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Tag Archives: healing

Sensitive Soul With a Narcissistic Parent? Here’s Hope To Cheer Up That Dread In the Morning Feeling!

Hello Everyone. If you feel like me this morning, you need some cheering up.  So I’m here to tell you that you are so much more than you feel.  Underneath the unworthy feeling and dread of being here on the planet is a soul with an inner child who is actually so full of life and joy.

Maybe you‚Äôve gotten glimpses of your true amazing self recently and started actualizing some of your dreams but now the unworthiness is back and you feel lost.¬† Know that you are healing. “Big Time Inner Healing” is going on on the planet right now.¬† No you have not stepped backwards.¬† If you had a narcissistic parent or a mother who was too steeped in her own pain to give you what you needed, how is that pain ever going to heal if it is always pushed down and ignored?

So it is bubbling up to the surface to say hello and for you to love yourself through it.¬† You might be saying, I can‚Äôt get anything done this week‚ÄĒI am feeling like such a failure.¬† Look at it from a different perspective. Maybe reality is like this:¬† You had a great productive run there for a while and now is the perfect time for you to take some self-care time for yourself and look at some old wounds that keep popping up and holding you back. Whatever you are feeling you have good reasons for feeling it!

As a child you may have been neglected, shamed, humiliated, abandoned, betrayed, ganged up on by siblings, or ________ fill in the blank. You did a good job surviving the best that you could. You developed a deep unworthiness and a feeling that you‚Äôre not good enough as a tiny child when in fact you were great at most things.¬† You were deeply disappointed that you were not ‚Äúseen‚ÄĚ and it made no sense.¬† But now you know.¬†

You know how gifted you are and were‚ÄĒthis is old stuff we are rehashing here‚ÄĒbut here is the BIG THING that is happening right now.¬† You are having trouble actualizing your true self and stepping up into your true voice because the old wounds haven‚Äôt completely healed and they are coming up now so you can heal it. Yes, you can heal it!¬†

I am experiencing this too so let’s do this together.  There are inner child healing visualization exercises that are so powerful that they will shift us into our true selves and at the same time comfort and release a deep wound from childhood that has been frozen and stuck because we have had no patience with it. 

How often have you beaten yourself up for feeling a certain way and numbed yourself out with tasks or work to avoid allowing yourself to feel that way‚ÄĒthis is the way that most Americans cope‚ÄĒthey grit it out and go to their 9 to 5 jobs and are too busy to feel but they feel good that they got paid and worked and that is their reinforcement to continue to numb out their feelings.¬†

Then there are those of us creative intuitive feeling types that so struggle with fitting into this expectation‚ÄĒwe try and try but the darn feelings keep coming up and getting in the way of us making a good living like other people do. But in actuality, we are the more skilled at attracting abundance then those who are nose to the grindstone‚ÄĒwe just fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others who seem to be successful with a steady paycheck.

I am reading the book Creating Money by Sanaya Roman and Duane Packer and it is so good for Empaths, Sensitives, and Creative Artists who are struggling to step into their purpose and fly with their whole heart.  It says to get used to an ebb and flow when you are in a creative business that relies on your trusting your innate gifts of intuition and creativity to make a living. 

There will be times when you are humming along (flow) and then things will slow down and you have some time to look inward and grow some more (ebb).  This is not the way most of society thinks of as the way to success! You may be shamed by people who are making a living without access to their feelings and purpose.  Don’t listen to them.  You are the wiser soul with all the answers inside.  You’ve got this. We can do it together. 

I feel very excited about being a cheerleader for sensitive souls who are overcoming the deepest scars from a childhood lacking any sort of strong foundation to launch from. I can help put the pieces together so you can see that your sensitive soul already had a strong foundation of love and experience to launch from and you chose a really difficult childhood because you are strong enough to break through to be YOU. 

I’m confident that underneath the layers and messages of unworthiness that you absorbed as a tiny child is a gifted creative soul who is a shining light of goodness and compassion here to help the planet with that very compassion that has been used against you. 

It’s so hard to be excited about the day ahead when you wake up with dread and bad feelings about yourself. I have found if this happens to me I can stay stuck in that place if I don’t MAKE myself take some kind of action to access my truth.  For me it is writing in a journal.  I just start writing about how bad I am feeling and I immediately have compassion for myself and realize I am being too hard on myself. 

This is part of my gift and purpose, writing hopeful things (blog posts, songs, poems) to help uplift others similar to myself in a similar plight. I feel so much better writing all this then I did when I woke up this morning.  It has taken me 3 days of feeling down and being guided to rest and take a break (ebb) to finally feel rested enough to just start writing about my frustration in the hopes that it will help others. 

