and he laid down the most beautiful guitar tracks for 22 more of my songs, and he taught me how to record and mix the rest of the songs by myself. And with his encouragement I have been improving my own guitar playing skills as well so that I can start going to open mic nights while I record my songs. And that’s what I am pursuing now!
Wow, what a summer! This fall and winter I have continued to write more songs and work on the albums and it is going really well! I can’t wait to share my songs with all of you! I have been working hard on this new music website and figuring out how to integrate all my work so all my healing songs, coaching and blogging are easily accessible for those who will most find inspiration and healing from them.
So now I want to share with you a sample of an especially healing song from my new album A New Beginning that is one of my absolute favorites and I wrote it last summer. I hope you like it. It’s call Hole In My Soul and here is a sample:
I am very excited to announce that all 6 professionally recorded healing songs from my new album are now available for purchase with free samples of each song for you to listen to first! You can buy downloads of the songs there on the website www.RoxanneSmithMusic.com–all proceeds will go to continuing my work to help others heal from childhood emotional pain. It’s a great cause! I highly recommend playing the songs especially in the morning each day as you get ready–it will change your mood for the day and has a healing effect. Many people have told me this and I have experienced it myself with my own songs which I feel were somehow “given” to me from “above” when I wrote them–they healed something deep inside. Think of it as part of your extreme-self-care healing routine each day which is so important for us survivors of childhood trauma. We need to do extra kind and comforting things for ourselves each day! These songs were written for you! Please try it and let me know how it works for you. My second album, Songs of Hope and Healing will have the most deeply healing songs on it and it is in the works as soon as this first album is complete. I will be releasing each song individually as it gets finished so keep checking back for more song releases.
Thank you for reading today and please like my facebook community page (if you like it) called Higher Ground Haven– I have now attached it to this blog so that our community can reach out and grow and connect in even more ways than before. I look forward to your comments and to meeting and seeing you on facebook where I will be posting updates and information about healing childhood wounds, narcissistic parents, highly sensitive people (HSPs), unblocking your creativity, and how to go for your dreams, as well as videos of me and my music. Remember, you can create the life you desire in your heart. You are a shining light of compassion and love. You deserve comfort, encouragement, compassion, and a community of safety and healing support that we all missed out on as children. I hope you find all of that here on my blog as your new Hope and Healing Haven. 😀
Sending all of you much love and light and deep caring,
Hi everyone. I have an announcement to make but first I want to thank all of you who have followed this blog and who have shared your stories and have felt part of this community of hope and healing. It was years ago in January 2010 that I started this blog and many of you have grown and evolved with me as we have shared and healed our childhood wounds together. I want to fill you in on the details and the big changes ahead for this blog. Yes, it is time for some exciting new changes and the biggest one is that I want to reveal my real name and take ownership of this blog that I am so proud of.
I have been upfront since the first day of this blog saying on my About page that I was using a PEN name. Elaine D. Sanders. I chose this special name so that I could write uninhibitedly about my journey in emotional healing and so that I could help others who are struggling to find and express their true voice as well. My pen name served me well and I have no regrets about being known as Elaine and proudly using this name for my life coaching business that came about because of the success of helping others through this blog.
Now I am stepping fully into the light with my real legal name and claiming my story. I feel and hope this will be very empowering for others who are healing from childhood wounds as well. It is with love and compassion and gratefulness in my heart that I share this information with you, my followers and readers, because I know you will understand and support this new venture of empowerment for all of us to step into our truth, and be unafraid to speak up with our true voice about our childhood experiences and our healing journeys. There is no shame in telling your story, nothing to fear when you speak up for yourself about times you felt diminished and unloved as a child. Telling the truth and coming out of hiding is the right thing to do and doing so will support others to do the same.
My middle name really is Elaine. I love the name and when I first decided to start this blog I was proud to find out that the meaning of the name Elaine is “shining light”. My legal first name is Roxanne and I was thrilled to find out the meaning of Roxanne is “dawn”–light of a new day-a new beginning. Right now I am gradually changing all posts and comments from Elaine to Roxanne. It will take a while to complete the change and until then I hope all will be understood.
