Hello Everyone. If you feel like me this morning, you need some cheering up. So I’m here to tell you that you are so much more than you feel. Underneath the unworthy feeling and dread of being here on the planet is a soul with an inner child who is actually so full of life and joy.
Maybe you’ve gotten glimpses of your true amazing self recently and started actualizing some of your dreams but now the unworthiness is back and you feel lost. Know that you are healing. “Big Time Inner Healing” is going on on the planet right now. No you have not stepped backwards. If you had a narcissistic parent or a mother who was too steeped in her own pain to give you what you needed, how is that pain ever going to heal if it is always pushed down and ignored?
So it is bubbling up to the surface to say hello and for you to love yourself through it. You might be saying, I can’t get anything done this week—I am feeling like such a failure. Look at it from a different perspective. Maybe reality is like this: You had a great productive run there for a while and now is the perfect time for you to take some self-care time for yourself and look at some old wounds that keep popping up and holding you back. Whatever you are feeling you have good reasons for feeling it!
As a child you may have been neglected, shamed, humiliated, abandoned, betrayed, ganged up on by siblings, or ________ fill in the blank. You did a good job surviving the best that you could. You developed a deep unworthiness and a feeling that you’re not good enough as a tiny child when in fact you were great at most things. You were deeply disappointed that you were not “seen” and it made no sense. But now you know.
You know how gifted you are and were—this is old stuff we are rehashing here—but here is the BIG THING that is happening right now. You are having trouble actualizing your true self and stepping up into your true voice because the old wounds haven’t completely healed and they are coming up now so you can heal it. Yes, you can heal it!
I am experiencing this too so let’s do this together. There are inner child healing visualization exercises that are so powerful that they will shift us into our true selves and at the same time comfort and release a deep wound from childhood that has been frozen and stuck because we have had no patience with it.
How often have you beaten yourself up for feeling a certain way and numbed yourself out with tasks or work to avoid allowing yourself to feel that way—this is the way that most Americans cope—they grit it out and go to their 9 to 5 jobs and are too busy to feel but they feel good that they got paid and worked and that is their reinforcement to continue to numb out their feelings.
Then there are those of us creative intuitive feeling types that so struggle with fitting into this expectation—we try and try but the darn feelings keep coming up and getting in the way of us making a good living like other people do. But in actuality, we are the more skilled at attracting abundance then those who are nose to the grindstone—we just fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others who seem to be successful with a steady paycheck.
I am reading the book Creating Money by Sanaya Roman and Duane Packer and it is so good for Empaths, Sensitives, and Creative Artists who are struggling to step into their purpose and fly with their whole heart. It says to get used to an ebb and flow when you are in a creative business that relies on your trusting your innate gifts of intuition and creativity to make a living.
There will be times when you are humming along (flow) and then things will slow down and you have some time to look inward and grow some more (ebb). This is not the way most of society thinks of as the way to success! You may be shamed by people who are making a living without access to their feelings and purpose. Don’t listen to them. You are the wiser soul with all the answers inside. You’ve got this. We can do it together.
I feel very excited about being a cheerleader for sensitive souls who are overcoming the deepest scars from a childhood lacking any sort of strong foundation to launch from. I can help put the pieces together so you can see that your sensitive soul already had a strong foundation of love and experience to launch from and you chose a really difficult childhood because you are strong enough to break through to be YOU.
I’m confident that underneath the layers and messages of unworthiness that you absorbed as a tiny child is a gifted creative soul who is a shining light of goodness and compassion here to help the planet with that very compassion that has been used against you.
It’s so hard to be excited about the day ahead when you wake up with dread and bad feelings about yourself. I have found if this happens to me I can stay stuck in that place if I don’t MAKE myself take some kind of action to access my truth. For me it is writing in a journal. I just start writing about how bad I am feeling and I immediately have compassion for myself and realize I am being too hard on myself.
This is part of my gift and purpose, writing hopeful things (blog posts, songs, poems) to help uplift others similar to myself in a similar plight. I feel so much better writing all this then I did when I woke up this morning. It has taken me 3 days of feeling down and being guided to rest and take a break (ebb) to finally feel rested enough to just start writing about my frustration in the hopes that it will help others.
This is the voice of my true self and it feels so good to have broken through (flow) that stuck feeling of unworthiness that my inner child was stuck in. When you have a narcissistic mother, you must learn self-compassion for the feelings that arise to be healed and take time out to write or do visualization exercises:
Okay here is a powerful exercise for healing the inner child that I mentioned earlier:
Picture yourself as a small child of any age you choose with the feelings that have you feeling down on yourself.
Picture yourself as your now adult self walking along and coming upon your tiny child self who has been abandoned and yelled at and shamed and abused. You are shocked at the beauty of this child, how could anyone ever not see the giftedness of this child that you see? You come to the rescue!