This is the voice of my true self and it feels so good to have broken through (flow) that stuck feeling of unworthiness that my inner child was stuck in.  When you have a narcissistic mother, you must learn self-compassion for the feelings that arise to be healed and take time out to write or do visualization exercises:

Okay here is a powerful exercise for healing the inner child that I mentioned earlier:

Picture yourself as a small child of any age you choose with the feelings that have you feeling down on yourself.

Picture yourself as your now adult self walking along and coming upon your tiny child self who has been abandoned and yelled at and shamed and abused. You are shocked at the beauty of this child, how could anyone ever not see the giftedness of this child that you see? You come to the rescue! 

You see the compassion, sensitivity,¬† creativity, curiosity, hopefulness, sense of humor, artistic ability, introspective genius, complex thinking, deep feeling capacity, ability to find joy and fun in the smallest of nature‚Äôs splendor, and on and on.¬† You are perplexed at how a child so magnificent could be cast aside and blamed for crying too much or any other small attempt to be loved.¬† Oh the injustice of it all‚ÄĒit makes no sense because yeah it is pretty crazy.¬† It‚Äôs not right.¬† And the adult you can do something about it immediately.¬† You go over to the child and you rescue them into your arms of the truth and the unconditional love that you know they deserve.¬† You pick them up with a knowing of who they are and all that they came here to be. You hold them tightly in your arms with their head on your shoulder and you tell them, ‚ÄúEverything is going to be alright now. I am here and I see what happened to you and it was wrong.¬† You deserved so much more and I‚Äôm going to hold you and comfort you and take care of you until you feel better.¬† I‚Äôll be gentle with you and let you cry when you need to so you can learn to trust your feelings again. I‚Äôll be here for you for as long as it takes. I promise because I see the gifts inside of you that are going to blossom with tender loving care.¬† And I‚Äôm going to teach you to be kind to yourself and that it‚Äôs okay to make mistakes and that is how we learn. I‚Äôm going to teach you to be whole and strong and stand on your own 2 feet because you know how to forgive yourself and be kind and caring to yourself and that you are good enough every minute that you are alive. When you are ill, you need rest and when you are sad you need freedom to grieve. I will take care of you forever.”

So you hold the inner child you and you feel them feeling better and healing those deep layers of unworthiness and not being held and comforted and their needs for autonomy not being met. 

You do this every time you are feeling bad about yourself‚ÄĒ-do it every morning if you wake up feeling bad about yourself. Write about this process every time in a journal if it helps solidify the healing you experience.¬† You may want to write it from the child‚Äôs perspective. You may need to write out the grief of the loss of a childhood of not being able to have fun and relax due to these deeply engrained fears of not getting your basic needs met.

I’m reminded of many books that helped support me when I started doing my deepest inner grief work back in 2003 and then I started writing my songs of hope and healing in 2004. (See my recommended books page) And here I am here in 2019 clearing out the last remnants of these deep feelings of unworthiness to speak my voice that came up this morning and prompted me to write this to help others feeling these feelings. 

It just shows to depth of the damage that having a narcissistic parent can do to your sensitive soul. Oh it is so hard to break out of the vicious cycle of self-contempt!  But you can do this!  You are so special and gifted and full of light.  Keep coming back here to my blog if you need more encouragement because I plan to keep it up.

I see you and I am so proud of how you are healing.  I understand the depth of pain that that blanket of unworthiness can cause each morning. I wish you the strength to break through to the truth of the glory of who you really are. I’ll be back again soon to cheer you up again.  (See my channeled angel messages page too for more encouraging and comforting words from the angelic realms)

You’ve got this!  Sending infinite Hugs and Love and Light to your wounded inner child and to YOU,

Roxanne ūüėáūüíĖ‚ú®

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Part 2–More Helpful Tips for HSPs With A Narcissistic Parent

Hi everyone.  I am a life coach for highly sensitive people with childhood wounds and I specialize in inner child healing.  Today I am releasing Part 2 of my More Helpful Tips post for those of you Highly Sensitive Souls trying to figure out how to thrive when you have a narcissistic parent.  It may help for you to review tips 1 through 6 in my last post. To summarize, they were about: your gift of intuition; the childhood traumas you repressed to survive; anxiety, self-doubt, co-dependence and PTSD; there is hope; inner child healing can help; and no contact with your Narcissistic parent may be vital to the healing process. So here are tips 7. through 12.:

7.  Know that the GUILT is relieved by acknowledging the anger and hatred you felt as a child that you were forced to repress.