Some might ask, with the great success of this blog why not stay Elaine? Well, about a year and a half ago, I wanted my grown children and husband to be able to tell of my new successful career as a life coach and singer/songwriter without having to tell a long story of why I had a pen name. Also, I wanted to start a home community life coaching business and I also wanted to be close to my family (and also to this new support network) through facebook. So I started a home community life coaching website, a new blog with more songs, a personal facebook page and community facebook page in my legal name that I go by on a daily basis with close friends, my husband and kids. Through this experiment I eventually realized I now felt uninhibited to talk about inner child healing and my own healing journey with great confidence– I was able to do both and go back and forth to both blogs and websites with ease for quite a while. I gradually saw how I was dividing myself and my energies. Recently it came clear how I could integrate everything to my legal name and that this would be very empowering for all for me to do this. My energies of late had been mostly with my new creative ventures in my world as myself, Roxanne E. Smith. I am now ready to come out on this blog and say this is who I am, this is what I experienced, and this is how I recovered, and I want to be a role model to help others to come out and express their true voice as well.
Upon beginning to write about my past, I had no idea that this blog would be so helpful to others as it has become. My intention was and is to help and support others by sharing my experience and journey of emotional healing. I have no resentment, anger, or bitterness towards any people from my past. I do not carry any hard feelings towards them and I wish them only peace and love. I believe I may have chosen everything that happened to me because I knew my soul was strong enough to recover so that I could help others. I am now grateful for everything that has ever happened to me for now I am on this path of enlightenment and helping others see their beautiful shining light within that is underneath the layers of pain and self-doubt. I believe helping souls to break through to their true essence is my true purpose in life. I have come to a place where I know that the absence of light experienced as children is because parents and caregivers of children may have had atrocities and abuses from their own childhood that may have caused a complete separation from their own light. We absorbed all that darkness as highly sensitive gifted children but now, after emotional healing, we can now give that light back to ourselves — as for myself, it was only through much inner grief work that I recovered and this is what I now help others through my work–through blogging, life coaching, and through sharing my healing songs and their lyrics.
I shared my honest feelings on this blog because this was my experience and it was this candidness that most helped people relate their own feelings and stories and heal on a deep level. Many of my songs continue to reflect the painful journey to wholeness and joy from a childhood of feeling lost–I feel it was through the gift of music and creative song writing that I was able to heal and express my voice and this self expression continues to heal me as well as others. I have continued to write and record more healing songs recently and this is the project that has kept me busy this past year.
I have a new music website for my newly created and professionally recorded Album–A New Beginning! I am excited to share with you my songs which are my new passion and focus as of right now and my album of 10 professionally recorded songs is now available for download and also on iTunes, Spotify, Amazon, and many other sites worldwide.
Other changes on this blog and my websites include the adding of a link to my facebook community page called Higher Ground Haven. So please check it out by finding it on the right side of the page and clicking on the name of it–you don’t have to be on facebook to enjoy it–it is open to the public and will just be another means of support for this community.
There will be a new name for this blog–it is being changed from Hope and Healing with Elaine to Hope and Healing Haven. I hope you like it and will remember it easily. I think it is a great fit! The domain name is going back to hopehealing.wordpress.com. Elainedsanders.com will no longer be. I won’t be taking new clients for an indefinite period of time because my singing/songwriting career is taking center stage in my life right now and I will be sharing my song lyrics which are self-help poetry put to music as I embark on this new career.
I hope that you will enjoy embarking with me on this NEW BEGINNING journey. My song A NEW BEGINNING has new meaning now as it has been rerecorded professionally and is the perfect tribute to this new phase of this Hope and Healing Blog that I hope will continue to be a Haven for all souls seeking healing from their childhood wounds and empowerment to find their true voice and true self. Please enjoy listening to a sample of A New Beginning below: press > play to hear Another song I’d like to share is called “I’m All Right”–you can listen to a sample of it below:
My new music website is finished and it is ready to share with you, you may visit it here: RoxanneSmithMusic.com. 10 professionally recorded healing songs from my new album are now finalized and available for purchase with free samples of each song for you to listen to first! You can buy downloads of the songs there on the website–all proceeds will go to continuing my work to help others heal from childhood emotional pain. It’s a great cause! I highly recommend playing the songs especially in the morning each day as you get ready–it will change your mood for the day and has a healing effect. Think of it as part of your extreme-self-care healing routine each day which is so important for highly sensitive survivors. We need to do extra kind things for ourselves each day! Please try it and let me know how it works for you–I welcome the testimonials!