You see the compassion, sensitivity, creativity, curiosity, hopefulness, sense of humor, artistic ability, introspective genius, complex thinking, deep feeling capacity, ability to find joy and fun in the smallest of nature’s splendor, and on and on. You are perplexed at how a child so magnificent could be cast aside and blamed for crying too much or any other small attempt to be loved. Oh the injustice of it all—it makes no sense because yeah it is pretty crazy. It’s not right. And the adult you can do something about it immediately. You go over to the child and you rescue them into your arms of the truth and the unconditional love that you know they deserve. You pick them up with a knowing of who they are and all that they came here to be. You hold them tightly in your arms with their head on your shoulder and you tell them, “Everything is going to be alright now. I am here and I see what happened to you and it was wrong. You deserved so much more and I’m going to hold you and comfort you and take care of you until you feel better. I’ll be gentle with you and let you cry when you need to so you can learn to trust your feelings again. I’ll be here for you for as long as it takes. I promise because I see the gifts inside of you that are going to blossom with tender loving care. And I’m going to teach you to be kind to yourself and that it’s okay to make mistakes and that is how we learn. I’m going to teach you to be whole and strong and stand on your own 2 feet because you know how to forgive yourself and be kind and caring to yourself and that you are good enough every minute that you are alive. When you are ill, you need rest and when you are sad you need freedom to grieve. I will take care of you forever.”
So you hold the inner child you and you feel them feeling better and healing those deep layers of unworthiness and not being held and comforted and their needs for autonomy not being met.
You do this every time you are feeling bad about yourself—-do it every morning if you wake up feeling bad about yourself. Write about this process every time in a journal if it helps solidify the healing you experience. You may want to write it from the child’s perspective. You may need to write out the grief of the loss of a childhood of not being able to have fun and relax due to these deeply engrained fears of not getting your basic needs met.
I’m reminded of many books that helped support me when I started doing my deepest inner grief work back in 2003 and then I started writing my songs of hope and healing in 2004. (See my recommended books page) And here I am here in 2019 clearing out the last remnants of these deep feelings of unworthiness to speak my voice that came up this morning and prompted me to write this to help others feeling these feelings.
It just shows to depth of the damage that having a narcissistic parent can do to your sensitive soul. Oh it is so hard to break out of the vicious cycle of self-contempt! But you can do this! You are so special and gifted and full of light. Keep coming back here to my blog if you need more encouragement because I plan to keep it up.
I see you and I am so proud of how you are healing. I understand the depth of pain that that blanket of unworthiness can cause each morning. I wish you the strength to break through to the truth of the glory of who you really are. I’ll be back again soon to cheer you up again. (See my channeled angel messages page too for more encouraging and comforting words from the angelic realms)
You’ve got this! Sending infinite Hugs and Love and Light to your wounded inner child and to YOU,
Awesome! Thanks for sharing this Roxanne. You seem to work through things in such a similar way to me- it’s uncanny! I have a few days feeling “off”, then recognise something is going on for me, then journal and figure stuff out! Journaling is such a healing tool for me. I’ve also been doing some inner child work this week- playing with paints and collaging, instead of taking art too seriously, which I often do! Love and light to you. Rachel xxx
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Rachel, Thanks so much for your kind words and expressing your resonation with my posts. So cool! It’s like we are soul sisters! 😃 Your artwork is amazing–thanks for sharing how the playing with art helps you break through. Hugs and light, Roxanne xoxo
You need to get someone to gather all of your old writings. the ones you wrote before you revealed your real name and make each one a chapter. They helped me a lot!
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Thanks Maria. Hmmm I think I could do this now and make an ebook available. I’ve made just a handful of those old posts private but they are still there. Any ideas how I would market that? Better to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org when you get a minute—I know you are busy!! I appreciate it! So nice to hear from you! 🥰Hugs, Roxanne 💞
Thanks for your support Roxanne! I always feel so understood by you! You are a beautiful gift. I too have come to recognize these ebbs and flows for what they are…an ongoing process of clearing and expansion. Love to you and all on this path. We’ve GOT this! Xoxo
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Thank you, Sue! Yes, much clearing and expansion going on …ongoing! Lol 😌❣️Thanks for that clarity of words for deeper understanding and validation of ebb and flow. Always lovely to hear that you resonate! Love and Hugs to you dear Sue!
Thank you for writing this! 🙏
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Thank you for your comment, Erin—so happy that you found it helpful! 💖✨
Thank you, Erin, for letting me know! 😍🙏✨
Thank you. I’m sure I’ve read this post before but really feeling it at the moment..the dread in the morning and feeling stuck. Creativity was flowing for a couple of years and have just been so stuck lately.
Interesting how you say about the worry as a young child of not getting needs met and at the moment I seem to be back to feeling comfortable in that state of mind, for some strange reason. Amazing how things can be so clear for a few years then what feels like suddenly I’m back in the ‘stuckness’.
Indianrosearts, Hello and thank you for your comment! Yes I’m right there with you with the stuckness coming back after years of clarity– but I feel confident that we are just clearing out the last remnants …which can feel biggest and most painful …but they aren’t 🙃!–We are just stronger to get at the last of it and they are sometimes whoppers of truth of how bad the trauma was. 💪🏻 Just try to observe it and have compassion for how you felt this way as a child and now you can finally feel it for the first time (it was repressed) and love yourself through to the other side of it. Harder said than done I know but this is what I’m doing too. 😌 (Let me know if you, or anyone else out there reading this, could benefit from some coaching support. Sounds like you’re familiar with inner work so just having someone who understands what you are going through to talk it through could be beneficial.) Sounds like you are doing a good job knowing that your creative self in flow is the true you. Well done! 👏🎉Thanks for sharing! It’s so confusing at times when dread arises from nowhere, isn’t it? You are healing it by acknowledging it but not letting it take over! Sometimes crying is necessary to release it if we weren’t allowed to cry as children. This is my experience. I realize I have so much to say on this subject right now haha–time to write a new post about this I think! Thanks again for sharing your comment, indiarosearts. Sending healing and comforting light, Roxanne 💖✨
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