The guilt of setting boundaries in your relationship with your Narcissistic (N)¬†parent will be strong! ¬†Ignore it! It is guilt induced from elsewhere that you internalized since you were a tiny child.¬† That has affected your freedom as a gifted child to become your own wonderful self! ¬†It may feel as if they took that from you and gave you guilt, shame, and fear in it’s place.¬† So what do you do with the guilt you feel when stepping out on your own to become the person with freedom to do whatever you want with your life? ¬†HSPs tend to feel guilt for feeling anger–allow yourself to feel angry about it!¬† Righteous anger is a healthy emotion that you were not “allowed” to express to them–but it is important that you release this anger in harmless ways (not to the parent who abused you)¬†.¬† Acknowledge it, tell a safe person, or write it out in a journal (for your eyes only) in¬†detail the anger you feel for all that you lost.¬†¬†Because this rage inside that comes out sometimes in your life at the wrong people has an origin that needs to be acknowledged and let go of.¬† You have a right to acknowledge this repressed anger for the traumas that happened to you as a child–it was too painful for a child to survive this kind of excruciating, unbearable emotional¬†pain of hating your parents when you needed them so desperately.¬† So the trauma is repressed and the truth of what happened to you needs to be released so that you can finally be free.¬†Punching a mattress with your fist and/or screaming into several pillows for as long as you need to is helpful to release the rage you have kept inside all these years.¬† It helps to have a supportive and safe person present to validate your feelings as you release them. Do not hold onto this intense anger–release it and imagine this energy going away from you forever. ¬†(Forgiveness is important but not until all the layers of repressed anger are worked through and this takes time and patience with yourself–do not attempt to forgive too soon or you may get stuck in a guilt about not being able to forgive cycle.)

8. Know that grieving the loss of your childhood is part of the healing process.

Often after the release of anger¬†you will begin to feel all the hurt and pain of not being truly loved as you deserved.¬†Letting this out and releasing this is so important as well in the healing process of your wounded soul.¬†It helps so much to talk to another empathic human to feel fully validated and comforted through this grieving process–but if there is no one possible then you can write this pain out and you may even surprise yourself by the poetry that pours out of you.¬† (No rules when you write–just let it pour out).¬† These words of your soul will always surprise you– you will discover a richness and deep inner life inside of you that you never knew existed.¬† Because it was hiding in fear all this time–a very real fear–fear of your parent’s judgemental rejection and abandonment of your budding wise self.

9.  Know that it is okay for you to be FREE of them and put yourself first so you can heal.

It is a free country!¬† You are a free person¬†to do as you wish.¬† And noone knows the pain that a narcissistic parent can do to the soul of a highly sensitive child except those who have experienced it.¬† So stop waiting for approval from the rest of society. ¬†You may need to stop all contact with the harmful, negative, malignant narcissistic¬†parent in your life forever and always if that is how long it takes for you to feel safe and have inner peace. You do not even need to attend their funeral if that is something that worries you.¬†It is okay to protect yourself from all the negative energy and judgements of others at family gatherings if you¬†are feeling this will happen.¬†(This all depends upon your own personal spiritual beliefs–I personally now believe our souls live for eternity and those who truly love and support you will be there in heaven and¬†watch over you in spirit–they will understand your reasons for staying away. ¬†I believe you don’t need to go to a funeral to say goodbye or to appease family members who don’t support you either. This is something that must feel right to you and your own personal spiritual beliefs)¬† And to support you further, I just happened to hear on the radio today, a Christian counselor reminding someone that¬† “Honor thy father and mother” DOES NOT APPLY when they are emotionally abusive and use fear to control you.¬†¬†Fear is the opposite of love! ¬†It is a deal breaker and they are no longer honorable parents. ¬†God wants for you to protect yourself and go towards love in your life¬†and away from those who induce fear. I agree with this.¬† Loving parents want you to feel safe and loved–N parents do not care if you feel safe and loved, they want you to obey or else!¬† Please get yourself safe and free.

10.¬†Know that Narcissistic people are known as “Crazymakers” for a good reason.

If you have malignant narcissistic parents, they are not going to change and they are not going to stop trying to make you wrong.¬† You are not wrong for putting your life and your dreams first for a change.¬† This is your time!¬† This is your life!¬† This is your time for healing and dreaming and learning to love yourself as God has always wanted for you.¬† Malignant Narcissism is mental illness.¬† It’s a severe problem and insidious in nature because they appear to fit in with other people and have friends and thrive and look fine on the outside.¬†They may even be religious and say they are devoted to God but it is not true!¬† It is just words! ¬†They may even appear to change and will be on their good behavior around your children but don’t believe it.¬† They may even turn your kids against you in an instant if they are able.¬† ¬†There’s a hidden self-hatred there underneath in a narcissist¬†and a desire to control others with no remorse and no desire to change as a disconnected self-protection from emotional pain–a complete separation from their soul’s true essence.¬† That’s enough knowledge for you to know you need to get you and your children safe with safe boundaries in place.