Thank you for reading today. I am excited to re-connect with all of you survivors who are searching for emotional guidance and a safe place to feel connected and to heal from the past. This is a wonderful community to be a part of and I feel truly blessed and grateful. Welcome To Hope and Healing Haven!
With love, blessings, and warmest caring wishes,
(Read the following comments from the bottom up)
Here is an edited version of the original “About Me” when I was using a pen name, written in December 2009 and used through February 2014 (the original was changed a few times over the years ):
Hello and Welcome! Elaine is a name that has special significance to me and I have chosen this Pen name because it will make it easier to be completely honest and uninhibited in all my writing. My wonderful supportive husband and I have both had many childhood wounds to heal and overcome and we have made a new wonderful life and have raised two amazing children.
I have a Bachelor of Science degree in Child and Family Services with emphasis in humanistic counseling psychology, sociology, family dynamics, and child development. There was nothing more important to me than raising children with high self-esteem and to be emotionally healthy, and breaking the cycle of emotional repression that has been passed down for generations through our extended families. Our children are in college and beyond now, adjusting well to all of life’s demands, and my husband and I couldn’t be prouder of them, not just because of their accomplishments and achievements but because of the relationships we have with them and the caring, loving people they have become. We are supportive and encouraging of whatever they choose to do with their lives and we are there for them to listen to their feelings and they in turn are supportive and encouraging to us and grateful and loving human beings.
I have discovered many things along the way to building a healthy family and finding my true purpose in life. I have discovered I am an INFJ, an empath, a highly sensitive person, an avid journaler, writer of self-help poetry, and a singer/songwriter writing many songs–including my songs of hope and healing. These songs were written mostly to help myself through the pain from my many childhood wounds and the ups and downs of life. Most of all, I have discovered the depth of my skills as an Empathic Life Coach. With this, I have discovered my true purpose in life-all my skills of writing and singing and songwriting have been catalysts in helping me express and find my true voice–to realize that my true purpose is empowering other highly sensitive souls to heal from their wounds from childhood and become the person they are meant to be.
I feel it as a privilege for me to provide comfort and support to any soul who is in emotional pain and to let them know there is hope and someone out there who understands. With the help of this website, it is my hope to validate, inspire, and give hope to people through my writing, my music, and my availability to you as an Empathic Life Coach. So often a person just needs a companion to listen–someone to validate the complex and confusing painful feelings that come up when childhood wounds are triggered and then keep us from moving forward to become our true selves. Our blog community strives to be an “enlightened witness” for any person who needs to be heard about childhood wounds or if you have no family members or friends who understand you. Please check out the comment sections of each post which contain lots of guidance and sharing of experiences. We understand and we care. Welcome to our community!
Hi everyone! Now that it’s Spring, the warmth is finally here in the midwestern part of the USA! Yay!! I feel happier when the temperatures are warmer and I can get outside and enjoy nature and recharge. As a HSP healing from childhood wounds, I am still figuring out what makes me happiest and what I “like” most in life–right now I like thinking about some day moving to a warmer climate during the winter months! 😉
As HSP children, your “job” may have been to often to take care of your own parents’ feelings so you didn’t dare even ask yourself “What do I want?, How do I feel?, and What are my dreams and desires? Perhaps it can be “fun” now to “create” a life for yourself that is purely satisfying to “you”. This is not being selfish for HSPs who have spent their lives putting others’ feelings and happiness first. This is realizing your feelings and desires are meant to be your “compass” for finding direction and satisfaction in your life!
Even after all of your recovery and replacing a negative inner critic with a very consistent feeling of love and protection for yourself and you inner child, do you still sometimes wake up with a feeling of shame that surprises you? It may usually happen after a day when you really asserted your voice and followed your heart (I have written about this before). Try to see that as evidence of how your shining light as a child may have been a threat to a narcissistic or bullying caretakers and they had to bring you “down”. “Get off of your high horse!”, “Who do you think you are!?”, “How dare you be happy when I am not happy!?”, and “Straighten up and fly right!”–Were these phrases (spoken or implied silently with mean looks (angry eyes)) ones that come to mind that were a daily occurrence to shame and control you as a child?
Now that you may be working on changing the core beliefs about yourself, it is also helpful to reframe all those events with how you would have voiced your opposition if you had felt safe and knew you were loved and supported by the Universe. Talking back to the inner critic is acknowledging it is there and then saying what you need to say to yourself to be an emotionally healthy soul–say, “I like being on my high horse!–it is good to feel proud of myself!”, “I think I am an amazing and gifted person!”, “Everyone is free to pursue their own happiness–it’s in the Constitution!”, and “Your right way and my right way are 2 different things!” If you had felt safe and strong as a child and had been able to say these things in your childhood without being shamed and punished, then your true self would have survived and you would not have had to push your feelings underground and develop a false self that was fearful and obedient. You can say it NOW and reclaim your strength that it didn’t feel safe for you to have. It is very healing to your wounded soul when you express the truth about yourself, either silently, out loud, or in a journal–express your true voice!
Just realizing you have an inner critic that stops you from enjoying your life and feeling good about yourself is the first step–writing out all the mixed messages swimming around your brain and getting them on paper in a journal will help you to realize that your inner critic has taken over. I no longer have to journal to realize when I am listening to my inner critic–I recognize the negative feeling right away, acknowledge it, and say to myself “that is ridiculous and that is not true about me!”
The real truth is I am a shining light of God’s love and I am perfect just the way I am! You are perfect just the way you are too! There is nothing wrong with you! You just have self-doubt– “doubt” just means questioning the truth–the truth is there but it takes courage to Believe It! Believe it because it is true–you are perfect exactly as you are NOW in this moment! And you deserve the LOVE, COMFORT, COMPASSION, and ENCOURAGEMENT that you never got during childhood. You can learn to give it to yourself!
For myself, any shame feeling I get in the morning goes away immediately as I shoo it away and replace it with love for myself and with my new core beliefs: “This shame is not mine and not true and I have nothing to be ashamed of!” Poof! Gone! I also say, “Wow, I must have done something amazing and authentically me yesterday, I am on the right path!” Then I can’t wait to get up and enjoy my day, my way! I love my life and I am grateful that I am free to enjoy it now.
I feel my true purpose is to help others who are struggling to love themselves because of these very complex, negative messages that were engrained in their brains since early childhood. It is not easy but growing new loving neural pathways in your brain is possible and I am living proof. I hope that by my example I can help those of you struggling, suffering, and occasionally falling into pits of despair to climb out and break free from the negative energy “soup” that can engulf the soul of an emotionally needy HSP. It takes time so please be patient with yourself if you fall backwards sometimes.
The key is to keep on feeling the feelings and comforting yourself through them–it is a grieving process. You will come out the other side–to truth, light, and a connection to the Universe that no one can ever take away from you–it is innate in you and as a HSP you are a loved and highly evolved soul with compassion and light for others as your greatest gift. You are going to be okay if you allow yourself to believe these things NOW–start today. I am here, I understand–I have been lost, and now I am found. NOW is the time to begin to love yourself without shame. You can do it! This blog post was written for YOU!
After a weekend visit with our grown son who lives in Chicago, I felt energized, so energized that I wrote a new poem–even though I am a pretty extreme introvert and we had a very extraversion-filled weekend. I was energized because of the quality of the relationship we have with our son and we all so enjoyed each others company and enjoyed being positive, building each other up, expressing our love and appreciation for each other, and having fun together. So when we returned I was standing in my kitchen and had to grab paper and a pen because I felt this poem just had to be expressed. I just let it flow out of me and when I was done I realized I was still “standing up” in my kitchen! (leaning against the counter 🙂 ) I am so glad I listened to that still small voice in my head that said to write this down. Here is the poem that flowed out of me that cold, winter, sunday evening after our trip:
NOW Is A Good Time
By Roxanne Smith
Feb. 18, 2013
NOW’s a good time to nurture yourself and your feelings
To release the past and all painful dealings.
The pain’s coming up NOW so you’ll see the truth
of how you weren’t seen and loved in your youth.
The child inside, he or she yearns to be free.
The pain is just blocking your feelings of glee.
Joy and great gladness are all waiting there.
Waiting until you feel the truth and despair.