11.  Know that highly sensitive people absorb the negative energy of others. Time alone and the beauty of nature can help recharge your positive  energy.

Malignant narcissists are like energy vampires sucking the good energy out of you and replacing it with all their unconscious negative feelings about themselves.¬† You feed them, so to speak, and they take it and feel better about themselves. And they constantly want more, not seeing or caring how it is hurting you.¬† Only you can stop feeding their endless need for your supply of positive energy.¬†This is what it means to develop healthy boundaries.¬† It is your very essence, your¬†“gift” that they are taking–your ability to give light and love to others.¬† You must protect this gift.¬†It is meant for those who are also of light and love so that we can build each other up and help each other so that all of our dreams can come true and we can improve life on our planet.¬† These dreams and desires that you have deep inside are the innervoice that connects you to God and the light that feeds all of us (HSPs).¬† It is the LOVE that you never got from your N parents that you begin to feel has been inside of you all along.¬† As you begin to connect with your real¬†feelings and your vitality you connect with God and the love and bliss that was there innately in our true selves.¬†¬†Love exists and you can give it to yourselves when you realize you were loved all along and were born with this love to give to others who¬†don’t exploit you.

12.  Know that you can rescue yourself!  Noone can do it for you.

Take the first steps and start on a path of healing today! ¬†Be strong and stay away from your malignant narcissistic parent while you heal and anyone who judges you for doing so.¬† You don’t need to explain¬†it to anyone.¬† Most highly sensitive people will understand without explanation.¬† They are out there–don’t give up!¬†I am proud to be a highly sensitive person and now as a life coach of inner child healing I shine my light brightly to help other sensitive souls out of the dark.¬† You have a light inside of you that has just been hiding in fear.¬† Everything is going to be all right now as the truth of who you are comes to light.¬†Please take extremely good care of yourself so your highly sensitive soul can shine and inspire others. I hope these tips have been helpful to you.

With Love and Light,

Roxanne

The Misjudgment of Introverts and the True Meaning of Introversion

Hi everyone.¬† The Fourth of July is coming soon!¬† I hope you are able to enjoy Independence Day with the knowledge that you are a special highly sensitive person (HSP)¬†and you deserve independence and freedom to be you. ūüėÄ ¬†Because this is typically a family holiday, it can bring up and trigger memories and childhood wounds of loneliness and pain–large get-togethers¬†with people and possibly not one of them really understanding you because you were an HSP.¬† And in most cases you were probably an “introvert”–70% of HSPs are!¬† The word introvert is highly misunderstood and it is important to me that I set the record straight on the true meaning of the word and how it’s perception and judgement can be damaging to those of us who are born-introverts.

When you hear the word introvert or introverted you probably have heard the wrong meaning with such comments as:¬† ¬†“He became introverted because of his fear of his abusive father”;¬†or “I used to be an introvert but then I got some confidence and came out of my shell”.¬† These examples of the word are used very¬†often in the media¬†but these usages are incorrect!¬† The correct word in these examples¬†should be the word “insecure” instead.¬† The real meaning of introvert is not insecure or turned inward out of fear as most people have been taught to believe.

The book Please Understand Me by David Keirsey and Marilyn Bates explains about each of the temperament types in a wonderful and positive way and explains the true meaning of being an introvert. When I was 23, I was told about this book by my counselor at the time who had her PhD  in Clinical Counseling Psychology and, when I read it, it changed my life in a major way due to its wonderful explanation.  Since then I have known I am an introvert like her and am very proud to proclaim it!

The book explains it so well:¬† In¬†1920 Jung invented the psychological types and believed that people are different in fundamental¬†ways.¬† In 1950¬†the idea of temperament types was revived when Isabel¬†Myers and her mother Kathryn Briggs devised the Myers-Briggs type indicator–a tool for indicating 16 different patterns of action.¬†Keirsey¬†and Bates later came up with a book with a similar temperament sorter and a¬†self-test to take.¬†¬†Here is Keirsey and Bates’ definition of¬†an introvert, word for word, from their book:

“…the introvert is territorial.¬† That is, he desires space.¬† Introverts seem to draw their energies from a different source than do extroverts.¬† Pursuing solitary activities, working quietly alone, reading, meditating, participating in activities which involve few or no other people–these seem to charge the batteries of the introvert.¬† Thus, if an extreme introvert goes to a party, after a “reasonable” period of time–say half an hour–he is ready to go home.¬† For him, the party is over.¬† He is not a¬†party pooper; rather, he was pooped by the party.”