What happened to you was awful and sick
The pain you repressed was unbearable and thick.
You were too small and dependent back then
but now you are safe so the wounds can open
and your soul wants to heal these wounds from within.
You cannot move higher until you tell the truth of your kin.
How they poked you and pulled you down each time you succeeded
’til you gave up and blamed yourself… but they weren’t what you needed.
You were a bright star with a higher energy.
They were jealous and threatened by your desire to be free.
So you hid your true self until a much safer time–
It’s safe NOW so your soul is crying out as a sign
to be kind to your inner child who is coming out—please allow!
Don’t beat yourself up for feeling bad NOW.
Because you’re rising up from patterns ingrained in your head.
New ways of being are in your soul, time to shed
all the old pain, it must be felt to be released.
It is gone forever once you see the danger has ceased.
The danger was real then, don’t ever forget it
but now you choose new friends who are not like your inner critic.
You are learning your true self is a compassionate soul
who is kind to others and that is your role.
So being kind to your self is the very first step.
All day everyday you must give yourself pep!
Don’t listen to your inner critic—it is wrong and so mean
like those who abused you and weren’t nice as they seem.
You deserved better and NOW you must give it to your soul.
The more you are kind, the more you’ll feel Whole!
Each layer of pain will dissolve as you express
all of your confusion and unhappiness.
How could this be… you thought: “I was bad and wrong”
but really blaming “YOU” was unfair all along.
You were a bright light never harming a flea–
so easy to control because you trusted completely.
I hope you can see that you can reframe your past.
Replace those mean moments with self-love that will last.
Accepting Love from Above will change your beliefs about your core.
Who you are YOU must love so your dreams can then soar!
You are gifted and brilliant, a gift to us all.
You are treasured by those others who also feel this call.
The call’s mixed with pain and feeling bad about your childhood.
When you change your beliefs you will see your soul’s all Good!
Then you can reconnect with your self and find creativity and fun.
You’ll learn to relax and recharge from the sun.
Learn to listen to your body instead of working too hard.
You’ll get lots more done when you “play” in your yard.
Allowing yourself to enjoy being you
will slow you down and allow the pain to come through.
After a good cry, each time you’ll feel better–
lighter and lighter ‘til you’re light as a feather.
And allowing yourself to have space that is yours—
new boundaries to protect yourself will help open doors.
You must learn to feel grounded and connected to the earth.
This will help you feel solid and put yourself first.
You deserve to be happy and that starts with self-care.
After you are grounded, then you will become aware
that lifting up others is your gift and your purpose
and there’s a billion others out there who are not just kind on the surface.
They are deep and compassionate—you are not alone.
We are healing together as we feel grace and atone.
We did our best with all that we have known.
NOW we know it’s okay to be angry, then let it go.
Don’t hold onto blame, but blame needs to be spoken.
Release it and move on—don’t yell at the broken.
You are higher than they are (those who brought you down).
You don’t need to punish—you can just leave town
to start a new life and create all that your dreams can arrange.
Move forward… not fixing those who don’t want to change.
Trust these new feelings that spark in your heart.
Healing is painful but that’s only part.
This feeling’s inside that you’re finally alive!
Keep going with following your passions inside.
Don’t compare yourself to others—you have a new gig!
Let desires be your guide and your success will be BIG.
If you do this and trust your intuition inside
your internal guidance will help you to thrive.
Sometimes you’ll get stuck so you’ll need to be kind
to yourself when you inner critic starts messing with you mind.
Drop down to your heart instead of your head.
If you need to cry about something that was said,
grieve for this loss, the wrong path where you were led.
It hurt you so much, childhood pain must be shed
so we can see, that NOW we’re safe and free
And we would have parented differently!
And that’s good you are different and unique and that’s great!
I hope you can see that it’s never too late.
We often must go backward to move forward to be free.
You can heal and find wholeness—take it from me!
I found here a community of souls who relate–
I share how I healed and how sensitivity is great!
By journaling out the pain, I had new eyes to see.
My true voice was found, then my true self was free!
I know it sounds simple but it took a long time.
Try to trust in your feelings, then all will be fine.
As I followed my pain I got signs from above:
“relax and enjoy” and best “You are loved!”
I know of your pain– I know just how you feel.
It happened to me and I learned how to heal
So NOW as you journey from wounded to whole
I hope that these words will comfort your soul.
Please share your feelings in a comment if this post resonates with you. Your comments also help others who are still struggling to find their voice. We can help uplift each other higher as a community of compassionate souls. Thank you for reading. Have a wonderful Spring–may the warmth of the Universe envelope you and comfort you NOW as you heal and grow to your true potential.
With love, light, and my deepest compassion,
Hello everyone. Whenever I write a new post, I “tune in” to you, my readers, and write from my heart. Sometimes I plan what I am going to write and other times I write something entirely different from what I had planned. At the beginning I used to worry, “how can I top that last post”, but now I just trust in the process and I know that what I write will turn out all right.
It is wonderful to feel such confidence. It is such a contrast to how I used to feel years ago before I gained access to the truth of who I am. It was “self-doubt”–a looming horrible anxious feeling of dread and guilt…or more often a feeling of numbness and compulsions to avoid feelings by keeping busy with tasks that I felt I “should” be doing. I had no access to my truth–I had hidden away my truth to protect myself from the unbearable pain that I experienced as a child.
Through my journaling I discovered a process that helped me to heal more than anything else I tried–it was writing out my pain from my inner child’s point of view. I knew from all of my reading and training in psychology that blocks happen in childhood–and I had been encouraged by two helpful counselors to continue to write out my feelings in order to uncover them (I had been writing poems about my feelings since the age of 14).
Writing from my inner child’s perspective just kind of naturally happened and I found it to be the most powerful healing tool in my own recovery. I discovered “her” voice by writing out “her” pain and then I had no choice but to feel compassion for what “she” went through and over time “she” became clearly “Me”! And as I began trusting in this process of trusting “her” view of what had happened to me I began trusting my self. My inner dialogue then gradually changed from critical to compassionate. I remember that I started feeling emotions that had previously been repressed and could then label them.
I was excited about this process. For example, I’d be at the grocery store and suddenly become aware of a feeling such as shame and say to myself , “this feeling is really familiar but I never knew until now that it is “shame”. Wow this is shame from my childhood coming up.” I realized I was feeling these feelings for the first time since I had hidden them away in childhood. Rather then get caught up in them I was able to observe them and acknowledge them and release them. I would often go right away and write in my journal about the origins of these painful feelings. Repressed memories would often come back to me during these times. It wasn’t always so simple–sometimes I would unconsciously drag my husband into a drama only to discover I was replaying a trauma from childhood so that I could finally voice my feelings of anger, grief, or fear to my envisioned N parent. My knowledge of what was happening luckily allowed me to be aware of the process of healing–I would quickly reassure my husband what was happening so that he could then support the release of my feelings as a supportive witness without feeling blamed in any way. Seeing me recover my feelings in such a way and feel relief helped my husband to understand this healing process as well and he began processing his childhood pain in a similar way (he had a Narcissistic parent too).
I am planning to put together a book in which I include the best of my healing writings directly from my journals that show this process of healing first hand from age 18 to the present. Although it will be very personal I am hoping that it will help others to heal and develop compassion for their inner child and what they went through if they are unable to write out their feelings in such a way that I was able–I consider it a gift that I was able to do this and I am grateful to have such a vivid memoir of my recovery. I believe this gift of writing I have been given is another way that I can help other highly sensitive souls to recover and to help them to feel relief from the inner prison of emotional abuse by a Narcissistic parent. Please let me know if you would be interested in reading such a book.
Recently I wrote the following poem when I “tuned in” to you, my readers and fellow highly sensitive survivors. I was planning to save it for my book but I have decided to share it with you now instead to show an example one of the kinds of writings that will be included. Here it is:
Poem of Hope and Healing for the Highly Sensitive Survivor
By Roxanne E. Smith
March 22, 2011
Pain so deep, I can’t see the light
I know it’s there but it’s not very bright
The sadness is thick, despair all around
I envision a child giving up with no sound
Pain so deep, I hide all my hope
Afraid to come out, I feel like a dope
Worthless and horrible, don’t ever try
The pain is unbearable, can’t even cry
I can’t feel the love, I need it so bad!
So much fear without it, it’s really so sad!’