“Introverts, too, are likely to experience a sense of loneliness–when they are in a crowd!¬† They are most “alone” when surrounded by people, especially strangers.¬† When waiting in a crowded airport or trying to enjoy themselves at noisy cocktail parties, some introverts report experiencing a deep sense of isolation and disconnectedness.¬† This is not to say that introverts do not like to be around people.¬† Introverts enjoy interacting with others, but it drains their energy in a way not experienced by extroverts.¬† Introverts need to find quiet places and solitary activities to recharge, while these activities exhaust the extrovert.¬† If the latter goes to a library to do research, for example, he may have to exercise strong will power to prevent himself, after fifteen minutes or so, from taking a “short brain break” and striking up a conversation with the librarian.”

“It is quite the opposite with an introvert, who can remain only so long in interaction with people before he depletes his reserves.”

“The question always arises, “Does not an extrovert also have an introverted side and does not an introvert also have an extraverted side?¬† Yes, of course,¬† but the preferred attitude, whether it be extraversion or introversion, will have the most potency and the other will by the “suppressed minority”.¬† The preferred attitude will be expressed in the conscious personality.¬† The suppressed minority is only partly in consciousness and reflects “what happens to one.”¬† This less-favored side of a person’s temperament is less differentiated and is less energized, and is apt to be more primitive and undeveloped.¬† Jung even claims that if, through pressure on the part of the mother, the child is coerced into living out of his inferior side, this falsification of type results in the individual’s becoming disturbed in later life.”

“If a person prefers extraversion, his choice coincides with about 75 percent of the general population (Bradway, 1964).¬† Only 25 percent reported introversion as their preference, according to Myers (Bradway, 1964).¬† Indeed, Western culture seems to sanction the outgoing, sociable, and gregarious temperament.¬† The¬†notion of anyone wanting or needing much solitude is viewed rather often as reflecting an unfriendly attitude.¬† Solitary activities frequently are seen as ways to structure time until something better comes along, and this something better by definition involves interacting with people.¬† As a consequence, introverts are often the ugly duckling in a society where the majority enjoy sociability.¬† There is the story about a mother heard to protest loudly and defensively, “My daughter is not¬† an introvert.¬† She is a lovely girl!””

“Introverts have reported that they have gone through much of their lives believing that they ought to want more sociability, and because they do not, are indeed ugly ducklings who can never be swans.¬† As a result, the introvert seldom provides adequately for his very legitimate desire for territoriality, for breathing room, without experiencing a vague feeling of guilt.”

“Cue Words:¬† The main word which differentiates an extrovert from an introvert is sociability as opposed to territoriality, but the extrovert also finds breadth appealing where the introvert finds the notion of depth more attractive.¬† Other notions which give a cue to this preference are the idea of external as opposed in internal; the extensive as opposed to the intensive; interaction as opposed to concentration; multiplicity of relationships as opposed to limited relationships; expenditure of energy as opposed to conservation of energy; interest in external happenings as opposed to interest in internal reactions.”

Reading this for the first time really validated who I was on a deep level and¬†changed me for the better!¬† I was so excited!¬† Finally I had an explanation for who I was and I¬†felt relieved of the shame and the sense of being flawed and not good enough!¬† I hope this information does the same for you.¬†You may want to go out and buy the book and read the whole thing as I did–I highly recommend it as a handbook for your life and helpful in understanding yourself and in understanding all the other temperament types as well.

Fellow introverts, it is my own belief that introversion is innate in us and that we cannot change it.  I believe that it is helpful to explain it to others by using the word introspective or inner-directed.  It is an innate gift of introspection and inner-directedness that connects you to experience everything on a deeper level.  Extroverts who do not understand this might have you believe that you are LESS THAN because you are different and thoughtful before you speak.  Shyness, however, is more prone to the insecure extrovert and NOT to the introvert who can be happy alone and without fear because the confidence comes from within and not needing validation from others but only from the self.  This inner-connectedness can feel spiritual and healing to us when we learn to recharge by allowing ourselves to feel connected to God and nature and the magic of the universe.

If you are an introvert, I hope that this information¬†has been helpful to you.¬† Introverts can experience painful rejection and judgement from 75% of the population who through no fault of their own have been incorrectly taught about the meaning of the word or taught to judge others who act more introspectively.¬† I don’t know very many extroverts¬†who really understand¬†introverts.¬†Years ago, ¬†I showed the above quotes to an extraverted friend with her Masters in Social Work, after I explained and showed her the book, kept saying to me, “are you sure you are an introvert?¬† You don’t seem like an introvert?”¬†And a¬†sensitive yet extraverted¬†professor of psychology in college made me feel just awful about myself repeatedly for not being more outgoing and more like “him”.¬† ‘But there are¬†extroverts who do¬†get it and appreciate introverts and all others for all their differentness¬†and uniqueness so please don’t judge extroverts now that I’ve explained how wonderful introverts are!¬† Nevertheless we are outnumbered by 75%!¬† We introverts must learn to love and appreciate ourselves exactly the way we are and start standing up for ourselves and educating the world on the true meaning of introversion.¬†I love being an introvert!¬† It is a very big part of who I am and I am very proud of it and wouldn’t have it any other way!