I am feeling much better just admitting this truth
You have to have love when you’re in your youth!
Without love you can’t heal all the hurts that come by
When bad things do happen we need love when we cry
Someone has to hold us and give us new hope
If there’s no one for comfort than there’s no way to cope
No wonder I hid my talents away
When I would do well then I was their prey
The taunting, the teasing, “Who do you think you are?”
Shame became my deepest scar
But who was this child all hidden in shame
An innocent victim who will never be the same?
She thinks she is nothing but she is so wrong
The truth is she’s beautiful, wise, and so strong
Scoop up that child all broken and battered
Love her and hug her and tell her she matters
She’s awesome and wonderful, they were so wrong
Talented, creative , and smart all along
Sensitive soul you were so beaten down
But you figured it out and now you can leave town
You’re safe now and free–no more bullies outside
Shine your light, spread your wings, don’t believe all the lies
Be kind to yourself when the pain comes back ’round
Love yourself through it, your true self is found
You know the truth and now you can be free
Fear is from “them”–in the past, don’t you see?
Relax into the pain and it will dissipate
Because the pain is from lies and it’s never too late!
To believe in yourself and your talents and dreams
You are good at compassion and so many things
They did not want you to succeed with your gifts
So they made you give up and they threatened with fists
You were small so you gave up but now you are grown
You can heal all the pain and make it now on your own
You can do it!–the words you’ve long waited to hear
Say them to your self! And say NO to the fear!
Give them back all the bad feelings that they gave to you
Imagine this energy going outward from you
Then let in the light and the love from a place
Where angels don’t want you to live in disgrace
You know what love is because you give it so freely
To others who need it when they’re feeling needy
Give to your self all this love all the time!
You will find your true purpose and all will be fine
These lessons are so hard that we learn from our pain
But we discover our strengths again and again
So sensitive souls who survived from abuse
Your gifts are so needed to be put to good use
I know how you feel and I hope you feel better
Because we can overcome it if we do it together!
I hope that this poem has helped you to feel loved
You are!–and I send it to you from above!
I understand and I want to comfort your pain
I hope this is helpful. Love, Roxanne Elaine
Hi everyone. I believe there are many, many highly sensitive people (HSPs) out there that are gifted in so many areas but are suffering from self-doubt from their wounds from childhood and by being misunderstood in our society in general. I want to tell you about how I came to be able to write songs and share them with you in the hopes that this will be helpful or inspire you in some way. My being able to write songs is a story about overcoming self-doubt and finding and expressing my true self. It was my songs that helped me uncover the truth of who I really am and what happened to me in my childhood. The ability to write and sing these songs gave me a connection to something spiritual so that I learned to love myself and stop doubting the gifts and feelings that were within me. Writing these songs turned me into a believer–and I now know I am loved and supported by the universe and I became more spiritual and drawn to reading more about what that means.
I feel there is something in the words and melodies of most of my songs that came from something bigger than myself–I was just the channel. I want to inspire, encourage and empower others who are in emotional pain and afraid to show who they really are. I believe those highly sensitive souls are voices that are needed in our society and they are sensitive for a reason. They have a connection to something bigger than themselves that they do not realize and don’t dare show to others because they don’t want to be hurt anymore–so they are hiding. I understand this hiding.
The songs were an instrument in me telling my truth–and gaining the strength to stand up and assert my self and my true voice. These songs were instrumental in my gaining strength and energy and learning finally that there are people who we must avoid while we are healing and people of light and love that are safe to go towards. Being highly sensitive is a gift! And I am grateful and honored to be one of those people. I feel blessed in this gift I have been given and I now have the positive energy to give to and love others only by loving my self first. That is what these songs have done for me. Here is my story:
In 2004 I started writing songs. I had been writing poems in a journal since I was 14. At that time, I was told that things I wrote were crazy but I kept writing anyway because it made me feel better. At that time I trusted others more than I trusted myself and so when I was criticized, ignored, and shamed for my singing too it broke my heart and I gave up on my dream to sing. But I was compelled to sing and write anyway–in secret and in private. I dreamed of being a singer like Linda Rondstadt and sang in my bedroom to all of her albums. I started learning the guitar at 17. (A boyfriend bought it for me–not my parents.) I slowly started learning to play chords to my favorite songs. These were songs by Carole King, James Taylor, Carly Simon, and Linda Ronstadt. (Later on it was songs by Bonnie Raitt and Sheryl Crow). I sang in the choir in high school and college and got great praise but I didn’t believe it. My college voice teacher told me I had the best voice in the whole school of music. But my fear felt too big to overcome so I refused to do any solos–I had stagefright and by graduation I gave up on my dream.
But about once a month something in me would make me sing and play the guitar. I would sing and play my favorite songs for hours for only my self or sometimes for my husband and kids and then put it away for another month. They liked my singing–but I was sure that I wasn’t as good as I thought I was in my heart. I did that for many, many years. Meanwhile, I heard about a book called The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. I began writing 3 pages a day of free writing called Morning Pages to unblock creativity. (Ellen Degeneres has mentioned on her show that she also does this). Something started happening to me–I was finding out who I was and how I really felt about things. More good writing and poetry started coming out of me–I was feeling more confident in myself and happier.
My children were having big successes in singing at school. I had been careful not to push them in any direction but the ones of their own choosing. To my surprise they both were drawn to singing in their own way. My eldest became a soloist in high school and eventually a lead singer in a cover band in college. My 2nd child was successful in acting and sang beautifully in solos in musical theatre productions at school. They had no stagefright at all! I was so proud of them and proud of myself for raising children with no stagefright! I would often joke,” I can die now”, but it made me realize how important singing was to me but I was still paralyzed in fear that my voice was not good enough for others to hear. I knew this was irrational and started singing more often but there was still so much doubt in my mind. It was exhausting to try and easier to just not try to sing for others. I sang more often but still just kept it to myself.
When my eldest child went off to college and my husband started traveling more throughout the week I had more time to myself to recharge and suddenly one day I was inspired to put music to the poem I was writing in my journal. I remember a melody came to me and it seemed as a gift from above to go with these words I was writing. Not until after I was done writing it (long hand), with this melody in my head, did I pick up the guitar to try to play it and miraculously it fit perfectly with the few chords I knew well. I recorded it on a tape recorder and, during a rare and brave moment, I dared to show it to my other child’s voice teacher who really liked it and said “you are a folk singer/songwriter” and also that he was jealous because he had a masters in music and couldn’t write any songs. This first song was entitled I’ll Believe and it felt like this song may have been a gift from above and that I had just been open to receive it and put it all together. After that, songs just started pouring out of me and I always put the date on every song I write because it is important to me to acknowledge when it was given to me.
Not only that, each song was prompted by an emotional state and a painful learning experience. Sometimes I would feel a lot of shame after the song was complete because I dared to pour out my truth. I soon realized that my best songs were the ones I felt the most shame about initially. I knew this shame was not the truth. Then I would make myself listen to a tape of my recorded songs when I wasn’t feeling good about them or myself. Every time I listened, I was surprised that I had written these songs and they changed my mood from feeling lost and numb to finding myself and finding my joy in life again for that day. It was a very healing experience as I saw myself getting more and more confident in expressing my “voice” in more ways than one. I realized that because of the internalized shame from my childhood, I was beating myself up all the time and it was up to me to start believing in myself and to stop believing the inner critic inside my head. It wasn’t true. I was actually good. How many other things I believed about myself also were not really true? I was finding my voice as a person as well and speaking up for myself and standing up for myself in all areas of my life.
So it is the lyrics and the music that I feel helped me to find myself and I hope that they will be a source of hope and healing to you as well. Right now, I have written about 40 songs. 20 of them that I am releasing the lyrics to you I call my “Songs of Hope and Healing”. And that is the inspiration for the name of this website. Please let me know either by comment or by email if there are lyrics that speak to you.
15 to 20 % of us are Highly Sensitive People (HSPs). We are a valuable and essential resource to our planet! Overcoming self-doubt and finding our voice IS our true purpose in life. Find the courage to trust that those gifts you were given are meant to be expressed and will be helpful to others by inspiring them to find their gifts as well. The desires deep in your heart are the path to finding your true purpose in life. You can overcome your self-doubt! You are sensitive for a reason!
Thank you to my readers. I have been getting emails and it’s great to know that I am reaching you and that what I am doing is helping.
With love, Roxanne