Elaine Aron reports on the home page of her website that 30% of all HSPs are extroverts so to you extroverted HSPs who get comfort and encouragement from my site, I apologize for leaving you out of this weeks post. Please know that my intention is to educate everyone that not one type is better than any other and the whole point is for us all to see the specialness in each other as unique souls with unique talents and gifts that we bring to share with the world.  Thanks to all for reading!

With Love,

Roxanne

The Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) and Allergies, Food Intolerances, and Stress-related Illness

Hi everyone.¬† I hope you are enjoying the summer!¬† I am.¬† I am thoroughly enjoying the warmth that is finally here.¬† I am not going to complain about the heat and humidity here in the midwestern United States.¬†That’s right, I am located in the midwest and as I get older I had been longing to move south… but no longer!¬† I realize that although it is colder than I like for 5 months out of the year (November through March) it is pretty wonderful the rest of the time. It isn’t until mid January that the weather gets kind of unbearable for me.¬† Last year a trip for 1 week to the Florida Keys in mid February did the trick! ¬†One week out of the year made the entire rest of the year look so much better. Going somewhere warm in February every year is now officially a must!

Now that I am a happier person and able to be in the moment and appreciate being alive on the planet, I am able to see the beauty in my¬†life as it is. ¬†Have you ever had a person visit you and point out all the negatives in your life? The way you decorate, the paint colors you chose, saying “why did I do it that way”? It can be eye opening if you were used to this point of view and then suddenly realize you had been seeing things through their eyes. ¬†It occurred to me and I suddenly realized that all of those things weren’t true. Another example is I have a beautiful backyard with a pond and trees and privacy. ¬†I used to have allergies so I couldn’t enjoy being outdoors so I didn’t appreciate it (remembering now it was the reason we bought this lot in the first place.) ¬†This person, when they visited, ¬†ignored my backyard so I didn’t feel like it was special.¬† But it is actually very special and it recharges me on a daily basis!¬† I am so happy that I am able to see things with a whole new perspective now and I can let go of the negative judgements of others.

How did I get rid of my allergies you might be wondering?¬† I was treated by a holistic doctor who specializes in energy medicine and in a technique called Nambrudipad’s¬†Allergy Elimination Treatment (NAET).¬† It is very New Agey and it is¬†hard to¬†describe it to you, but it WORKS¬†and my husband and daughter were also treated.¬† (Google it for more info.–it works similarly to accupressure¬†and has to do with energy blockages in the body). ¬†We all used to take claritin¬†and sudafed¬†year round and now we don’t take anything at all and can enjoy the outdoors.¬† My husband used to be lactose intolerant and now can eat dairy with no problems.¬†It is really amazing.¬†¬†I heard about this doctor from the wonderful folks at my local health food store.¬† I highly recommend a trip to your local health food store for a wealth of valuable and helpful information if you are having health problems–my life is completely changed because of support from these people (I have found it is often fellow HSPs who work there).¬† I didn’t even realize how much my health had improved until I was talking to my NEW chiropractor, who uses a gentler and massage-type method of¬† alignment rather than “jerking” my spine back into shape. ¬†Anyway, when I was talking to her I realized that I “used” to have so many health problems and they have almost all gradually been or are being¬†resolved.

Here is a list of the health problems: ¬†Spinal misalignment due to stress¬†(my neck was locked up for 15 years which seriously affected my immune system and my ability to sing–all of which I was completely unaware of because¬†¬†there was no pain just poor posture), Chronic Fatigue, Ovarian Cysts, Chronic systemic¬†Candidiasis, Symptoms of low thyroid (I felt cold all the time),¬†Severe PMS with low back pain and severe fatigue for 2 days at every Ovulation, Fibrocystic Breast Disease, ¬†Multiple Food Allergies with intestinal symptoms, occasional Migraine headaches, and¬†Seasonal Allergies to early tree pollen that left me so fatigued in early spring that I was¬†taking 3 hour naps daily!¬† All of these things were like a vicious cycle because you just can’t get done what you need to get done and so you are constantly beating yourself up mentally saying to yourself, ¬†“What’s WRONG with me?”

What was wrong with me?¬† Nothing!¬† I am a highly sensitive person and¬†so I must treat myself more gently!…Not change myself to be more tough but to change my expectations of myself to meet the special circumstances of my being.¬† I am sensitive for a reason!¬†Don’t compare yourself to everyone around you!

A “specific carbohydrate” diet was the first step to wellness for me and this is how I found it:¬†¬†Back before I was the least bit spiritual, I can remember¬†throwing a coin in a wishing well at the mall and asking sincerely for the answers to my health problems that had crept up on me slowly and were now dragging me down–I felt like I was constantly swimming upstream and getting nowhere.¬† Within a week my wish (or prayer) was answered and I was drawn to buy a local magazine¬† that I never ever read.¬† Inside was an article on the exact symptoms I was having:¬† fatigue, intestinal problems, and bloating.¬† The¬†diagnosis was Gluten Intolerance and the cure was to remove gluten from¬†my diet–grain in the form of wheat, oats, barley, and rye!¬† I was very excited to figure this out!¬† Where most people would have been devastated to give up pizza, bread, and at that point what seemed like everything good, I was ecstatic to have found what I hoped was the answer to why I¬†¬†was sick all the time!¬† I was so sick of being sick!¬† I also felt my prayers had been answered and so was feeling very loved and blessed by…could this be that God¬†really existed and cared about me after all?¬† Yes, I believe it was so…because I’ll never forget that first day of removing gluten from my diet on September 25, 1995–I did not need to take a long nap as usual and felt like a new person with a new-found¬†energy and a relief from the fatigue!¬† Hallelujah!

I had known since 1992 that I had multiple food allergies¬†(eggs, rice, milk and dairy, sugar, and yeast)¬† but with guidance from my friendly folks at the health food store, I found out that the gluten causes¬†the initial damage that causes all the other food sensitivities.¬† The book Breaking The Vicious Cycle by Elaine Gottschall was a godsend as well because it provided a “specific carbohydrate”¬†diet that heals and repairs your digestive tract so that after a period of time you heal your other food sensitivities so the only thing you need to eliminate from your diet is gluten.¬†(¬†I can provide more information on how this diet works at your request.¬† Please just ask.)

Gluten Intolerance is now much more widely diagnosed and talked about than it was in 1995 with many more prepared food choices available and whole Gluten Free sections available at grocery stores now. (Elisabeth Hasselbeck on The View has it, talks about it and even wrote a book about it).  Gluten Intolerance has completely different effects on different people and has a range  of  severity.  Most severe is the genetic Celiac Disease  (or sometimes called Celiac Sprue ) where even a spec of gluten can cause an immune system reaction of extreme fatigue, diarrhea and blood in the stools,  and a stomach ache until the digestive tract heals again. This happens because of genetic inability to digest the protein called gluten and the body reacts to the offending grain as if is a poison.  Occasional cheating is forbidden because you may be producing scar tissue that will make the digestive tract unable to heal even the other food allergies and you may be left irreparably  unable to digest many foods at all and with a condition called malabsorption which can lead to extreme weight loss and even death.  So this condition should not be taken lightly.

But most people probably have a milder form of gluten intolerance that develops as we age and encounter stress in life like parenting small children and balancing work and home.¬† Studies show that 40% of women over 40 may be sensitive to gluten and not know it. ¬†I believe that, if you are a highly sensitive person¬†and over 40, you should definitely try avoiding gluten if you are having intestinal irregularities such as alternating constipation and diarrhea¬†and/or unexplained fatigue and bloating.¬† The improvement to the quality of your life could be phenomenal.¬† And if you are like me,¬† feeling good again is worth the sacrifice… after all it is just food! ¬†Food is supposed to be fuel for the body–why put something in your engine that¬†makes it run so poorly! ¬†It takes 2 weeks on the Elaine Gotschall “specific carbohydrate” diet (meats,¬†¬†¬†fruits,¬†vegetables, nuts, and some cheeses–no limit on quantity) to get the carb cravings out of your system and then you are home free and no longer even want any carbs or sugar.¬† You feel so healthy and fruits and vegetables taste so much better like your taste buds come alive.¬†Finally you can concentrate and get things done!¬† ¬†And I lost 25 pounds being on the diet for 4 months.

For 11 years my daughter and I ate completely gluten-free¬†(but not carb-free)¬†and¬†I never knew if I was Celiac or not but had to¬†avoid every spec of gluten because I would get symptoms if I accidentally ate some–I did think that both of us were Celiac.¬† One and 1/2 years ago though when I was first¬†treated by my new holistic doctor¬†with the NAET¬†Technique, he treated us both for gluten “allergy”.¬† I was skeptical from what I had read online and my doctor admittedly said he knew very little about Celiac Disease.¬† Online I had read that NAET¬†cannot treat Celiac Disease and is for people who have a gluten allergy only.¬† I was very nervous about my daughter eating gluten again since she had stopped eating all gluten in 1997 at age 7 with a complete recovery from ill-health¬†and fatigue and intestinal symptoms (although different from my symptoms).¬† I insisted on a blood test be done¬†for her¬†to rule out Celiac Disease, and sure enough she tested negative for it and since then has been eating gluten with no trouble ever since.¬† I have heard that there can be a remission of sorts for Celiac in the teenage years and that she can temporarily be without symptoms only for them to return later in life when stress enters her life.¬† She is 20 and is also a highly sensitive person and is on the lookout for symptoms recurring but so far she is fine.¬† I on the other hand waited a year after NAET to even try gluten again and the few times I tried, each time, I felt a stress on my immune system and ended up getting an upper respiratory¬†virus.¬† However, I was in the throws of Adrenal Fatigue at the time so once I completely heal from my Adrenal Fatigue, which I am determined to do, after a blood test¬†I am going to try eating gluten occasionally now and then.¬† But for now I avoid it except in small hidden quantities and I feel great.

My Adrenal Fatigue condition has greatly improved¬† by taking many vitamin and adrenal supplements and hormonal replacements that were depleted by stress over the years.¬† This holistic doctor who did the NAET¬†treatments also ordered saliva testing for my hormones and the results showed that I was low in DHEA, Testosterone, and¬†Progesterone¬† for which I administer cream supplements daily from a pharmacy that specializes in bio-identical¬†hormones (all arranged through my holistic doctor).¬†I also take a special iodine supplement for low thyroid symptoms (feeling cold all the time and especially hands and feet and fibrocystic¬†breast soreness and swelling monthly–all so much improved I actually forgot I used to have these symptoms!).¬† I also take an adrenal rebuilder, and something called Cortico-B5¬†and B6 ¬†because the saliva testing showed I had high levels of cortisol (stress hormone) in the evenings.

I have been on this Adrenal Fatigue Treatment plan since January 2009 and all along I did not feel much different because the healing is so gradual.¬† But compared to January 2009 when I had so much exhaustion I could not exercise at all without extreme fatigue¬†the following few days, I¬†now realize I am 10 times better health-wise!¬†I still do struggle with some things like:¬† ¬†my sugar and yeast allergies keep coming back when I am under stress and I go back for more NAET treatments on these 2 allergies only.¬† I still pick up viruses easily¬†because my immune system still is not as strong as it should be yet, and I still have some mild PMS symptoms.¬† I still cannot exercise to the extent that I would like to and must continue to take it easy.¬† To keep my weight under control I eat only specific carbs Monday through Friday but then I can eat whatever I want except gluten on the weekends which is awesome and gives me a fun weekend to look forward to. (At 5’10” I stay around 140 lbs.)¬† With these adjustments, I am feeling great and on the road to complete recovery!

I feel better now¬†at 48 than I did in my 20’s!¬† Part of it of course is also the following:¬† ¬†believing in and learning to love my self, avoiding stress and¬†negative or toxic people, ignoring the “should” requirements of others and listening to my own heart and desires instead, expressing my truth in journaling and then discovering my gifts of writing, songwriting, and empathic coaching skills for helping others,¬† being able to be in the moment and learning to relax, unblocking my creativity,¬†believing in and being grateful for¬†God and the magic of the Universe and the Law of Attraction, believing that being highly sensitive is an asset and a gift and that it is only a liability in the eyes of others who are judgmental,¬† and narcissistic¬†(and although they are entitled to their opinion and way of life, are people I choose not to be around for the sake of my health).

Who knows?  When I get even stronger and even healthier, I may be strong enough to be around even the most negative people because I know how to release the negativity and recharge by getting time alone and through the elements of nature, and to ask for guidance from above.  I feel I am living proof that God really does answer prayers.

For more information on the health issues mentioned above,¬†please see Christiane Northrup’s book entitled Women’s Bodies Women’s Wisdom.¬† It was this book that I first heard about the NAET¬†Technique and Adrenal¬† Fatigue and actually many of my health problems.¬† In a future post I will write about how I made my Ovarian Cysts disappear to the amazement of my Ob.Gyn. (and myself!) with the knowledge I gained from this book and Louise Hay’s book You Can Heal Your Life.

Writing all this has made me realize how amazing it is that I have recovered so much in so many ways.¬† I also have overcome many compulsions (shopping and overspending, hoarding certain¬†items, organizing and cleaning,)¬†perfectionism, procrastination,¬†and basically the inability to enjoy my life.¬† I no longer feel “compelled” to do any of these things.¬† Yay!¬† Until I wrote these things down to share with you, I really did not realize how my life has unfolded for the better in so many ways.¬† Thanks for reading.¬†I will be writing more about how I overcame¬† these issues mentioned above if there is interest so please let me know.¬† I hope¬†I have inspired you that there is always hope and you can heal your life too–one step at a time.¬† Just keep believing and knowing that as a highly sensitive person you are sensitive for a reason and that even the most difficult obstacles can be overcome!¬† You can do it!

With love,

Roxanne

 

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